Roads Untraveled
・・・・・・ ・・・ ・・・・・・
Weep not for roads untraveled.
Weep not for sights unseen.
May your love never end,
And if you need a friend,
There's a seat here alongside me.
- Linkin Park, "Roads Untraveled" -
The last thing the seniors of Hanna City High wanted to do on a Friday afternoon in April was stay after class. With graduation and subsequent freedom looming, there were deadlines to meet: exams to cram for, colleges to apply to, and a yearbook that needed finishing. That being said, when student body president Armitage Hux called for a senior meeting, the class followed orders.
So there they all were, crammed into Mr. Skywalker's classroom because it was the place students sought refuge. Heading in from the art wing, late as usual, Rey Johnson scrambled into the room and effectively disrupted the meeting already in motion. She ignored Hux's eyeroll and dodged a littering of backpacks across the floor, her destination in sight. Ben Solo sat atop the desk in the back corner of the room, his long legs hanging over the side. Nearest to the wall of windows, he paid more attention to the outside than he did to the president's ramblings.
"What'd I miss?" Rey asked, knowing full well she'd get no update from Ben, whether she missed anything or not.
Ben snorted, affirming her suspicions. Leaning back against the cement window frame, he extended an arm and Rey happily accepted the offer. Tucking in, she wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into him. Neither paid any mind to the glances coming from all corners of the room. Rey already knew what every last one of them thought. Ben Solo was not a hugger… except for when it came to Rey Johnson, his best friend of eighteen years – or so their parents would say. They'd been childhood friends, so of course, they expected their children to follow suit. Fortunately, the Solo and Johnson families got their wish. Rey and Ben had been inseparable since the moment they could walk, talk, share juice boxes, and play war with red birch and blue beech branches. Ben always "let" Rey win, and whether Rey believed that or not (she didn't), she never had to worry. Her friend was always there for her.
That was exactly why no one batted an eye watching Rey and Ben navigate life. Together, in their own little world.
"If you haven't submitted your yearbook profile, get it done today," Hux was saying, punctuating his demand with a pointed glare in Ben's direction. The tic in Ben's jaw intensified. He had no patience for the frivolous aspects of graduating the school he hated so much. He didn't care about what they printed beneath his senior photo. Like what nickname his classmates whispered behind Ben's back because they were too cowardly to say it to the big guy's face. Or what his senior quote was, when he spoke more in the confines of his and Rey's childhood tree fort than he did within the school's walls. He didn't care to share his future aspirations with a population who, following graduation, would not spare Ben Solo another passing thought for the remainder of their lives. Besides, he was General Organa's son. It was already clear what his future entailed. His name had been on the Resistance's recruitment list since birth.
Hux nodded curtly to his vice president, Phasma, who proceeded to jump from her seat like a trained seal. She taped a paper to the whiteboard.
"Superlative results are in. Check the list; if you're on it, you'll need to have your picture taken for the yearbook spread."
"So you're the only one holding us up, then," Rey teased, tugging at Ben's arm to coax him off the desk. "Go give 'em your details so we can get outta here already."
Ben groaned but complied. Arms crossed, Hux waited expectantly with Phasma at his side, clipboard in hand.
"Quote," he said shortly. Phasma clicked her pen, poised to write. Ben loomed over his shorter classmate, his eyes narrowed. Hux cleared his throat. "Alright, moving on… Nickname?"
If any progress was to be made – or at least any hope of preventing Ben from mowing down the redheaded weasel – Rey would have to step in. "Just call him Lady Killer," she said, chuckling as her eyes danced back and forth between them.
"What?" Ben finally broke his silence. But there was no point in arguing. Desperate to get the job done, Phasma had already scribbled in Rey's suggestion.
"Should I even ask what your aspirations are?"
One more glare and Hux had his answer. Ben jutted his head, beckoning Rey to follow him out of the room. Just as they made it to the door, Phasma called after them. "You'll need to check the superlatives."
"You gotta be kidding me," Rey muttered. The swarm of students around the paper was at least starting to thin, but Rey already knew checking it was a waste of time. Neither Ben nor Rey were popular enough to be voted into such a ridiculous thing. It was a popularity contest of "best whatevers" and "most likely to's". Nothing less, and certainly nothing more. Nothing that had any merit.
