Hogwarts is really an atrociously small school. Why are there not more magical children in Britain? Why don't other countries ship theirs over so our school isn't so goddamn tiny?
Everyone knows absolutely everyone. It is - as Lydia Hartmann, my mother/idol/mentor/constant-test-of-my-patience-and-sanity, would say – like living in a fishbowl. Everyone's got a rep – whether it's for being smart, slaggy, mean, funny, you've definitely got a reputation.
Unfortunately for me – mine is Walking Disaster Zone.
Steffi Hartmann! Everything she touches turns to shit!
I just… have a habit of mucking up. If you pass me a goblet of pumpkin juice, I will spill it. If you tell me about a surprise party, I will end up saying something obscenely obvious to the surprisee. One summer Lana asked me to look after her pet rabbit and, of course, it managed to escape it's cage and run away to the wilderness (OK so Wiltshire is not exactly a wilderness but still, far enough away for me to not be able to find/Accio it).
And Lana's only response when I guiltily admitted my massive failure in the role of Best Friend Ever? "Of course Cotton got Hartmann'd, what was I thinking?"
It had better not be a school-wide phenomenon to refer to messing up as 'Hartmann-ing'.
To be fair though, I have royally Hartmann'd the pre-school packing process. I mean, exactly how does one lose their wand? Abysmally small Hogwarts may get one witch smaller if I don't fix this little blip.
I know I'm a 7th Year now and should have been taking full advantage of my legal magic but I live alone with my Muggle mum, I just don't have much need for it over the summer.
Ah, that is how one loses their wand - having a mother who is nuttier than a Holyhead Harpies fan at the Quidditch World Cup.
"You know, sweetheart, I am aware that I'm a 'Muggle' but I feel if any Muggle is going to develop powers, it would be me."
"Mum, there are Muggle who develop powers – they get a Hogwarts letter aged 11 and come to the castle. Did that happen to you? No, I know it didn't!"
Psh, gimme my wand, you madwoman! At least I know I am not to blame for my Disaster Zone nature – it is definitely genetic. I may have got my magic from my dad but my generally scatty disposition is definitely from the maternal side of my family.
I suppose if dad had been around longer, he may have had a calming effect on my temperament but I guess we'll never know. He died when I was three. Sad, but I was so young I don't remember him at all. I'm still not sure if that makes it better or worse.
T-minus one hour until departure for King's Cross – Disaster Count: 5.
Remus Lupin, one of my very best friends, will be Apparating me to the station at 10.15.
We are definitely a case of opposites attracting because he is so far from a Disaster Zone, even I have trouble messing his plans up. Also, he can't escape me because he only lives a fifteen minute walk away. Oh the joys of forced-friendship!
He loves me really though, in a despairing sort of manner. He befriended me, blissfully unaware of my status (First Year mistakes – back in those youthful days when we were innocent and reputation free!), purely because of the fact that it turned out we lived so close to one another. He had gone to the Muggle primary school where my aunt taught.
So he knew of my family and I knew his. We bonded and then he realized what a mess I am and I refused to let him back-out of our blossoming friendship and he was stuck with me.
Ha. Best way to earn a mate (only way, really, if you're anything like me).
Of course, the prat turned up today with two of his prat best mates in tow.
"Aw, come on, Lupin! Couldn't you at least have brought Pete?"
Sirius Black and James Potter glare at me – mock offence to match my mock insults. What a merry mocking bunch of mockers.
I mean, I'm not a True Mocker because I really would rather my Herbology-Partner-In-Crime-And-Failure was here. But he lives up near Manchester, so he'll travel with his brother and meet us at the train station. Sigh.
"Now, Hartmann, you haven't seen us lovable scamps for months and that is how you greet us?"
"Expect nothing less from a Bunny-Killer, Prongs."
Lana! She would tell James Potter (and so by default Sirius Black) anything in an attempt to get into his boxers. What a numpty. A disloyal numpty. I'm appealing to have her Gryffindor House-ship revoked. She can piss off to Hufflepuff.
