He was in the habit
of taking things for granted Tight fisted with his compliments, it
didn't seem to bother him
Granted, there wasn't much for him
to take
And the only thing constant was the constant reminder
he'd never change
that talk is even cheaper told in bulk
And the only thing constant was the constant reminder
He'd
never change
Claire Standish was just about fed up with John Bender. They'd been dating unsteadily for six months, and she was considering ending it. She had to say 'ending it', even thought of it like that in her mind, because she wasn't going to break up with Bender. It was hard to break up with someone you weren't even dating, someone you weren't even really together with. That's why she was ending it. Whatever 'it' was.
It was making out under the bleachers at lunchtime, hidden away from the world in the cool air under burning metal, completely immersed in someone who was not herself. It was catching his eye in the hallway and getting a cheeky grin that meant….Well, God only knew what was going through that boy's head. It was getting a note passed to her in class with the single word Cherry on it, and Claire never knew whether or not to be offended by the term or charmed because, well, firstly, John Bender was passing her notes, and second, John Bender had a pet name for her. It was being pulled into an empty classroom and realizing a split second too late what was happening and pretending to be nonchalant about being pulled, suddenly, into an empty classroom. It was his smirk. It was his smile, a real, genuine smile that just made her melt inside. It was wishing she didn't love him like she did, because she was fairly certain he didn't love her back.
Claire had come to terms with the fact that yes, in fact, she did love John Bender. She hadn't told anyone, of course, but then again she hadn't told anyone about John at all. She was pretty sure Allison knew. Allison was one of those freakishly observant people, and Claire knew Allison saw the way Claire looked at John. Allison had worked it out.
Claire hadn't. Claire had no idea how she'd ended up loving a boy like John Bender. It wasn't that he was below her, because he wasn't. It wasn't that her family and friends wouldn't have approved, because love sort of outweighed those things. When it had first started, she'd assumed that the bad boy thing would wear off. Eventually. She liked John enough, certainly, but there was a big part of that liking that came from the bad boy image. Claire hadn't known whether she'd be able to distinguish between the two.
Six months later and she loved him and clearly she could distinguish between the image and the real person. It was good to know, actually, that she wasn't so wrapped up in things like reputations that she couldn't love a guy like John Bender. Not that John wasn't living up to his reputation. He wasn't kind to her, but he did show he cared. It was almost as if, now that he knew he had her, he didn't have to work at it. And despite the fact that she loved him, being treated as if she was going to be with him forever, regardless, was irritating. She imagined it was like her mother had felt like – a trophy wife. And here Claire was, idly following in her footsteps.
She understood that John was not a particularly happy person. Actually, all in all, he was a really angry person. It made sense, based on his home life and his school life and his….life life. Maybe he thought she was going to leave him eventually, and so there was no point in really trying. Claire appreciated the occasional things he did do for her, but there was one thing she longed for. Just once she wanted to be pretty, or beautiful, and have him say it, instead of just being the constant tease. She couldn't be teasing him if she was with him, really.
Not that she was sleeping with him. Not that she had even really considered it.
Well, she had considered it, but then she thought about the girls in his wallet and decided, quite strongly, against the idea of having sex with John Bender. He hadn't suggested it either, but every time she let the making out go a bit further she could tell he was thinking it. But she'd already decided on a no and that was that. She wasn't looking forward to that argument.
If she didn't end it before they got there.
She was in the habit
of reapplying makeup Overtly individual - covertly traditional
Makeup eaten up by crocodile tears
And
the only thing constant was the constant reminder she'd never change
She couldn't
seem to make up her mind
And the only thing constant was the
constant reminder she'd never change
John Bender didn't know what to do about Claire Standish. He wasn't that he didn't like her, maybe a hell of a lot more than he'd liked any other girl, ever, for whatever strange reasons. It was just that he didn't quite get her all of the time. She was a lot more complex than girls at concerts, who dressed like they didn't care and drank like they did. Those girls were easy to understand, but Claire...Claire was like one of those fucking cubes with the colours that you had to keep fiddling with to get all the colours on one side. She was difficult to handle and impossible to figure out.
Claire cried. Claire didn't cry a lot, but in six months maybe she'd cried four times. He couldn't remember what about, really – twice something home, once about something a friend had said, and another time about…something that had clearly mattered to her – and he'd had a hell of a time trying to tell her it was okay, that it'd all get better, that she should just calm down, and take a deep breath, maybe go to the little ladies room and wash herself down – because, hell, girls look like shit with their makeup running down their faces – and that was that. Off she went. And John had a really long, soothing smoke under the bleachers.
He wasn't sure what it was about Claire that made him like her, and put up with all the shit he put up with - arguments, the crying, being ignored sometimes, when her friends were around – but he did like her and that was how it was. He'd thought that maybe it was just the whole appeal of messing around with a good, rich girl, but the good girl appeal had quickly worn off when they'd gotten a little hot and heavy for the first time. Then there was the simple appeal of mixing social status. But that was ruined because they – she- was so fucking secretive that he was sure the only person who knew anything was Allison, and that was because she was freakishly observant. So there was that appeal.
She wasn't really a tease. She wasn't really anything but a typical girl, only willing to go so far. And the way she dressed just made him happy, and so he was fucking fine with that. Sometimes he wanted to tell her she was beautiful, wanted to tell her that she looked nice in that blouse, or with her hair done a certain way but he couldn't do that because that would mean something. Heaven forbid he should take the next step and actually tell her that she wasn't just another girl to him, she wasn't anything like the other girls, maybe explain to her that she wasn't a tease because hell, he already had her. She didn't have to tease much.
She pissed him off a lot. A hell of a lot, actually. She was so right with her friends, always switching into this persona to convince them that she was just like them, that all she wanted was a jock boyfriend, the perfect prom, a happy graduation with lots of smiling pictures, a marriage to said jock boyfriend, and then a life living in suburbia. Not that they talked about it directly, of course, but that was what they wanted. Claire did too, at least some part of her, but he figured that, while that unspoken part of her just wanted a loving husband and kids, the outspoken part of her was ready to show the world who Claire Standish was. Or at least travel the world. And not with any husband either.
John Bender wasn't entertaining the idea of ever being a husband to anybody, let alone some pretty, spoilt, rich girl with too much time on her hands. Besides, he couldn't handle her in high school, so how the hell was he going to handle her as a twenty something with her whole life ahead of her?
John Bender fiddled with the diamond in his ear and tried to figure what to do about Claire Standish.
They were in the
habit of taking things for granted
Granted, they never quite knew
what they had
And the only thing constant was the constant
reminder they'd never change
Allison didn't understand John Bender, and she didn't understand Claire Standish. She had, however, understood the two of them together. She'd understood that Claire loved John but wouldn't ever tell him, and that John maybe loved Claire, or at least felt something for her, but wouldn't dream of ever admitting it. She understood that Claire had ended their relationship because she loved him, and because there were things from John she couldn't just ask him for, nor could she expect him to give them freely. John hadn't been insane with rage that she was ending it because he didn't know how to handle Claire, couldn't guess what it was she wanted from him and so couldn't give it. John Bender had no problems ending his relationship with Claire Standish because she was the first girl he'd ever cared enough about to do anything for, and she was the first girl who was too afraid to tell him. Claire Standish had no problems ending his relationship with John Bender because he was her first love and she couldn't bring herself to make him change even a single thing about himself for her.
Allison had expected more from both of them, but for the first time she understood that, because of who they were, all they would ever be able to do was take things for granted.
