Acrophobia: the fear of heights. Acrophilia: a great love of high places. The two were never meant to go together.
Acrophobia
Acrophobia: the fear of heights.
Ever since I can remember, I have always had acrophobia. I could barely be more than a couple of feet off the ground before I started heaving and panicking. To me, there was nothing worse than being off solid ground. I had never been in a plane, refused to fly with my dad's Pokémon back when he was in the picture, and hoped that I would never have to do either.
Oh, I was plenty excited to get my first Pokémon, and I quickly caught and trained a Pidgey without reservations. If someone or something else wanted to fly, I didn't care. I just didn't want to be the one in the sky.
So, of course the first gym was the flying-type gym with rafters hundreds of feet in the air and on which I would have to stand while battling. Why wouldn't it be? I couldn't blame the leader for making his gym the way he did, and I certainly couldn't blame him for training birds. Whatever, it wasn't my call. But I was not, under any circumstances, going up there for a freaking Pokémon battle. That was just asking for trouble.
"So, um… does he come down here or…?" I began after staring at the rafters for several minutes, and the greeter laughed.
"No. No, all of Falkner's battles take place up there. There's a platform right there that rises when you step on it, so hop on up." He pointed to a little piece of raised wood, but noticing my hesitance, he patted me on the back. "No one has died yet, ma'am. I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's actually very safe—Falkner's a good guy… he would catch you if you fell. I can promise you that. He's got a reputation to uphold."
I swallowed, staring up at the rafters again. There was no way I was going up there now. Did this guy take me for an idiot? Yeah, no one had died yet, but I hadn't signed up to be a Pokémon trainer just to be the first one to do so. What if Falkner's Pokémon weren't fast enough? What if they couldn't carry me? The possibilities of ways for me to die were endless in this death trap.
No, that was it. I was through. Not even a week out on the road, and I was quitting this whole thing already. Screw gyms, screw badges. My life wasn't worth this. I was only eighteen, after all, too young to give it all for a stupid battle.
"Hey, you coming up?" a voice shouted from above, and my eyes rested on a young man, perhaps a year or two older than me, with dark hair that fell over his eyes. His clothes were more traditional than modern, but even from down here I could tell that they probably suited his personality. There was something hard about his expression as he leaned over the rafters to look at me.
"You expecting someone else?" I almost shouted back, but I bit my tongue and hugged my arms around myself. Instead, I said, "No, no. Sorry to waste your time."
"Wait a minute, are you a trainer?" The young man stood up, taking a step off the edge of the rafters and falling into the open space between. I screamed, calling for him to stop, but it was too late. He plummeted towards the floor, falling and falling so fast that he was a blur. And then I blinked, missing it all. He was suddenly in the talons of a bird, the evolved form of Pidgey, and a second later he was on the ground in front of me.
My heart beat so fast that I wouldn't be surprised if he could see it. My breath was uneven, my palms a little sweaty, and I really had the urge to punch the guy for scaring me like that.
But, clearly, he didn't think he did anything wrong. His expression remained stoical, and when I refused to shake his outstretched hand, he narrowed his eyes at me. I wasn't trying to be rude—I couldn't get past what just happened, couldn't move from the shock of the whole thing. He was the idiot here. Damn him. If he was trying to kill me, he damn well near did so. I didn't even have to be in the air for that.
"Shit, do you do that for everyone, or just the girls afraid of heights?" I finally demanded, and his eyes—at least the one I could see since the other was covered by his bangs—widening at my language. True, it wasn't very polite or feminine, but it couldn't be helped. "Geez, warn me before you try a stunt like that. You nearly gave me a heart attack."
"You're afraid of heights? So, that's all the commotion down here?" His tone wasn't particularly friendly anymore, but I supposed I earned that with my rudeness. "It's not that bad. If you're taking the league challenge, you're going to need to battle me at some point, and I only battle on the rafters." When I raised my eyebrows, he held out his hand a second time. This time, I shook it. "My name is Falkner. I'm the gym leader of the Violet City gym."
