Hermione Granger and the Library of Doom

Harry Potter owns J.K Rowling

There was a bang ,and a flash of light.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute." said Hermione Granger.

"What's wrong?" said Harry Potter.

"Yeah for Merlin's sake Granger, the story just started." said Daphne Greengrass.

"Look, there can't always just be ' a bang, and a flash of light' . Hermione said, making air quotes with her hands.

"Why not?" asked Ron Weasley.

"Really Hermione, what do you want, a honk, and a splash of water?" asked Neville Longbottom.


There was a honk, and a splash of water.

"No, no, no." said Hermione, losing her patience.

"Miss Granger is quite right." said Minerva McGonagall."To have every story start with all this banging and lights is just plain silly."

"I don't think I've ever been a part of a bang ,and a flash of light." said Lavender Brown.

"We haven't either." said Daphne's friend Tracy Davis.

"Yeah it's always the Golden Trio, the Marauder's, or the Next Generation." said Hannah Abbott.

"Everyone is missing the point." Hermione said. "There has to be an original way of starting."

"Like what?" said Draco Malfoy.

"Harry Potter is a dirty little liar, and I can prove it." said Dolores Umbridge.

"Oh not again." said Albus Dumbledore.

"Let me guess.""Mr and Mrs Dursley of number 4 Privet Dr. were perfectly normal, thank you very much." said Sirius Black.

"We've heard it a hundred times ." said Severus Snape.

"O.K. how about this." said Fred Weasley

"Me and Fred." said George Weasley. "Will be walking down the hall."

"When Blaise Zabini-"

"-and Theodore Nott."

" Jump out, and start seducing us."

"This is not going to be a slash." said Percy Weasley.

"Thank Merlin, I just finished one of those." said Harry.

"Really?" said Ron. "What was I doing?"

"A crossover with Transformer's."

"Oh Yeah."

"We're getting off track here." said 'Mad-eye' Moody

" 'Mad-eye's' right." said Remus Lupin. "Alright Harry, Ron, and Hermione were on their way to Gryfindor tower, when they came across Professor Snape and Trelawny arguing about a book Snape was holding.


Harry, Ron, and Hermione were on their way to Gryfindor tower, when they came across Professor Snape and Trelawny arguing about a book Snape was holding.

"Can't be him." Trelawny was saying. Snape saw them and hid the book behind his back. "I hope you three are not doing any of your famous nosing around." he scowled.

"No sir, we're just on our way back to our dorm." Hermione said.

"The faster you get there the better." Snape replied.

The three friends walked past, and continued on until they were out of ear shot.

"He always thinks we're up to something." said Ron.

"Well we are now, what were they talking about?" said Hermione.

"Why were they standing there to talk about it ?" Harry asked.

"They had to be standing there so we could run into them." Hermione said.

They entered the Gryfindor common room which was full, and went to their favorite chairs beside the fireplace.

"Let's start our Transfiguration essay." said Harry.

"Yeah O.K." said Ron.

The three friends sat at the table working on the essay as the common room slowly emptied. Finally it was late and they were the last three.

"Alright." said Harry, closing his book. "I'll go get the cloak, and the map, and we'll get going."

"Where are we going?" Hermione asked.

"The library." Ron said.

"What?""Why?"

"That's the name of the chapter." Harry said "Hermione Granger and The Library of Doom."

"So you have to go, obviously." said Ron.

"We're going with you." said Harry.

They made their way through the halls of Hogwarts underneath the cloak, consulting the map every so often. Of course they never checked the library because that would make too much sense. They arrived, and made their way in, taking off he cloak.

"Why are we taking off the cloak?" Ron asked.

"So I can be seen by who ever is waiting to get me ." said Hermione.

"There's The Evil Villain now." said Harry.

Neville Longbottom came around the corner and stood in front of them.

"You're the one waiting for us?" asked Ron.

"What?" "No, I fell asleep doing my Potion's homework."

"So is this it?" asked Hermione.

"Appears so." said Harry.

"This can't be all." said Ron. "Where's the twist, you know the cliffhanger?"

Neville slapped his hand to his forehead. "I knew there was something else, I'm not Neville Longbottom."

"What?"

"This is Polyjuice, I'm really ...