Sirius was preparing to go home from an order meeting. Everyone had been there. Everyone except his closest friends.
James was in hiding with Lily and Harry and therefore couldn't attend, and Peter and Remus were simply not present. Dumbledore hadn't seemed very affected that they weren't there, so Sirius could only hope that that meant that they were both doing some mission they simply couldn't be bothered to tell Sirius about. No, he wasn't bitter about it or at least he hoped that would be true if he told himself it enough times.
Dumbledore was collecting his things when he suddenly stopped. Sirius, who had been looking down at the table, looked up to see why. A silver wolf was flying through the air. A wrinkle found its way between Sirius' eyebrows at the sight of Remus' patronus.
It stopped in front of Dumbledore and both Dumbledore and Sirius soon heard Remus' voice.
"They found out! They lured me into Coille na something in Scotland. They will kill me, professor, they'll kill me and I don't know much longer I can run." Sirius noticed Remus' deep breaths and he would have been impressed that Remus could cast a patronus while running for his life but there was more pressing matters at that moment. "I'm near the mountain but I'm trying to reach the lake. Dumbledore please…" and then the message ended abruptly. The unspoken "help" lingered in the air.
A voice in the back of Sirius' head was still reminding him that Remus was the traitor, he had to be, but the worried part of him took control.
"Who is going to kill Remus?"
Dumbledore looked at him way to calmly for Sirius' liking. "It's nothing you should worry about."
Sirius saw red but was unable to say anything. All the words wanted to be said at the same time and blocked each other on their way out.
A few words finally found their way out. "Tell me where he is!" He had half a mind to take his wand out but realised that was a bad idea before the thought had fully developed. He instead told Dumbledore as firmly as he dared, "I'll bring him back."
Dumbledore took a deep breath as if Sirius was the one withholding information. Sirius surrendered and opened his mouth to tell Dumbledore to make sure Remus came back safely when Dumbledore decided to speak up.
"He's in a forest called Coille na Glas Leitre. It's too far away to apparate. Especially if you haven't been there before, but I do have a portkey but it'll only bring you around 3 kilometres from where I think Remus' current location is." Sirius knew Dumbledore thought that Remus would most likely be dead before Sirius found him, but he didn't care.
"Wait," Sirius exclaimed when Dumbledore's words suddenly struck him, "aren't you coming with me?"
Dumbledore shook his head. "No, I will contact help as quickly as possible, and I hope you will do the same."
Sirius got angry once more. "And wait till we're sure he's dead? No, I would rather die trying to rescue my friends than survive knowing I could have saved them."
Dumbledore nodded to himself. "I feared you would say that."
Sirius wanted to go as fast as possible and barely gave Dumbledore time to apparate them to an old, abandoned house where the portkey lied.
The portkey in question was a yellowing plate. It had probably been white once upon a time but now it had a disgusting yellow colour. It looked revolting but Sirius touched it without hesitation. He had been near more disgusting things before and he would touch it a thousand times if that meant he could save one of his friends.
Sirius gave Dumbledore a last look. He thought that the sudden surge of anxiety showed its face obviously to Dumbledore but neither mentioned it, and before he knew it, Sirius felt a pull behind the navel and landed gracelessly on the ground.
Sirius felt disappointed that the plate weren't with him. He would have to find a way to return home himself. Which would be extremely hard if Remus wouldn't be in a state to find his own way back to safety.
'No, don't think like that,' He scolded himself, 'You don't have time for that.'
Sirius looked around and scolded himself again. This time it was for not asking helplessly which way to go. That was until he looked west and saw a mountain with trees at the bottom in the distance.
Sirius apparated closer to his destination and quickly transformed into his animagus form before he started running. He blamed Dumbledore for not reminding him that a broom would have been a timesaver, but he knew deep within himself that he most likely wouldn't have listened anyway.
His pads were cut on small, sharp stones but he didn't slow down. He couldn't slow down. Not even when one of his paws started to leave almost entire footprints of blood behind did he slow his pace.
Time seemed to slow down as he ran but he finally entered the forest. He stopped for the first time since he transformed that day to look around. Where could Remus be? He was near the mountain when he sent the patronus. Sirius ran a few steps towards the mountain when he remembered how long ago that must have been. It could have been over an hour ago, with how far the patronus had to travel and Sirius' own traveling time. 'Towards the lake then'.
He initially ran as fast as he could but soon forced himself into a slower pace in order to better hear or see Remus or any suspicious people in the forest.
