A/N: I know, I know. This is my fourth story in three days… I can't help myself. Blame TalaDentro. It is all her fault, anyways. But we love her because she gets me cookies when she is up.

Beta'd by TalaDentro because she looks bored.

Warnings: THIS IS CRACK! It is not meant to make sense AT ALL!

Disclaimer: Whatever I spew onto this page probably isn't mine if you can recognize it.


It was a fine day in the woods as Harry kicked trees to release his never-ending boy angst. What was he angry about today, you ask, young reader? Well, let me explain.

On this very day, Harry was angstful because of one person: who I will reveal later. For this is no normal story. Nay! It is a story of intrigue and lust. And, of course, lust. Why don't I just let you eavesdrop as Harry explains the problem to Ron? Look! Here comes Ron now….

"Harry, why are you kicking trees?" Ron asked.

"Because, my dear ginger friend, I have been stricken by a poison worse than moonseed." Harry replied, plunking himself down on a rock. Ron sat next to him with earnest face and open ears.

"Tell me, my friend. What hast bestricken you?"

"I can't."

"But you must. So that I can help by making Hermione fix it."

"You've forced me to tell you. So here it is. I have been stricken by none other than the great and powerful lust."

"What's lust?"

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"I want to bone someone."

"Oh….huh?"

"I want to have sex with a person."

"I get it now…just kidding. I don't."

"I want to put my penis-that's the meaty thing between your legs-into the body of another person." A moment of silence passed as the bolts in Ron's head finally slid home.

"OH! Ok. So who is the person you want to do that to?"

"That…is much too embarrassing. I can't tell you."

"Awe…come on, Harry. I want to know. Tell me."

"NO!" And with that, Harry ran deeper into the woods screaming purple obscenities.

Ron walked into the tent where Hermione was reading a book about something he didn't care about. He sat on the bench and sighed. He looked up to see that he had not captured her attention and sighed again, louder this time. She looked up exasperated.

"Yes, Ronald?" She asked, setting down her book.

"Harry wouldn't tell me who he wanted to bone and ran into the woods yelling stuff." He answered dejectedly.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"What? You know?"

"Of course I do. He did the same thing to me yesterday. You just have to go find him and ask him again. He'll tell you, then." She said, returning to her book.

"Thanks, Hermione!" And with a much lighter heart, Ron ran out of the tent and after Harry.


A few hours later….

"Harry! I found you!" Ron shouted, bounding into Harry after a long search. "Harry, please tell who it is that you lust after. I've searched for you to learn this secret from you. Please let the person's identity be known!"

"It's Flitwick."

"Accio Flitwick!" Ron called and after a few seconds, the Charms teacher appeared, quite flabbergasted.

"Ron, you're the best friend EVER!"

THE END