Week 47 Challenge

"Bigger"

"Ranger, you're sure you want to come with me to my parent's house for lunch?"

"Babe."

"My Mom's making ham and cheese hoagies. It's the real stuff with actual fat content. No mulch."

"I know. I'm still coming."

"Grandma may be there."

That Cuban eyebrow was up, "I'll keep you between me and her."

Walking up the front steps, Ranger's warm hand was protectively on my back. Mom and Grandma were watching from the front door in their usual poses with noses pressed against the glass.

"Come in. Lunch is almost ready. Hello, Ranger," my mom greeted and kissed me.

"Thank you for inviting me with Stephanie, Mrs. Plum."

"You're welcome. Call me Ellen."

Grandma was giddy, "The package is here. Hot damn! Wait until I tell the girls. I got something to show you, Baby Granddaughter, later."

"OK," I hugged her and unsure if I wanted to see it or know.

The warm, toasty hoagies were brought out on plates. Beside each, there was a green, fat deli pickle. This can't be good, I thought.

The lettuce, onions, and tomato slices went around the table along with the mustard and mayo. Ranger, of course, used mustard. I wanted the fattening stuff.

Grandma disappeared in the kitchen, coming back out with a huge pickle on a fork.

"Here," Grandma stood it up on Ranger's plate, "That one's puny. I think you're going to need a bigger pickle."

Ranger didn't say a word. Dad kept chewing and my mother downed in one gulp whatever was in her teacup.

"He's bigger than that, right? He's 'The Package'," Grandma nudged me next to Ranger.

I knew I had to be blushing.

I could swear Grandma did a jig step and tapped her heels together before sitting back down, "I knew it!"

"Your sandwich is getting cold, Grandma," I was trying to change the subject.

We almost got through lunch when Grandma bent down under the table and was fiddling with something. There was a hum. She plopped something down on the tabletop with a suction cup holding it in place. "Bigger than this?"

I think Ranger snorted his water.

There on my parent's dining room table was a very realistic dildo with balls. The tip was wiggling around as it vibrated. I swear it was the biggest non-human thing I had ever seen. Ranger still won the contest, though.

"Pleasure Treasures was having a sale."

Daddy waved at Mom to pass the bottle, "Dammit, Woman! Put that away!"

Grandma tugged at it a few times to get it loose and resuctioned it in the middle of the table. "Why? It makes a nice centerpiece. Add some flowers to it for Sunday dinner."

Ranger looked at me with a smirk, picked up my plate with his, and went to the kitchen.

"Babe, ready to go?"

I grabbed my dessert package from my mom and Daddy walked us to the door.

"Frank!" my Mom called, "It's stuck! I can't get it off the table! Mother, turn that off! I can't get it loose when it's wiggling like that!"

My father's hazel eyes pleading and bewildered, "Want to meet me for Sunday dinner far, far away."

"Sure, Frank," Ranger patted his back before going down the steps.

Finally when we were in the Porsche, Ranger burst out laughing. "Babe, your family never disappoints."

"Remember, you came willingly."

He looked at me after his laughter died down, "I am bigger, right?"

"Oh yeah, Cuban Sex God."

"Good to know, Babe," kissing me before pulling out.