This story is intended as a sequel to Xparrot's Remembering to Breathe and takes place in a time-line after my Awakenings. It is an experiment in story-telling for me, told in a series of six sets of four 100-word drabbles. I don't think it's necessary to read either of the preceding stories to enjoy this one, but some details might make more sense if you have. If you haven't, it might help to know that in Awakenings Goku does quite a lot of growing up and Gojyo/Hakkai and Goku/Sanzo become couples; in Remembering to Breathe, the Sanzo-Ikkou suffer traumatic events which impact their relationships. This story tells one aspect of Hakkai's & Gojyo's difficulties during the emotional recovery from those events.
Dedicated to Menuriko, who has been waiting for ages for me to write a 58 story, and to RoAnshi, who only discovered Saiyuki recently, but who has given me regular and enthusiastic encouragement to write this.
Many thanks to Xparrot for the wonderful story that led me to this idea, as well as for generously allowing me to borrow her convention of naming each portion of the story according to the color representing the Ikkou member from whose point of view it's told.
Whatever It Takes
Part I: Distress
Red
Gojyo lies awake beside his partner, their bodies parallel, not touching. He watches a hairline crack in the ceiling take shape in the emerging daylight. He craves a cigarette so badly his fingers twitch with anticipation. But he hesitates to rise, not wanting to wake Hakkai.
"As long as it takes," he has told Hakkai over and over. But it took years, the first time, before Hakkai could forgive himself enough to chance accepting Gojyo's love. And Gojyo doesn't know where he'll find the patience to wait again. He closes his eyes against the cracked ceiling. He needs that cigarette.
-------
Green
"Hey, Hakkai, are we stopping for lunch yet?"
Expecting Gojyo to throttle Goku for the fourth variation on this question in as many minutes, Hakkai pauses before repeating his answer again. But not until he glances back to Gojyo does Gojyo hurl an apple at Goku, grumbling, "Stuff it, Monkey! I'm tired of hearing it already!"
Hakkai sighs. Gojyo's heart isn't in it. He's preoccupied, and Hakkai blames himself; but he can't see his way to fixing things with Gojyo.
When he feels Sanzo watching him, he hides behind an affected chuckle. "Enough fighting, Gojyo! Soon, Goku. We're almost there."
-------
Violet
Sanzo has yielded his usual place in the front seat to Gojyo this afternoon. Beneath his robes his legs are cramping in the tight space behind Hakkai. He ignores the discomfort. Tilting his head back, he takes a long drag on his cigarette, holds the smoke in his lungs for several satisfying seconds, then releases it. The breeze from Jeep's forward motion carries it behind him in a thin stream, while he turns his attention back to the pair in front. He can tell by how hard they've been trying to act as though everything is fine that it isn't.
-------
Gold
While making dinner, Goku requests another lesson in healing. Hakkai agrees, and while Gojyo cleans up afterwards, they settle into a corner to study. It delighted Goku, in the weeks after the nightmare with the red-haired twins, that the first thing Hakkai came to enjoy were their lessons. But tonight he seems distracted. Patient as always. Attentive to questions. Thorough in his explanations. But awkward seconds elapse between Goku's questions and Hakkai's answers. Goku notices Hakkai's gaze drift to the window, unfocused... or to Gojyo. He is saddened to see the haunted look of weeks past back in Hakkai's eyes.
