Title: Sweet Solitude
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I do not own The Chronicles of Narnia or any related material.
Character: Edmund Pevensie
Author's Note: …
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He wants empty release again.
To be free of this, all of this. The bitterly massacred room, his siblings, rodents that declared and crushed his briefly lit hope. Maybe it's all a big misunderstanding and they're all wrong and…and I'm right for once. Really he only wants to drown his thoughts, his yearnings and denied words.
He's never been able to escape before. His burden has never once lightened except for seconds, the time precious times he forgets. But he can't let himself pretend that everything is nothing.
She gave him emptiness.
Now, while they speak of their savior, in hopeful, confident voices and each declaration tears him, tosses the boy about, points and laughs at his stupidity. How could he ever think things would go his way for once? And no, he doesn't want them to be his servants, just the cool fingers of her against his brow. Not rooms filled with Turkish Delight but the absolute quiet they filled him with.
They kill him , sweetly silencing his thoughts. The pain doesn't hurt, there's no reason to fear, he might think it rather dull except he can't anymore and he just wants to stay like this. There's no cold or brothers or sisters or rainy days, angry, scalding words that can't be taken back, parents that desert their children, softly rumbling trains, people who demand that they walk, not run, miserable boarding schools, bloody knees, trashed, splintered dreams and if anyone's the black sheep, you are, so suck it up, accept it, and play your role accordingly.
And he needs more. Once he has it then there will be no more cold…no more cold, moronic Edmund who forgets his coat behind, and he won't feel wretched for leaving them behind, they probably want it on the inside. The world has managed to do so well without it seems, shadows and plastic smiles fill the dangling hole.
No more cold.
They fill him with quiet.
She gave him emptiness.
Everything is nothing.
He wants empty release again.
Fin
