family matters
malfoy angst
Draco Malfoy knows his life is over the first time he makes eye contact with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He stands beside his father's chair and his eyes stray momentarily and suddenly his world is falling apart. He can feel fear clouding his brain, and terror grips his heart. The Dark Lord stares at him for the longest time and his face is curiously blank. Draco's hands are sweaty at his sides—he can't look away.
"What are you looking at, boy?" The Dark Lord asks softly, and Draco can see his father tense worriedly. Draco fidgets under the dementors' stares, and eventually is able to drop his gaze submissively. He stares at his shoes and doesn't speak. The Dark Lord watches him a few moments more
(god he can feel his eyes, they're burning him, he knows any moment he could-)
and then continues, and Draco can breathe again.
–
The first time he speaks to the Dark Lord, he is a year older and a year deeper into this organization of evil. His hair is shorter and he is sitting at the table rather than behind a chair. Several seats down, the Dark Lord pets the head of Nagini and stares into the fire pensively. Draco knows it is late because his eyelids feel attached to anvils and his mouth is dry. Suddenly he feels a group of eyes on him and he looks up. The Dark Lord is watching him, and it doesn't fail to wake him up. The adrenaline begins to pump through his veins and fear bumps along his nape.
"This year, you will keep an eye on Potter. You will report to Bellatrix or Lucius or myself." Draco notices the Dark Lord never raises his voice; he doesn't have to. The dementors around the table hang on the his every word as if their lives depended on it, and for good reason. "Do you understand?"
"Yes, My Lord," he murmurs,and keeps his eyes on the polished wood of the table. His voice trembles, and he knows he is shaking. Behind his chair, his mother clutches his shoulder anxiously, and he can feel her fear. Lucius glances at his son and inclines his head encouragingly, only a fraction of an inch.
The conversation continues, and Draco is no longer tired.
–
When Draco is ordered to murder his headmaster, it is through the grapevine. Bellatrix receives the news from the Dark Lord and tells Lucius gleefully; she is only happy to do so. Lucius returns home that evening and when he walks into the dining room, he is drawn. Draco sees the white of his skin and the gray in his hair. He notices the purple bruises under his father's eyes and is worried.
"What is it, father?" he asks. His father passes him and slowly stops. Lucius turns his eyes upon his son, his one and only child, and his voice is hoarse.
"You have been ordered to kill Dumbledore." He says no more and continues on. When the dining room doors close behind him, he hears his wife's angered cries and his son is dangerously silent. He knows his family is broken, and he knows there is nothing he can do. Draco is on his own.
–
( As Lucius fights, he wishes he could re-do everything.
As Draco fights, he wishes for a childhood he never had.
As Narcissa fights, she hopes she lives long enough to kiss her son and husband one last time. )
