Dan was snoring quietly. Carrie poked Phil. "I dare you to go stroke Dan's neck."
"No! He'll kill me!"
"Fine. I'll just do it myself."
"I can't let you die!" Phil sighed. He had to protect his friend, even if it meant risking his own life. Phil snuck over to the side of Dan's bed and nervously reached out his hand. He meowed for good luck, and thought of all the brave lions who would never be scared of touching someone's neck.
Then again, this was Dan.
Phil squeezed his eyes shut and shakily stretched out his arm. He felt something squishy beneath his hand. This was definitely not a neck. Phil opened a single eye. Two lumps were poking out from under Dan's shirt; Phil's hand was resting on one of them.
Dan shot up, Phil's hand still grabbing onto the fake boob.
"Phil?"
"Dan?"
"Phil?"
"Dan?"
"What are you doing?"
"Why are you wearing fake boobs to bed?"
Dan repositioned himself so he was sitting in a more comfortable position and invited Phil onto the bed.
"Phil? Are you dead?" Carrie called into Dan's bedroom.
"No, I don't think so. Carrie, it's getting a bit late. Maybe it's time for you to go home..." Phil tried to awkwardly shoo Carrie out of the apartment without being rude.
Carrie asked if everything was okay, walking into the room. She noticed Dan's boobs, sighed, and joined the guys on the bed. She soothingly patted Dan's back. Now she understood what the problem was.
About two months ago, Carrie had discovered that Dan had an unhealthy addiction to wearing fake breasts. She spent all of her free time convincing him to act more normal. The fetish had gone away, for the most part...until now.
"Dan, we talked about this. What did I tell you about wearing fake boobs?"
"It unhealthy..." Dan looked down. For a moment, he seemed Phil-ish–innocent and sweet.
"Because...?" Carrie prompted.
"It's a form of self harm."
"Correct. Dan, we all accept you for who you are. You don't need to change yourself to get attention. We love you, and we care about you."
"If you care about me so much, why was Phil about to touch my neck?" Neither Carrie nor Phil had an answer, so they both remained silent. "Exactly."
"Dan, we just–we're sorry. We really are. But I'm going to be very worried if you don't take off that bra right now." Phil tried to look stern.
"Er, um, another thing about that..." Dan pulled his shirt away from his chest so his friends could see inside. Dan's pink, floral bra was stuffed with Maltesers. "Yeah..."
Phil sighed, and Carrie slapped her forehead. What would they ever do with Dan?