"I'm Lyra, and I'm literally scared shitless by high places. Well, not literally," I quickly corrected, and for the first time, Falkner smiled, hastily covering his mouth with his hand as he suppressed a chuckle. "I just mean that I really can't go up there. I have severe acrophobia, and I haven't been taking my medication… and I really just can't go up there. I will happily get you a doctor's note if I have to do that."
"Doing things you wouldn't normally do is part of being a trainer. That's what my dad always said."
I nodded in agreement. "Wonderful, then you can battle down here."
"That's not what I meant," Falkner said, crossing his arms. The smile had since disappeared, and it didn't seem like it would return any time soon. "This is your first gym challenge, yes? That Pokémon behind you is still fairly weak." He pointed to the Chikorita hiding at my heels. Its anxiety about this gym was reassuring. "If that's the case, then you really should get used to doing difficult things."
"I don't think you understand, Leader Falkner," I hissed. "I have a phobia. I really can't go up there."
"And the fastest way to get over a phobia is to face that fear, Lyra," he spat back, and I narrowed my eyes. I couldn't stay here. There was obviously no way that I was going to be able to convince this guy to battle down here. For goodness' sake, he was wearing clothes from decades ago. Change clearly wasn't in his vocabulary, which made the advice he gave that much easier to ignore.
So, I turned on my heel and left, ready to quit for good at round one.
Acrophilia: a great love of high places.
That was what Falkner had, I determined. I could forgive that. Much to my chagrin, though, I had been searching for excuses to go back to his gym and have that battle. Not only did I need that badge to continue this journey, but I kind of wanted to show Falkner who was boss. So, I had run through all the possibilities in my mind, and this was the one that made the most sense. I had acrophobia, and Falkner had acrophilia. Nothing was going to change about that. It was all totally irrational. So, a compromise would need to be made.
When I stomped back into the gym, the greeter practically cheered. It took only a moment for Falkner to descend, and we were back to square one again. Me on the ground refusing to battle in the air, Falkner refusing to battle anywhere but there. But I was willing to bet that Falkner wanted to win me over, just to say he did, so I was all for a compromise if he could give one.
"You're back," he greeted, and I nodded. "Listen, I've been thinking…"
"I need a badge, you need a battle to keep your title." I put my hands in my pockets, rocking back and forth on my feet. "But I understand that you have your own rules within your gym, and I also understand your concern for me in that I need to try new things. We still need to figure something out."
"Indeed." He rubbed his chin. "Won't you at least try it?"
"Falkner…"
"Lyra."
His eyes were hard on mine, completely unfaltering, and after a moment, I nodded. I held out my hand towards him, and he raised his eyebrows. "I can't go up there without knowing that someone else is physically there. I'll do my best once we're there, but… just help me out for a second, will you? This is going to be a lot more painful for me than it will be for you. Unless I squeeze your hand too hard, of course."
Falkner agreed, grabbing my hand and leading me towards the rising platform. The second we stepped on, it shot up towards the rafters, and I held even more tightly onto Falkner's hand, breathing slowly in through my nose and out through my mouth. When it stopped and he stepped forward, I tried to focus only on the wooden beams and not on anything else. But I could feel control slipping, my breathing picking up speed. Falkner's fingers shifted uncomfortably in my grip, but I held on even tighter.
"I need to let go now to go to the other side. Are you all right?" he asked, and I managed to nod. In reality, this was the craziest and scariest thing I had ever done, and I was not okay. The rafter beams were only about a yard thick, and there was nothing below us to break a fall but the floor. Yeah, the greeter assured me that Falkner would catch me, but this was insane.
"I think I need to sit down," I muttered, slowly kneeling to the wooden beams and sitting down on it. Falkner watched me, walking hesitantly to the other side. I didn't know how I was supposed to stand back up, but I felt a little more stable back here. And when my Chikorita nudged its head against my leg, I sighed, petting its leaf. I had heard once that Chikorita had calming abilities, but whether or not that was true, I didn't know. Still, having it near made me feel better.
When Falkner made it to the other side, he turned back to face me and held his arm above his head. A Pidgey swooped down from the rafters even higher above us and landed on his arm. When he ran a hand over its feathers, it cooed.
