Letters to Downton #1

To: Thomas

I have come up with a plan to make Mrs. Hugs have a miscarriage. She will walk up to you and almost rape your hair but then you will say, "I'm Carson." and then her boobs will expand which will make her bra snap and they will go flying everywhere in Ireland where Tom fucked Mother Nature. If the baby can't drink from his mommy's boobs, then he will leave and find another mother who has really big ones.

I have also found a way to get out of Downton. First, you and I will have sex so I get pregnant and have to leave for family reasons. Then, we will cross off our names from The List so God thinks we're dead and no one will come looking for us. It's so simple, I could poop!

Just so you know, that super heavy rainstorm with gloppy raindrops was Tom and Mother Nature doing it. Neither of us had our umbrellas so now I feel like puking. Our hair is still gross feeling! I told Hugs about it and that's why she wants to fuck your hair.

Love,

O'Brien Crawley

P.S I didn't know Robert and I would ever fall in love.

P.S.S. I had to marry Robert so I could get a bunch of money.

P.S.S.S Just so you know, you are GAY!