Xenophilius Lovegood/Sirius Black/Hermione Granger OT3
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LOVESTONED, or
The Invention of Nargles
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Hermione Granger had two problems.
One, she had accidentally gone back in time by one too many turns on the now defunct Time-Turner.
Two, she hadn't brought any mosquito spray and why were there so many mosquitoes back in time? They were biting her to death, and she swore, that the Hogwarts she just left in 1998 did not have as many mosquitoes as the one here. She swatted one.
Then, hearing a tut of disapproval, she looked up at the weird tall blonde guy staring down at her. With a goofy sort of marijuana-induced, laid back expression.
Oh, and that brings us to problem number 3 (because problems always seem to come in wild pairs of 3): everybody in the past seemed to be batshit crazy.
Or, maybe that was just because she'd accidentally traveled to an alternative universe where everyone was bonkers?
Hermione sniffed the air. No, scratch that.
The reason everyone seemed so bonkers and out-there, was probably because it was 1970s and everyone was high on drugs: LSD, Mary Jane a.k.a. marijuana and a bunch of other illegal and legal magical drugs.
She'd even caught sight of a young Dumbledore walking, openly smoking a doobie. And no one seemed to bat an eyelash. Then again everyone in Hogwarts seemed to have a doobie on them or tucked behind their ear, right in the open, with their tie-dyed shirts under their uniforms and their yellow submarine Beatles posters.
The blonde in front of her probably did like 10 different combinations of wizard and muggle drugs, if his dilated pupils and dazed out smile were anything to go by.
And was he drooling? Hermione had a feeling this guy was totally drooling over her.
She backed away cautiously from him and stood up from the grass.
"Can you tell me again what year it is?"
"1976," he said almost meditatively. "And did I mention how beautiful you are?"
Hermione cringed. "Er, yeah I think we covered that a few minutes ago, Xenophilius."
"Call me Phil please." He spoke warmly in a Welsh accent and reached out his hand again to try to shake hers.
"Er, I don't think we need to be on a first name basis," she said diplomatically. "Mr. Lovegood."
The shaggy blonde's eyes temporarily lifted with ire...or was that mischief?
Hermione had a feeling that young Xenophilius Lovegood, who by all means looked like a love-struck hippie, did not give up easily or do things the conventional way. Like going away when somebody tells you to. Or, stop drooling and staring at a stranger you just met.
Especially, if that stranger is actually a time-traveler from the far future who is totally uncomfortable around you and not wanting to slip up any information and change all time.
No, she would have to be very careful.
And god, this was Luna Lovegood's father; she really needed to be doubly careful.
"I really should go...I...uh have some nargles to catch," she lied again and smiled at her own clever lie. But then she was shocked at what Xenophilius Lovegood said next.
"What's a nargle?"
Hermione turned red in the face. "What do you mean you don't know what a nargle is?" she asked in mild panic. "You talk about them all the time!"
Xenophilius was stoned, but he wasn't that stoned. He knew what he said and didn't say. He shook his head.
"Nah, babe, I've never heard of that before."
"You've never heard of nargles before?" Hermione asked in full panic. Shit.
"No. Never." Xeno suddenly smiled and turned to some other stoned out hippy Ravenclaw students that were laying about the lawn. "Hey, have you heard of what a nargle is?"
"Nah, man. What's a nargle?" The stoners looked completely confused.
Hermione bit her lip. Shit. Please don't tell me *I'm* the one responsible for introducing Nargles in the future!
"You really don't know what a nargle is?"
"No." Xeno smiled. "Why don't you explain what it is to me?"
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck. "I wish I could...if I actually knew what they were myself." Because they don't bloody exist!
Hermione pulled at her hair. This had to be some time-loop, where she always meant to go back in time to introduce nargles to Xenophilius Lovegood.
Oh God it was so ironic. All this time she had been laughing and sneering at nargles, and now it turns out she was the one that bloody introduced, or rather bloody invented, nargles to the Lovegoods.
"I really want to know what the nargles are, please tell me," Xeno asked gently. He was tall and blonde with shaggy hair that fell down to his ears, and he was totally in earnest. He genuinely had no clue what a nargle was.
Hermione bit her lip. Yes, she was in a lot of trouble if she accidentally changed time so that there were no nargles in the future. Especially considering Xeno was the one that introduced them to the world by writing about them in his magazine, The Quibbler). Now she had to stay to make sure everything was right and she didn't create some contradiction or something or go back to the future to find it had been occupied by sea monkeys!
"Uhhh...on second thought, I think I will be staying here...for awhile," she said honestly, thinking how lucky it is that I have to stuck in the 70's most drugged up decade ever, with Xeno Lovegood of all people!
But Xeno's face seemed to light up at this news. "Brilliant."
"Yeah, don't get too excited," she assured him.
He didn't listen.
"So what's your name if you're going to be around for awhile?" His lips quirked up in a smile. "You can't play stranger anymore."
Er, yeah right. Because she was totally playing a childish ('stranger danger') game with him when she hadn't told him her name before. More like, not trying to screw up the century.
She tried to think up a name and thought of ham and eggs, for some reason.
"My name is Hamione Benedict," she lied smoothly. Then her eyes widened. I'm a fucking idiot! I called myself after a breakfast food!
"I love your name," he said.
She laughed and guffawed, because the whole situation was screwed up in the head. "Yeah, you probably would." *like* that ridiculous name I just made up because your own daughter wears radish earring and your own name is Xeno Lovegood, which literally means "love strange and good".
Xeno scratched his head in confusion. Apparently, sarcasm wasn't a thing in the 70s.
"How would you know?"
"Never mind," she said. "I had better go the Ravenclaws or something." People were looking at her and the less people that saw her, the better, so she didn't accidentally change anything else. Otherwise, she would have to obliviate a lot more people than just Xenophilius Lovegood. As soon as she got him alone, she'd have to obliviate him and then tell him some wild tale about nargles so that he'd write about them in the future.
Xeno smiled and gave her his arm to loop around hers. "Of course. It's my house, let me lead the way." He smiled at her knowingly. "You've never been here at Hogwarts before, so you don't know the way...?" he suggested.
"Uh right." (Was Xeno Lovegood a mindreader? She'd have to check later and make sure, or otherwise obliviate him a lot more.)
Hermione made a mental note to keep her mouth shut and not mention nargles or jabberwockies or anything out of Alice in Wonderland again unless she wanted to be responsible for people believing in jabberwockies and Mad Hatters in the future.
She grabbed Xeno by the arm and pretended not to know where she was going or who was Dumbledore as he led her through the castle.
She thought she saw a familiar black-haired boy staring at her as they passed. But no that couldn't be. She definitely did not see a young Sirius Black whistle at her and leer at her breasts as she passed him.
Or, at least that's what she told herself to maintain some semblance of her sanity, as they went by.
No she did not need another person she knew in the future to screw up the past by meeting her now.
Definitely not a thing to do. Nope.
She was responsible, she had this "change not a thing, crush no butterflies, leave no stone unturned" thing covered.
Now she just had to explain to Xeno what a nargle was...and then she could go back without changing one thing... That couldn't be too hard to screw up could it?
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Written for ot3 challenge so it'll be xeno/sirius/hermione. This story needs a beta if you can help edit it out to make more sense
also is having her time-travelling name "Hamione Benedict" too stupid or is anyone else high enough to think that's funny?
