Stephanie Meyer owns all. We know that Jacob would never act this way, he has too much respect for his self and Bella. He has honor for his father and his people. Women are treated with love and sensuality. This is just something a few friends and I wanted to do to redeem Jacob in their eyes. This will be three to five chapters. A true reaction from Bella when certain things happen.
PayBack Of Enlightenment
Enough is enough
(Bella's POV)
I trudged through my house and up the stairs weary and tired, but in a way lightened, I have finally come to the decision of where my future hold and it's not with Edward and the Cullens. Putting my things on the floor by my bed, I sat with my head in my hand and took a deep breath. I still could not understand how I could allow myself be so charmed by a soul less man, what is my mind shield for if not to protect me from that.
Thank God, I had this one day away from them, a day I demanded to have to get away from all that wedding planning. It was enough to clear the fog from my mind and realize what a huge mistake I was making. I still haven't told the Edward of my decision, but I will later, I'm suppose to go over there for the final fitting of my gown.
At times like this, I truly miss my mom and wish she were here to talk to. The thought of my mom reminds me I haven't emailed her in two days and better do that now.
Getting up I made my way to my computer and logged into my email. Yep, there is two from her and one from Chloe? Jacob's friend. Why should she email me? I decided to open it first, it could be an emergency, Jacob could be in some kind of trouble.
Bella
Please meet on the cliff in La Push, you know the one the boys use to jump from. It is very important that I speak with you. be there at 4:30 today. It's about Jacob.
Chloe.
Now I was worried, looking at my watch I noticed I had just 45 minutes to get there. I grabbed my keys and in five minutes, I was on my way. I got there one minute over the time limit, but what I saw what I got there, made my blood run cold.
He was here alright and so was Chloe, but the position they were in made my blood run cold and the way he looked at me when he realized I was there made me almost hate my best friend, the man I truly love. The only thing that prevented me from being with him was my fear of him imprinting and leaving me, but I had decided he was worth it, even one day with him was worth it, but now I know he is not, he told me he doesn't love this girl, that she has been with most of men on the rez, but here he is, having sex with her on a mountain and they set me up to see.
With precise movement, I turned my back on him, closing my heart to him, deciding then and there I will marry Edward, after all, I am almost like one of them now, dead inside. Yeah, I know I have done some stupid things that caused Jake pain, but nothing I have done could ever hurt as much as what I just witnessed and I have never hurt him intentionally.
Forgiveness, if I give it, will be hard and long in coming.
When I got back to my truck, I got in and drove straight to the Cullens; I know I will be early, but who cares.
Parking my truck in front of their house, Alice met me at the door.
"Hey Bella, you're early. Are you okay?" she greeted in phony concern. I know all she cares about is that I don't leave her brother.
"What, you couldn't see what I just went through, or part of it?" I answered, irritated, and walked by her making my way up the stairs, with her following.
"You know I can't see once you have made your mind up to go to La Push."
"You saw where I was going and you didn't send your brother to stop me, as usual?" I said walking into her room.
She looked guilty. "You moved a little too fast, besides, he went hunting and I really didn't think I could stop you."
I didn't reply to that. "Well let's get this over with. Where is the dress?" I asked
"It's in the closet." Just then, the doorbell chimed through the house. "I'll be right back." She said and left.
I got the dress, got out my clothes and put it on. I heard the door open behind me. "Could you get the buttons Alice? I can't reach them all."
I felt hands on my back, but it was definitely not Alice, then a kiss. I violently turned around and came face to face with Jacob.
"Hello Bells." He said, looking sheepish and guilty.
Hello? Yeah right. I did not feel like being nice, I felt hurt and dead cold.
"Let's get something straight Jacob black, after having your hands and mouth on that girl, keep it off me, I don't know what you could have contracted." I took a deep breath. "You hurt me, hurt in a way my worst enemy would not deserve."
"What were you doing up there anyway, Bells?" he pushed is hand through his hair. "I did not mean for you to see that or to hurt you." He said in frustration.
"I know I should not have a say in who you see or what you do, but you told me you did not love that girl. But from what I saw, you must love her."
"I don't love her. " he said almost in a whisper. "But I decided to try something with her."
I shook my head. "I can't believe that the Jacob I know would become one of those men who believe they can do those kinds of things because, hey I'm a guy."
"It wasn't like that." He said angrily. Then calm "I thought I should have some practice just in case I found someone to love the way I love you, but when you came to the cliff today and I looked into your eyes something changed. I left her there and came after you."
"What would have been wrong with learning with someone you love?" This is a waste of time "You know what, it is not my business, but next time you decide to debauch yourself in that way, tell the girl don't invite me, I am not a fan of voyeurism and exhitionism." I shook my head, and looked him in the eyes.
Then I thought of something. "I hope for your sake you used some kind of protection."
He didn't reply, but by the look on his face, that would be a no.
This wasn't my concern, not anymore "I love you Jacob, and care about what happens to you, but as a person, I don't like you very much right now, so please leave.
I ripped off the gown and put my own clothes back on.
"You still coming to the bonfire tonight?" He asked. He has to be kidding me.
How dare him, coming to the house while I was trying on my wedding dress, putting his hands on me, putting his mouth on my back. He had a lot of nerve, as if I did not see, forced to watch him and his girl of the moment, on that hill getting it on.
Did he really think that after he had looked up at me and grinned as if he enjoyed my pain, I would be ecstatic to see him? Yeah, I loved him more than I ever thought possible, and I know I caused him pain, though unwilling. However, nothing like the pain he has caused me.
Well, enough is enough.
I'm sure he was surprised when I ripped off the wedding dress and redressed in my jeans and t-shirt, then stormed out of there without saying anything to anyone, except to tell Jacob to get his damn hands off me, when he tried to stop me, jumped in my truck and got the heck out of there.