Well, he certainly had a way with birds, that was for sure. My Pidgey had been with me almost as long as Chikorita and it still hadn't cooed for me.
"Ready?"
I looked up to the roof, seeing his Pidgeotto gliding around above us. Well… it could have been worse. I could have been up there.
So, I nodded, clicking the center of one of my Poké Balls and sending out my Mareep. Falkner was the first one to get me up this high, my first battle against a gym leader… surely this had to mean that this would be my first gym badge, as well.
Maybe he was right. Maybe I had to try new things.
My journey continued for much longer than I expected. I got tied up in too many things at once, got caught up in Team Rocket's mess, got tangled in the affairs of a legendary Pokémon. It was weird to think that if I hadn't trusted Falkner that one time, I would have been a part of any of this. I thought about it all the time, though, weird or not. I owed him big time.
So, perhaps that was why we stayed in touch—because I felt I owed something to him for keeping me going. He didn't have to take my hand that day, but he did. Then again, I didn't have to come back in the first place. But still, I couldn't help but feel that he was at least partially responsible for my new championship title. He was the first of many badges and challenges for me—of course I owed him.
Still, he called me first, and I never forgot that. "Just checking up," he told me when I answered my PokéGear in surprise. I forgot we even exchanged numbers. "I wanted to make sure that you made it to Azalea all right. I told Bugsy you were coming—he's the gym leader there. He sounded pretty excited to meet you, and he promised to make sure to add a lot of high up stuff to his gym design before you arrived."
"You're hilarious," I replied dryly, although it was actually somewhat comical hearing him ramble like that. He had been that way when I beat him, too. I couldn't remember a single word he said, though. I had been too busy begging him to shut up and take me back down to the floor.
The next time I called him instead, informing him that I had beaten Bugsy and that the bug-type gym leader did not have anything in his gym that caused me anxiety. Falkner was "deeply upset" about this and said that he would be sure to have a word with Bugsy about breaking promises. Considering how serious Falkner usually was, this joke actually made me laugh. I didn't even know him that well, but it seemed rare.
And the calls continued back and forth. They shouldn't have. I knew that. Falkner was a gym leader, and I was just a girl who had challenged him once. He was an acrophiliac, and I was acrophobic. Did that sound like a good idea? To me, no. Falkner was off limits, just like heights. He was just another thing to fear in this word because he had the ability to take me that high.
I had no intentions of ever seeing him again, anyway. Perhaps in that sense I was leading him on by continuously answering his calls and returning them. In fact, I knew I was. There was no point in denying that, in any case.
And yet I couldn't even avoid seeing him. I couldn't manage that smallest thing.
Sometimes I hesitated when I saw his name appear on my screen, but I always picked up on the third ring if I did let it go. This time, though, I probably should have let it ring.
"Hello, Lyra. How are you?" he asked, his usual opening when he called me. Once I gave my boring response—fine, thanks, how are you?—things would pick up. "So, where are you? I have a proposition for you."
"I'm in Azalea. I just finished visiting an old friend, actually."
Though I thought about lying, realizing that he would probably want to see me knowing I was so close to Violent City, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Man, I was weak. "What's your proposition?"
"I've decided that I'm going to remodel the gym, and I want your opinion on it. Do you think you could stop by my gym if you have time? I know you're busy and all…"
"Yeah, I can leave right now. See you in a bit."
Freaking Champion duty. That this was the first thing that came to mind, and I couldn't even fathom why that made me so annoyed. So what if the only reason he wanted my opinion was because of that tiny little detail? And I was the one who was so insistent in my mind on not seeing him ever again. Why would I have responded so quickly if that were truly the case? I was so pathetic.
But I still went, and it was impossible to ignore the way my heart swooned a little when I saw him in his chair at the top of the rafters.
"What took you so long, Lyra?" Falkner called as he jumped down from the rafters with the help of his birds. And his voice—so much better, smoother, calmer in person than over the phone. He hurried towards me, holding me an arm's length away from him and glancing me over. Always so serious. "I was worried about you. You weren't answering your PokéGear, and…" He dropped his hands from my arms, sighing in obvious relief. "I suppose it doesn't matter. You're here."