At the sight of my pouting, Remus decides it's time to get a move on before I do something rash like hex Black until he's blue. And then make a stupid pun about it. Which is actually a great idea, in fact I might just-
"Bye, Lydia!" Remus yells directly into my face. Jeez! If you leant just an inch either side, that could have been far more effective/less damaging to my precious eardrums.
And of course, this face-yell has the immensely undesirable side-effect of bringing my mother trotting out to the hallway to hug Remus farewell (um, hello, beloved only child right here?).
"Tata, Remus, dear – have a wonderful year and stay safe!" Remus placates her duly and smiles – teacher's pet and parent's pet, the little smarmy pants.
Finally, dear mother turns her affections to where they should be AKA on me, all the time please!
"Ooh, what will I do without you, Steffi?"
"Whatever it is you've been doing the past six years, mum."
"I've crocheted enough blankets to keep the whole of your school year toasty, love."
"Well, considering the shambolically small number of students we have, that's not saying a lot."
"Not going to miss that attitude, Nelly Nay-Sayer!"
"I love you and I will miss you a lot. Please take up knitting and knit me jumpers because Scotland is too cold to bear."
"Done and done. Have all the fun in the world – it's your last year, enjoy it!"
And of course, she wouldn't be Lydia Hartmann if she didn't humiliate me completely before my final year has even begun…
"Although, it looks like you already have been judging from this welcome party of handsome young men!"
Sirius Black is crowing with delight at my embarrassment and the train journey hasn't even started yet. Bloody brilliant.
"I've changed my mind! I won't miss you but I want jumpers anyway! Remus, Disapparate me away from this hellhole!"
Things You Don't Want to Be Confronted with Whilst Gasping, Panting, and Feeling Heavily Nauseous in an Alleyway Next to King's Cross Station:
- These words from a gleeful James Potter: "Did your mum just basically call you a massive slag?"
- Looking around to see only three trunks on the pavement. This is only going to increase the nausea
- Crying, "Did neither of you morons pick up my trunk?" only to have Sirius Black laugh in your (retching) face and tell you to go back and get it
- Having to explain that you cannot Apparate because "Look at me, I'm dying from Sidelong!"
- Being left alone with Potter and Black while dear, kind, sweet Remus Lupin, your savior, returns to your home to fetch your trunk
I bet my mum accosts him too and makes this torture even longer than the five minute nightmare it should be.
Potter and Black are absolutely fine, very bearable. If I got partnered with them in class, I wouldn't consider suicide as an option (NB: I do not feel like this about the whole year. There are definitely people amongst the frighteningly small number who have me contemplating Unforgivables, for use on myself or them, I'm not fussy).
I'm friends with Potter and Black, much as I'm friends with all the Gryffs in my year. I don't know if I've emphasized enough, just how small Hogwarts is, but you do know everyone and generally everyone gets along in their Houses. People tend to have two or three close, best friends and then their wider group is simply the rest of their Housemates in the year.
Ilana Diggory is my very best friend; I didn't even have to trick her into it, she is as bad as me although not in terms of Disasters. Marlene McKinnon, my other dorm mate, is also a very beloved friend. Lucky her.
Remus and Peter are my two chummiest male mates and so I know Potter and Black pretty well. We get along; I think they respect my knack for getting into trouble (even if they don't realize that it's largely unintentional).
But we're not as close as I am with the other two 'Marauders' and sometimes this pair gets right on my nerves. I mean, I do share a dorm with Lily Evans so I'm sure I can't have gone uninfluenced by her hissed rants about their immaturity and arrogance. Which in small doses is fine by me, but boy, are these two the very definition of extremes. Bleedin' bipolar, the pair of them.
Thankfully, Remus appears a moment later along with my trunk whilst the jokes-about-Steffi count is only at 7. (Note to self- send apology note to mum and thank her for not kidnapping my favorite Marauder.)
