Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. If I did… well I'm a yaoi fangirl, use your imagination:)
A/N: Pure Crackfic! You've been warned. I do not mean to bash any characters, after all, I love them all to death! I simply wrote this in Misa's point of view, and Misa has stereotypes for people. Also, I do not ship MisaxLight, but Misa sure as hell does! I wrote it in Misa's POV cause… well, she's the only one not serious enough that she'd actually say this. Well, Matt might…
Misa's Theory: Why all the Guys Are Stiffs
Hi! I'm Misa, and I'm pretty sure you know me. Anyway, I'd like to address something people. I've recently noticed, all the guys around here… even my boyfriend Light, well, they're all stiffs.
L, Near, Mello, Mikami, and Light… they're all so serious and stuff! The only guys that aren't so serious around here are Matsuda and Matt! The first one's an idiot and the second one, well, I'm sure he gets laid.
That brings me to my point. I've figured out why all the geniuses are stiffs! Its cause none of them get laid!
Exhibit A (aka L):
Well, for one, he's got bags under his eyes and he's a secret detective. So he definitely doesn't have a social life. Secondly, the only time he was ever close enough to some one to do something was when he was with Light… and if he ever touched my boyfriend…
I'll torture him to death AGAIN.
Actually, if he did do something with Light it must've mellowed him out. After all, after that handcuff period was over, Ryuzaki was much less of a prick. Maybe that's why he died… I guess getting laid can lead to death in more ways than one.
Exhibit B (Light – Sorry honey!):
I'm sorry Light but it's true darling. You are a prick. And I think it's cause you and me don't kiss and do physical stuff. I could make life much less stressful!
I think Light overworks himself, I mean, he brings his work home for heaven's sake! I think I should suggest the idea of work hours to him, so that he's not serious 24/7. What's worse is its totally his fault he's a stiff! He's the only one of the guys with such a loving girlfriend like me, willing to do anything. Like make him less serious…
Exhibit C (Near and Mello):
Okay, Near doesn't really count cause he's just a kid (I think). But still, I'm sure if he had a little love in his life his smile'd be less creepy. Then again, that kid's scary, maybe that is his loving smile. I wonder what god was thinking when he made Near…
Anyway, there's also Mello. Mello is so freaking obsessed with surpassing Near that he tries to take down my fiancée! If he got laid more often, he wouldn't care so much about Near! Then maybe Light and I wouldn't have to deal with him…
Actually, scratch that, these two are bad examples. Near's just plain out creepy and Mello would probably still obsess over Near even if he did get laid.
Anyway, onto: Exhibit D (Mikami):
I have a plead to you men. Please stop obsessing over each other! Why not obsess over love? That goes to Light too.
Mikami is so obsessive over my darling Light. That's why he never gets laid. That's also why he's so serious. Only I can manage to care so much about Light without being creepy about it. That's all there is to it.
There you have it! That's why every guy is a stiff except for Matsuda and the guy that stalks Mello! Do all the guys a favor and go choke them with love!... then maybe they'll stop obsessing over one another. Just remember, Light's mine:)
Have a good night and remember, if people say you're a crazy idiot, know that you're really smarter than they are. Just like Me, I was the 2nd Kira after all...