Time passed even slower. Every bird, every mammal, every tree that swayed in the wind was enough to make Sirius jump. He kept looking until a part of him gave up when he heard something in the distance.
He ran towards it and at last recognised the sound as laughter. Laughter in itself would have been suspicious so far away from civilization but this sounded more sinister than any other laugh he had ever heard in his young life.
The laughter died down more than a couple of minutes before Sirius reached the destination, but he kept going in the direction of where it had been.
He could feel magic, but surprisingly little. Sirius almost abandoned finding out where the laughter had come from. It sounded had menacing, but he didn't have time for evil muggles. However, he kept going when he smelt blood, Remus' blood. He had smelt it too often after the full moons throughout the years to be mistaken.
He came into a clearing and couldn't see anything out of place. He almost stepped on a big pile of reddish dirt when he heard troubled breathing from it.
Sirius looked around for half a second before he sniffed the pile. It smelt like Remus and it almost choked on its breath when Sirius' nose touched it.
A hand moved to Sirius' left. He followed the hand down to a red arm and down to the pile of reddish dirt.
"Please", the pile begged feebly. Sirius wasn't entirely sure what it wanted but the voice sent an arrow of ice through Sirius' heart. It was so weak and troubled but still so familiar.
Sirius changed back into a kneeling human and looked for somewhere to put his hands on the form but everywhere was red. He ended up putting a hand in the hair of the pile despite its pained noises, "Remus, is that you?"
"Sir'us?" He had a hard time getting the words out and he was even harder to understand with his face down on the ground.
"Yes, it's me. What happened to you? Who did this?"
Remus took a couple of deep breaths but didn't utter a word. He instead lifted a shaking hand and pointed. Sirius looked but couldn't see what he was supposed to look at. He stood up and followed where the hand pointed and looked around for a bit. Remus could be excused for not pointing directly at whatever he wanted Sirius to see, because of the fact that his face was pointing to the ground, but it didn't make the task of finding what he tried to point at easier.
At last, Sirius found another pile. He hesitantly touched it and removed his hand immediately again when he felt skin under his fingers. He cautiously extended his hand again. It was indeed skin, but a few touched revealed that it wasn't attached to a body anymore.
Sirius stopped moving and turned his head to look at Remus. The only thing moving was Sirius' neck as it switched between places to direct his head.
"They flayed you?" Sirius' horror was clear in his voice.
"Yes." Remus' voice sounded like a sob and Sirius was almost ready to cry himself.
Sirius moved in a hurried way that still possessed some of its usual elegance. He looked properly at Remus.
Remus was naked and there was blood in his hair but everything failed in comparison to the large portion of Remus' skinless body. He was laying crookedly with his legs under his body, one arm was aligned with his face, and the other was lying limply on the ground after having pointed Sirius in the general direction of his discarded skin.
"I'm going to turn you around, okay?"
Remus' head moved a bit in a weak attempt to shake his head, "No, please…" the pleading voice was back, "jus' kill me. Please." Sirius thought he heard wrong. He had to. One thing was to hear someone as strong-willed as Remus beg, which was surreal in itself, but begging for death? No, not Remus.
"Plea…se, Sir'us, hurts. It sh'ld ha…" He took a deep breath "Sh'ld have kill…ed… me."
Sirius shook his head despite no one being able to see it, and took a hold of Remus' soaked body and turned him.
The dirt on this side made it look less serious, but the increased half sobs told another story. Sirius knew it hurt more now. Dirt was digging into Remus' uncovered body, but he had to see, had to know, that Remus wasn't slipping between his fingers.
"Please, Sir'us."
Remus looked too pained. His face was almost intact and looked more post moon than assaulted with his nasty looking bruise on one cheek and pale, clammy skin. The neck down was another story. Remus' front had luckily been a bit luckier. However, it not by much.
Large portions of his skin from the neck down was removed, just like on the other side, but Sirius could see that a large stripe next to his stomach and his private area had been left alone.
Sirius looked for a way to carry Remus that would cause the least amount of pain when Remus got a disappointed professor-like look in his eyes, "Levi…tation ch'm."
Sirius didn't give himself time to be embarrassed before following Remus' order.
Sirius ran and Remus tried to block out the pain. He was bleeding surprisingly little considering the amount of his body that was currently skinless but it still bled a lot and Sirius still didn't like it when he tried to fall asleep. Sirius feared that falling asleep meant dying in this case and he had done too much for Remus for him to die when Sirius had finally found him. He couldn't stop his dark thoughts though. They told him it would be too late either way. Apparating would be dangerous for both of them when Sirius was as tired as he was, and they wouldn't be able to travel close enough to any help.
