The following is a fan-based parody. Cars and Wreck-It Ralph belong to Disney and Pixar, and all original video game characters belong to their rightful owners. Please, support the official release.


Mash-It Mack

Chapter 1 - Meet Mash-It Mack

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"My name's Mack…aaand I'm a bad guy. Let's see, um, I'm twelve feet tall, and weigh eighty thousand pounds. I've got a bit of a temper, I'll admit…m-my passion bubble's a little near the surface. What else? Well, I'm a masher. I mash things, professionally. If something needs mashed, bashed, or grounded to a pulp, I'm your truck. But my only problem is that 'fixing' is the name of the game. Literally, 'Fix-It Mater Junior'. So, obviously, the character named Fix-It Mater is the good guy. Mater's pretty cool, as far as good guys go, and fixes stuff really well. But when you inherit a magic tow cable from your father, how hard can it be? Seriously, if he were your regular tow truck or service vehicle or whatever, he would never be able ta fix the damage that I do. See, my game goes somethin' like this…"

A red Mack truck with green eyes, wearing a tattered tracker's cap labeled "Masher", chipped paint and numerous dents sleepily drives under the roof of his makeshift and tacky lean-to in a peaceful forest, and he yawns and stretches before beginning to sleep the night away.

But just when he starts to fall asleep, a frightened herd of bulldozers stampedes through the forest and accidentally pushes the Mack and his lean-to, carrying them both with them for a great distance. When they finally let go, the truck and his lean-to are left at the gates of a large city dump, and the Mack truck begins to stir from his very heavy slumber.

And when he realizes that he is no longer in his tranquil home, he suddenly screams and stomps his tires in utter anger. Looking for something or someone to blame, the red hauler eventually finds a humble little town called 'Nice Land', and at the center of it all was the tallest building with hundreds of different rooms.

This building was the Nice Land Hotel, the most popular building in the area; inhabiting it was a majority of the population known as the Nicelifts. The Nicelifts was an adorable little race of forklifts that lived in Nice Land, serving as background characters.

When the Mack truck saw some of the Nicelifts drive into their luxurious home without a care, he was instantly infuriated. Driving at top speeds, the large truck made his way to the Nice Land Hotel to do some mashing. As soon as he found an access ramp, he quickly drove upwards to get to the top.

But halfway up the building, one little black and white Nicelift stuck his cab out of a window to see what the ruckus was, and he immediately regretted his curiosity when he was suddenly pulled out of the building by the red hauler, and then thrown all the way to the edge of the map afterwards.

"Fix it, Mater!" the Nicelifts inside the building cried once the Mack continued upwards, and their prayers did not go unheard.

Mere seconds after their screams of terror, an old and partially rusty, light blue tow truck drove onto the scene; he had cheerful green eyes, his hood was missing, and he had large buck teeth that protruded far out from his mouth. But the most obvious feature on the tow truck was the glimmering golden hook and tow cable on his back, which swayed with eagerness to clean up this masher's mess.

"Ah can fix it!" Mater announced fearlessly with a strong hillbilly accent, and he instantly began fixing the building. With a few yanks of his magic hook, glass shards from broken windows and brick pieces from holes in the walls were quickly pieced back together, good as new.

"Yoo-hoo!" a female light purple Nicelift with glasses shouted from her window, placing a freshly-baked pie on the windowsill. As soon as Mater heard her, he jumped from window to window to get to the pie and immediately consumed it.

Once the pie was completely eaten, Mater's golden hook rapidly flashed blue and white, and his speed was greatly enhanced as he darted across the building in a blue blur. The tow truck quickly made his way to the top, fixing every single hole and broken window on the way, until he finally reached the raging masher at the top.

The red hauler stopped mashing for a split second to glare down at the much smaller tow truck, allowing him to uppercut him with his hook and grab his front axle, flipping the Mack truck over onto his roof. With the villain dazed and defeated, all of the Nicelifts joined Mater on the roof and swarmed him with cheers and hugs; one of the female Nicelifts even gave the tow truck a little thank you kiss.

Then, from out of the sky, a bright golden medal, even brighter than Mater's hook, came falling down and its blue strap landed squarely around his tow cable. And with the hero declared a winner, the Nicelifts immediately turned their attention to the still-dazed masher, and they all worked together to lift him up and throw him off the edge of the building for revenge.

Falling helplessly, the red Mack screamed and flailed around until his fall was broken by a large puddle of mud near the base of the building. And up on the roof, the Nicelifts and Mater cheered with another day saved by the said heroic tow truck, and that the villain was once again put in his place.

"Yeah so, when Mater does a good job, he gets a medal. But other medals for destroying stuff really well? Ta that, I say ha! …A-and no, there aren't. Oh, boy…I've been doin' this for thirty years…but I guess I shouldn't be complaining, especially considering the other games that come and go so easily from Hudson's Arcade Center. I mean, those guys from Asteroids? Ooh, gone! Centipede? Ford knows where that guy is. And look, keeping a steady arcade gig's nothin' ta sneeze at! I'm very lucky! But…it's just that…it's kinda hard ta love your job when no one seems ta like you for doing it."

Mack sighed. "I guess I wouldn't say all this if it weren't so bad after work, but it is the way it is. Ya know, Mater and the Nicelifts go ta their homes, which was just fixed by Mater and everything. And then I go ta my home, which happens ta be…a dump. And I don't mean a dump, as in, a shabby, run-down place! I mean an actual dump! Bricks, glass shards, broken building parts, that's-that's what I call home. And it may look incredibly uncomfortable, but it's actually fine. I mean, I got my bricks, I still got my lean-to, so, ya know…but…if I'm real honest with myself, I'm a little jealous. I'll look up and see Mater, Nicelifts will stop by, givin' him pats on the back, delicious pie, thank yous. And I'll say ta myself…man, it sure must be nice bein' the good guy."

