(You don't have to read the A.N, but it has some explanation for future content. Also, I did not create the Harry Potter series, my name is Mina, not J.K. Rowling. And I took some ideas from fanfictions I had enjoyed reading and changed them up and mixed them all into one. I will add their titles at the bottom of the chapter I made from them.)
Okay, that was a whole Author's Note in itself, but there is still more I would like to address. This is Dramione. I know there are people who are angry with this ship because he bullied her, but that will be explained later. I have nothing against Romione, I just think that there is a bit more mystery and character behind Dramione. This is also Angst. There are some dark themes like self-harm and more. Don't want to say too much, but I just waanted to give you a heads-up so that you weren't half way through a chapter and Draco and Hermione start snogging and you're just like, WTF?
Also, this is my first Harry Potter fanfiction, so feel free to leave constructive critsisim, love, hate, suggestions, and commentary. Going to shut up now because no one likes a long AN. Alright, bye. Enjoy.
Chapter 1
Watch Me
Fucking Worthless
Bloody Deatheater
Daddy's Stupid Attack Dog
Mindless Freak
Liar
Nothing
Pathetic
Fake
Alone
Trapped
Abandoned
I couldn't breath, there was this invisible weight crushing me from all angles, my chest, my shoulders, my knees, my head. I stumbled around my room gasping, tears flooding down my face, head pounding painfully against my ribs. Enough, please...ENOUGH.
I screamed, no words coming out, just deafening noise. Finally, my voice grew hoarse and weak and then suddenly disappeared. My heartbeat slowed, though nowhere near healthy, and the tears came in individual drops instead of a continous stream. Air reached my lungs, clearing away the black and white dots that clouded my vision.
Sinking down to the floor, I collapsed, and just laid there, staring blankly at the ceiling. I stayed like that for hours, the cold marble stinging my bare back. The house elves peeked through the door a few times to check on me. One even came in and talked to me. But I just lay there, unresponsive, until finally they gave up and left.
Six hours later I jolted, coming back to reality. Numbly, I stood up and silently walked over to the bathroom, turned on the sink, and doused my face in the icey water. I coughed, the sound tired and throaty, and looked up at my reflection. I truely was a pathetic mess.
White blond hair was untamed, hanging below my ears, and sticking up in unusual places. My skin was so pale it looked green, purple veins protruded like webbing. Haunted silver eyes stared back at me, rimmed with red and blue and teartracks that seemsed to have permanently stuck themselves to my hollow cheeks. I shuddered. I looked exactly like my bloody father. It was disgusting.
Pulling my mother's wand shakily from my back pocket I raised it to the mirror, absorbing every ugly detail of my relflection then slowly brought it to my hair. Something in me had snapped and I could no longer handle being Lucius's look alike.
'Colovaria' I thought, as I could not find the ability or will to use my voice. For a moment nothing happened, but then slowly a red glow lit up the end of ths wood and my hair darkened. The sharp white Malfoy hair turned into a soft carmel blond. Oh, Father would have been so pissed. I grinned at my success.
I flicked my wrist in an N like movement and produced another silent charm, this time 'Diffindo'. Newly carmelized locks drifted towards the ground and I cast my arm artisticaly, until I was left in a pool of hair. The fallen hairs had turned back into the starch white and it surrounded my feet like a halo. I was left rather proud of my new hairstyle. I had trimmed down the sides until only an inch of hair remained and the I kept the top a few inches longer. It had seemingly gotten the idea that I wanted a change and was now begining to rise and curl. What the heck was I doing?!
I stared back at my altered reflection, a sense of euphoria flooding my brain. Haha! Look at me! I grinned openly ay the mirror. That one bit of family resemblance, demolished. Suddenly, unable to stop I dragged my arm down, casted the color-changing spell once more. On my skin.
Faster than my hair, the new color spread from the tip of the wand and across my face and body. I blinked and looked at the reflection once again. The cold snowy skin I was so used to was now a more natural ivory. Like my mother. My cheeks held a slight rosy palor that made me look that much less like a corpse. And I had freckles fit for a Weasley! Alright, maybe not quite that severe, but I had a decent dusting of dots across my nose, cheeks, and shoulders.
Overwelmed now by the freeing excitment, I brought the wand to my eyes. They were framed by newly dark lashes and still blazed with Lucius's cold silver. But then I stopped. Because inside of the molten glob were small flecks of my mother's sapphire. And deep down, I couldn't destroy that.
Instead, I traced the hidden scars I had gotten over the years. Lucius had made sure that they were always covered by a glamour spell. Scars showed failer and weakness, and that was not exceptable as a Malfoy. But now...
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, and removed the glamours. Shaking slightly, I opened my eyes again. I was covered with scars.
My face was afflicted by a long scar which drew itself from my hairline, through my eyebrow, and down my right cheek and smaller mark cut from the corner of my nose and through my lips. Both those and two more long scars on my chest had come from Potter's 'Sectumsempra' curse in sixth year.
My arms were coated with scars. I had put them there myself. I stared at them in facination for a couple of seconds before shaking my head and moving on. My back was completely blanketed with scars, having been created my father, Bellatrix, or from minor injuries during the war. They crisscrossed over each other, leaving almost no skin untouched. My dark mark had disappeared the moment Voldemort had been killed.
Suddenly uncomfortable, I looked away from my scars and back at the mirror. My new appearance looked back at me, dark blond hair, pale skin, silver blue eyes, freckles, and scars. I was completely exposed. And it was liberating.
I cast a permanance spell to keep my changes in place and walked out of that room looking more like myself than I ever had before.