Thankfully, Ben stood a head taller than the rest and peered curiously over the crowd of heads.
"Alright, we looked at it," Rey spat over her shoulder to Hux and Phasma. She took hold of Ben's to lead him out the door. Or she would have, had she been able to get him to budge. "Come on, Ben –"
But Ben was staring at the paper, and when he finally looked at her, Rey could've sworn the faintest blush had risen to his cheeks.
Oh no… those assholes voted him into a joke category, didn't they, Rey thought furiously, suddenly intent on punching out the entire senior student body. Elbowing her way through the crowd, Rey took one look at the superlatives and bit her lip.
There was the Best Friends category, which went to Hux and Phasma although they bickered like squabbling geese. Then, the Cutest Couple category – won, of course, by Poe and Finn, who could rot a tooth with their sweetness. And beneath them both was the category Future Mr. and Mrs., by which Rey and Ben's names were listed.
The well-deserved winner of the "Future Photographer" category, Rose Tico, conveniently sidled up to them. "You're next!" she said with far too much enthusiasm in her voice. And for once, Rey didn't have to drag Ben by the hand to get him to follow her. A vision in mind, Rose quickly posed them facing each other with Rey's hands in Ben's, as if they'd met at the altar. Skipping a few steps back, Rose snapped the photo and shooed them off so Poe and Finn could take their place.
It was a quiet walk home afterward. Rey fiddled with her backpack, heavier than usual with the addition of her most recent art project: a jet she'd made in ceramics class, painted in Resistance regalia. A gift she'd made for Ben to lighten his mood on the inevitable. Ben never bothered with a backpack – it was easier that way, since he tended to carry Rey's for her. But this time as he reached for her straps, Rey startled away.
"Oh, yeah…" Rey gave in, handing him her pack. Ben slung it over his shoulder, his eyebrow quirked in her direction.
"Did it bother you?"
Rey's cheeks warmed, her blush reaching all the way down the V of her shirt. She should have shot the question back at him – she'd seen the stricken look on his face; how he'd frozen in place while reading the superlative. He was embarrassed. Maybe even appalled. Obviously, he'd never looked at the girl he'd known since diapers that way.
Rey couldn't say the same for herself.
Abandoning the question, Ben had a new one. "Lady killer?" he asked with a laugh. Rey was grateful for it. The stony exterior he maintained inside the school chipped away as soon as they escaped its walls. Rey expected as much. Ben hadn't always been the big, burly guy he was now. As a freshman, he'd been nothing but a tangle of long limbs. Too tall to beat up, but too much of a loner to join the popular crowd. His relations helped him get through school without too much strife. A Resistance General mother and famed pilot father, not to mention the Hanna City High instructor uncle, guaranteed as much. It was his own choice to avoid the social scene, preferring Rey's sole presence to anyone else's.
Rey, on the other hand, was dealt a much different hand. Her nickname was deservedly earned. Scavenger. She turned junk – whether picked from garbage cans or from nature trails – into self-proclaimed treasure. Her art instructors praised her creativity and ingenuity. Her classmates were at least kind enough to call her something other than garbage lady. But Rey was happy with herself. Her best friend thought the world of her.
"You don't see it, do you?" Rey sighed in exasperation at Ben's blank stare. "Ever since your little… transformation here," she gestured with a fling of her hand to Ben's physique, knowing full well that a set of pecs and abs hid beneath his t-shirt, "girls can't keep their eyes off you. You're telling me you've never heard their gossip?"
Ben shifted the strap of Rey's backpack, nervously hefting it higher. "What's there to hear?"
It was clear in Ben's tone that he didn't really care to know, but Rey was going to tell him anyway. "There's a pact amongst the cheerleaders, for one. They have bets over who's going to 'conquer' you by graduation. Something about 'climbing you like a tree'."
Ben squeezed the bridge of his nose, ignoring Rey's reenactment.
"Then there's the art club girls. One chiseled you out of marble." Ben squirmed, but Rey was unrelenting. "And then –"
"Rey, stop."
