It's been five years. Five years since I walked through these halls. Five years since I saw these faces on a regular basis, heard these voices. It's exhilarating and terrifying to return to the place I once called home, but deep inside, there is a true feeling of rightness. Everything within me is at peace again. People in this job don't often say that. I mean, I fight crime. I help capture serial killers. The worst of the worst. Well, I used to help capture serial killers. And now I do again. I'm finally back at the BAU. Five years later. Derek Morgan is back.
I walk through the glass doors that lead into the BAU, and everything looks the same. Memories instantly flood over me as I look around the room. Remembering where I was when JJ gave me the picture of my family, when I said my goodbyes, but more importantly than those bittersweet memories is the greatest memory of all: the day I met Penelope. I walk over to the spot she was standing in when I first laid eyes on her, and when I close my eyes, I can still see it like it was yesterday.
"Derek, is that you?" someone calls from behind me, breaking me from my thoughts. I turn around and see Spencer coming in the glass doors looking shocked and disbelieving.
"It's me, Pretty Boy."
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm coming home. I was just rehired and I start back today!"
Spencer's mouth falls open and he oddly doesn't seem happy about my presence.
"I thought you'd be happy about this, kid."
"I am, it's just-"
"What?"
"You should have let us know you were coming. We haven't seen you in a while. Some people might not handle this well."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, Derek, you haven't exactly kept in touch over the past five years. And if you haven't kept in touch with me, who you partially named your child after, I can't imagine that you kept in touch with anyone."
"No, I'll be the first to admit that. I wanted a clean break from this work and I didn't know how to talk to you guys without it becoming about work."
"You should have tried. Things are…different around here. It's not the same as it was when you left. People aren't the same."
"You're trying to tell me something. Just tell me."
"You'll see in a minute," he replies, checking his watch before moving over to his desk.
"Spencer," I begin, but before I can continue, the doors open again, and my heart falters in my chest. "Penelope," I whisper, almost like a prayer. Except this is not the Penelope I remember. Her hair is black now, she looks like she hasn't slept in years, and her clothes. "Are you wearing black?" I hear myself asking, even though I don't mean to. I stare at her in confusion, barely recognizing the woman before me. The woman who doesn't have any flowers in her hair, isn't smiling, and looks pissed off at the world.
"Nice to see you too, Agent Morgan," she replies, barely acknowledging me before turning away and walking toward her office, slamming the door shut behind her.
"What-what-Spencer. What's going on?"
"I told you. Things are different now."
"But-I don't understand."
"You should have kept in touch, Derek."
At the morning round table, Penelope enters last and in a storm, taking the seat opposite me in a huff.
"Good morning, everyone," Hotch begins. "I want to begin our meeting by welcoming back Agent Derek Morgan. For those of you who don't know Agent Morgan, he was a part of the BAU five years ago and we are lucky enough to have him back." At this, I hear Penelope scoff across from me and see her wince as, I assume, Hotch kicks her under the table. I look around the rest of the room and see several new faces where my friends used to sit. Rossi is the only other team member left, but he's not meeting my eyes. He's staring at Penelope with a look of deep concern.
He and Hotch had both given me the same lukewarm greeting when they arrived, while looking at the closed door of Penelope's office. I watched closely after they left and noticed that they both eventually ended up entering Pen's office and remained inside for a long time. I had no clue about where to begin to figure out what had happened while I was gone. I tried to talk to Spencer, but he just clammed up and walked away from me, and it's pretty easy to tell that Hotch and Rossi are going to be the same.
"Well, we don't have any new cases today," Hotch stated, bringing me back to the meeting. "Spend the day finishing up paperwork, for those of you who don't know Derek, get to know him, and I'll alert you all if any new cases come in." Before anyone else realized the meeting was over, Penelope was already out the door and almost to her office. I leapt up, wanting to chase after her and figure out what was going on, but I was pushed back into my seat by Rossi.
"Rossi, man, please talk to me. Please, I don't know what's going on. She's not herself. What happened?"
"You happened. Did you really think that you could leave and everything would be okay? How long has it been since you last talked to Penelope?"
"I don't know. A while, I guess. I've been busy. There's been a lot of stuff going on."
"It's been two and a half years, Derek."
"What?! That's not possible."
"It is. And when you stopped making time for her, she stopped wanting you to come back. She used to talk about you all the time. She would tell every new team member stories about you, the way you'd kick doors in, the way you'd handle unsubs, the compassion you had for victims. That all stopped the minute you threw her out of your life."
"That's not fair! I had a lot going on."
"So did she."
"How do I fix this?"
"I'm not sure that you can."
