A Very Special Kingdom Hearts Christmas Special

A/N: Well! It's that time of year again! Time for the Christians to celebrate Christmas, the Jewish to celebrate Hanukkah, the selective African Americans to celebrate Kwanza, and other people to celebrate other things! If you're an atheist or scientologist… have a fun December.

So, so, so, I decided to try something new for a change! It's kind of a parody of all those Christmas specials on around this time of year, and also there will be like… little story-lines in between, varying from character to character.

I hope I don't lose track!

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At the risk of being like those corny descriptive authors, let's say it was snowing lightly in the middle of a fairly cloudy day. Now let's say that it was below freezing, even though it's an island, and islands are generally tropical and humid and very, very warm, even in winter.

Then again… Square doesn't seem to have much logic, does it?

Anyway, on this snowy, cold, islandy winter day, people were out in the convenience stores and the Bargain Wall™ Super Centers, buying and spending and so on, all for family and friends.

And other people, like… well, you know!

"If we're on an island, how come it's snowing?" Sora asked with an appropriate 'wtf' look.

"Because it just is," Riku explained. "Like, you know… it's just the way things work."

"But technically it'd be like, seventy degrees in the winter normally!"

"Well this year's not normal."

Sora thought about this, then just shrugged. "Okay!"

They continued walking down the particular aisle in the Bargain Wall they were in, looking at the different girly junk that abounded on either wall.

"So… what do you think we should get Kairi?" Sora asked.

Riku made a face. Then he shook his head. "Why don't you pick? You're the one who takes the credit, anyway…"

"Nuh-uh!"

"Prove me wrong!"

"Well, there was that time we got her Eragon…"

"Yeah, well, that's only because you were ashamed to admit that you helped get it." He chuckled. "But man, the look on her face was priceless…"

Sora pouted slightly. "Okay, just… just get her a Barbie or something…"

"I'm sure she doesn't want one."

"Then what would she like?"

"Umm… hmm… I've never thought about it. She used to like dolls and all that crap."

"Yeah…"

They put their heads together, and after about ten minutes of brain-storming and several people passing them with concerned looks, they finally snapped their fingers.

"She likes revealing dresses!" Sora said rather loudly, causing a nearby mother to cover her son's ears and walk off quickly.

Riku smacked him. "No, genius; she likes jewelry!"

"Nuh-uh!"

Meanwhile…

"Bah! I hate Christmas!" said Donald (nah, Scrooge McDuck would've been cliché and such. So, I'm using his nephew!), crossing his arms as the other inhabitants of Disney Castle looked at the decorated Christmas tree in the middle of the room.

"Gawrsh, how come, Donald?" Goofy asked.

Donald glared ahead stoically for a few seconds before replying, "Every year, those vicious, horrible nephews of mine ruin Christmas for me!"

"Aw, but you can't stay mad at those lil' guys for long, can you? A-hyuck." He put an arm around Donald's shoulders and pointed at the three duckling siblings, who were currently looking very, very innocent. I mean, INSANELY innocent.

The duck thought about this. "Yes," he said at last. "Yes, I can. And I am mad at them. I don't think I've had a good Christmas since those little devils were born!"

"Oh, you Scrooge," Daisy chided. "Are you at it again? I keep telling you, your nephews are not out to get you!"

"You don't know that!" Donald said, getting a crazy glint in his eye. "You've never been around when they mess up everything! Why, one Halloween, they tried to kill me!"

"Sure, sure," Daisy said, rolling her eyes.

"You'll see—you'll ALL see! Someday! Somehow! Those little pests will get you, too!"

"Uncle Donald, we'd never do anything to anyone!" Dewy said, looking up at his uncle with puppy-dog eyes.

Donald reeled back. "No! Don't look at me like that!"

"What's the matter, Uncle Donald?" Louie asked, looking genuinely concerned for his uncle.

"You're the matter!"

"You're making no sense, you loon," Hughie said.

"I'm a duck! A DUCK!" With that, he ran off, quacking madly.

Daisy shook her head. "I swear… How could anyone think you guys were evil?"

"Beats me!" the triplets said in unison, shrugging.

Meanwhile…

"Hey, guys," Wakka said to Tidus and Selphie, as he walked up to them on this illogically snowy island morning. "What are ya up to?"

"Oh, we were going Christmas shopping," Selphie said.

"Mind if I tag along, mon?" Wakka asked.

"Sure, no problem!"

With that, they entered the Bargain Wall.

"Why do we have to go all the way across town?" Sora complained.

"Because it's the only place where they carry those!" Riku explained.

"What do you think they were arguing about?" Tidus asked.

"I don't know, probably stupid stuff," Selphie said, shrugging.

As soon as they passed those 'unpaid items' things, the devices went off.

"What? But we haven't even bought anything yet!" Tidus said.

"Empty your pockets," the clerk said.

They did so, and found that Wakka had a DVD in his pockets (for whatever reason). Wait… how would he fit it in there? Eh, whatever.

"Oh, umm… I thought I left that in my other pants, mon," Wakka said embarrassedly.

"Either go pay for that or leave," the clerk said, irritated for no good reason.

"I think I'll just leave," Wakka sighed. "I got other stuff to do, you know? See ya, mon!"

"Bye, Wakka," Selphie said.

"See you later," Tidus said.

Wakka turned around and walked out of the Bargain Wall, into the not-supposed-to-be snowy streets of the town. "Oh, well. I can always shop tomorrow!" he said optimistically.

So he went to the local bakery, because he had to pick up a fruit cake for his mom. After he'd done that, he went back to his home where his mom was in the kitchen.

"Ya, mom, I got the fruit cake for you," he said.

But alas! He tripped on a rug and sent the fruit cake flying! Argh! And when it landed, their dog started eating it.

And everyone knows that's horrible! Nobody wants to eat something the dog's eaten. Or, at least, normal people don't. (gives you a suspicious look)

"Oh, Wakka, mon!" his mom said with the same accent. "Look what you did!"

"Sorry, mom," Wakka said.

His mom sighed. "Just… help me clean this up then run off and play with your friends."

"Ya, mom…"

Meanwhile…

Kairi walked along the snowy streets of the island, sighing. "Stupid boys, going off and leaving me!" she muttered. "Why didn't they invite me?" She stopped walking, and watched her breath. "I wish I had a friend today!"

As she started walking again, she kicked something: a battered old top hat, with a flower on it. She picked it up and dusted the snow off of it.

"What's a hat doing out on the road?" she asked herself. She decided that that was a stupid thing to ask, or even think about, so she continued walking. But she held onto the hat regardless.

As soon as she got into the residential area, she saw a snowman in a nearby front lawn. It had a corncob pipe and a button nose, and two eyes made out of coal.

For whatever reason, Kairi decided this was as good as any place to ditch the hat, so she plopped it onto the snowman's head and walked on.

"That was pointless," she said.

"Oh, no it wasn't, Miss," said a voice.

She whipped around. But the only thing there was the snowman. She shook her head and started to walk off again.

"It was very nice to give me this hat, Miss," said the voice again.

"Stop freaking me out!" she snapped, turning around, only to see that the snowman had moved. And it was smiling creepily at her.

She screamed and passed out.

TO BE CONTINUED…!