Disclaimer: I don't own none of the characters. Yo.
a/n: This is probably an overused idea but it's just so fun XD I love making Zoro cry :D
"Have you ever wondered if Swordsman-san was…gay?"
Nami, who was drawing her maps had looked up, eyes wide in surprise. The night-haired woman, who had uttered the bizarre statement, was sitting across from her on the opposite side of the portable table, quietly sipping the cocktail which Sanji had recently conjured for them. She had been watching, for quite some time, the antics of Luffy, Usopp and Chopper, who were crowding around a now infuriated Zoro, who had been woken from his nap with a bucket of water thrown over his head.
"Gay?" repeated Nami, the idea completely new to her. She left her map work, now intrigued by Robin's suggestion, her attention drawn to the green-haired man. "Why would you say that?"
Robin was smiling her usual mysterious smile. "Haven't you noticed that he tends to avoid romances with women?"
Nami raised an eyebrow. "Well, yeah. But he's always saying that that kind of thing would just hinder his training." She rolled her eyes in irritation. "You know how he is."
"You don't think that it's rather strange?" Robin asked, glancing at the navigator. "He is the type who women would be drawn to, wouldn't you say? I am very curious to know how he manages to disregard all of them."
Nami looked over at Zoro, observing him. She knew that he was indeed very attractive – although she would never admit it to anybody else, or even to herself. She also knew that there had been many women in the past who had been interested in him, al of whom had been brushed away without hesitation. But that simply fuelled her interest in the question. How did he resist them all?
"And he does seem to have a good relationship of men," contemplated Robin, watching as Zoro tried to strangle Luffy. "Especially Captain-san."
Nami whose eyes were also glued to the scene was clicking these things into place. However, it was a large jump to assume that Zoro was gay. "Well, that is true…but he is a guy after all. If a guy wasn't on good terms with his own kind I'd be worried."
Robin considered, seeming satisfied it was a fair answer. "Yes, it would be quite alarming if he wasn't. However…"
Zoro had returned to sleep again, seeming to have given up on punishing his crewmates for their actions. In fact, all had instead decided to take a nap with him, obviously exhausted from their pranks. Chopper had nestled himself comfortably in the swordsman's lawn of hair, and Usopp was leaning on Zoro's shoulder, snoring loudly. Luffy too was leaning on Zoro, although on the other side, the sound of his snoring matching Usopp's.
"…he seems to have the uncanny ability to attract them," finished Robin, proving her point.
Nami could only stare. She was right. What was with that? Could he really be…gay?
The rest of the afternoon, Nami was left to deal with the notion. That their first-hand mate was…gay. It explained a lot. Zoro seemed to have no attraction to women at all. In Alabasta, when she had dropped her towel that night in the baths, Zoro hadn't joined the others in peeking. And whenever women were mentioned, he showed no interest at all.
She ventured out of her room, where she had been sitting, to check their heading as she did every now and then, to avoid them drifting completely off course. When she stepped outside however, the person whose sexuality she had just been contemplating was there in front of her, lifting his usual inhumanely heavy weights on deck.
She considered for a moment. If she was going to find out if he was gay, now was a perfect opportunity. If she asked him about it then, there would be no pressure from the other crewmembers influencing his answer. If he was straight, she imagined he would simply give her a strange look, and continue his weights. But if he suddenly became flustered, then it would be confirmed. She grinned wickedly to herself. Oh how she loved teasing him. "Zoro?"
Zoro glanced at her out of the corner of his eyes, not stopping his workout.
Recognizing it as a sign to continue, she did so, not bothering to hide her curiosity. "Are you…gay?" She was sure he was going to ignore her, like he always did at questions like that. There was no way he was gay. He was the crew's manly swordsman after all.
The was a loud crash as Zoro dropped the weights, the dumbbells smashing heavily into the desk as Zoro stared at her with his mouth opened, completely gobsmacked. "WHAAAAT?!"
Nami was as equally stunned. What a reaction. What an overreaction. She couldn't believe it. He had confirmed it. He was gay. She felt like laughing at the irony.
"Why the hell would you ask something like that?" he gaped, looking infuriated.
"It's okay if you are," said Nami lightly, with a grin. "I won't tell anyone."
He looked confused.
"Well…at least if you pay."
His mouth dropped open and he sat there, in horror, completely dumbstruck. "You…little…"
Nami smiled sweetly at him, winking. "You don't think I'd just do it for free, would you?"
"I'm not gay," he snapped, angrily pulling his weights from the ship.
She was hardly able to contain her joy at the new discovery. It was yet another thing she had over him. Blackmail was imminent. "Don't worry yourself about it. As long as you pay up, the rest of the crew will never know a thing."
He trudged over to her, infuriated, looking as sour as a grape. "Now listen you—"
"Uh-uh-uh!" She waggled a finger at him in a tone used to tell small children off for their disobedience. "If I hear any threats, I might accidentally scream it to the world."
He stiffened and he simply stood in front of her, unable to retaliate, a vein bulging on his forehead. "Bitch," he finally managed growl, seeming to bitterly accept that there was nothing he could do to stop her.
"And you know it," replied Nami in delight, poking out her tongue.
"I'm telling you, even if you increase my debt, I have no money to pay you back," he said, every word resentful.
"You are so simply minded, Zoro," sighed Nami with play exasperation. In all honesty she was enjoying every second. "There are so many other ways you can pay me back."
Zoro's eyes bulged in disbelief. "You wouldn't…"
"Don't worry. It won't make it something terrible…" She paused to think of something.
Zoro meanwhile was sweating profusely.
"Ah! I know!" exclaimed Nami, with a triumphant grin. "You can be my personal assistant!"
"Your what?" demanded Zoro in horror.
"My personal assistant," repeated Nami gleefully. "You'll be doing my nail-polish, massages, things like that."
He gaped.
"Don't worry," smiled Nami, strolling up to him and patting his shoulder. "It'll be a piece of cake for you. You know. Since you're…gay."
His face twisted in frustration. "I'm. Not. Gay."
Nami put on an understanding face. "Denial will get you nowhere, Zoro." And with that, she scaled the stairs in the best of moods, entering the kitchen.
Zoro was still shell shocked. She's a demon…This was going to be hell.
a/n: Well? Hasn't anyone else thought that about Zoro? I mean Robin has a point…
