Running back, I felt a sense of victory I'd never felt before. Alice had seen Bella's death in that exact meadow, yet I was leaving our meadow behind with Bella, still warm, soft and tantalizing, clutching close to me as I ran, her heart beating quickly against my back. I had proven myself stronger than I ever knew I could be. I had been so close to her neck, her heart, and felt joy beyond my thirst and natural instincts. Being so close to her was like nothing I had experienced in nearly a century of living. My mind wandered, thinking only of the feelings that stirred within me as she held my hand, her warm skin like fire against mine. How her checks had flushed so beautifully when I stroked her face. How her lips looked so full and inviting as I leaned in closer to her—

I quickly shook the idea out of my head. Touching her flush skin, and being so close to her was dangerous enough, but to kiss her- putting her at an even close proximity to danger than she already was in, was quite another. I knew I would never be able to control myself if her soft skin was so close to my teeth and my venom. The human emotions that I thought had been laid to rest in me forever had been stirring all day, evoking in me feelings that overpowered my senses and flooded through me. I had no way of knowing how I would react to the passion flowing through me if I were to give in to my desires. I couldn't risk losing control so close to her. I could never control myself.

Or could I?

Hadn't we spent the entire day together? Hadn't she been close to me since morning? Her scent still ignited the fire of my thirst, but now it seemed more like a flickering candle as opposed to the forest fire that raged in me the first day I met her. I had spent the day holding, caressing and being intoxicated by her very presence.

Was I strong enough for this? I didn't want to kill her; I knew now that I couldn't live without her. But was I truly in control enough to still be consciously aware of what was so close my teeth, and how truly precious that one thing was?

"I can't risk it," I murmured to myself quietly, knowing Bella could not hear. Pain shot through me as I decided against what my entire being yearned for. It wasn't exactly a physical pain, but more of a burning desire that left me feeling wounded. I felt a need to kiss her, in a response to my adamant decision to try and keep her safely away from my lips. My selfishness boiled up in me. I needed her to be by me always, which was enough of a danger to her. But now, I needed to feel her lips against mine. I needed to feel her sweet breath against my face. I needed to be even closer to her.

We could just try. If I could just quickly press my lips to hers, just feel her lips on mine for a second, surely that would be enough to satisfy the burning need in my still heart. I would ask Bella first. I had no idea what she was thinking; she could be terrified of me right now, after all I had shown her today. Or at least she should have been.

I would just try it once. Only for a second. I could control myself for a second. I wouldn't hurt her. I couldn't hurt her. Every fiber of my reason told me to get the idea out of my head, and just be happy with the simple, yet incredible things I could do to her without killing her. Every touch, every blush, was like heaven in the middle of the hell I was in. But I wanted more. The human desire in me was so much stronger than my reason; it very nearly overtook the entirety of my being.

Just once couldn't hurt. I knew I could control myself. I wouldn't hurt Bella.