I am Breaking the Habit
Hi dear readers! So this is my second attempt at fanfiction. My first try proved to be a great experience and so I decided to do another one. Just so you do not ask, no, my other fiction has not been posted here because it was an NC-17 one pairing Sirius and Severus. I hope you will enjoy reading this new story and sorry for any grammar or other errors, even though I have been talking English for over 10 years, this language is not my first language.
Harry Potter and others are not mine they are the property of JK Rowling
Rated R for later chapters, language and violence.
Please read and review!
Part 1: Life at he Dursley's
I used to pretend I was ok. No. I still pretend that I am ok. Sometimes, you know, things hurt so bad that the only thing left to do is smile. I smile a awful lot. When I get up, I put up a mask of being alright, of pretending. I do not think I have always been like that. Just since...the accident. Just since I...I became a murderer.
I killed him. I wanted to save him but, things do not always end up as planned. That specific time really really did not go as planned. It is all my fault. Yes, all my fault. I am the one to blame. Guilty. GUILTY.
I wish I was someone else. I wish I was Ron. Oh how I can envy him sometimes. He has everything. He does not have money, he does not have fame but, he is the richest. He has a family, and he has someone that loves him. He has what I do not have, what I can not have. I wonder how much more jealous I can be of my own best friend. I remember last year, when he became a prefect and I did not, how furious I was. Disappointed too. Jealous. I'm still feeling like that now. I still do not know why not me. Why did not I became prefect? Thinking about it makes me go red with fury. Wow, I am so lame sometimes. Jealous of such a good friend. The best one can ever have. Caring, fun, a little slow but, hey, nobody's perfect!
I certainly am not. I do not know if I even have a quality. I am not that good in school, I get in trouble every five seconds. My friends say they like it. The way we live many adventures and the danger and everything. I am not sure if I do. I used to like it a lot. But now...I see why people wanted me to be prudent, to stay out of danger, not to do things that could harm myself or others. I know now. Death is near us. Death is not something you can joke about. It is real. Even more real than life itself.
Toc toc toc!
"Hey boy, go to sleep!" said the enraged voice of Uncle Vernon.
Yeah, I have to get some sleep. Empty your mind...Tomorrow is another day you will have to deal with.
Dring dring dring!!!
The alarm clock of Harry Potter rang. It was 7 am, time to get up and prepared his poor excuse of a family breakfast. He did not complain though. He used to do it before but, the boy had seem to understand that it would lead him nowhere near comfort so he simply did not speak about it. The Dursleys were very happy about it, the freak did his job, and they did not have to do anything about it. Though, his uncle always found some good reason to hit him a little. A little, meaning some ribs broken, or when the boy was lucky, only a wrist.
Harry got up and went to the bathroom. He washed himself and dressed quickly, he only had half an hour to prepare everything and today had to be perfect. It was the birthday of Dudley, his cousin. Dudley like to use him as a punching bag so Harry made sure nothing would provoke the boy to do so. Dudley was not a very small boy, and even if it was more fat than muscle, his fists did an awful job of Harry's face./If I could only use a little bit of magic...I would get pass these beatings./
Preparing the breakfast quietly, Harry heard a sound coming from outside. It sounded like it was an owl. Surely it was not Ron or Hermione at this hour of the day. Maybe...
"Blasted animal! Stupid bird! Coming at this hour of the day!" The voice of his aunt Petunia rang through the house waking everyone up.
The woman got downstairs in two seconds, not letting Harry get prepared to what was coming.
