Disclaimer: I own nothing except an overactive imagination and way too many plotbunnies. (Okay, that's a lie. I do happen to own a set of BtVS DVDs, but that's beside the point.)
In Dreams Possessed
He's trapped. Trapped by a boy that only yesterday Kurt could have knocked out without trying – had in fact had to restrain himself so he wouldn't do so simply by accident. This shouldn't be happening. He's not this, this weak person who can be held down and at other peoples' mercy. He wasn't supposed to ever have to fear being assaulted, or raped, again. Not after being Chosen.
He's not meant to be prey – he's the Slayer. And yet. Here he is.
Trapped.
Cloth moving, ripping, and hands...
Afterwards, once they've dealt with the zoo keeper, once hyenas are hyenas again, and humans human, once everything is supposed to be back to normal, Kurt finds himself unable to fully relax. His smiles feel fake, and his skin crawls. He looks at Blaine, and wants to take a step back, to reach for a weapon.
And he feels awful for it. What happened, no, what almost happened wasn't Blaine's fault. He was possessed and didn't know what he was doing. It was the hyena spirit inside him – on his own Blaine would never act that way. Kurt can't punish him for something he had no control over. Maybe it would be nice to have reinsurance that it'll never happen again, but Kurt knows that already, doesn't he? Besides, Blaine doesn't even remember, so how can Kurt expect him to be sorry about it? Easy: he can't.
This feeling he has, this fear? It's got nothing to do with Blaine, and Kurt just needs to get over it. In fact, no, what he needs to do is accept that there's nothing to get over. It wasn't Blaine, not really.
Kurt should have noticed sooner, done something before it got to that point. After all, he's the Slayer, isn't he? Protecting people is what he does.
~IDP~IDP~IDP~
Kurt wakes up, neck stiff and head... Well. His head is a mess. Clearly watching Buffy reruns before bed is not a good idea. The dream lingers, clings, vivid in his memory. It makes him uncomfortable and keeps resurfacing through out the day, no matter how much he tries to shake it off.
It's obvious it's becoming a problem when he shies back from Blaine in the choir room. Kurt catches himself almost immediately, and he doesn't think anyone else notices, but Blaine gives him this questioning look, and Kurt... He finds himself faking a smile, just like in the dream.
Time to get his head back on straight before he messes up his relationship with Blaine even more. Not to mention, if he keeps acting this way he's going to throw Blaine off, meaning Blaine might not be on top as Tony, and Rachel is going to kill them both.
So, when Blaine tries to make plans to meet after school Kurt encourages him to practice instead – and ensures that it'll happen by doing so in front of Rachel – and instead makes his own plans with Tina. She's proven time and again that when it comes to interpreting dreams she's the best, and that's what Kurt needs.
Only they don't get that far. The second Kurt brings up his Buffy re-watch and mentions the episode Tina explodes.
"I hate that episode!" There's fire in Tina's eyes, and Kurt almost wants to scoot back.
"Why?"
"Why? Because Xander is allowed to get away with it! He bullies other kids, he eats a poor pig, he's absolutely awful towards Willow, and then on top of it all he tries to rape Buffy. He has no reason what so ever to think that she would be open to his advances, like, none, and yet he's all 'you know you want it'. And then he lies about not remembering anything, and they just let him.
"Sure, Willow and Buffy probably believed him, but Giles? Giles knew, and he not only kept quiet, he pretty much promised to lie about it should it come up again. Xander showed he carried the potential for both darkness and violence there – just as he showed it again and again during the show – and that was their first warning. Only they all let it go. Because he's their friend, and he's supposed to be a good guy, right?"
Kurt swallows. He's stirred up quite a bee's nest here it seems, and now he needs to tread carefully. And probably he shouldn't mention his dream, not when Tina is already this upset.
"But Xander is a good guy, isn't he? And it's not like he meant to do any of that, it was the possession. Wasn't it?"
"I'm not so sure. I liked Xander when I first watched the show, yeah, but the more I learn, the more I grow... Much too often Xander comes across as the nice guy, you know, the kind that isn't maybe so nice after all?"
Kurt nods. He knows the type, and maybe Tina's right. Maybe that is Xander, as much as he's not intended to be.
"Okay, good. As for his actions being the possession and not him, I don't believe that for a second. The way they portray being possessed – and becoming a vampire too, by the way – is a bit like being drunk.
"It makes you do things you wouldn't if completely in control, yes, but it doesn't change the person you are. It just removes your inhibitions, and the filters, and basically scrapes off what keep you on the right side of morality. It exposes a part of you that goes 'want, take, have', like Faith, you know?, and doesn't care how it effects others. And we all know what that led to, don't we?"
Kurt flinches. Having it laid out like that... Yeah. He doesn't think he'll need to have Tina interpret his dream any longer. It's becoming increasingly obvious what his subconscious was trying to tell him.
He's been making excuses for Blaine, and what happened in the car, and he's been taking the blame for it. He's allowed Blaine to pretend like nothing happened – to act as if he doesn't remember – and has in fact been determined to act that way himself.
Maybe that's not such a good idea.
Because Kurt can see Tina's point, can see how getting away with something awful once might influence a person's behavior from thereon, and when he applies that thinking to Blaine... His skin crawls.
And it's not just about the sex part of the evening, or even just about that one evening. It's all of it. It's Blaine getting drunk, and abandoning Kurt for Sebastian, and meeting up with Sebastian behind Kurt's back, and... And not taking no for an answer. Sober Blaine wouldn't do that, Kurt refuses to believe he would, but Tina does have a point about alcohol and its effects.
Besides, Blaine wasn't drunk the day after, and his behavior then wasn't okay either. He should have apologized, should have been ready to crawl at Kurt's feet, begging for forgiveness. Instead he'd just waved it off, like it was nothing.
In a way that's even more frightening than anything that happened in the parking lot.
His head is even more a mess right now, and Kurt desperately wants to curl up somewhere and try and make sense of it all. He just doesn't know if he can – not without losing something along the way. That though makes it even worse, because it's immediately followed by whether or not the things he'd lose – which, lets be honest, aren't so much "things" as it's one single thing, namely his relationship with Blaine – is truly worth keeping when this is the price.
Tina's looking at him, like she's seeing something he doesn't want her to see, and he scrambles to find something to talk about, some way to distract her. What comes out is a sob.
He cries himself raw against her shoulder, heart aching and head buzzing. It's not until later he realizes the sound was the cackling laughter of a hyena.
~The End ~
