Darkness, my world revolves around darkness and pain. My flesh stings from the latest beatings upon my bare skin; my clothes have completely fallen apart unable to withstand the daily onslaught. The thin prick in my eyes as i feel the tears demanding release, demanding the freedom i cannot have. But my battered soul holds them back;

Hold on, just a little more. Do not show yourselves, for if you do...

Tears only mean more pain.

My eyes are blindfolded, have been for so long that i know not how long it has been. The scratchy fabric bites mercilessly against my cheeks, rubs its rough surface across my eyelids. The material is old; part of the roughness due to old dried blood.

My Blood.

At first the beatings made me scream; my sobs echoing in my ears along with the distinctive clap of the leather hide, brandishing my once soft flesh, now nothing more than tanned hide itself. The taste of my own tangy blood in my mouth as i bit my own tongue; my teeth clamping down in effort to stop my screaming

Must stop screaming, hold it back, mustn't scream anymore.

It burbles up from my chest, racing along my heart. Squeezing my lungs until they burn with intense heat and fire. Racing through the muscles in my throat.

Cant hold it, just cant.

It releases choking me, blood and raw pain spilling from my chapped lips, every scream brought more pain, more branding from the hot leather hide. His words, words to torment, a ruse to bring about more suffering

'Keep screaming bitch, and you will only get more'

What can you do? Lying face down upon a cold slap of souless granite, legs and arms chained to the ice cold alter; flesh naked and exposed, the feel of your own hot blood pooling over your lower spine, trickling down your ribs. Exposed, chilled, heated, tortured to your very core, darkness consuming your every corner, fear lurking in every beat of your miserable heart. You hear every traitorous beat, as it pleads for sanity for release, beating for hope.

Hope, it never comes.

The dull thud of the leather as it hits the chilled ground, it whispers of the pleasure and delight of causing more blood chilling screams. Speaks softly with a promise that the more i scream, the more it will hurt. With these light torturous words from an inanimate object you know your lost.

Lost to insanity, lost to pain.

My heartbeat quickens in apprehension, damned traitorus muscle that condones my langourious torture, my palms growing sweaty as i listen to the air.

Whir, slice, Snap

The sound of air as it is cut by a blunt but fierce object, the speed and force causes you to recoil from the inevitable, but its no use. The snap is the sound my skin makes as it tears apart, the undeniable sting rages throughout my body causing muscles to flich, only making the pain worse, like riding out on a rogue wave of never ending pain. The tearing sound of my own skin splitting , echoes in my ears, the scent of my blood stings my nose; the metallic taste on my tongue as yet again i have chewed off a piece of my cheek in sheer fear. But its the gut churning scream. A scream like nothing you have ever heard in your existence.

High pitched

Keening

Agonising

Heart shattering

Blood Chilling

Tortured

Mine....

You feel disconnected, you know its your body lying open, torn, defiled. But it is like it is happening to someone else, your merely a spectator to this gruesome sight. My mind disengages from my body and floats in a sea of pain. Ripple, Ripple, Ripple.

Mouth hanging open, frozen in mid-scream as you just... stop. Throat hoarse and tense, closing, closing, air struggling to reach your lungs.

Enough...Please, enough...

Trails of hot salty tears running down your cheeks, in that moment you realise, it was your scream that was ripped from your soul, from your very core. You feel the burn in your lungs as it was ripped from deep within, the sting of fire clawing at the soft tissue. Though i knew to reign it all in, to stop, to hold back, I could not.

I continued to scream, to sob and in succession the beatings only got invariably worse, more violent, more forceful. It was sheer agony, but to force your body not to flinch, to recoil; to clamp your mouth shut, pressing chapped lips together in hopes that your moment is inaudible only makes that much worse.

And he knows it.

I received my lastest beating, he was angry that some plan had not turned out as expected. Whenever something did not go his way, he immediately sought out the one he would beat his anger into. His own personal slave to pain. Again and again the leather tore into my unclothed flesh, fresh wounds tearing old scars, my lifes blood seeping from the skin, dripping its hot searing pain. Yet i remained still, silent. I had learned, and learned it the most excruciating manner possible; screams only brought more pain. I had long ago silenced my screams, my sobs, my whimpers: Instead my body and blood did it for me.

I could feel each and every scream, tortured, primal, pleading screams echo from my blood as it poured across my back, down my ribs, dipping and curling over my spine and ribs, leaking from my ripped soul. There was nothing left of my unshielded mind, i remain a husk, an empty shell, swimming in blood and pain. My lips no longer parted to speak the words; however my blood screamed as though all could hear perfectly;

Free me

Kill me

Release me from this torture

I want to die

Let me die

Someone please, save me from myself, from darkness, from life.

I am still only a child, i have not had a chance to see the world through innocent eyes. My eyes will never see the sun, nor the land for the beauty it once held. All i see is pain, the red haze of agony and torment. The fire of hell; the black mist of death. My soul is shattered and torn, there is nothing left, nothing ever resembling an innocent child.

The child was ripped out of the heart; thrown from the womb into chaos and unforgivable, unimaginable suffering. The child withered in darkness and died amidst the pain. Leaving a shell; this broken shell of a body, this being that begs for the arms of merciful death without words, only bloody screams – it longs for an eternity of peace, of darkness – but never gets the only embrace it longs an eternity for.

This body, my body will eventually die. But it will not die fast enough, it will just continue, continue, continue...

t will not die fast enough, it will just continue, continue, continue...f merciful death without words, only bloody screams - i