"You, fffreak, know what this is. Hum?!" said the enraged woman. "Yes..." "Sorry I did not hear you. What is this, you know it boy! YOU KNOW IT!" "Yes. Yes, I do. It is a letter from the wizarding world." "And what, tell me, is this envelope saying!" "I...I do not know. It is not from any of my friends...I...I..." "Shut up boy! Your friends...what kind of fool would hang out with you of all people." Footsteps could be heard in the corridor. Heavy footsteps. "What is the matter here Petunia?" "The boy has received a letter Vernon. From the...you know...the freak world, where other abnormal persons such as him live." "WHAT?!! What did we tell you about letters boy! WHAT DID WE TELL YOU!!??" "Not...not..." Harry's voice was trembling with fear. boy..."his uncle pressed on. "Not to receive any letters from anyone." Harry managed to finished. "Now, you know you will have to be punished for this. After breakfast, we will see for "
A smile spread over Vernon's mouth...which was not a good sign for Harry. The man was surely very furious. Harry had promised that no letters would come from the wizarding world this summer. He had kept in touch with his friend by using the computer. Hermione, being a muggle born, did not have many problems operating the computer and the email service. Ron though had experience some...very nasty things with the machine. So much that he now let only Hermione touch it. Ron had even called the thing the second dark lord. He assured that only dark magic could operate something as evil as a computer.
The breakfast passed in happiness for the Dursleys and apprehension for Harry. To be honest, the boy was completely afraid. He feared so much what was to come that he would have done anything to make the breakfast last long a million years. He would even have worn a dress and sang Baby one more time.
The end eventually came and Harry had to clean the table. He stood up and took all the dishes and put them in the sink. He then washed the table with a washclothe and waited for his uncle to say what he had to say and do what he had to do. He wished really hard that Vernon had forgotten but that was not likely to be. His uncle never forgot anything when it came to beating Harry. And if he did so, Dudley or Petunia were there to remind him.
/I wish I was not here. I wish I was someone else. Far. I want to be far from here but, no, not me, I have to suffer. Yes, because I am guilty. It is my fault. MY FAULT! I deserve what happens to me. I am nothing. I am a mere puppet in some bad play. I know, that is why I am here; to serve men./
Darkness came into the mind of Harry while waiting. He often thought like this. He did not know why but, it comforted him in a bizarre way. It told him why he was there, why he lived. He thought that to serve people around him was his destiny and that he would better be good at it. Since Albus Dumbledore had told him about the prophecy, Harry had change. Change towards school. He now put effort in his work more than Hermione did, which, of course, meant a hell of a lot of work. This is why, during the summer, Harry had put a lot of effort in his Occlumency. He worked with what Professor Snape had shown him the previous year but, also, with a book Hermione had give him. Wonderful gift it had been since the book told almost everything about learning Occlumency. He did not know if he was very good at it but, the nightmares had almost disappeared from his mind. In a certain way, he was proud of himself. He never would tell himself that. No, he was not there to tell himself nice things, he was there to work, kill, and die.
Vernon finally stood up and talked to Harry.
"Now boy, since it is the birthday of Dudley, we will kindly let him choose what your punishment will be. And do not say no to anything my son will say. You know he is better than you will ever be." "Yes sir." "So, my dear Dudley, what does the boy deserve for his action of today?" "He deserves some good beating, and to be confined to his room...without food."
Harry stayed up. He did not flinched at the words. He did not move either. He did not think. In fact, he did not seem to care now. This made Dudley very very angry. He had wanted the boy to plead him not to do what he had just told but, the boy did not react at all.
"HEY! Do something, beg me not to do it! BEG ME!!"
Harry got on his knees and begged Dudley. The fat boy was pleased. He laughed at how Harry was stupid and helpless. Harry, on his side, did not care. He was feeling completely numb. It had never happened before. Harry smiled. He was happy because it did not affect him anymore. He did not care anymore.
Dudley saw Harry smile and launched himself at him, hitting the other boy's head and ribcage. He was in fury. The beating lasted 20 minutes. Harry had not moved from his spot. He had not even tried to hit his cousin. He had not tried to protect himself either. Harry was lost in his numbness.
Vernon then took the boy by the hairs and forced him to stand up. Harry did so, not without pain. He was then forced to go up the stairs and in his room. There, alone, bleeding, hurting, the boy's numbness left him. He fainted, exhausted.