Inviting me to a barbecue down at the rez tonight, please, did he think I would be so grateful, I would forget the pain he caused me, the way he enjoyed my pain? Oh, I will be at that barbecue, it's time for me to live a little.
I pulled up into my driveway and was relieved to see that my dad wasn't home yet. I did not feel like answering any questions about Edward, the wedding or anything. I stepped out of my truck, looked up at my window, and knew he was there.
I knew Alice would contact him and he would run to my house as soon as I left. Good, because I have some things to say and it is better said on my own turf.
I slowly walked to my front door and tried to get the words right in my mind about what I would say, how would I break this news to him. I don't want to hurt him, but I have realized that I don't love him enough give up everything in my life that made me who I am, I don't want to outlive everyone I love and someday I want to have babies, to feel life growing in me.
I unlocked my door and let myself in, closing it behind me; I rested my back against it for a minute, took a deep breath, and then made my way upstairs. Walking in my room, I went over and sat on my bed, I knew he was sitting on that rocking chair, but I still did not look at him.
"Bella?" He got up, walked over to the bed, and sat by me. "I know what you're going to say, I should have seen this coming when Alice said your future wasn't clear anymore."
I turned and face him. I would have asked him about that, but why? I already knew what he meant. Alice has been hinting at the same thing to me for a while now.
"I'm sorry Edward; I really never meant to hurt you. I was going to marry you, because I said I would, but I just can't Edward. I just don't love you that way anymore."
I really felt bad, but I have been trying to please everyone for so long that I ended up hurting many people, but most of all, I hurt myself.
"I guess a lot had changed when I left." He said almost sadly
"You got very close to Jacob black." It was not a question
"Yes" I did not really feel like talking right now, there was so much on my mind I need to think about.
"Are you in love with him? Are you leaving me for him?"
Though it sounded like a question, he said it more like a statement
"Yes I love him, more than I thought, but no, I'm not leaving you for him."
God, I didn't feel like talking about this now. I just want this day to get my thoughts together and just relax, without worrying about Edward, Jacob or anything. I know Edward and I will have to have a serious talk, but today I want to have some fun and relax. After all, I am just a girl. I'll think about serious stuff tomorrow.
I looked down at my hands, and then peaked up at him. He looked so sad. However, he should have really known that things changed. What did he really expect would happen after he left me in the woods alone, not caring what happened to me.
Yes, I went to save him because I did not want to be responsible for his true death and really thought I was still in love with him. I guess I was stupid thinking, because he ripped my heart apart, he is the only one who could heal me, but I was wrong, Jacob healed me a long time ago, I was just too hung up on Edward Cullen, too stupid wallowing in self-pity to realize it.
God I have a headache, maybe I should not even go to the bonfire tonight. I should just stay home and think about the decisions I am about to make. Maybe I am just reacting to finding Jacob and that girl on the hill having sex. I know he and I were not together, but the way he smiled at me, enjoying the look of pain on my face, makes me think he is no better than any other man.
To hell with that, I am going, there are many fine men in la push and for once, me, Bella is going to have some fun and not think about anything or anyone. I put my hand on his. Damn, was it always this cold?
"Look Edward, I know we need to talk, but right now I just need some space, to think about things and just relax, for once. Please don't be upset, right now I need time and space."
He looked at me as though he wanted to argue with me, wanted to hash this out now, but I have been through so much emotional roller coaster lately that I just want to shut it down for one night.
"Okay Bella." He leaned over and kissed my cheek. "Call me when you're ready to talk." He started walking towards the window, when he reached it he turned and looked at me. "I only want you to be happy. It's all that ever mattered to me."
"I know Edward and I'm sorry for putting you through this."
As soon as Edward left, I heard Jacob's VW pull up outside my house, he probably knew Edward was here and was waiting for him to leave. I don't know why he is here, I'm not going anywhere with him and his girl.
I heard him knock, I remember the days when he would just come through my window. Smart man for knocking. I would have pushed him right back out that window. I slowly made my way downstairs. When I got to the door, I stood there, debating whether I should open it or not.
I decided not!
"Who is it?" I asked, smirking to myself
"It's me Bella. Open the door." Not a chance in hell
"I really don't feel like having company right now Jacob."
"Come on bells, I just want to make sure you're okay, just open the door."
I opened the door a little but left the chain on, I did not look out though, and I was tired of talking through the door.
"How I am is no concern of yours anymore Jacob, why don't you concern yourself with the girl you had in your arms earlier."
"I was not trying to hurt you bells. I never expected you to show up there."
"I never expected to find what I found either, I know I have hurt you Jake and god knows I paid for it, but I have never intentionally hurt you or smiled with glee when I did. I have never found joy in your pain as you so obviously did in mine."
Tears were visible falling down my cheeks now, but I won't let him see it, I won't give him the satisfaction.
"I know bells and I'm sorry. I was immature and vindictive. Will you let me make it up to you?"
I did not reply. How could he expect to make up for something like that? He took my silence for an answer.
"I guess that's a no." I heard a sound like he had rested his head against the door. "My dad was really hoping to see you at the bonfire. He misses you. Will you come?"
"Yeah, tell him I'll be there."
"Okay, thanks Bella and I'm really sorry."
"I believe you're sorry Jake, but some things are not easily forgiven or forgotten."
"I understand." He replied
I closed the door all the way and stood there listening as he walked away, got in his car and left. Oh yes, I'll be at that bonfire. I am tired of men intentionally and vindictively hurting me, besides there is many fish in the sea and I'm going fishing.
Please don't be upset with me. It will be clear in next chapter. Jacob and Bella forever!
