Chapter 1 : the devil's awakening

"Hey best friend, everything ok?" Brooke asked worried.

"Sure I'm fine. I told you before. I couldn't be better." Peyton answered with a face as If she could faint every moment.

"Hey, Peyton it's me Brooke, you don't have to lie to me you know. I can see when something is up. And something is definitely up here with you. And don't you dare give me that blank stare!"

"Don't worry Brooke, I'll be fine. It's just that … I miss Lucas, like a lot. And I know we've broken up for more than a month now but I just miss him. And I don't think I'll ever get him back. I screwed it up and now I have to live with that. I just wish I could take back everything that happened. The night of his proposal … I just wished I could take it all back. I've dreamed about that night so many times and every time I say yes. Every time, I just don't know why I didn't say yes back then. I miss him so much."

"Hey don't worry , I'm still here for you and I'm sure that if you two truly belong together, you'll work it out some way or another".

"Thx best friend you know I love you right B. Davis."

"Yeah I know, I love you to ."

And that's the moment I realised I had to take action for myself. I couldn't keep being this pitiful person who was regretting everything that happened. I had to go out and make my own future. With or without Lucas. It was that moment that gave me clarity. The kind of clarity one needs when drastic things are about to happen.

I think it must have been late that night that I realised this because Brooke woke me up the next morning. She was yelling so hard that I thought someone had died.

"Brooke, what's up? Are you ok?" I asked worried.

"Yeah I'm fine, just get your lazy ass down here missy", Brooke yelled.

I climbed out of my bed and went downstairs. When I finally reached the stairs and looked down. I saw Lucas standing there, right in front of me. He looked rather worried and immediately I realised that he wasn't here because of my dream. I crabbed myself together and yelled at Brooke. "B. Davis, how dare you call me downstairs when you know I'm still in my pj's and somebody else apart from you is in the house? I'm going to get to you later missy!!"

"Ehmm hi Luke", I said with my voice shaking. "Haven't seen you here for a while … everything ok?" Lucas looked at me as if I was contagious or something like that. "So what's up?" I asked trying to sound a bit more convincing and happy this time.

"Ehmm Peyton" and I knew something wasn't right. The way he said this, he used the tone one uses as they're going to tell somebody their dad died. "We kinda need to talk". I was frightened to death.

I looked down on him wondering whether I was just dreaming this doom scenario. After a minute or two - it seemed ages to me - Lucas asked me if we could go outside to talk. I went downstairs, not realizing I was still in my pj's.

"Ehmm, maybe you could get dressed first" Lucas stumbled with a little smile hold back.

Oh, why had I forgotten that I was still in my pj's? I called at him telling him it would only take one minute. But when I got upstairs I realized that I didn't want to go back down. Lucas had looked so scared. Like the world had been destroyed and he was there to tell me the bad news. I was scared. I felt it all coming, it started with a heavy breath, and then everything became black in front of my eyes. There I was lying on the floor, having a major panic attack and Lucas waiting for me downstairs.

Should I tell him I still love him? That I can't live without him. That I need him to be complete. That he is my everything, that without him there's no reason for my existents. All these questions kept on coming. My panic attack was getting worse. I couldn't move anymore. Every inch of my body was aching now. And then it happened, I could feel it coming but I couldn't stop it. I screamed, I screamed so hard that Brooke and Lucas were in my room within one second. Their faces full of horror. Not knowing what was wrong with me. All they saw was me lying there on the floor, crying and screaming without a reason at all.

"Are you ok?" Lucas asked.

"Ehmm, what?" I mumbled looking terrified at them while they were looking terrified back.

"Just give me a minute ok? I'll be ok I swear."

Lucas and Brooke left the room and I realised I was overreacting. I can cope with what Lucas has to say. I'll just let him do the talking; I didn't have any proof that it would be bad news. I didn't even know why I assumed it would be bad.

I finally got dressed and went downstairs.

There he was. Waiting for me giving me that crooked smile of him but looking a bit worried as well. "Maybe we should go talk outside" he suggested.

"Yeah is fine by me, but just tell me … nobody died right?" I asked with a scary voice.

"No, nobody died" he laughed back at me.

We walked outside together, not looking at each other and not saying anything. The tension was rising and I was wondering why it all felt so strange. Why was he so nervous? It's not as if he was going to propose to me again... was he? I so hoped he was. Then suddenly he asked me to sit down. We were down by the rivercourt now. I hadn't even noticed that we'd walked this far. I sat down on the table just looking in front of me, wondering what would come next. He sat down right beside me looking at his shoes, shuffling a little bit with them.

"Luke, please tell me what's going on. I'm sure I can handle it. But this is making me nervous, probably more nervous than necessary. Just shoot ok?!"

"Ok, here it goes" he answered taking a deep breath. "I'm getting married Peyton"

I so did not see this one coming. "wow Luke , that's big news …" I know I should have said that I was happy for him but I'm not and I couldn't lie to him . "And who're you going to marry if I may ask" my voice was shaking and I heard anger coming out but I just couldn't take it back.

"Her name is Lindsey, she published my book. And I really love her Peyton. I just wanted you to be the first one to know. I hope you can be happy again with someone else, just like I am with her." He said with his very soft voice, still looking down at his shoes.

"I've got to go" I whispered it so that he wouldn't notice the shaking of my voice. I was about to cry and didn't want him to know. How can he marry someone one month after he proposed to me? tears were rolling all over my face now. I didn't know what to do. The only thing I could think of was going home and cry a little in my room.