"I'm sorry. It took a bit longer than usual for me to walk. I should have called, but I don't get service in the cave or—"
"Walk?" he repeated, clearly taken aback. "You're the Champion of Johto. You of all people should be able to fly on your Pokémon now. It's so much faster than walking." He rubbed a hand against his cheek, rolling his eyes. "No wonder it took you so long. Had you flown, you would have been here in just a few minutes."
"I haven't flown once." I put my hands on my hips, and Falkner nearly choked when he inhaled sharply. "Well, don't act so surprised. You know I have acrophobia."
He composed himself, shaking his head in disbelief. "Yes, but…" He sighed, obviously not knowing what he thought in the first place. "You know you have a problem when you go out of your way to avoid convenience. Sure, it's good exercise, but I can't believe you keep walking all across Johto whenever you need to go somewhere."
"Yes, okay, I have a problem," I announced, and he nodded. "It's not my fault. Don't you think I would fly if I could?"
"You can. Come on, come with me." He held out his hand, and I stared at it for a moment as he bounced it a couple of times for me to grab it. "Fly with me."
"No. No way."
He took my hand then, pulling me back towards the door through which I had just come. With just a whistle, he called his Pidgeot—recently evolved from his Pidgeotto—down from the rafters. It burst through the doors right behind us, coming to a stop in front of his master with its wings spread.
"Falkner, stop, please."
"I won't let you get hurt, I promise. Nothing can hurt you when you're with me," he assured me, and I relaxed my tense muscles. I knew that if I was ever going to fly, it would have to be with Falkner. He was the first one to bring me off the ground, after all. He had to be the first one to sweep me off my feet and into the air on the back of a bird, too.
"Okay," I agreed, and he let go of my hand and pushed me towards his Pidgeot. The bird glanced back at me, cooing just like mine did for me now, and I brushed some of its feathers with my hand. My Pidgeot's feathers were just a bit coarser than Falkner's, perhaps indicative that Falkner did a better job taking care of his.
The giant bird leaned down, and Falkner patted its head. "Okay, just hop on right behind his wings." He moved his hand to my back as I tried to climb onto Pidgeot's back. A moment later, once I had gotten myself situated, he was behind me on the bird. Pidgeot cawed, stretching its wings again, and Falkner put his arms on either side of me to hold onto his Pokémon.
"Ready?"
I recalled he had asked me this once before, right before our first battle. I was, perhaps, more ready then than I was now. But I whispered yes, closing my eyes and wrapping my arms around Pidgeot's neck as we shot up into the sky. The cold breath of wind blew against my skin, becoming cooler and cooler as I imagined we got higher.
Then the feeling of rising stopped, and the ride felt smooth. I slowly opened one eye, the sun blinding me from the pure white clouds so close above us. I opened my other eye, glancing around at the world around us—blue and white above us, Johto sprawled below us in every direction. I swallowed, seeing how high off the ground we were, but even I had to admit this was beautiful. Off limits to someone like me but beautiful.
"What do you think?" Falkner yelled, the roar of the wind around us nearly deafening us. I looked back at him, our faces inches apart, and then nodded.
"All right, this is pretty cool. Scary… but definitely cool," I admitted, and he laughed.
I never let go of my grip on Pidgeot, but I managed to get a better glimpse of the land below. I could see the Union Cave, through which I had just come only minutes ago, the Ruins of Alph… all of it from the top. Azalea Town wasn't far off, just a blur past the haze of the day. It made the world look so small.
"Okay, Pidgeot, I think that's enough for one day," Falkner called to his bird, and Pidgeot cawed in response. The descend was slower than the climb, but it felt a little better getting closer to the earth than further away.
I slid off Pidgeot's back as soon as Falkner let me, my feet feeling a little wobbly on the ground now. Falkner grabbed my arm to steady me after I almost took a tumble, smiling at me smugly. I should have at least feigned disgust at the whole thing… he probably would never let me live this down knowing that I actually kind of enjoyed that.