"Come on, you rag-tag bunch, let's get going." Thank you, Remus for whipping us into shape! You are the only true responsible soul among us. My solution if he hadn't turned up soon was not firm-but-gentle words – it was reverting back to the Black-and-Blue idea.
No wonder Dumbledore made him Prefect – he is (bar a few minor marauding concessions) the very image of perfect Prefect. Not as perfect as his counter-part, Lily, but then again… who is?
Wait.
"Lupes," Everyone stops in their tracks to look at me. "Where's the badge? Head Boy Remus Lupin, right?"
Sirius is off again, cracking up at what exactly I am not entirely sure. Probably just me, my everything – maybe I just trod in dog shit.
I check my shoes for traces of turds but there's nothing. The heels of these boots are only a few long walks through the Grounds away from coming off though. Note to self – grovel to mum and ask her to send me money for a new pair.
James Potter waving his arms around like a bleeding moron distracts me from my Poo-Boot-Begging thoughts.
What is that he's waving?
Holy hell. "You?!"
"I told you everyone would react like that!" James is pouting at Sirius, who must have assured him otherwise (a blatant lie – I thought Potter was supposed to be some kind of prodigy).
Remus chuckles and shrugs at me. He doesn't look too put-out and I don't blame him. Being Head Boy or Girl looks like an absolute task. Being a Prefect must be bad enough, let alone being in-charge of all the Prefects.
"Aw, sorry to hear about your misfortune, James. My condolences." I pull a face at the mere thought of 'responsibility' – can you imagine the havoc someone as accident-prone as me would wreak if I ever even got a smidge of the stuff?
Sirius barks a laugh, "My sentiments exactly. What am I going to do with myself with two of my best friends off, taken in by the Bad Side?"
"Well, technically it's the Good Side-"
"See, Prong's is a changed man already. Whatever happened to sticking it to the Man?"
"- Steffi seems to be of your mindset. Maybe she's your new Partner in Crime?"
Sirius snorts rather derisively and so I smack him on the arm. "Mate, I don't have a death wish. Imagine pulling a prank with her… It'd probably end with half the school burnt down and me in St Mungo's."
Even Remus laughs at this and so slaps are doled out accordingly.
"She's vicious too," James complains, rubbing his arm. "Not a good quality to see in a pranking pal."
By this point we're on the Platform and I can rush off to safer, although not saner, friends.
"Well, I guess I won't see you two on the train. Enjoy Nerd Carriage! And working with Lily Evans for a whole year – I know you get along famously."
James punches the air in delight; his madness, I am beginning to realize, is an exponentially growing thing. He and Lily bicker constantly – this year is going to be one massive arse ache for him.
But Sirius is grinning too, so is Remus. "It's your chance, Prongs!"
My look of confusion is evident it seems and Remus explains their reactions to me.
"James fancies the hell out of her."
"Evans?!"
James' grin turns to a glare, "Got something to say about her, Hartmann?"
"No, jeez, Potter! We're mates, she's OK. But I thought you two fought all the time?"
"Sexual tension, that's just how it manifests between us."
"Does she know that?"
Sirius laughs again at my razor sharp wit – that'll teach him to stick his nose up at my Partner-In-Crime-Potential.
"I thought she'd be too straight-laced for you, Potter."
James smirks at me, "She's not as uptight as she'd like everyone to believe…"
Slapping ensues again but this time one of those oh-my-god-you-have-gossip-tell-me-immediately kind of slaps. You know the one.
James just twinkles his stupid eyes at me and grins mischievously.
"I'm off to find my real friends who share juicy gossip with me and don't mock my disastrous nature – which I'll have you know is a genetic affliction!"
"Everyone laughs at you, Disaster Zone."
"Piss off, Black, everyone laughs at your girly hair but I don't go rubbing your face in that, do I?"
Perhaps harsher than intended but we all know what Black can be like. His 'jokes' are always on the cusp of hurtful insults but if you get upset, he just says you can't take a joke. So I don't feel guilty at all for any hair-related low blows….