Hi dear readers! So this is my second attempt at fanfiction. My first try proved to be a great experience and so I decided to do another one. Just so you do not ask, no, my other fiction has not been posted here because it was an NC-17 one pairing Sirius and Severus. I hope you will enjoy reading this new story and sorry for any grammar or other errors, even though I have been talking English for over 10 years, this language is not my first language.
Harry Potter and others are not mine they are the property of JK Rowling
Rated R for later chapters, language and violence.
Please read and review!
Part 1: Life at he Dursley's
I used to pretend I was ok. No. I still pretend that I am ok. Sometimes, you know, things hurt so bad that the only thing left to do is smile. I smile a awful lot. When I get up, I put up a mask of being alright, of pretending. I do not think I have always been like that. Just since...the accident. Just since I...I became a murderer.
I killed him. I wanted to save him but, things do not always end up as planned. That specific time really really did not go as planned. It is all my fault. Yes, all my fault. I am the one to blame. Guilty. GUILTY.
I wish I was someone else. I wish I was Ron. Oh how I can envy him sometimes. He has everything. He does not have money, he does not have fame but, he is the richest. He has a family, and he has someone that loves him. He has what I do not have, what I can not have. I wonder how much more jealous I can be of my own best friend. I remember last year, when he became a prefect and I did not, how furious I was. Disappointed too. Jealous. I'm still feeling like that now. I still do not know why not me. Why did not I became prefect? Thinking about it makes me go red with fury. Wow, I am so lame sometimes. Jealous of such a good friend. The best one can ever have. Caring, fun, a little slow but, hey, nobody's perfect!
I certainly am not. I do not know if I even have a quality. I am not that good in school, I get in trouble every five seconds. My friends say they like it. The way we live many adventures and the danger and everything. I am not sure if I do. I used to like it a lot. But now...I see why people wanted me to be prudent, to stay out of danger, not to do things that could harm myself or others. I know now. Death is near us. Death is not something you can joke about. It is real. Even more real than life itself.
Toc toc toc!
"Hey boy, go to sleep!" said the enraged voice of Uncle Vernon.
Yeah, I have to get some sleep. Empty your mind...Tomorrow is another day you will have to deal with.
Dring dring dring!!!
The alarm clock of Harry Potter rang. It was 7 am, time to get up and prepared his poor excuse of a family breakfast. He did not complain though. He used to do it before but, the boy had seem to understand that it would lead him nowhere near comfort so he simply did not speak about it. The Dursleys were very happy about it, the freak did his job, and they did not have to do anything about it. Though, his uncle always found some good reason to hit him a little. A little, meaning some ribs broken, or when the boy was lucky, only a wrist.
Harry got up and went to the bathroom. He washed himself and dressed quickly, he only had half an hour to prepare everything and today had to be perfect. It was the birthday of Dudley, his cousin. Dudley like to use him as a punching bag so Harry made sure nothing would provoke the boy to do so. Dudley was not a very small boy, and even if it was more fat than muscle, his fists did an awful job of Harry's face./If I could only use a little bit of magic...I would get pass these beatings./
Preparing the breakfast quietly, Harry heard a sound coming from outside. It sounded like it was an owl. Surely it was not Ron or Hermione at this hour of the day. Maybe...
"Blasted animal! Stupid bird! Coming at this hour of the day!" The voice of his aunt Petunia rang through the house waking everyone up.
The woman got downstairs in two seconds, not letting Harry get prepared to what was coming.