"When my dad first took me up, I couldn't believe how small everything looked. It kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?" Falkner asked, sending Pidgeot back into the gym first. We walked slowly side-by-side back towards the building, kicking rocks as we made our way over. "But it goes on forever."
"That's exactly what I thought," I agreed, pushing through the doors to the gym.
I didn't hesitate as much when Falkner walked towards the rising platform. Instead, I hopped on beside him, wincing only slightly as it shot towards the rafters. It was weird to think that just a couple of months ago, I had refused to even step foot up here. Now, I wasn't as scared. Not when I was with Falkner.
Off limits, I reminded myself.
"So, I was thinking of doing away with the rafters as a battle arena." We both sat down on the edge, our legs dangling off the edge. My eyes shot to him, and his expression was serious once again. "You're right—this is a little dangerous, even for people without acrophobia. I think I might build a larger platform up here… something a bit more stable."
I could only imagine how much easier that would have made things for me. I still wouldn't have particularly liked being as high up as this, but if I couldn't see the ground below me, it didn't matter as much. Of course things had to change the moment I left!
"Why the change of mind?" I wondered, knowing well that maybe this was a question better left unanswered.
"Well… my dad always said to try new things. That's what I told you. In the three years that I've been gym leader, I've never changed it. This is the exact same set up that I've always used. Maybe it really is time for a change." He patted the beams, and I ran my hand along the wood. "If I don't like it, I can always go back."
I nodded. "I like the new plan. I think it sounds safe."
"Do I want to play it safe, though?" he asked, and I raised my eyebrows. For some reason, I always thought Falkner the type of guy who would always play it safe, despite these rickety rafters and his love of flying. These were things he could keep in his control, one way or another. There was danger involved, but he kept it safe. He was guarded.
But maybe I didn't know him as well as I thought. I couldn't see his reactions on the other side of the phone.
"I think you should play it the way you want to play it. The cards are dealt. The ball is in your court. Do what you want," I told him, and he raised his eyebrows.
Silence followed. I wondered what he was feeling being up here right now. Though my hands still shook a little, my palms didn't sweat nearly so much anymore. I wondered if maybe he was asking about the rafters because something had changed in him, too. Maybe he didn't feel the same thrill he felt once before being up here.
"So, was your dad this, like, really great trainer or something?" I asked to change the subject, swinging my legs. Falkner was sitting close to me, maybe because of that one time I told him I needed physical presence to make me feel better. He was near enough for me to hear his sharp intake of air at my question, as though a stupid one, and when I turned my head to look at him, our proximity made my stomach flip-flop. Even seeing his smile when our eyes met made me a little giddy.
"That can't really be a question."
He laughed, falling back against the floor and staring up at the ceiling. There were some Hoothoots sitting on the ceiling rafters above us, but I knew Falkner had trained them well enough to go somewhere else if they needed to, well, go. His dark hair shifted out of his eyes, and I couldn't help but admire the rare sight. He really was beautiful. Off limits, as I constantly told myself, but just like all of this—the height, the exhilaration of being this high. It was still scary, but I had to appreciate the beauty.
I tried not to think about how high off the ground we were, and I tried not to think about how handsome Falkner was. Instead, to keep my mind off it all, I said, "Well, you mention him a lot, is all. Obviously he's the reason you're a bird keeper."
It was unusual to see his guard so low, a smile on his lips and a light tone in his voice. I wondered if I was the only person to see this side of him so frequently. "Oh, yes. My dad was the gym leader here before me. I grew up in Violet, lived here my whole life, and my dad trained me with his birds as soon as I could walk. When I turned eighteen, he passed the gym onto me and gave me his Pidgeotto."
"He must proud of you. You've done really well," I observed, very simply an observation, but I felt my cheeks burn anyway.
"Thanks." He sat back up, a knee pulled into him and his arm dangling over it. "My dad was a great gym leader. Everyone loved him. Would I still be a flying-type trainer if I wasn't my father's son? I don't know. But I… feel something indescribable every single time I'm in the air, off the ground. Just being up here is like… I really can't even describe it to you. And I really can't believe how hard it was to get you on these old rafters."
