A/N: Hello Dearies. :D. I'm back! lol.. Yes, I deleted alot of my fanfictions. I just wasn't interested in them anymore. But hopefully this story will interest me... And you guys. PLEASE review. :P Soooooo, yeah. Get some popcorn and enjoy this angst filled storyyy.

Disclamior[spelling o.e]: I DO NOT OWN DEATH NOTE.

Warning: This story contains dark themes such as: Cutting, suicide attempts, possible rape, and other dark themes. Do not read if your uncomfortable with these themes


"I cry when I think of you" - Gazette

Warm tears trickled down the red headed gamer's cheeks as he slid the knife across his delicate skin once again. Blood flowed out fastly and hit the snowy ground, staining it. Matt knew this was wrong, but in his mind it was so right.

After sitting in the snow for a couple of minutes Matt cleaned his cuts and bandaged them. Pulling down his long sleeves he walked back into Whammy's house for gifted children. He innocently walked into his room as if he had down nothing. Looking around the room was a mess. Matt remembered the earlier explosion between him and Mello over something stupid and pointless.

"Mells?" Matt squeaked. He was pretty sure Mello was still pissed off at him.

"What" Mello's voice was sharp.

"I'm sorry," Mello stared at Matt with hatred filled eyes.

"Whatever, shove it up your ass." Matt flinched. Ouch, that hurt his soul.

"I really am, i'll won't spend as much time playing video games," That's what the explosion had been between them. Matt had been playing a harmless video game while Mello was ranting about Near being better than him. And that resulted in them getting in a huge fight and Matt running out of the building.

"I don't care what you do, it's not like we're lovers," Ouch. That hurt again. Matt loved Mello, but was ashamed to tell him. He also didn't know how Mello would respond to him telling him.

"Mello, i'm going to go walking in the back.. Wanna join me?"

"No."

Matt decided it would be best to leave Mello alone to sulk. He walked outside and twirled in a circle. No, Matt was not a big outside fan, but he was a big fan of snow and rain. Snow fell silently all around Matt and he continued to twirl and dance around as if there were no problems with his life.

Finally, after dancing in the snow for 2 hours Matt went inside. He was shivering uncontrolablely and his teeth were chattering. Matt walked to his room slowly, hoping Mello wasn't there, but of course he was. He was still laying in his bed sulking.

"Mello?"

"What the fuck do you want?"

"Uhm.. Nothing, nevermind. I'm going to bed. Night."

"Tch."

Matt laid in his bed and tried to sleep. He laid in his bed for hours begging for sleep, but he just couldn't get to sleep. Matt tossed and turned all night. At 6 in the morning he got out of his bed and began to read a book.

Matt got so engrossed in the book that he didn't notice the blonde getting up. Mello reached for the closest thing to him. A remote. He threw it with quite, but not all his strenght at Matt's head. Matt turned around immediately after the object had hit him in the head.

"What. The. Fuck?" Matt was angry.

"It's payback for yesterday. Now I forgive you."

"Whatever, i'm going walking." Matt stood up and ran out of Whammy's house as fast as he could. When Matt reached a tree far away from the building he reached in his pocket and pulled out the sharp object. He carefully pressed the sharp object against his percious skin. The skin broke and red liquid began to pour out.

Matt's tears dripped onto the cuts, which caused the injuries to burn. Matt hissed in pain as he carefully cleaned and bandaged his cuts. He stood up and walked back to Whammy's once again with a cheerful smile that hid his broken soul.

"He owns me, i'm his perfect little toy."