"You, fffreak, know what this is. Hum?!" said the enraged woman. "Yes..." "Sorry I did not hear you. What is this, you know it boy! YOU KNOW IT!" "Yes. Yes, I do. It is a letter from the wizarding world." "And what, tell me, is this envelope saying!" "I...I do not know. It is not from any of my friends...I...I..." "Shut up boy! Your friends...what kind of fool would hang out with you of all people." Footsteps could be heard in the corridor. Heavy footsteps. "What is the matter here Petunia?" "The boy has received a letter Vernon. From the...you know...the freak world, where other abnormal persons such as him live." "WHAT?!! What did we tell you about letters boy! WHAT DID WE TELL YOU!!??" "Not...not..." Harry's voice was trembling with fear. boy..."his uncle pressed on. "Not to receive any letters from anyone." Harry managed to finished. "Now, you know you will have to be punished for this. After breakfast, we will see for "
A smile spread over Vernon's mouth...which was not a good sign for Harry. The man was surely very furious. Harry had promised that no letters would come from the wizarding world this summer. He had kept in touch with his friend by using the computer. Hermione, being a muggle born, did not have many problems operating the computer and the email service. Ron though had experience some...very nasty things with the machine. So much that he now let only Hermione touch it. Ron had even called the thing the second dark lord. He assured that only dark magic could operate something as evil as a computer.
The breakfast passed in happiness for the Dursleys and apprehension for Harry. To be honest, the boy was completely afraid. He feared so much what was to come that he would have done anything to make the breakfast last long a million years. He would even have worn a dress and sang Baby one more time.
The end eventually came and Harry had to clean the table. He stood up and took all the dishes and put them in the sink. He then washed the table with a washclothe and waited for his uncle to say what he had to say and do what he had to do. He wished really hard that Vernon had forgotten but that was not likely to be. His uncle never forgot anything when it came to beating Harry. And if he did so, Dudley or Petunia were there to remind him.
/I wish I was not here. I wish I was someone else. Far. I want to be far from here but, no, not me, I have to suffer. Yes, because I am guilty. It is my fault. MY FAULT! I deserve what happens to me. I am nothing. I am a mere puppet in some bad play. I know, that is why I am here; to serve men./
Darkness came into the mind of Harry while waiting. He often thought like this. He did not know why but, it comforted him in a bizarre way. It told him why he was there, why he lived. He thought that to serve people around him was his destiny and that he would better be good at it. Since Albus Dumbledore had told him about the prophecy, Harry had change. Change towards school. He now put effort in his work more than Hermione did, which, of course, meant a hell of a lot of work. This is why, during the summer, Harry had put a lot of effort in his Occlumency. He worked with what Professor Snape had shown him the previous year but, also, with a book Hermione had give him. Wonderful gift it had been since the book told almost everything about learning Occlumency. He did not know if he was very good at it but, the nightmares had almost disappeared from his mind. In a certain way, he was proud of himself. He never would tell himself that. No, he was not there to tell himself nice things, he was there to work, kill, and die.
Vernon finally stood up and talked to Harry.
"Now boy, since it is the birthday of Dudley, we will kindly let him choose what your punishment will be. And do not say no to anything my son will say. You know he is better than you will ever be." "Yes sir." "So, my dear Dudley, what does the boy deserve for his action of today?" "He deserves some good beating, and to be confined to his room...without food."
Harry stayed up. He did not flinched at the words. He did not move either. He did not think. In fact, he did not seem to care now. This made Dudley very very angry. He had wanted the boy to plead him not to do what he had just told but, the boy did not react at all.
"HEY! Do something, beg me not to do it! BEG ME!!"
Harry got on his knees and begged Dudley. The fat boy was pleased. He laughed at how Harry was stupid and helpless. Harry, on his side, did not care. He was feeling completely numb. It had never happened before. Harry smiled. He was happy because it did not affect him anymore. He did not care anymore.
Dudley saw Harry smile and launched himself at him, hitting the other boy's head and ribcage. He was in fury. The beating lasted 20 minutes. Harry had not moved from his spot. He had not even tried to hit his cousin. He had not tried to protect himself either. Harry was lost in his numbness.
Vernon then took the boy by the hairs and forced him to stand up. Harry did so, not without pain. He was then forced to go up the stairs and in his room. There, alone, bleeding, hurting, the boy's numbness left him. He fainted, exhausted.
