I couldn't resist writing fandom for Merlin, because it is just so wonderful and I'm in love with it. Now it's back to chapter 06 of TLC.
Merlin is property of the BBC. Because you know if I owned it, the blatant love affair wouldn't be so poorly hidden, it would be more… blatant.
In Company
Arthur is tense when Merlin sheepishly pokes his head through his chamber doors. He is tense and thoughtful and maybe just a little angry. Merlin wonders fleetingly what exactly it is that he has done now; they've only been back a day. He isn't sure whether or not running would be a good idea, because this in combination with Arthur is never good.
Arthur is standing by his window, right hand against his chin in a thoughtful manner whilst he glares at the grounds below in a sort of angry concentration that only Arthur seems to manage. Merlin steps into the room and closes the door delicately which of course for him means that he accidentally closes it with just too much force and the resulting dull thud catches Arthur's attention and his head turns sharply to focus on Merlin. "Hi," is all Merlin manages, raising a hand to rest at the nape of his neck, smiling awkwardly.
There is a moment of silence where Arthur's mouth is set in a thin line whilst he glares at Merlin with anger and intent. He pulls away from the window and takes a hesitant step forward, before looking away from Merlin. "Loyalty," he begins, picking up an apple from his bedside, "must be something which runs in the blood of those who live Ealdor."
The calm in his voice puts Merlin on edge, because calm is certainly not the emotion in Arthur's eyes when he looks at him again. "Thanks? I think." Merlin responds uncertainly, dropping his arm to pull on his sleeves nervously, smile less awkward more cautious; more anxious.
Arthur swaps the apple between his hands in a slow one-piece juggle, eyes narrowing as they stare into Merlin's. "You have shown loyalty to me that has gone beyond that of a servant," he says, another step towards Merlin. "You have a knack for being so completely unreliable in your duties and yet not so when it matters."
The compliment is the second warning signal in Merlin's brain and he unconsciously takes a fidgety step back. "Arthur-"
"Your friend," Arthur states, cutting him off, "William. He showed great loyalty to you." Arthur is gripping the apple now, tightly in his fist, his knuckles white, and his chest rising and falling. "I know what he did for you Merlin; do you really think that I am blind or that I am stupid?"
Merlin's eyes widen a fraction in poorly disguised shock and his mouth opens and closes until finally he gives Arthur a defiant look and folds his arm, shaking his head and raising his eyebrows. "I have no idea what you're talking about." Even to his own ears it sounds pathetic.
Arthur throws the apple to the ground in fury and Merlin can't help but follow it as it rolls because he can't stand to look at Arthur's face when it looks like that . "I trust you Merlin," Arthur hisses. "I trust you with my life. Perhaps one day, you will offer me the same courtesy."
Merlin looks up as Arthur stalks back over to the window and resumes the same brooding position he first found him in. "Arthur," he tries, voice desperate. "What," he starts, swallowing, "What do you want from me?"
"Honesty!" Arthur all but snarls, head snapping to him sharply, eyes alight. "Is it that difficult to understand?!"
"How can I?!" Merlin throws back, because arguing with Arthur is something he has never been able to just back down from.
Arthur growls, actually growls, and storms over, grabbing Merlin by the scruff of the neck. "Do you think so little of me, Merlin?" he hisses.
"Of course I don't!" Merlin all but screams, trying to pull away, even though he knows he'll be unsuccessful. "If I tell you-" he begins, but Arthur cuts in.
"I'll tell my father?!"
"Maybe!" his voice sounds somewhat hysterical to his own ears and Arthur's grip loosens only slightly as a look of disbelief crosses his face. "Maybe you would," he says again, "but maybe it's because this is my secret, this is my burden. How could I place that on you?" his voice softer now and he takes in a shuddering breath. "What would your father do if he found out you knew and told no one?"
Arthur lets go and looks away, eyes closed and fists clenched. "Go." He says eventually, turning his back to Merlin.
"Arthur you can't-"
"Go." He says again, almost back to his snarl. Merlin stares at his back for a moment before nodding, a mirthless knowing smile on his lips and he walks towards the doors.
He stops short of the door, eyes on the ground. "I suppose I'm sacked then?" he asks sarcastically, unable to help himself. Arthur is leaning against the posts of his bed, silent. Merlin nods again, and he leaves, not bothering to shut the doors with care this time.
--
The next week and a half Merlin is on edge as he runs errand after errand for Gaius. He avoids Arthur and Arthur avoids him. Gaius says nothing of it, assuming it to be another ridiculous disagreement, but Gwen notices right away that it's something more.
"What happened?" she asks on the fifth day after the incident, as they walk together.
"Nothing," Merlin grumbles, a sack full of foul smelling ingredients for Gaius in his arms.
