Disclaimer: Everything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling. I only write this when I am on a sugar high, and I am Vesper NOT Evangelic. Because I do not get high very often, this story will not be updated very fast. Bear with me.
Chapter One: The Basics
Congratulations! You are now one of the (hopefully) loyal servants of the Dark Lord, and he appreciates it very much. To ensure that your lifespan is not cut short, it is best to follow the following rules. In doing so, you are both being highly faithful to your master and also you are preventing your painful death.
Do NOT call the Dark Lord Voldie, Voldy, or anything like that, not even if you're an Inner Circle Death Eater. It is also inadvisable to call him Voldemort, but he is considerably more tolerant to that name.
Any sightings of Harry Potters, Minerva McGonagalls, or any other Order of the Phoenix members should be reported immediately to a Inner Circle Death Eater, or if circumstances allow it, the Dark Lord himself. Caution: He does not take kindly to meetings without appointment. Torture and/or death may occur at own personal risk.
The Dark Lord himself will investigate contact with any member of the Order of the Phoenix, so it is inadvisable to do so unless you're a Severus Snape.
Orders from Inner Circle death Eaters should be obeyed, unless you suspect that they're acting under the Imperius Curse, in which case you should report to the Dark Lord or a fellow Death Eater. If the order is "jump off a cliff" or similar, however, it may be ignored at own personal risk.
Orders from the Dark Lord MUST be obeyed, even if it is "go take a long walk off a short pier".
Secrets that you have been told to keep must be kept, least you want to suffer a long, slow, and painful death. Exceptions are plots against the Dark Lord or any other member of the Death Eaters.
Employ as much methods as possible to keep yourself out of Azkaban, including hiding your Dark Mark, Dark items, and whenever possible, your face. If you're a spy inside the Ministry of magic, do not attempt to disguise yourself unless you're fleeing your post. If your methods of keeping yourself out of prison are endangering other Death Eaters, you will be dealt with (hint: it doesn't include having tea, either).
Remember, you are now bound to finish your missions given to you. This Handbook is an approved guide to Death Eater activities, which include murder, torture, mind control, and coercion. However, sometimes it is best to act the opposite of what is suggested in this book, depending on the circumstances. This should be taken as a basic guide only and the writers are not responsible for any pain or deaths.
