Chapter one

Its one of those days again... One of those days, which seems to be almost every day now, where I just want to crawl under a rock somewhere and stay there for the rest of eternity or jump off a bridge so I wont have to deal with these days anymore. I sighed softly, throwing my legs over the edge of my bed onto the freezing floor of my appartment. 'I've been awake for less than five minutes and already I feel the urge to purposely jump from somewhere extremely high up.' I head for the bathroom, where the only thing that helps ease these urges is waiting for me like it always has every few days.

My appartment is small, there are only two rooms. The first room I use as a bedroom/kitchen is about ten feet wide and ten feet long and is always either freezing or unbearably hot because of the poor insulation and a cracked window behind the plastic bags and cardboard taped over it as an attempt to keep out the weather. My matress rests on the floor against the front wall because the bedframe broke over a year ago and I've been unable to afford a new one or to fix the old one. On the wall across from the window there are some cupboards, a mini-fridge, and a small stove. On the back wall is the door to my bathroom and a small bookshelf that covers part of where the plaster is peeling off the wall all the way to the cieling. The bathroom is barely big enough for a person to be in it. The walls are covered in an old cracked white tile and the tiny shower never has any hot water.

I reached into the cupboard next to the shower and pulled out my school clothes from the 'clean' laundry basket before hanging them on the towel rack. I rolled back the sleeves on my nightshirt and opened the medicine cabinet, pulling out the sharp shinny kitchen knife that I reserved for only one purpose. The ach in my chest making that purpose even more nessisary with each passing moment. I looked down at my ugly wrists, covered in criss-crossing scars, some recent and some older. I pressed the cool metal against the soft skin of my left wrist before slicing open the skin there and letting the crimson droplets form small pools of red on the white sink. I shivered slightly from the momentary relief from the ach in my chest, then treated my right wrist the same way.

I washed and bandaged my wounds before pulling on my school uniform and finished with putting on the two wide light blue cloth bracelets I wear everyday, flinching as they rubbed against the bandages. I walked into the bedroom/kitchen and opened the cupboard to look at the assortment of food. I frowned, just the thought of eating now making me feel ill. Closing the cupboard, I grabbed my shoulderbag and headed for the door. 'I guess I'm just not hungry anymore.'