'Dumbledore will come', Sirius reminded himself, 'and then everything will be okay.' He felt like a child, but it was true. Things had a tendency to work out however the headmaster wished.
Sirius didn't think it was possible but the trip out of the forest was even longer than the trip into it was. Some of it was of course that Sirius' human form was slower than his Animagus form, but Sirius' mental state was also largely to blame.
They were a few hundred meters from the edge of the forest when the apparating, transforming, running, and the levitation charm took their toll on Sirius. The charm flickered and he barely saved Remus from hitting the ground before he slowly lowered him. Sirius dropped to his knees in front of Remus and pulled him into an embrace with Remus' back against Sirius' chest.
"I'm sorry, Remus. You'll have to hold on a bit longer, but Dumbledore is on his way."
"O...okay" Remus' voice was only a whisper but clearly took a lot of his energy. It was so soft that Sirius wouldn't have noticed it if Remus' mouth hadn't been so close to his ear.
"Why are you all the way out here in some forest and why did you not tell us about it?"
"Secr't…" Remus said another word but it was so indistinct that Sirius had to guess with next to no clues.
"You were on a secret mission?"
"Yeah…" Remus sounded oddly young at that moment. He sounded almost as young as he had been when Sirius had seen his hauntingly old eyes for the first time at the start of their first year at Hogwarts.
Sirius wanted to rub the dirt off Remus' body. It was easy to rub it away from his face and Remus didn't so much as wince when Sirius touched the nasty bruise a bit too harshly but not even Remus, who had so much training doing so, could hold the pained sounds away when Sirius touched his raw body. Sirius stopped right away. The pain must have been horrible and the blood clung to every little piece of dirt.
Sirius didn't even know why he had thought it was a good idea in the first place.
"Sirius?" Remus sounded clearer to Sirius' great pleasure.
"Yes, Remus?"
"Please…" Remus took a wet hold of Sirius' sleeve and did a half-hearted attempt to hold in a wince, "Please..."
"No." Sirius couldn't look at Remus anymore and focused on the trees around them. "I would do anything for you, and Peter and James too, everything but that."
Sirius steadfastly looked at the trees but he could still feel Remus' sad gaze.
It was a beautiful day. It had been raining for days but it stopped the day before and the forest enjoyed the sun and was still full of water. The birds sang happy tunes and there was only a slight spring breeze.
However, to Sirius it was a horrible day. He wished it would rain so the dirt would leave Remus' wounds. He wished the sun would shine brighter and make the coldness in his whole body disappear. But most of all, he wished he could make the situation better in any way.
Most of Remus wasn't bleeding anymore. Sirius was relieved until he noticed that it had dried on Remus' and Sirius' skin and would break as soon as Sirius or Remus moved. Remus obviously knew it too because he made sure to only take as deep breaths as necessary to not pass out in order to bleed as little as possible.
Sirius wasn't normally cuddling any men, except the occasionally cuddling with James just because they could, but he felt no shame or awkwardness in petting Remus' hair and holding on to him. Deep inside a voice was still telling him that there was a traitor among Sirius' immediate group of friends. James would hardly jeopardise his own, his wife's, and his son's life, and it couldn't be Peter either. Sirius liked Peter, despite what some would say when they saw him being as harsh to him as he was from time to time, but even a close friend like Sirius had to admit Peter was hardly the best candidate to trick or spy on anyone. Peter was too fearful, too bad a liar, and although not entirely stupid, he wasn't the fastest broom on the quidditch field.
And that had left only Remus. Remus who had succeeding hiding being a werewolf for over a year from his friends and roommates. Remus who couldn't possibly not be just a tad bitter after all the discrimination he had to face every day. Remus who had been disappearing and reappearing with only badly made excuses that made no sense when you looked at the big picture.
Another voice reminded him that this was Remus who was hardly alive, shouldn't have been alive, because he had been on a dangerous mission for Dumbledore that he hadn't told anyone about. It told him that it probably wasn't the first time he was on a secret mission for Dumbledore and it was such a Remus thing to do, being willing to suffer alone a thousand times if it meant someone else didn't have to suffer once.
Sirius really didn't know. All he knew was that he would be chasing whoever did this down as soon as he knew who to chase and he was sure Remus wouldn't slip away as soon as Sirius turned his back.
