A/N: I swear I was trying to study for my finals. But I got sidetracked by Amy Millan's sweet voice (Stars' singer), and then I went to check the lyrics to Calendar Girl, and nearly fell off my chair. The words triggered memories of my own numb days, and it all ended up taking the shape of this drabble. Enjoy. Or cry your heart out – as you please.

A/N 2: Endless thanks to my wonderful, creative and patient beta Essay33.

A/N 3: As promissed, here's an edited version. Thanks to my PTB betas DreaC and HohoCullen, they've helped this chapter flow a lot more easily :).


"January, February, March, April, May I'm alive. June, July, August, September, October I'm alive." – "Calendar Girl", Stars.

Numbness. Blackness. Lethargy. Absolute lack of sight and hearing. The outside world was a sketch of broken lines and blurry colors. I barely registered the constant dampness that had at one time annoyed me so much.

I had no memories. No thoughts. No hope. Nothing but a growing void existed in me anymore. I wondered if, eventually, it would reach critical size and swallow me whole. I wouldn't mind, really. Perhaps then everything would disappear, the numbness included.

Forks's perpetual fog endlessly shrouded my brain. My battered heart had shrunk and vanished into non-existence long ago, and my soul lay in pieces on the forest floor. I'd been a walking empty shell for who knew how long. I wasn't bothering to count the days, to be honest.

The entire world was insignificant to me. There was nothing left, inside or out. Nothing. That was the keyword of my life without him.

I had nothing left. I was cracked, hollow, void. Unwanted and worthless.

I was a barren land.

I grabbed my schoolbag from the back of my chair and headed downstairs. This was supposed to be the beginning of another day. To me, it was just the continuation of a long string of nothing at all.