Ben jogged ahead as they reached his house's front porch. The key fumbled in his too-large hands. By the time Rey caught up, she sighed inwardly. Ben wouldn't look at her, now, and would continue to avoid her gaze as they entered the empty house and climbed the stairs to his room. Rey never understood why they bothered to confine themselves there – with Ben's parents constantly gone, they had the run of the house. But if she knew Ben, and she did, Rey knew it was just another way for him to bottle himself up. His room was the only place without constant reminders of his parents and the fact they were always too busy to come home… to be with their son.
Rey knew she'd struck a nerve when Ben dropped her backpack unceremoniously inside the door and then refused to do the usual... Which was plop down on his bed and wait for Rey to pull out his homework and essentially do it for him. It wasn't that Ben couldn't. He just refused, muttering that "he didn't need good grades where he was going." Rey simply did for sake of ensuring Ben's diploma.
Ben remained standing, his back to her and his hands fisted at his sides. He only broke stature to pull his t-shirt off with such aggravation, Rey was surprised it didn't rip. Another ritual – changing out of his school clothes and into the grungy shirt reserved for his after-school job at the mechanic's down the street. Rey used to bury her nose into her textbook as he did this. Not so much anymore.
Rey sighed in defeat. "Look –"
"Why would you say those things?" Ben demanded, turning on his heel to face her. His grungy shirt forgotten on his bed as though he couldn't interrupt his resolve to put it on, lest he lose it.
Rey blinked. "What? About the nickname? The girls?"
The scowl on his face answered her. "Don't tell me you're turning into one of them. Getting a rise out of mocking me."
Throwing her head back in understanding, Rey had to stifle her laugh to keep from inciting more of Ben's anger-slash-embarrassment. "You think I'm teasing you? That I'm making it up to embarrass you?"
Ben nabbed his shirt off his bed, wringing it in his hands; embarrassment, achieved.
"I'm not making it up, Ben."
Ben snorted sarcastically. "Then how come I've never had any luck?"
Rey crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly annoyed, herself, that she had to explain. The last thing she wanted to do was convince Ben to prove her point true. "Maybe because you don't see it. Maybe because it's always me, your eccentric best friend, who you're taking out of pity to homecoming, snowcoming, prom." Rey gestured with her hands in a 'need-I-say-more?' fashion.
This road had yet to be traveled between them. A facing of reality. A confession of sorts. And as much as the jealousy twisted hideously in Rey's stomach, it all had to be laid out… especially since nothing else would be said in its place. Something Rey had hoped Ben would say for years, now, but never did.
Though Ben's eyes had focused intently on his shirt, they drifted slowly up to meet Rey's. "It wasn't pity, Rey. You know that."
"Well," Rey picked up her backpack and, crossing the room, slumped onto his bed. She searched for a different answer Ben would accept. "It's your own fault. It's not like you bothered to ask anyone else, anyway."
"I never wanted to."
Rey ducked her head to hide her smile. A smile that valiantly fought against the threat of tears. Unzipping her bag, she pulled out the ceramic jet and inspected it, noting the chip in its wing from when Ben had dropped the bag on the floor. Out of her peripheral vision, she watched as Ben sat beside her, his shoulders hunched in apology.
"I'm sorry, Rey," he said. For the jet. For the argument. For the elephant in the room in the form of a ceramic sculpture. Rey set the ceramic jet on Ben's nightstand with quivering hands.
"I never wanted to be alone, and you… you always made sure I wasn't. You didn't let me go stag to those dances, even though you never wanted to go to them. You walk me home every day so I don't walk by myself. And when my parents are gone, you let me stay here so I'm not alone in my empty house."
"You're just trading one empty house for another," Ben teased softly. Rey laughed through the tears that finally managed to break free.
"And now, you're enlisting and I'm…" she sighed heavily. "I'm going to Junari Art Academy. We'll be across the continent from each other. For the first time in eighteen years, we'll be..."
Rey trailed off, not wanting to admit the truth. Another road untraveled – a future unknown – but for the first time, she'd travel it alone.
Forgetting the mascara that had undoubtedly smeared with her crocodile tears, Rey managed to meet Ben's eyes. They burned anxiously as he looked at her. The smallest smile hinted on his lips. Before Rey could chastise him for finding humor in her misery, he reached across her to his nightstand to retrieve an envelope. He pressed it into her hands; told her to look at it.