(OK, maybe I do a teensy bit but there's no good admitting you're wrong. Ever. Great life philosophy from me: Never admit you're wrong).
Oops, he is sulking now – baby.
"Look, just don't act like such a ponce around her and you might get somewhere, yeah? You go all over-the-top and annoying around Lily. Just… act like you would around us and she might not murder you before Christmas. Which is really the best you can hope for I think."
Anyway, time to make my exit. I have offended/advised/been mocked enough here. Time to find better, less-crybaby friends.
Although saying that, Lana may not take this Potter-Evans news too well. Hm. I really need to stop hanging out with these boys – they push my disaster count way up.
Climbing on-board the Hogwarts Express, Disaster Count: 8.
"Hartmann, please do not put another Bertie Bott's anywhere near your mouth, or I'll puke."
"Black, this is a time-honored tradition. And also it's more likely she'll puke. It's happened before."
"You know, Diggory, I thought you two were ladies before this train journey."
Unfortunately this statement makes me laugh and therefore choke on the hundreds of Beans in my mouth. Sirius Black has some uses, I suppose, and does some kind of fancy Charm that frees the Bean- blockage from my windpipe. By transporting it into a disgusting splat on the floor.
Whoops. Let's just Disappear that evidence of my unladylike behavior.
"So, you insult my hair and I save your life? If you could please refer to me as 'my King and Savior, the Ever Gracious and Superior Sirius' from now on, I think that would only be fair."
"Nah, you ruined my Bertie Bott's Back To School Bonanza."
"For the love of Godric, tell me you made that name up on the spot."
I just grin, in what I hope is an infuriating manner. Sirius snuck onto the train with me and joined mine and Lana's compartment seeing as he is a Billy No Mates whose friends have all inexplicably become Goody Two Shoes.
(I mean, I'm hoping this means way less detentions for me. James and Remus know I can't truly be blamed for 90% of the scrapes and fiascos that really just tend to happen around me, as opposed to being caused by me. Alice Prewett, our last Head Girl, did not appreciate this. And Lucius Malfoy, the Head Boy in our 5th Year, definitely did not. In fact, he pegged things on me that I had nothing to do with. I should be known as Steffi 'The Disaster Zone/Scapegoat' Hartmann from now on. Psh.)
Anyway, Marlene is off with her piece-of-ass AKA Caradoc Dearborn, the impossibly lovely Hufflepuff Quiditch Captain. Sigh sigh. I would ask why the Caradocs of this world never go for me but that is pretty self-explanatory really (NB: my Disaster Count has already jumped to 12 simply in the hour we've been on the train).
Petey has gone in search of the Prewett Twins (Alice's much cooler cousins) with the intention of recruiting them to our compartment. But knowing Pete he's just been distracted by a game of Exploding Snap in their, no doubt more exciting carriage. Sigh.
So I'm stuck with Black, whose presence is severely inhibiting mine and Lana's ability to gossip and properly catch up. Although, to be fair to the lad, he isn't being to sulky about the hair jibe – just lording it over me. Probably forever. He'll probably get it engraved on my tombstone:
Stefanie Maria Hartmann
1960-2130
Wife, Mother, Daughter, Disaster Zone and Mocker of Sirius Black's Godly Locks
What a legacy. And the worst part is that the 'Mother/Wife' part is really by far the most unlikely bit.
Aha! A bright spot in the gloom of this lonesome train journey! My most favorite 3rd Year (now 4th Year! Oh, how time flies, they grow up so fast!) who shall remain nameless because I do not know his name!But he always brings the most blessed, welcome scrolls of parchment to him.
I'll call him Thyke, Ty for short – my very own God of Good Fortune.
"Hello, Ty!" Loud enthusiastic greetings should not be met with such trepidation. Tut tut, Ty, someone needs to brush up on their Post.
"My name's not…" Exasperated sigh once he recognizes who he's talking too. No use, that's what they all think when they see me – quit while you're ahead. "Message from Slughorn."