"Who did this to you?"
"Secre-"
Sirius interrupted, "Yeah, I know it was on a secret mission, but I asked who."
Remus looked away. Not to direct the conversation somewhere else or simply not answer, but just to think about how he would phrase his answer. That face usually meant he would lie, but Sirius would just have to look through him and then Remus would be forced to tell the truth.
"No one." Sirius was unimpressed. This was a weak lie, especially for Remus.
"Really? You just shed all your skin like some slytherin?"
Remus looked like he considered saying yes, but his better judgement quickly caught up to him.
"I don't feel like playing charade with you so who did it, Remus?"
"Death Eaters."
Sirius kept looking at him. Hoping that Remus' old trick to make others talk by keeping quiet would work and it was not just was a unique thing only Remus could do.
"I've spied on…" Remus had to collect himself as a deeper breath opened several lines over his chest, "Greyback's pack."
Sirius froze mid-pet. 'Oh, that explained why Remus was chosen for this mission,' Sirius thought.
"And they found out you spied on them then?"
"Yes."
And that was that. Sirius wanted to ask many more questions. How long had Remus been spying on the werewolves? Why haven't Remus told the others? If he wasn't the traitor, did he think the traitor would tell Voldemort? Why did he agree to roam among people and all the things he hated?
Sirius could almost laugh at himself at the last question. Of course, he would agree to do it. That was simply how Remus was. Always guilt-stricken and willing to please.
Flies started to surround them. Sirius waved them away but they kept coming back. He was confused why there was so many. Had he just not noticed them when he ran into the forest?
A violent movement from Sirius jostled Remus. Remus' breath barely changed and Sirius looked down to see if his friend was okay. He wasn't. Remus was completely limp and looked more peaceful than he had in a long time. His mouth was barely parted and his eyes were closed, but little puffs left his mouth in an irregular rhythm, and Sirius was sure his friend was about to slip away.
He violently shook Remus' body while calling his name, "Remus? Remus!? Wake up, damn it. REMUS!"
Traitorous feelings flared up and Sirius felt a lump in his throat but he couldn't give himself the luxury of crying just yet. He would never forgive himself if he let his friend die because he was too weak. Especially if Remus wasn't the traitor. A reality that seemed more and more likely.
"Moony, Moony, wake up. Please. Please, Moony."
He was still shaking Remus but with far less strength than before, and he kept talking and begging Remus' limp form but even he could not understand what his plaintive sounds meant when the lump in his throat grew. Blood was flowing down Remus' body and his breath became scarce and shallow. The number of flies increased and Sirius wanted to hunt every one of them down for thinking they could drink Remus' blood.
Sirius had tried to stop himself but the tears found their way down his cheeks. His vision was so blurred he wouldn't have noticed Remus was waking up again if it wasn't for his sounds of distress. Remus was in obvious pain but Sirius couldn't think of a nicer sound at that moment.
"Moony? Moony, can you hear me? Answer me if you can hear me," Sirius commanded without giving Remus a chance to answer.
Remus looked at Sirius with unfocused eyes and a slack mouth but the hand he painfully slowly put on top of and gently squeezed Sirius' hand with before it fell limply again was answer enough for now. Sirius suspected that Remus was actually squeezing as hard as he could, but he visually shook that thought out of his head
Remus' eyes started to wander. Sirius didn't know what to do. He didn't know if he hoped it was the pain that made him like that. It was a horrible thing to hope for your friends, but Remus really wouldn't have long if it was because of the blood loss. There was too many bleeding places to press to stop the bleeding and the pressure would just open more.
'Why didn't I read more healing magic? It's a war and I didn't even think to know this stuff,' Sirius scolded himself internally.
Sirius turned his head so he could look directly at Remus. "Hey Moony, look at me."
To be fair Remus seemed to be trying to do as he was told, but Sirius still couldn't catch Remus' eyes.
"Remus, you need to look at me."
At last, Remus was looking directly at Sirius, but he wasn't sure if it was pure luck or not. Remus' mouth was still parted and his body was limp, the only part of him that seemed to be able to move deliberately was his eyes but he didn't seem to be seeing anything. It scared Sirius to the core and he hoped Remus couldn't feel how much Sirius wished someone would come and take over the situation.
Sirius asked, "How are you feeling?" It was a stupid question and Sirius could have hit himself if he didn't have his arms full of werewolf.
"Tir'd," Remus told him with a quiet mumble.
