Open Myself
It first started as nothing. I thought my life was so meaningless. Like there was nothing to do to fix it. The way my mother would yell at me was like taking a part of my body away. The pain seared in my thoughts and the countless screams burned in my mind. I thought to myself…I want to die. But then something happened. I found someone. I found…you. You showed me the true meaning of life. You showed me that there is always a way for life to get better. You showed me something that I was new at. You showed me love. Your love to me was so over-powering. You were always there next to me. You were always the one to love me like just the way I am. But then…it hurt when I read that letter. You were ordered to love me? How can you do that? Loving someone just because you were ordered by someone who had some power over you?
I
can't open myself up to anyone I can't believe in anyone at all
And
I can't see anything the light that shines is disappearing, soon it
will be gone
Unable to open myself up this is my weakness, my
past
I can get what I want, yet if I do, the kindness I'm holding
onto will slip away
The typical answer is when you die, you'll be
reborn, come back again
It made me tired too know that you loved me. The way you say I love you. The way you smoke that cigarette that I rip out of your hand. You are making me fall for you. You are making me realize some about myself. Everything about you makes love you so much. But it felt so wrong. I felt wrong to know that I loved someone who was older then me. I felt wrong too know that I have fallen in love with you. But after I told you all those mean things, you still stayed by my side. Why are you so idiotic? Can't you see that I will break your heart?
My
heart is shuttered, soon it will break apart
Stifling my tears, I
laugh day after day
my heart has shown me that believing is
nothing
those hypocrites killed me
I
want to see you. I don't want to see you. I want you. I don't
want you. What do I want? What do I need? Why am I so confused about
everything? I need to ask you…Do you really love me? Do you love me
for the way I am? The way I act? Too many questions. Too many
unanswered questions. Too many things. I want to say it. But I don't
know if it is true. If I do say it…what will you do? I want you to
embrace me in your long arms and kiss me like you always have. I want
to love you. It hurts to love you though.
My
heart is shuttered, soon it will crumble away
stifling my tears, I
scream day after day
my heart has left me with a belief in
strength
It's too hard to open myself to anyone. I'll say it now, even it kills me. I…love…you.
My own heart killed me
--
A/n Yes, yes, I know it's short. REALLY SHORT. But oh well, it's just a short little one-shot about Ritsuka's complicated feelings for Soubi…Please review! I guess flames are welcome… . Oh and, the song is called Mushi, which I think means…insect? Yes, yes, weird name. The song is a Japanese song by my favorite Japanese Rock band, Dir en Grey!!!!!! Love them