I know, Ty, I know. Perhaps you are not as bright as you seem; I preferred him before he used words. 4th Year has sullied him. Shoo.
Lana is already smirking at me. "Slug Club back in session, Nerd?"
I know jealousy when I see it. Just because Professor Vector's attempts at the 'Vec Gang' got deemed creepy and caused parent complaints because it consisted of three (female, attractive) students and was held in a broom cupboard.
Sirius actually is staring at the note in my hand with some contempt. Or maybe it's my hand that is subject to the death glare. The Hand of a Mocker. Stupid hand probably deserves all the glares it gets – the very hand that cannot seem to control my wand and is responsible for many of my Disasters.
Anyway, he can switch that gaze to Lana now because I am outta here. I'll try to pick up Marley, Doc and Pete on the way and send them back here to save Lana such a cruel fate. Not everyone is as used to death glares as I am. Lana creates relatively few Disasters (or public ones at least. Private-Usually-Romantic Disasters are more her forte. Probably why Vector picked her for his Crew).
Unluckily for her I see no one on my way to my personal Oasis.
I mean, Slug Club is embarrassing and awkward. But the food is always amazing and Slughorn loves me. Literally, no other teacher in this school regards me with anything other than complete despair (and maybe slight admiration that I've made it so far without actually causing any fatalities? We've got a year to go yet!) so Sluggers makes a welcome change to that attitude.
And this SC was the best yet. Not only did he offer us mini-Beef-Wellingtons but Darla Philimore was there! Apparently she is going to Hogsmeade on business and Sluggers wanted to introduce his brightest and best (ME).
(Also, Hogsmeade on business? They are totally opening a Philimore's there!)
I don't have very grand hopes or dreams for the future. When one is as Disastrous as me, one tends not to. But I do want to work for Philimore's – maybe in Development, maybe Marketing? They're the Wizarding world's biggest pharmaceutical company – a job there would set me and mum up comfortably for life. I wouldn't be rich, but I'd have enough for me and her. That's all that matters. Aunty Carol can't be expected to support mum forever now Dad's inheritance has run out.
So being introduced to Darla was a complete coup! Such a success, I am considering knocking a disaster off of my count! (We're on 15 after the Tea-All-Over-Antonin-Dolohov's-Robes incident and the multiple Eating-Canapes-So-Quickly-You-Spray-Your-Fellow-Guests-With-Crumbs-And-Saliva incidents).
She gave me her business card.
PRAISE BE TO SLUGGERS. Thank you for being the only fool in the castle not to notice my complete ineptitude at life and selling the hell out of my abilities to the person who may be able to give me my ideal job!
I would kiss him if he wasn't so fat and old and moustache-y.
So by the time I get back to the compartment, we're pulling into the station and I am too on Cloud 9 to notice any weirdness (which, as Lana will tell me later, there was a lot of). And we waltz into the Great Hall, by which I mean – I waltz and every other sane bugger walks in like normal people. And I listen to Dumbledore's speech (I ignore Dumbledore's speech and dream about more food, preferably more Beef Wellington). I nearly cry when my prayers are answered in the form of beefy-pastry goodness and I say, "You know, I don't think anything could ruin my good mood!"
And the Ty, the Little Shit (that's his new name) comes over with a piece of parchment. And being the happy, trusting soul I am I smile at him, blissfully unaware that he is handing me a Scroll of Doom.
Things Which Are Guaranteed To Ruin Your Happy Beef-Fueled Mood:
- Post-Beef summons to Dumbledore's office
"Surely he can't expel me for not listening to his boring speech?"
"It wasn't boring, Steffi, I thought it was-"
"Shut up, Evans. Steffi, if you're out of here can I have your bed because you know mine is right by that goddamned drafty window."
"Yes, my most sympathetic and beloved friend, you can. But, Lana, only if you promise to wear all black in mourning for your lost friend for the rest of the year."