"You can't sleep."
"Noo…"
"Yes, and Dumbledore is going to be here soon and make it all better," Sirius said, trying to convince both Remus and a bit himself.
'Speaking of Dumbledore, when will he be here? It was him who thought Remus would be long gone and then he decides to use forever to come with help,' Sirius thought bitterly.
The thought had barely left his mind when he heard rustling nearby. He hoped it was Dumbledore or someone else from the Order and not Death Eaters who wanted to finish Remus off. Sirius would try to fight them off but a battle between him protecting both Remus and himself and probably a whole group of Death Eaters would most likely end in the Death Eaters favour. However, that didn't mean he would go down without a fight and he swiftly pointed his wand in the direction of the noise.
Sirius only knew one person who dressed in purple robes but in the time of war, no one could be sure of anything. "First thing you ever said to me," Sirius demanded to know. Remus needed help as quickly as possible, but he would never hand him over to someone he wasn't sure wasn't an enemy.
Dumbledore looked shocked for a second. He clearly hadn't noticed Sirius and Remus before he had been spoken to. "I told you and James, you held the record for fastest detention. "
Sirius nodded approvingly and waited as patiently as he could for Dumbledore's question. "What was your detention?"
"Mopping the Entrance and the Great Hall."
Dumbledore stepped closer with a few from the Order who all looked away as soon as they saw Remus. Sirius assumed it was because of how horrifying he looked covered in too much blood and too little skin but embarrassed on Remus' behalf noticed they tried to keep Remus' modesty by not looking at his naked state. Sirius wanted to lend Remus his muggle leatherjacket but he didn't want to let Remus go for long enough to take it off. Someone was pushing the others away and Sirius was relieved Dumbledore had brought Madam Pomfrey who with her normal no nonsense attitude came forward. She took one look at Remus' bloody state, lost her normal firmness, and almost sprinted over to them.
"Lupin, what happened?" she asked while looking with horror at him, trying to find out where the blood was coming from.
It became apparent that Remus wasn't going to answer after several seconds had passed and Sirius decided to answer instead, "They flayed him, Madam Pomfrey! What kind of spell does that?"
Pomfrey took a horrified breath before answering, "There isn't one. Maybe they cut him with a spell but the flaying…" Sirius was stunned. Pomfrey couldn't say it but Remus' skin had been ripped from his body. They hadn't even used a spell. How long had it taken? Did Remus pass out in the process? Sirius hoped he had passed out instantly and had only woken up when Sirius had arrived. The alternative of him feeling everything was too horrible to think about even if it was probably closer to the truth.
Sirius looked pleadingly at Madam Pomfrey, "Don't you have a healing spell or Dittany or something for this?"
Madam Pomfrey turned her pained gaze to Sirius. "This is too big for a simple spell and no, we don't have even nearly enough Dittany for this." Sirius felt disappointed as he saw her turn her gaze back to Remus.
"Sirius," Sirius looked up at Dumbledore, "is there anyone else in the forest?"
Sirius wanted to tell him he didn't know. There probably wasn't but he didn't know if they actually left the forest when the laughter stopped or if they still lingered around somewhere.
"No," Sirius said. He thought it was true and Remus needed to get away as fast as possible. Besides, the Death Eaters would have killed Sirius and Remus if they had heard them, and he hadn't tried to be quiet in his hast to get out of the forest.
"Albus." Madam Pomfrey had collected herself and said in a hasty and firm tone, "He needs help immediately."
"Can you apparate all the way to St Mungo's with him in your current state?" Sirius noted that Madam Pomfrey did indeed look tired.
"No, but I can to Hogwarts."
"Very well."
"Mr. Black, I need you to let him go." Sirius shook his head. He wanted to let someone else take over, but he wouldn't let Remus go. "I can't apparate all three of us."
Sirius shook his head again, they didn't have time for this. Remus hadn't said anything or even moved in too long but he needed to protect his friend. "I will do it."
"No, you are too weak."
Sirius knew it was true. If he had the strength to apparate himself and Remus, he would have done it already, but he was still reluctant to let anyone take Remus away.
Remus made an almost nonexistent sound of troubled breathing and Sirius swallowed before he slowly let go of Remus and with the help of both Madam Pomfrey and Dumbledore removed Remus from his chest. Sirius felt his eyes well up with tears as they all heard the sound of Remus' coagulated blood breaking as Remus was pulled away.
