Chapter 1- Nico
Chiron shifted his weight on his wheelchair. He flipped his pen a couple times, but in honesty, he didn't think he would really need it. It's been a couple of minutes since his patient came in, but the patient sat there in silence. This wasn't uncommon for Chiron and he was used to awkward silence. Usually, his clients refused to speak at first out of shame or guilt. There are many things to come in terms with, even after you sign up for a therapy session. That's who Chiron was, a therapist. Or a counseling psychologist. He would listen to the troubles of his clients and offer something to help their well-being. However, more often than Chiron wished, his clients would be a bit stubborn about his help. Chiron understood their reluctance, and he was a patient, firm man. He was going to help them. Somehow. Chiron sighed. "Mr. di Angelo, I would like to ask how have you've been doing?"
"Good," Nico replied curtly. He looked down on the ground, unwilling to face Chiron. His face was in a scowl. "Nothing happened. Don't bother to ask me anything else. Can I go now?" You could detect a slight Italian accent, but it was too subtle to notice if you weren't fully paying attention to it.
"With all due respect," Chiron said as he brought his notebook and his files. He examined it as he traced his finger over Nico's background information. "The circumstances that you're in are- what I say objectively- turbulent and should be addressed."
Nico looked up to glare at Chiron and Chiron calmly looked back. After a brief moment, Nico then looked away, still holding his scowl on his face. "Alright, fine! What do you want me to say?"
Chiron considered his options for a moment. His standard 'tell me how you feel' wouldn't have worked on Nico because he was far too stubborn to tell Chiron anything. He decided to approach Nico one step at a time. "Tell me," Chiron said as he reached for his pen and notebook. "How you have adjusted to America. I can imagine being relocated from Italy would be hard on you."
"It's fine," Nico spat out. "I'm doing completely fine."
"Nico," said Chiron, hoping to reach the boy. "I understand that it's hard to come into terms, but accept the idea that you need to heal and get help. I want to be here to help you and hear you out. Please, give me a chance."
"Why should I trust you?" Nico accused. "No one has ever accepted me. And the only person who is now gone!"
Chiron adjusted his chair. Now they were getting somewhere. "That must have been painful for you, to feel as if no one wanted you," Chiron tried to validate Nico's pain. "Can you tell me more about it, especially with the person who's gone. Who might that be?"
Nico dropped his gaze as if he was recalling painful memories. "Bianca… My sister. She was the only one who was there for me. But that doesn't matter, because even she left me. How could she? How can she leave me all alone after everything we've been through! HOW COULD SHE?"
Nico's voice gradually increased until he was practically shouting. His eyes were misty, but Chiron decided not to comment nor offer the tissues next to his desk. He'd figure Nico would have refused. Nico didn't stop there.
"I trusted her. I trusted her to be there for me. And she ditched me at New York for a private woman's college just to get herself killed! What was she thinking?"
"I'm so-"
"Don't say you're sorry to hear that or something," Nico spat. "I'm fine now. She got what she deserved."
"Nico," Chiron said firmly. "I know you don't mean that. It seems to me that you're not just angry at her, but you're angry at yourself."
Nico's lips trembled, he looked so exhausted and scared. "I'm all alone now. My parents are gone. She was all I had left, Chiron. And I lost her too. I let her go when I shouldn't have."
Chiron inwardly sighed. Losing a family member is a tricky one, especially during the unstable ages as a teenager. "It's not good for you to carry the guilt around, Nico."
Nico scoffed. "Why not? I'm already a frea-" He stopped talking.
Chiron raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "Do you want to finish what you said?" He gently asked, not wanting to discourage Nico from talking.
He mumbled something and shifted his weight on the couch. It was inaudible. "Do you want to repeat it again?" Chiron asked gently.
"I said I'm a freak," Nico softly whispered. He appeared to hug himself, clutching each other arm. "I'm a freak. No one accepts me and now I understand why."
"And what might that be if that's true?"
"I…I… I think I'm gay."
There was a tense silence until Chiron responded. "And… why would you say that it makes you a freak?"
"It's not natural," Nico whispered. "It's not natural."
"Is that what you believe, or is that what they told you to believe?" Chiron asked, wondering how much of that was his own doubt and how much of it was through the intolerance of others. He sighed. The world was never kind to the ideas that seem unfamiliar to them: they decided to hate on it instead of trying to understand it.
Nico shook his head. Not to disagree, but to show his confusion. "I-I just don't know anymore. Does it matter? Does it matter who it comes from?"
"Nico," Chiron firmly said. "Why do you think what others say about you have more power than what you say about yourself?"
"I-I don't know, Chiron," Nico said. "I mean, this 'thing'-" he gestured over his body, trying to indicate himself- "only creates problems. I mean, I grew up in a Catholic neighborhood back in Italy…. I have faith… What does this mean to me now? Do you even understand what I'm saying?"
Chiron sighed. The addition of religion was always a heavy one. "Unfortunately, I do not. I'm a man of faith as well, but I came into my terms of sexuality. Well, because no one is going to criticize me for being straight."
"Please, tell me what you're thinking."
His eyes were pleading as Chiron saw how desperate he was for acceptance and approval. LGTBQ Christians, or LGTBQ in general, were hardly accepted anywhere in society. "If you're asking for my own opinion," Chiron said. "Is that I'm not the one to tell you who you should be, Nico. I don't think anyone should." He grimaced as he realized how their conversation steered away from the professionalism he tried to maintain.
"How do I do that when everyone is telling me I'm weird?" Nico pleaded. Nico needed answers and it seems as if he's hoping to get them from Chiron.
"Nico, you have the right to be who you are. Truthfully, it's complicated. I don't have any simple answers because it's a complicated problem. But you have to come into terms with yourself before you do with others. That's what I do know."
"They'll never accept me then," Nico responded quietly.
"If they can't see you beyond the differences in your sexuality, then it seems to me that you don't need their acceptance in the first place," Chiron replied evenly. "If you're a man of faith, then at the end of the day you're not looking for approval of society or culture, wouldn't you say? After all, He was also hated and scorned by his own people."
"Do… you think that's what will happen to me?"
"Fortunately, no. I think crucifixion is illegal in the United States."
Nico made a strangely laugh at Chiron's horrible joke. It was as if he couldn't believe himself laugh at the context of the moment. Chiron made himself smile as he saw Nico's lips twitch upward. He was a brave kid, Chiron thought. "Nico," said Chiron. "I can't say it's easy to find your place in this world when you can't even find yourself. I may not understand your pain or struggle, but I'm trying my best to see that you are a person. And I'm asking for you to do the same for yourself. Despite the differences, you are a person of your own right. Can you do just that?"
Nico slowly nodded his head. "It's a start," he said. "It's a start."
Chiron smiled. "That's all I can ask for."
This is my new story project and I wrote this particular chapter as a reminder to myself. I'm a straight, male Christian and I wanted to remind myself of the idea of acceptance and tolerance. To be honest, the unfamiliarity of people from various cultures and identities is something I still need to try to understand. I understand my decision to include faith into my story isn't something that'll make everyone happy, but I felt I needed this story to remind myself that I needed to try to help and understand people in need. It's what my faith would have told me to do.