"I hardly call the fact you and Arthur pretending that neither of you exist to one another nothing, Merlin." She states, raising a skeptical eyebrow. "Not that I watch you two so , I mean…What happened?"
Merlin sighs, dropping the sack to the ground and resting against a stone wall. "I'm not sure." He says, then frowns. "No, I know what happened, I'm just not sure…. How it happened."
"You realize you're making no sense." Gwen states, folding her arms.
"He's really, really angry at me." Merlin affirms, a slight nod, lips pressed together. "And I think I would be too if I were in his position."
Gwen nods, standing beside him, leaning against the wall. "I see," she responds, looking up at the sky. "What are you going to do about it?"
"What can I do about it?" Merlin sighs, hopelessly.
"Whatever you think is the right thing." Gwen states, smiling gently, "And maybe an apology, for whatever it is you did - or didn't - do."
Merlin pulls his mouth upwards to the side in thought. "What if he kills me?"
"He's not a monster Merlin," Gwen laughs, stepping away from the wall.
"Maybe." Merlin mutters, his mind thinking everything over.
--
On the seventh day, Merlin finds himself walking purposefully through the castle in search for Arthur, reciting various apologies to himself as he does so. "Arthur, I'm sorry. Arthur – I am truly sorry… Arthur I have never been so sorry as, as sorry as… I am now?" he sighs, shaking his head.
When he reaches the familiar doors, his stomach does a little jump then sinks as he lifts his hand to knock once, then pushes the door open, hoping that Arthur is actually in his chambers and not, say, out finding a new manservant.
Arthur looks up in surprise when the doors open and then his face sours when he sees Merlin step in, looking quite sick. "What do you want?" he asks, getting to his feet, then scrunches up his nose, "and… are you feeling alright?"
Merlin stares at Arthur for a moment before nodding and breathing. "I'm fine- I mean, no, no I'm not fine, I mean I-" Great, an hour of apologising to phantom Arthurs only to be rendered a fool in front of the one that mattered.
"What do you want?" Arthur snaps.
Shoulders sagging, Merlin licks his lips. "I'm not alright," he says, shaking his head, "I am absolutely not ok. At all."
Arthur frowns, concern flickering on his face. "What's the matter? Has something happened?"
"Of course something's happened!" Merlin yells, staring abashed at Arthur. "You hate me! And I feel terrible and guilty! And honestly, I do not even know why!"
Arthur stares, unsure what to say at first. "You should," he finally settles, chest puffed out as he sits down again; back to the prince he is with everyone else, but never with Merlin. "You should be sorry."
"I hate this." Merlin admits weakly. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but you have to understand why," he pleads.
Arthur sighs, motioning for Merlin to come closer. "Of course I understand it's just… It hurt," he says quietly looking away.
Merlin steps closer as instructed. "I'm sorry," he says again.
"I know." Arthur mutters, shaking his head. "But you have to understand how I trusted you only to find that you have been keeping something like magic from me!" Arthur looks at him, blue eyes wide in emotion and they swipe over Merlin's form before he lets out a chuckle that sounds almost ironic. "But I suppose I would not have told me either," he says quietly, looking at his table, "I suppose given that, I can find it my being to forgive you."
"Oh how generous." Merlin mutters, unable to hold back his tongue because it's Arthur and it's only natural to be himself around him.
Arthur smirks, draping one arm over the back of his chair. "What I can't forgive, however, is how lax you've been in your duties these past days, Merlin."
"You sacked me." Merlin reminds him, knowing where this is going.
"Ah, you will find, dear Merlin" Arthur grins as he stands, walking towards Merlin and swinging an arm around his shoulder, "that I in fact did not sack you, you just assumed that I had," he informs him, leading him towards a corner of his chambers. Where, there lay a miniature mountain of socks and tunics.
Merlin glances at Arthur, then back at the clothes. "Does this mean everything is ok?"
Arthur grins and pats him on the back. "I want them all clean, by tomorrow morning."
Merlin nods, smiling wryly. "Of course you do."
"Better start right away." Arthur mocks, leaning against a bed post, smirking.
"Mhm," Merlin agrees, picking up the clothes, walking by Arthur towards the door.
"And Merlin?" Arthur calls, his voice far too merry for it to be anything good.
"Yes?" Merlin asks knowing he should really just make a run for it.
"Do it without your gifts."
Merlin freezes in the doorway and lets out a sigh. "Very good," he mutters unable to hold back a smile, leaving the chambers, kicking the door closed. Well there was really no way for Arthur to know if he used his 'gifts' or not, was there? he thinks with a smile, then frowns shaking his head. "Better not." He mumbles to himself, walking back down the way he came.