Madam Pomfrey didn't wait for anyone and apparated as soon as Remus didn't touch anyone else. A sob left Sirius as he looked down at his stiff clothes. His whole front and his arms all the way up to the middle of his biceps were red and brown with blood in different states of solidifying.
Dumbledore looked at him full of pity, "Let me apparate you home."
"No!" Sirius shouted with a surprisingly firm tone for someone drenched in blood and crying. "I need to see him. Make sure he doesn't… doesn't die."
"Very well. We will be at Hogwarts shortly," He turned around to the little group he had gathered. "Thank you for coming on such a short notice. You may return home now."
The first few had already left when Dumbledore put his hand on Sirius' shoulder and disapparted.
Pomfrey was kneeling in front of Remus when they arrived. Sirius walked over to them as soon as he saw them and took off his beloved leatherjacket. He ignored how it stuck to his shirt and laid it on Remus' lap in a fluid motion.
Remus was taking short, rapid breaths and bleeding even more than he did before. "Did you splinch him?" Sirius asked. He tried to keep the blame out of his voice but wasn't successful.
"No, he just isn't in a state to apparate at all."
Dumbledore led the way into the castle, Pomfrey levitated Remus, and Sirius felt useless as he followed them looking at Remus' serene face that didn't belong to such a bloody body fighting to stay alive.
The students in the hallways looked at Remus and Sirius in horror. Some ran away as soon as they had grasped the situation and Sirius would have loved to hex them before they could get their friends so they could stare at Remus together. Remus who hated attention and would close off as soon as he realised how many people had seen him in such a weak state.
They arrived in the Hospital Wing and was finally shut away from prying eyes. Pomfrey took Remus to his old, private room secured from students looking at him when he as a student recovered from the full moon. Dumbledore didn't go in with her and held a hand on Sirius' shoulder. He could easily have shaken the old man's hand of him but Dumbledore held too much of Sirius' respect for Sirius to not listen to him and Dumbledore wouldn't have stopped him without a good reason.
The reason came right before Pomfrey closed the door to the room with a flick of her wand, "I need silence to fix, Mr. Lupin. You can wait in the hospital ward or in my office."
Sirius nodded even after she was out of his sight. Dumbledore was about to lead Sirius to the matron's office but Sirius refused. "I want to see him the second I'm allowed. " Dumbledore nodded and instead led him to the closest bed.
"I need to arrange some business. Will you be alright?"
"Yes," Sirius answered even though he doubted that he would be even close to alright for a long time.
The silence was loud. He could just make out a bit of sound through the door if he listened very carefully. His clothes were stiff and he wished he had asked if Dumbledore had any clothes he could change into. Be it an old uniform or Dumbledore's ugliest rope. He wished he had a mirror to see if he looked as bad as he thought.
'A mirror?' Sirius thought. He did have a mirror. He undoubtedly would just worry James if he used the mirror, but Sirius needed to talk to someone. The quiet made him feel too lonely and helpless. He took out the two-way mirror from his tight pants. They were drenched and stiff with blood but looked much better than the shirt that started out as white when Sirius had decided to wear it that day.
"James Potter."
Sirius only saw a glimpse of himself before James appeared.
"Hello Pa- What the hell happened!?" James almost constantly looked on edge lately but not as terrified as he looked in the small mirror.
"Is that blood?"
Sirius touched his stiff hair and let his hand travel down his eye and cheek.
Sirius could barely squeeze out an answer, "Yes, it is."
"Your blood?" James sounded just as serious as he had when he had explained to Sirius and the others why he and his family was going into hiding.
"No," Sirius choked out, "it's Moony's"
"Mo-Re-Remus'?" James stuttered.
"Yes!" Sirius sobbed, "Yes, it is."
James too had tears in his eyes when Sirius had taken a few deep breaths.
"Padfoot, what happened?" James looked out the mirror as if his own mirror would tell him the answers if he looked at it hard enough.
"A f-forest in Scotland something Glas Leitre…" Sirius tried to tell everything to James but he couldn't get the words out. "I don't think he's the traitor."
"Why, Sirius? Please tell me what happened."
"He - He sent a patronus to Dumbledore. Had spied on - on Greyback's pack, and I don't" Sirius had to collect himself, "I don't think this is the first time he spied on them."