Casting him a quizzical glance, Rey pulled the letter from its already torn envelope.
"Congratulations, Mr. Solo. You've been accepted…" she read to herself quietly. "To the Junari Point Flight Academy."
Ben's arm snaked around Rey's waist as she read. "See. You're not alone."
The tears were flowing for a different reason, now. Rey's heart ached with happiness. But it wasn't for herself. No… it was for her dearest friend. It was for the fact he chose his own path, regardless of what his mother wanted. It was for him following his true dream in becoming a pilot like his father. That he had found a way out of the empty house that had been his prison since he was old enough to be left alone in it. And it was for being together, with the only person either of them could ever rely on, no matter what.
"Neither are you," Rey whispered. Because of his choice, Rey could make good on a promise she'd made to herself long ago. That for all the times Ben took care of her – all the times filling the empty space that only he could fill – she'd never let him be alone, either.
Ben's eyes searched hers – fleetingly, because his mind was already made up. The hand at her waist drifted up between her shoulder blades, bringing Rey closer. The other slid to the base of her neck to lead her chin up. And when his full, warm lips pressed chastely to hers, Rey let the letter flutter to their feet.
They parted as quickly as it started, but Ben didn't let go. He held her daringly close, his breath warming her cheeks.
"I need to tell you something," he murmured, so close that Rey could feel the words mouthed against her lips.
Rey nodded cautiously as though any sudden movements would frighten him off. "Say it."
"I love you, Rey. I have for as long as I can remember."
Rey's breath caught in her throat. She braced against his chest, causing him to stiffen beneath her touch. Suddenly unsure, his eyelashes fluttered low to focus on the swell of Rey's pink lips.
Ben swallowed roughly. "Tell me you don't feel the same, and I'll stop."
Releasing her long-held breath, Rey leaned her forehead against Ben's. "What took you so long?" she teased with a breathy laugh.
The rarity that was Ben Solo's smile widened. Their lips clashed together, this time confident and unrestrained. Rey's hands trailed north to Ben's wide shoulders and back south again, relishing in the hard planes of his chest and sharp lines of his torso. While one of Ben's wove through Rey's hair at the nape of her neck, the other flattened against the mid of her back. Coaxing her closer, Ben guided Rey's thighs astride his. As many times as they'd hugged, cuddled, danced together in a slow sway, Rey never felt Ben so intimately. How his body radiated heat against hers. How soft he was in all the right places, yet hard in all the rest. And how her hips lined so perfectly with his – a feat she couldn't quite believe for how broad of a man he was.
With her above him, Ben craned his head back to keep hold of Rey's hungry lips. Hers were the first to part, though Ben's quickly, earnestly followed suit. Teeth clacked against teeth and they couldn't help but chuckle against each other's mouths, new as they were to such things. They were each other's first friend, first home, and now, first kiss. Beyond that… Rey was sure her best friend would have confided in her if he'd… Well, you know. At least, she knew she would have.
And though a healthy nervousness prickled along Rey's consciousness, it still felt right in Ben's arms. There was nothing to fear. They'd figure it out together. Just like they did with everything in their little world.
As Rey's mind raced, Ben was busy suckling at her bottom lip. Rey lapped at his with a tentative swipe of her tongue, eliciting a small, rumbling groan from Ben. It convinced her to try again. To taste him. To find his tongue with hers and see what they could do. Their tongues fervently met, gliding together and drinking deeply. Rey's head spun, grounded only by the feel of Ben's palms pressing beneath the hem of her shirt. They smoothed upwards, his fingers kneading ever so slightly inter her skin, beneath her bra strap, and back down along her ribs. They moved in time with Rey's hips which at first, she hadn't even noticed were moving. The dizzying swirl of Ben's tongue, the softness of his lips, and the heat of his hands ignited a fire within Rey – one that demanded to consume more. One that drove her hips to roll against his, seeking a friction between their jeans that might release the slowly building frustration as they kissed.
Rearing back so suddenly that their lips parted in a wet smack, Rey sought Ben's eyes. They looked back, still smoldering, his chest heaving. He wanted her. Badly. And it was all the encouragement Rey needed. He didn't protest when Rey pulled her shirt over her head. Quite the contrary. His eyes went wide as she popped the clasp of her bra. Finally, they were on equal ground.