Mack opened his eyes and was pulled from his little sob story when a round of applauding stomping tires filled the room, as he glanced around and remembered where he was: Bad-Anon. Bad-Anon was a meeting held in the ghost room of Pac-Car by Clyde the orange ghost plane every week, meant to help and reassure the bad guys in the arcade.

"Nice share, Mack," Clyde commented dryly, floating above the ground despite his propellers turning very slowly, "Us fellow bad guys, we've all felt what you're feeling, and we've come to terms with it."

Mack was now slightly more focused and interested in what his bad guy friends had to say. "R-really?"

"Right here!" called one of the bad guys, a large monster truck with blood red paint and spiked monster wheels, "I am Zangief, I am bad guy!"

"Hi, Zangief!" all of Bad-Anon politely greeted.

"Hi, Zangief," Mack added hesitantly.

"I relate to you, Mack. When I hit bottom, I crush car's cab like sparrow egg between my axles," Zangief explained with confidence while extending and slamming one of his back tires to show off his thick axles, earning rolled eyes of annoyance from Bowser, the large, spiked green truck who was parked next to him.

"Then I think, 'Why do you have to be so bad, Zangief? Why can't you be more like good guy?'" Mack leaned in and nodded slowly, even more focused. "But then I have moment of clarity. If Zangief is good guy, who will crush car's cab like sparrow egg between axles?"

Zangief once again showed off his large axles to emphasize his point. "And I say, 'Zangief, you are bad guy, but this does not mean you are bad guy.'"

The other bad guys started stomping their tires for the inspirational words, but poor Mack was still in the dark.

"Right…I'm sorry, ya just…ya lost me there," Mack admitted dumbfounded.

"Zombie! Bad guy!" another bad guy, an undead dark green forklift with oil and blood-stained hatchets in his forks, parked next to Mack groaned.

"Hi, Zombie!"

"H-hi, Zombie."

"Zangief say labels not make you happy! Good! Bad! Aaaaggghh!" the zombie forklift announced while flailing his hatchets, and then he leaned against Mack's large wheel, "You must love you."

"Yeah! Inside HERE!" Cyborg, a larger silver forklift with extended razor-sharp forks and one robotic laser eye, parked next to Zombie shouted and popped open the undead forklift's bonnet to pull out his battery. But already being dead, Zombie just gazed and laughed at his battery as it rapidly leaked oil.

"Uh, yeah! Ok, ok, ok! I getcha! But ya might wanna put that back, i-it's dripping!" Mack whimpered and backed away from the gross vital part, as Cyborg chuckled darkly and waved it around for everyone to see before finally putting it back in Zombie.

"Question, Mack," Clyde calmly piped up once the commotion stopped, "We've been asking you to Bad-Anon for years now, and tonight you finally show up. Why is that?"

"I dunno, I just felt like comin'," Mack replied nonchalantly, lightly scratching his fender, "I mean, I suppose it might have ta do with the fact that, uh…well, taday is the thirtieth anniversary of my game."

Mack's fellow bad guys cheered and congratulated him, most of them wishing him a happy anniversary.

"Happy Anniversary, Mack," Satine, a crimson Ford F150 with large devil horns and a dark purple cape, commented while patting the masher's side.

"Thanks, Satin," Mack thanked with a sigh.

"Uh, i-it's 'Sa-teen', actually," Satine calmly corrected.

"Got it. But here's the thing…" Mack took a deep breath in and nervously fidgeted in his spot. "I don't wanna be the bad guy anymore."

Shocked gasps and nervous murmuring immediately filled the room, and even Bowser did a fire-ball spit-take of his coffee, as well as Clyde turning blue and making his panic face.

"Ya can't mess with the program, Mack!" Cyborg warned.

"You're not goin' Miles, are you?" M. Bison, a much smaller red and black Semi truck with soulless white eyes and a long black cape, questioned with a growl.

"Miles?!" Mack exclaimed in offense, "No, I'm not goin' Miles! C'mon guys, is it Miles ta want a friend, or a medal, or a piece of pie once in a while? Is it Miles ta want more outta life?!"

"Yeessss," Zombie slurred.

"Mack, Mack, we get it—but we can't change who we are. And the sooner you accept that, the better your game and your life will be." Mack scowled and looked away from Clyde, despite how right he was.

"Hey," Zangief calmly chimed, getting Mack's attention, "One game at a time, Mack."

But the red masher still didn't agree.

"Now, let's close out with the Bad Guy Affirmation!" Clyde announced since it was time to end the meeting.

Soon, all members of Bad-Anon rose up and touched wheels, closing their eyes before chanting together, "I am bad, and that's good! I will never be good, and that's not bad! There's no one I'd rather be than me!"

But once again, Mack refused to join in with his fellow bad guys, as he just sat there in silence and gazed sadly into nothingness.

When the Bad Guy Affirmation was finished, the video game villains, sans Zangief who quickly grabbed another donut, started leaving the room while the lights were turned off.

"Hey, Zombie, don't forget your hatchets!" Clyde called, recalling the last few times the said undead forklift accidentally left his weapons behind. It was always awkward for his game afterwards. But luckily, Zombie didn't forget this time, and waved his hatchets around to show it.

And with nothing else to say, Mack reluctantly followed Zombie and the others out of the ghost room, through the maze of Pac-Car, and through the exit to Game Central Station.


Yup, this is a Wreck-It Ralph parody! I've been watching it a lot recently and I just couldn't help it!

Hope you enjoyed chapter one 'cause there are way more clever parodies ahead;)

Beta Read by my beloved friend and Cars fan Agent Sandra Cartip. Thank you again, Sandra:)

Until the next chapter, I'm TRikiD, bye-bye!