James kept quiet but his widened, brown eyes told Sirius how shocked he was about the news. Sirius broke down. He couldn't take the fear of losing Remus, the horror of blaming him if he really wasn't the traitor, the thought of his friend not trusting him, and hypocrisy of having had such horrible thoughts about his friend but being hurt that Remus properly hadn't trusted him either. James waited patiently until Sirius could talk again and looked at Sirius with yearning eyes that screamed how much he wanted to both know everything and console his friend.
"His patronus," Sirius hiccupped, "it said they had found out." James gasped in horror but otherwise kept quiet.
"Said they lured him away and when I came they had… His skin - his skin was…" Sirius couldn't continue. The image of the pile of skin and the pile he thought was dirt came back to him. Should he had brought the skin along with Remus? Would Madam Pomfrey have been able to put it back on his body? He hoped not because it was too late now and he would never forgive himself if Remus died or suffered unnecessarily long because of him. Remus had suffered too much for most of his life and didn't need any more suffering.
James soon realised that Sirius wasn't going to say anything more and decided to ask for more information.
"Padfoot," his tone was as serious as before but Sirius knew him enough to detect the concern in his voice, "where's Remus right now?"
"The Hospital Wing."
James looked confused. "At Hogwarts?"
"Yes. St Mungo's was too far away." James nodded understandingly. "Maybe it's for the best. Pomfrey is great and most healers are… horrible." James nodded again. They all knew that the hospital was horrible to werewolves. At least most of the healers there were. They hadn't understood it completely in the start, no matter how many times Remus told them he didn't like the place, but one time with an injured werewolf cured them from their ignorance. Yes, they healed him, but they had hurt him mentally about as much as they healed him physically and would have killed or left him for dead if they could have.
"James, will he survive?"
Sirius felt awful for asking James such a question. James had no chance to know the answer. He was stuck in his house far away from Sirius and Remus and Sirius was a couple of meters and a wall from Remus.
"I don't know, Sirius, but he is in the best hands I know."
Sirius looked down in his lap. James uttered the harsh truth even though it was obvious that he wished he could have told Sirius that everything would be okay.
The door opened and Madam Pomfrey walked out. She had blood on her clothes and looked winded. Her eyes wandered around the room.
"Will he be okay?" her eyes finally found Sirius.
"I hope so. I have done what I can with what I have."
"Don't you have Dittany or something else to help him with here?"
Pomfrey looked like she would rather have Sirius stop talking, but she answered him anyway, "I have used all the Dittany we had on him but it is very hard to get a hold of because of how rare the plant is."
"So you can't get more? Is it the money? I have money, so does James and Peter's middleclass." James loudly agreed with Sirius through the mirror, but Sirius wasn't sure if Madam Pomfrey noticed. If she did, she didn't show it.
"Like I said it's quite rare."
"But he will be okay, right?"
"He's stable now. You can see him for a few minutes." Sirius smiled tiredly and gratefully at her. "But don't touch him and get me if you see anything wrong with him."
Sirius nodded and jumped down from the bed. Madam Pomfrey gave him a worried look. "Do you want to borrow some clothes? I'm sending your jacket down to the laundry, I can do the same to the rest of your clothes and give it back to you before you leave."
Sirius looked down at his once white shirt and dark trousers. "I'm gonna burn this," He thought for a moment, "but I would like to get my jacket washed." Madam Pomfrey's eyes lingered on Sirius for a moment before she left.
"No Lily, I can't leave the mirror!" James said angrily. Sirius had momentarily forgotten that James was in the mirror. "Dinner can wait, Remus' in trouble."
Sirius looked down and saw Lily forcefully take the mirror out of James's hands. "Is he okay? What happened? Answer me, Sirius!"
"Give the man a chance to answer, Lily." James directed the mirror in his direction. "Go in and see him, mate."
Sirius did as he was told and walked into the room and closed the door carefully after himself. He didn't really think that Remus would wake up that easily after the day he had had, but Sirius wasn't ready to take any chances. Sirius took one look at Remus and was sure this had to be some kind of nightmare. He looked horrible. His hair was dishevelled, his bruise looked even worse and he was as white as the blanket over his body, and his neck, arms, and hands were still looking raw. Sirius walked closer and realised he was hovering about a centimetre above the bed.
"Padfoot, mate, we are really worried about Remus too."
Sirius lifted the mirror and directed it in Remus' direction. Both James and Lily gasped but fell deadly silent after that. Sirius took a hesitant step closer to Remus. He looked so frail. Sirius felt silly for thinking this helpless creature could ever harm anyone, but he knew Remus could be a very dangerous man when he recovered. Because he simply had to recover.
