The life of a State Alchemist. Most people think because I'm one of the higher ups here in

my department that my job is easy. That I have peons at my beck and call to fetch my dry cleaning,

and spit shine my shoes. But how wrong they are! I have to do every menial little chore myself. My

coworkers are lazy, and they have no respect for me. If I could fire them all, I would. Wait, I take

that back. I'd give Hawkeye a promotion and then threaten to take it away unless she were to

wear a short skirt to work everyday. Yes. That would be decidedly pleasant.

Wait, why's there a fly on my window? The window's shut. Is it really the enemy? Some

new confounded device that spies on me? Oh no! What if it can read my mind? Calm down Roy.

It's just a common house fly. But... wait... did that fly shoot me a dirty look? I must have had one

too many drinks last night. Yes, that must be it.

I wonder when I was supposed to turn in that report... I can always ask Hot-legs..er,

Hawkeye when she comes back. Which leads me to wonder, where'd she go in the first place?

Surely the bathroom is not so crowded that it takes her nearly an hour to do her business. Why

am I thinking such things! Oh yes, it was the drinks..

And speaking of drinks, why did Maes insist upon us going out to drink? I thought he

was a family man, not a bar hopper. Oh well to each his own. But I swear, on all of the power

in my expensive, sliver pocket watch, if he doesn't quit bugging me about getting a wife, I may

accidently snap. Hah, snap. Could be a double entendre. You know, snap my fingers, my mind

snaps. Wait, why am I justifying this to myself? I must be putting in too many hours. No no,

it's those drinks again! HUGHES!

Why am I here on a Saturday anyway? I usually sleep late, then wake up and do

nothing for a change. Was I called in for some reason? Was their an important meeting that

I forgot about? OH NO! What if the Fuhrer needed me! Where's Hawkeye! I need my

schedule! Oh yes, she went to the restroom. And she's still not back. Hold on.. oh great,

I lost my train of thought again. Ah well, must not've been too important if I forgot so easily.

Wow, it's almost noon. Better make sure the door's locked. Don't want to get myself

caught. Yes, hallway's empty. Good. The coast is clear. Door's locked, chair's comfortable.

Now, where's that TV? Ah yes, here it is. Channel 2...3...4...61..AHA! 14! And just in time.

If I had missed the first few minutes of 'Anime Women In Skirts That Kick Butt' I would've

been lost for the rest of the episode! Ah yes, you're all so lovely. With your short little skirts

that ride up every time you kick. Better be careful, or the big bad Mustang might come and

getcha when you least expect it!

Wait! What was that noise!

" Colonel Mustang? Sir, why's the door locked?"

" UHHH, JUST A SECOND!"

" Is everything okay in there sir?"

" Yes, everything's fine!"

Oh no! I have to hide this TV quickly and silently, elst Hawkeye will know what I was

watching! Under the desk! No! Too obvious! I need to get rid of this thing! WAIT! YES!

THAT'S IT!


" Wow, it's nice to be back in central! I just hope Mustang doesn't give us anything else to do

for a while. It'll be great to be able to relax. So what do ya say Al? What should we do first?"

" Uh, brother... did you do something to make Colonel Mustang angry?"

" Well, no. I don't think so. Why do you ask?"

Al pointed up in the direction of Mustang's window. Ed tipped his head back to see what

the problem was. He wasn't able to move before a TV fell on his face.

THE END.. or... is it?


A.N. Wow, this idea hit me from nowhere. The psychotic inner workings of Roy Mustang's mind.

So, R&R. Tell me whatcha think CIAO!

Melly