I laughed, but my stomach ached at the thought of these rafters being old. "Do you remember when we first met? I wouldn't step foot near this thing. I considered quitting and going home." When Falkner laughed, putting a hand on my shoulder, I held my breath to stop the Beautiflies in my stomach. "Good thing you convinced me, I guess."
"Well, I thought you did quit and go home the first time." He continued to smile, his hand lingering on my shoulder. "To think you wouldn't be you if you didn't come back."
"And to think I wouldn't be nearly as filled with anxiety without you around," I joked, elbowing him in the side, and he crossed his arms. "The truth is… I don't think I'm as scared as I was. I think… maybe it was the change that scared me more than the height. I had lived for so long thinking I was scared of heights, and… maybe all of that got to my head. I was just afraid of not being afraid and what that would mean."
"What does it mean?" he asked quietly, and I shrugged.
It meant feeling something else. I just couldn't tell him that.
"Maybe someday you'll actually enjoy flying?" he suggested.
I snorted. "You wish. Maybe I'll tolerate it, but I certainly won't ever enjoy it. I could get used to the view, though… if only the possibility of imminent death wasn't constantly sitting in the back of the mind and giving me ulcers…" I grinned at him, carefully rising to my feet. "I should probably get going."
"Oh, yeah. I mean, yes."
Falkner scrambled to his feet beside me, walking back towards the rising platform with me. As it lowered us to the ground, I stood with my back to him. This had been too long a visit. I was getting too comfortable up there beside him. And the way he let his guard down up there, I had a feeling he was a little too comfortable, as well.
But I wondered… what was the point of calling me here if all he wanted to do was talk about the refurbishments? We could have easily done that over the phone.
"Don't be a stranger, Lyra," he told me as I left, still walking rather than flying, and I just waved in response. Things would be a whole lot easier if we were just strangers. But I knew the phone calls would continue, the thoughts of me with him, all of it. Falkner was right about change—it was just too scary a thing.
I heard through the grapevine that something happened to Falkner and immediately went into a panic. One of the Elite Four members mentioned in an aside that the Violet City gym leader had been dismissing challengers as of late, and then he had disappeared for a week entirely. Indeed, it had been a week since I had last heard from him.
There was no time to walk from Indigo Plateau to Violet City, so I hopped on my Pidgeot's back and flied as fast as I could. It was the first time on my bird's back, which seemed to take it by surprise. And although my heart was beating out of my chest, it wasn't the height scaring me this time. I knew that well.
Clearly no one had searched too hard for him. When I entered the gym, the greeter directed me towards Falkner's house north of Sprout Tower, and I could see him inside through his open windows. When I knocked on the door, though, he didn't come to it, and when I called his name, he didn't call mine back.
So, I moved to the window, knocking on the glass and waving at the dark haired gym leader, who sat contently on the couch. He jumped up when he glanced over at me, catapulting himself over his coffee table to the door.
"Lyra. Shoot, sorry about that. You sound different through the door." He opened the door wide, offering to let me inside, but I shook my head. "So… what's up?"
"Are you feeling okay?" I demanded, and he pursed his lips. "I heard that you've been gone from the gym for awhile."
He tightened his grip on the door, gesturing for me to come inside, and I did this time. I sat down in the living chair, he on the couch, and for the first time since coming here, I noticed how sunken in his eyes looked. There were discolored circles under them, but even his skin was a little paler than usual. And here I thought that I was tired. I had no idea.
"Falkner…"
"My dad died," he said softly, so much so that the words were barely there, but I could still hear the break in his voice. My jaw slacked, and he looked away from me. "Just a week and a half ago. I thought I could handle being back at the gym, but I couldn't… and…" He stopped, perhaps stifling a sob, and I stared in horror.
I moved from the living chair to the couch beside Falkner, placing an arm over his shoulders and pulling him into me. He collapsed right into my side, turning his head into my shoulder and crying. His body shook as he broke to pieces, his sobs filled with agony with which I was unfamiliar. I just sat there and held him, thinking that maybe that was all I could do.