Remus was smart and good at magic. He was dangerous for the man he was, not the wolf, as many believed if they found out what he was. But when Sirius saw Remus looking like that in the painfully familiar room, he couldn't help remembering how Remus was in school. So timid and nice. Secretive too. Even when the others found out what he was, he still held an air of mystery. He couldn't help it. Anyone would be like that after having been raised for such a long time to never trust anyone.
Sirius wanted to touch Remus. Make sure he was alive and breathing, but he didn't dare to break Madam Pomfrey's order.
Sirius walked the last distance to the bed and leaned the mirror against an empty goblet on the night table. He noted Remus had a bluish tint to his lips and several veins were visible on his face. At least Remus had been cleaned and his hair looked soft and healthy without a trace of blood.
No one said anything or moved, but everyone was afraid that if they looked away for a second it would mean Remus stopped breathing. Harry started fussing a couple of minutes after Sirius had entered the room but he either stopped by himself quickly or one of his parents sacrificed a moment to take care of their son.
Pomfrey opened the door too quickly after letting Sirius into the room, but he left without complaint. Madam Pomfrey was carrying his leatherjacket, a pair of uniform pants, and a shirt that looked like it was made from the same material as the hospital gowns.
"You can keep this or throw it out, but you will attract a lot of attention if you go out in your clothes." Sirius looked down at his clothes and hands and agreed. He stopped his mirror call with James and Lily before painfully taking his shirt off without regards to Pomfrey being right in front of him. Pomfrey saw his painful expression and used the cleaning charm to clean Sirius. He could feel the blood disappearing from his hair and skin but while his trousers got cleaner too they were still miscoloured with blood.
Sirius took a hold of his clothes when he was in clean clothes once more. Pomfrey offered to take the clothes off his hands both literally and figuratively speaking, and Sirius handed the clothes over to her.
"Please tell me if anything changes," Sirius asked.
"I will, Mr. Black." She looked at him as he put the mirror in his pocket and held on to his wand that had been in his bloody trousers. "Do you have anyone to stay with tonight?"
Sirius looked puzzled at her. "I'm not injured."
"I know. I wouldn't let you leave if you were, but I don't think you should be alone tonight. You can stay here if you don't have anywhere else to stay, but I won't let you stay in Mr. Lupin's room."
Sirius opened his mouth to argue that he wasn't a child who needed babysitting but a firm look stopped him and he surrendered. "I will go the Potters'."
"Good."
"But tell Dumbledore to pass on the message if he finds anything."
"I will," Madam Pomfrey said patiently.
Sirius used floo powder to get to Godric's Hollow. It was a village mostly inhabited by wizards and witches but not exclusively. Luckily the local pub had a room with only a fireplace and a magically locked door. Sirius was glad he had changed clothes as he walked towards the Potters' Cottage. The blood would attract attention which would both be bad for Sirius' mental state and he was always afraid someone would see him disappear when he walked into the area of The Fidelius Charm. He knew deep down that it wouldn't do much even if people saw as they could be looking directly at the house and not see it, but paranoia was common in wartimes.
He knocked on the door and was relieved to see James's mistrustful face.
"What was the last thing I told you?"
"That you and Lily were worried about Remus."
James sought anything suspicious about Sirius. "What are you doing here?"
"Madam Pomfrey didn't want me to be alone tonight."
James took a hold of Sirius' shirt and pulled him inside and into a quick hug.
Lily ran from the kitchen into the hallway and hugged Sirius.
The rest of the night was emotional. Lily forced some food down Sirius's throat and insisted Sirius told her anything she and James didn't know already, but received no further information. It was simply too painful and Sirius was glad James already had already told her what Sirius had told him. He didn't think he could take telling or even just hearing it again. Harry was happy to see Sirius but could feel the tension and sad atmosphere. It made him fussy but knocked him out half an hour before his usual bedtime.
Sirius took a long shower after Harry was put to bed. Sirius was clean but he never felt completely clean after a charm instead of a bath or shower. James and Lily told him that Peter had been informed that Remus had been hurt badly but not the details and that both James and Lily were on their way to bed when Sirius came out of the shower almost an hour later. He too was exhausted after a very stressful day and they all went to bed.
Sirius missed Hogwarts. He missed the pranks, the happiness, that almost every problem had a solution, and to be able to listen to the others breathing deeply as their slept. It had told him that he wasn't alone in the world and he wished he could hear it at that moment as the helplessness and loneliness crept up on him.