"Sweet, we've got a deal. Although now I'm actually sort of hoping you do get expelled because you really do have the prime bed in the dorm."
Terrible best mate, she is. Maybe I'll start hanging out with Evans and get bored out of my brain but not so vehemently ill-wished? Ooh, and find out about her un-straight-laced activities with James Potter….
Operation: Become BFFs with Lily is now a-go-go.
If I don't get expelled that is.
OK, so not expelled then… In fact, almost the opposite of expelled. Inpelled. And a nice step forward in finding out about Lily Evans Potter-Related secrets.
(I mean, really, if my genetic disposition wasn't so strongly inclined to finding Disasters I would just go to James as my source seeing as we're just as close and boys love to boast about that stuff).
I'm going to put my very devious plan into action immediately. As I said, I am very good at tricking people into friendship. Lily and I are already friends; I just need to sneak my way into BFF-status. Shouldn't be hard now thanks to Dumbledore – maybe that's why he has committed this seemingly inexplicable act of insanity? He'll probably invite me over for updates on the Potter-Evans gossip. After all, he made them the Head Team together – he is definitely so in on this.
BFF mode engage: wrap Lily in massive bear hug upon entering dorm and squeak, "So, have you heard?"
Lily returns the hug warily – why don't people trust my enthusiasm? She is probably wondering if Disastrousness is contagious. Fair point, she always was a wise one.
"Heard what, Stef?"
"That I'm your Gryffindor Prefect replacement! And yours too, Em, seeing as you turned it down in the first place."
I know I said I didn't want to be a Prefect and now I'm grinning like a loon and it all seems very hypocritical of me. But I mostly just thought that because it was such a crazy prospect – me, being given any form of responsibility or power! But then, Dumbledore is a barmy one.
Hogwarts is going to go to ruins.
And for some reason, I find the utter chaos that my Prefect-ship is going to cause absolutely hilarious.
"Yeah," Em is looking as though she can see my madness and my visions of Hogwarts burning. She sounds wary too; also a wise one. "I thought it would be too much, what with doing seven NEWTs and all."
"Yes, yes," I am not really listening, Emmeline. I am figuring out how to seek out my fellow Disaster Zones in the younger years – my protégés – and figure out how to protect them from the Establishment. I will use my power for good (and also for chaos). "Yep, way too much. Sure."
Lana looks like she is about to wet herself she is so eager to say something – I am glad she's become the Supportive Best Friend I always wished for. Shame I have already replaced her with Lily Evans.
Oh well. This is what comes of befriending a Disaster Zone, Lana. They are far too well-versed in the arts of Friendship-Sneakery and can replace you in a second.
Anyway, no time for my much-deserved congratulations from Lana. I need to go tell Remus; this is going to be hilarious.
And so, in a flash, I'm gone. Sprinting up to the boys' dorm, a positive whirlwind of Prefectliness.
"Sirius," Amazing entrance, even if I do say so myself. Absolutely burst through that door. "I hate to be the one to break it to you – but it's never going to happen."
…
OK, maybe my acting is just too good. Maybe I should give up my Prefect badge and drop out of Hogwarts to pursue my (evidently well-deserved) Oscar. Sirius looks stricken by my announcement. Ha, he looks so guilty, what does he think I'm talking about?
"I, too, have joined the Good/Bad Side and can no longer be your Partner in Pranking. Again, may I suggest all black clothing to properly express your mourning?"
He's laughing now. And saying mean things about my pranking ability.
"Let's weigh it up though, how much damage I would have caused as a prankster versus how much I will cause as a Prefect? I think it's pretty even."
Now they're all laughing because, let's be honest, it is pretty hilarious. Something as simple as doing the rounds will probably end up with me lost somewhere in the depths of this castle.
"And me dragged along with you, no doubt!" Poor Remus, he really did fuck up by becoming my best pal. I offer him a consolatory hug.
"I will try not to get you killed, Lupin. Potter, I make no guarantees."