"Falkner, I'm so sorry," I whispered, truly meaning it.
I sat there with him while he cried, and though there were moments when he attempted to compose himself, most of those moments failed. He had been shattered by his father's death. It would take more than just a couple of minutes of crying to fix him. But I wondered if this was the first time he had cried since his dad died.
When he sat up straight, temporarily composed, he ran a hand over my shoulder where his tears had stained my shirt. I smiled weakly at him, but he stood up and walked towards a wall of pictures without a word. For a moment, I thought I should let him be. Yet, at the same time, maybe he was better off being with someone than being alone right now.
So, I followed him to the wall, watching as he stood far enough away from them that maybe he wasn't looking at all. But I looked, examined each picture frame. There was a couple of him as a boy holding a little bird on his arm. There was more of him with his parents. He looked just like his mom—the same face structure, at least.
Despite looking up to his dad so much, there weren't many pictures of him on the wall. There was one of a little Falkner with his dad at the beach, a couple of family pictures, but that was it. He had more pictures of him with random important people—Champion Lance, for one—and bird Pokémon.
"I've always done everything my dad has done. I've trained bird Pokémon, became a gym leader… someday I'll retire and pass the gym off to my son or daughter." Falkner sighed, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "My dad is my hero. Sometimes I just wonder if maybe I'm too much like him. What if I haven't lived my life?"
"You told me that you feel something indescribable when you're flying. That's not something your dad gave you—that's something you've felt on your own." I took his hand, pulling it away from his face and weaving my fingers through his. "If you haven't lived your life, then how can you feel at all? Fear, joy…" I laughed dryly, half a smile on my lips. "I know fear. I just didn't face it until I met you. Your life can change and be changed."
He turned to me, looking me right in the eye finally. My heart skipped a beat, but I swallowed and reached a hand out to him. Without any hesitance, he slipped his own into mine, and I linked my fingers between his. When I pulled him towards the door, he didn't ask where we were going or protest. He just followed.
"Fly with me," I told him, sending my Pidgeot out. He didn't say anything, didn't even look skeptical, but hopped on my bird right behind me.
We shot up into the sky, soaring through the lowest clouds and settling in the open blue air. I kept glancing back at him, knowing that he was there but needing to make sure, and each time I caught his eye. He wasn't looking at the world below us like I did now, in spite of my fear, but he was constantly watching me.
"What do you feel?" I shouted to him over the calling of the wind, but he gave no response. "I'm not afraid anymore, Falkner. Not when I'm with you. And I will be with you as long as you need me… as long as you're still afraid, I'll be with you."
Pidgeot dove to the ground, touching down softly and lowering itself to the gravel. The second I jumped off its back, Falkner pulled me around, a hand at the back of my neck as his lips brushed against mine. And then it was more than just a brush, a sort of desperation and hunger, and our noses bumped as we maneuvered each other's lips. This wasn't just a broken wall—my acrophobia didn't exist anymore.
"I love you," he whispered, his breath mixing with mine. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I breathed back. Because despite my constant reminders to myself that I shouldn't, I did.
And he kissed me more. I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him close to me. This must have been the exhilaration he felt in the sky—being up so high and knowing that I could fall but facing all of this anyway. Even if I did fall, Falkner would catch me. The greeter back at the gym assured me of that.
Things would change. The world changed. People died, people lived, and relationships changed. In the end, it came down to our decisions. We could choose to go with the changes, letting them shape us, or we could avoid them. But the only way to get past one's fears was to face them. Change was scary, but we would have to face it someday.
Acrophobia: the fear of heights.
For me, acrophobia was actually the fear of no one catching me when I fell from that high.
But Falkner already had. I already fell, and he already caught me. And now, as he tumbled towards his lowest point, I was there to catch him.
Author's Note: Long overdue. I think I promised a Lyra/Falkner fic to someone long ago, and I'm only just fulfilling this promise now.
My working title throughout the entire fic was "Fly With Me". But I think "Acrophobia" actually captures more of what the story is about—facing your fears, recognizing change. So, I settled with this title.
Anyway, hope you enjoy it! :)