Rey let him take a moment. Let him drink her in, his wanting gaze following every line, every curve. She closed her eyes to will away the blush rising in her cheeks.
Ben gripped Rey's hips and, drawing a startled squeal of laughter out of her, he lifted them both off the bed. He held her aloft for just a moment, looking up at her with pleading eyes. Rey nodded, and then, she was soaring through the air, Ben's strong arms settling her back onto his bed. The mattress creaked beneath their full weight. Rey memorized that creak – had heard it every time she'd climbed a ladder to Ben's window, sneaking in to commandeer his bed on too-many-to-count lonesome nights. It was always Ben's bed she preferred. Always the feel of his fingers twined with hers – holding hands as their breathing slowed and their eyes drifted shut – that Rey needed to fall asleep.
But now, that bed was meant for more than sleeping.
Ben set back on his knees, his lips working to swallow his eagerness. A futile gesture, since Rey could see just how eager Ben was beneath the thick of his jeans. And for the first time since they started this dangerous dance, Rey was nervous. She'd caught glimpses of him before, again while changing, though always covered by boxer shorts. Even then, she'd gotten an idea of just how big he was… but that was nothing compared to seeing him now, at the ready. The notion drove home as he worked down his fly and shifted his jeans off to join Rey's clothes on the floor.
Sensing her apprehension, Ben nudged her knees apart and crawled between them, hovering his body over hers. Rey loved the way the thick waves of his shoulder-length hair fell over his face; how the inky black tendrils were so deceivingly soft. Ben caught her lips in another kiss. Relief flooded Rey when she felt his trembling.
"I've never…"
"I know."
The confession could have been reversed; they knew it was true for them both. In it was a promise: that they'd figure it out together, that they'd do whatever the other needed; that what they were about to do was meant for each other and no one else, and that alone was enough.
Rey nodded her approval, and Ben responded with another kiss. Gentle. Comforting. Just a taste of what he planned to do. His lips drifted from the corner of her mouth to the angle of her jaw, down to the pulsepoint rapidly fluttering in her neck. He lingered longer beneath her collarbone, mesmerized by the small swell of Rey's breasts. His hands engulfed them. He kissed a trail between them. Experimented with a flick of his tongue that pebbled her dusty rose nipples and sent a cascade of goosebumps across her flesh. Rey's ribcage expanded with each shuddering breath, calling Ben's attention there and to the dip of her navel. He smiled against it as she giggled, his lips tickling her, so he leaned back to work at her jeans instead. Rey raised her hips so Ben could slide them off, her panties following after. And then, Rey could truly see what she'd have to contend with, tenting Ben's boxer shorts. While Ben was distracted by the tawny thatch of curls between Rey's thighs, Rey took it upon herself to level the playing ground once more. Quivering fingers pushed Ben's boxers down and his erection sprung free. Ben kicked them aside and his hand found Rey's jaw, guiding her eyes back up to his.
"I'll be careful," he promised her, his voice hardly above a whisper. Rey nodded. She knew he would. Ben always kept his promises.
Settling back, Rey kept her eyes on Ben's. His hands returned to mapping her skin: memorizing every inch of her, molding her small breasts in his large hands and following the curve of her hip down to her ass. But when one dipped between the juncture at her thighs, exploring the heat at Rey's center, her eyes fluttered shut. Encouraged, Ben pressed more firmly to part her already slick folds. Rey shuddered against him, gripping at his shoulders to take hold of the reins.
Ben took it as a sign. He'd have to test the waters, if only to prepare her for him. And so, his finger dipped inside, the tip of it brushing against a deep, soft barrier. Curling in on herself, her forehead pressed into the crook of Ben's neck, Rey's hand reached to join his. She guided his palm, pressing it against the bundle of nerves as his finger worked. She squirmed against him, begging for friction, and when Ben slipped another finger inside, Rey saw stars. His hands were so big, his fingers wide and curious; they worked so much better than her own. Led her up the hill she so desperately climbed and coaxed her into a spiraling climax that left her clawing at Ben's skin.
Eager to return the favor, Rey reached between them once again. Just as her fingers closed around Ben's length, he shuddered and grabbed for her hand.
