Warning for obvious spoilers...

Up to date with most recent episode. This is how I imagine April's response to her relapse after 1x18 airs this Monday.

My first 'Chasing Life' fic. please tell me what you think :)


She learns to count time by the length of her hair.

She never dreamed her hair would give her this much anxiety, but this time, she wants to be in control. This time, as she brings the sharp blades of the scissors to her head, fear budding inside her, she is prepared.

snip...

Ignoring her mother's call, April feels her stomach lurch once more, and crouches down beside the toilet, watching as the last of her long-ago-eaten dinner reveled itself once more. Her mother's soup is tolerable on the best of days; attempting to eat anything but the thin broth and noodles had been frutile once they had all gotten home from the hospital. Now, it was easier to pretend nothing was wrong, when she had a few hours to herself, locked in her room without being smothered. She'd like to have one peaceful Benadryl-induced sleep while she's still free to be in her own home.

April forces herself up from the toilet on shaky hands and knees, and dares to challenge the mirror once more. Her pale completion and hallowed-out eyes shows a stranger.

snip

"April, sweetheart. Will you please open the door?"

"Leave her be, Sarah. She needs some time by herself to process it all."

She feels It days before the drop of blood in the bathroom after the interview. The horrible lagging in her bones, the rollercoster in her stomach, and the way her veins just seem to itch with unwanted enemies. She knew It was back, but once again, she put her job-her hope for a future- ahead of her own health. This time, George isn't there to tell her it's going to be okay.

Is it going to be okay-?

snip, snip

If she pretends that it is, than it will be.

I'm going to keep fighting. Giving up, is not an option.

She had been so foolish then. She hadn't known what she was getting into. Brenna had told her she was strong for fighting cancer, and winning. That she had won once, so what had she to fear besides dying?

snip...

snip

snip

SNIP

Exactly.

She could get through it once. But now that she knows what looking the devil in the face really means, she's not so sure she's as strong this time.

Snip, snip...

She focuses her eyes and looks at her now-even-shorter hair. It's like little baby chick fuzz on her scalp, making her eyes look even bigger and more tired.

It's like everything that makes my life full...is starting to slip away...

"April...?" Brenna's voice. A knock on the door.

She stares at herself, pulling back the fabric by her neck and rubbing the pads of her finger across the raised flesh of the scar on her collarbone. She doesn't know how long she stays in her trance, just rubbing her finger up and down her scar, but when she snaps out of it, her cell phone is buzzing with the beeps of texts.

She knows who it is before she even looks at her screen.

Leo: Heard what happened. How you doing? Want me to come over? Or we could go somewhere. Wish you'd txt back

Her phone smashes into the opposite wall, and into a billion pieces. She images that's what her cells are like, deep inside her, mixing everything until she explodes.

'The Fault in Our Stars' got it right. She feels like a grenade. ready to burst.

She forces herself to move, to breathe. Her legs go towered her bed; left, right, left, right...

She crawls under her bed and cries. Wishing for a different body, different blood, a different life.

She wishes for the one person who can understand her.

"Leo.." and falls asleep to the feeling of being wrapped in his arms.


Leo's POV next chapter coming soon

Wow...this was crappy. :/ Sorry lajfafh ajn fahrf