AN: The characters of the Twilight universe are property of Stephenie Meyer. This story is rated M for occasional language.

September 27

Dear Journal,

I'm finally putting you to good use. I forgot that Renee had bought me a journal that she found in the clearance bin in a bookstore back in Phoenix. While experimenting with her latest fad – knitting – she came home one day with multiple books on the subject and a new journal. I thanked her before placing you on the small bookshelf in my room, knowing that nothing in my life was really all that interesting to write about. Nonetheless, I still packed it with my other scarce belongings that made the move to Forks with me. Needless to say, if there was nothing worth writing about my life while in Phoenix, I had no chance whatsoever of Forks holding anything valuable enough to document. I had completely forgotten that she bought it for me until I was stuffing the black trash bag with the radio inside of it from his brother in my closet. I still had some miscellaneous items in my closet that I shoved to the back when I unpacked after arriving here. At the time, I hadn't been able to get rid of it simply because it came from Renee.

I figure that a person can only carry so much, so what I can't tell anyone else, I'm going to put in you. I obviously can't tell Charlie about the fallout of our breakup, Renee could never bear my broken heart and my friends never were really friends with Edward, anyway. And then there's that aspect of his family being a coven of vampires. I'm sure if I dispelled that little piece of knowledge to anyone Charlie would get me a one way ticket to the nearest psychiatric hospital. So since I can't tell anyone else about it, I figured that I'd purge in you. Who would have thought that Renee's trip to the bookstore that day would have actually been fruitful? It's almost like a weird premonition came over Renee; my face filling her mind when she laid eyes on the journal. I need it more now than ever. It goes without saying that she was over the knitting endeavor within a matter of three weeks. I can't say that Renee didn't at least try to find something to fulfill her spare time with.

These last two weeks have been unbearable. I've never been more miserable in my life. In the short time that I've been alive, I've always been very complacent in life. Nothing extraordinary ever happened to me, but at the same time, Renee was never unable to pay the bills or put food on the table. While I never got the chance to know Charlie well during my teenage years, my visits to Forks were always pleasant those two weeks in the summer. This feeling is a foreign one to me. In the blink of an eye, the love of my life left me. I know his intentions were good – my safety was always his number one priority, but that doesn't mend my shattered heart any faster. When I open my eyes every morning, I no longer look forward to the day ahead, knowing that I won't see him – or his family. Every day that I have to write the day's date on a paper at school, I'm reminded of the aftermath of his absence.

I was never one for celebrating my birthday, but this year's had been without a doubt the worst. I had tried to avoid it – I tried getting out of the birthday party at his place, but his sister had been adamant. When she had her mind set to something, there was no use in trying to change it. She was so damn stubborn and while she looked forward to marking the date that started another year of my life, I just wanted to overlook it. I was blissfully happy enough just to have their presence in my life; there was no need in throwing a party and making a fuss.

If we just could have done things my way, it never would have happened and things wouldn't be different. He'd still be here with me and I wouldn't be pouring into this journal what no one else will understand or can ever know about. But I guess his presence in my life – no matter what amount of time – was gift enough to me. I had never known love until I met him and that love would satisfy me for a lifetime. No guy could ever compare to him now. No guy could love me that completely, that wonderfully like he did. I'm too young to live alone, but that's how it's going to be. I can't be in another relationship. It's not fair to me – or a new guy – to pretend like I had my entire heart to give away to him. I'd always compare him to Edward. No guy would ever measure up.

Like I was even looking for somebody else. What a ridiculous concept. I never dreamed that a surprise as wonderful as Edward was even waiting for me in Forks when I departed Phoenix. I assumed life would be boring – the curriculum at school was the same no matter what school district you went to. Before moving, I had hoped of getting a job to help occupy my free time, but in a town as small as Forks, the jobs were sure to be limited. Then, without any warning, Edward came into my life. I was so sure he hated me that first biology class together and his absence that followed. But like a snap of your fingers, he changed the next class we had together. He was as polite as could be, although I was somewhat insulted at his preconceived notion that I had no understanding of the subject we were studying.

And then he saved my life – literally – and from then on, nothing was the same. If I had known that he lived in Forks, I would have made the move a lot sooner. Then again, maybe things would have ended the exact same way that they were now. I was a complete klutz and pair that situation with six vampires and spilt blood and you've got a problem on your hands.

Still, I can't be angry at the situation. The only thing I'm upset about is that my presence reeked complete havoc on their lives. They felt they had to pack up and move out of town, probably the state, to avoid another accident from happening. Yet, maybe if I would have argued with Alice more; persisted that no party be held, my heart would be whole again. But, I can't turn back time anymore than I can prevent the sun from rising each day. Life is what it is now, and mine is empty.

September 30

Dear Journal,

I've never been so happy to see a month leave and turn into another one. September was finally over; not that it was going to bring him back to me, but maybe the reminders wouldn't be so constant now.

Now there's some wishful thinking.

AN: Thank you for reading! This is my first attempt at fanfiction and I'd like to hear what you think so far. I know there isn't much to review, but I can guarantee that chapters are going to get longer. While in the small minority, New Moon was actually my favorite book, so I wanted to explore a little bit of Bella's lost months. I hope you like it so far! Special thanks goes to my wonderful beta, Sydney Alice. I'm so excited that a writer of your caliber wants to work with little old me. Thanks for your guidance and wise words. And on a completely random note – my Mom and I went to see Saving Mr. Banks this afternoon. I highly recommend watching it. I hope to see you next chapter!