A pillow lobbed at my face is the reward for my callous attitude to James' well-being. I'm sure there would be a lot more lobbing of bed linens if he knew of my dastardly plot to find out all about his and Lily's alleged canoodling.
"I bid you adieu – Lana wants to throw a party in my Prefectly honour. Ciao!"
This has been a good, successful day? Dana Philimore's business card and Prefect-ship? Am I becoming less of a Disaster Zone?
Most likely not, thanks to my cursed genes, but we can dream.
OK, now I'm in a quandary. Lana has trumped Lily's-Potential-Canoodling-With-James-Potter gossip (not that I'm going to give up on finding out what that is).
So, it emerged that what she was dying to tell me was not enthusiastic congratulations on my newly required responsibility – I don't know why I ever thought that, she is a truly Terrible Best Mate. Yes, it was evident when I was dragged from the doorway of the dorm and into our bathroom as soon as I reached the top of the stairs that this was, in fact, not a party in my honor.
But I am not one to turn my nose up at a good bit of gossip and this was indeed most excellent and bizarre news.
"Sirius Black kissed me. On the train. While you were gone. And then Pete came in – he didn't see anything- but when he left, Sirius just pretended it had never happened! So I did too, was that the right thing to do? Oy, why am I asking you?"
Like I said, Romantic-Quandaries are more Lana's thing.
But also !
"I have too many questions right now… How did this happen, what was the lead up to that? Did you like it? What about your –and I quote- 'undying, burning passion for James Potter'?"
"We were talking and then he lunged. Of course I enjoyed it a bit, he is by far the hottest guy at school. But no, I don't want anything with him because of James."
I appreciate her succinctness. She has learnt to deal with me after six years of Best Friendship, as terrible as she may sometimes be.
I demand a full retelling of this event. I push for a reconstruction but my impression of Lana makes her laugh too much, ruining the accuracy of the piece. Psh, her lack of commitment to good gossiping is just pushing Lily way ahead in this Mate Contest. (Friendship is definitely a competition, and I'm in it to win it).
"There was an awkward silence for about five minutes after you went and your inane and constant babbling was no longer there-"
"Good to know what you miss most about me."
"Proving the whole babbling point here. So then Sirius starts talking about you saying that you always surprise him with just how stupid and accident prone you are. And I told him that he obviously didn't spend enough time with you then, because I fail to be shocked by anything that happens to you."
"Wonderful comprehension there, Lana; happens to me, not happens because I ever want weird or stupid things to happen! I am a passive bystander."
"And then he lunged at my face and, yeah, we kissed and then we broke apart and Pete walks in."
"Merlin. That was it. Those few sentences were the prelude to Black snogging you?"
What an oddball – and he has the nerve to call me strange. I mean, he likes the ladies sure enough. Always has a Hogsmeade date and a fair few girls panting after him but he doesn't tend to date amongst our immediate group. Lana is very pretty though and funny.
"Maybe he wants to spend time with you is what he got from that…. conversation."
"I don't know. I don't want to date him and he has been ignoring me since. In fact, I'm pretty sure we both had looks of instant regret on our faces when Peter walked in."
Wow. We've been at school for three hours and I am exhausted and overwhelmed by bizarreness. We may be small but we are all completely insane. Perhaps that's the reason for the tiny year groups – any larger and the insanity wouldn't be controllable.
Hm.
Mysteries I will Solve This Year:
- How Lily Evans gave James Potter the impression that she's 'not uptight'
- Why Dumbledore appointed me Prefect?
- Does Sirius Black fancy my best friend?
- Will the bottomless pit that is my stomach ever be satisfied? (I could honestly do with some cake right now. I was too nervous about the Dumbledore meeting to have more than one slice at dinner).
End of School Day 1, Disaster Count: 21.
AN: It has been a million years since I wrote new fanfiction - this has basically happened because I am very bored at work and needed a distraction but I think it's worthy of sharing with you all!
Please give a gal an ego-boost and leave a review, it would mean the world.
Elle xoxo