"I-I can't, I won't –"
"Just let me –"
They spoke at the same time. Rey wanted to make him feel as good as she did, but Ben wouldn't last if she did. Not if they wanted more. Nodding her understanding, Rey watched Ben's face as she gave his cock a soft, tentative tug. Ben's eyes fluttered shut, his lips parting in awe. With her free hand, Rey pulled him closer until he was bracing himself, his elbows on either side of her head. She peppered his eyes, his jaw, his mouth with kisses as she stroked. He was so big, her fingers barely wrapped completely around. The head of him so soft as her palm traced over it, smearing the leaking precum back down along his shaft.
"Okay," Rey whispered against Ben's lips. "It'll be okay…" And as Rey guided him between her legs, the tip of him nudging her folds apart, they both held their breath. He slid inside and Rey's mouth fell open. As he pressed forward, Ben buried his face into her hair. His lips moved against her ear.
"God, Rey… You're so… God…"
Halfway in, Ben felt resistance. Collecting Rey tightly into his arms, he whispered his "I'm sorry's" and told her to hold on. Pushing through, he drew a startled cry from Rey's lips. Her body quaked beneath him. Her nails dragged across the flesh of his shoulder blades. Ben's lips found hers again, leaving hot, needy kisses that drank away the pain as he began to move in slow, measured thrusts. Forward was the only way, now. There was no going back.
Rey's ragged breaths turned into crooning whines. Her words came in soft mewls of "oh" and "yes" and "Ben…". Oh, how Ben loved hearing his name fall from her lips. It made the blood in his veins rush. Made his tempo crescendo between her legs, drawing out just to glide back in. Again and again he filled her, marveling at how she pulsed wetly around him. Alternating between thrusts and grinding against her clit, he couldn't get deep enough. Drawing his knees up just enough to angle Rey's thighs around his waist, Ben drove in, fully seating himself inside of her cunt. Barely fitting, so tight and full and deep, neither could tell if the shuddering that rocked the bed was hers, his, or both.
"It's too much," Ben choked, worried and waiting for Rey to calm. He pulled back to gauge her expression. But her arms locked like a vice around his neck, holding him close.
"No," she murmured, shaking her head and wetting her lips. "It feels good… Ben, you feel so good." She was aching for him to move again. And to show him she meant what she said, Rey would have to do it herself. Her back arched and her pelvis rolled, urging Ben to continue. And though he did, rocking his hips deliciously against hers, Rey had had a taste of control. She pushed on Ben's chest, forcing him backward and rolling with him until she straddled him. Their connection nearly lost in the act, Rey sunk back down onto Ben's cock. Ben's head lolled back in response.
Leaning forward, Rey's nipples brushed along Ben's chest. She kissed along the line of his collarbone, dipping her tongue into its apex. How freeing it felt, making love to her best friend. She wasn't afraid to try or to do or to take. She simply did.
Ben's hands clutched at Rey's hips, his fingers digging into the curve of her ass. He lifted her and guided her back down, their pace quickening as Rey's thighs found rhythm. Soon she was grinding down at a feverish speed. Pulling up on her knees until he was nearly freed from her wetness. Driving down again and again until Ben rocketed upright, their chests slapping together. His hands bracketed her throat and his mouth covered hers, their moans mingling in symphony. And with a final, jerking thrust of Ben's hips, Rey came apart. The walls of her cunt clenched around him, siphoning Ben dry as he came.
Breathless, neither dared to move. They sat, every inch of their flushed skin sticking together in the sweat of their lovemaking. Rey gripped Ben's wrists where his hands still held against her throat. She wondered if they'd ever catch their breath. And perhaps they wouldn't. Not when they had this, now, to share. Now that they were both friends and lovers. Soulmates from the beginning. Together until the end.
"We should get a place together in Junari Point," Rey breathed, welcoming a tired, panting kiss from Ben.
He agreed. "We could get a one-bedroom."
"We should get a dog. Or a cat. Or a fish."
"We should get married…"
Rey's eyes widened, but there was no fear in Ben's. Only certainty in the assumption drawn from the yearbook's superlative; from every other person in the student body who had figured it out well before Rey and Ben did.
Rey slowly nodded, bringing the widest smile she'd ever seen to Ben's lips. "We should get married."
