A/N: This is a gift for meynara as part of the Marvel Holiday Swap.

Hope you enjoy!


Darcy returned home from an unproductive meeting with her thesis director (who knew running from shady government agents trying to steal her boss's research didn't count as work study?) to find Jane naked on the couch with an also naked Bucky Barnes on top of her.

This had happened to her once before when she was six. Her parents claimed they were doing calisthenics.

Bucky and Jane were definitely not doing calisthenics, so Darcy dropped her backpack in the corner, backed outside, and locked the door behind her.

"I knew it," she muttered, marching toward the elevator. "Jane kept saying they were just friends, but I fucking knew it. Did they have to be horny animals out in the open, though? I can never sit on that couch again. I'll be thinking of Bucky's ass the whole time. And while his ass was clearly carved out of granite by the gods, he's Jane's man now and that would violate the bro code. Or the sis code. I don't know. The point is, how am I supposed to study now?"

Darcy posed this question to a maid who happened to be passing with a cart full of sheets. The maid looked at her, shrugged, and moved on.

"Ugh," Darcy pinched the bridge of her nose. "This is why I didn't want to live with superheroes. They're nothing but trouble. Also hot dudes with six pack abs, but mostly trouble!"

She took the elevator to the fifth-floor lounge. It was usually quiet up there this time of day. The wifi was best in there, too. She didn't have her laptop, but she could always type out notes on her phone for later review. As long as she didn't walk in on anything awkward like Tony Stark and Pepper Potts-Stark making out, it might work out.

Fortunately, both of them were fully clothed. Darcy didn't think she could handle anything else right now. Not that they weren't both hot, but one naked couple mid-coitus was more than enough for her. She coughed and they stopped. Pepper had the decency to smooth out her pantsuit and make herself look semi-presentable. Tony flashed his kiss-swollen lips with pride.

"Need something?"

Darcy cleared her throat. "Not if you guys are busy."

"We were just celebrating." Tony brought forth a positive pregnancy test, presenting it like he'd found the Holy Grail.

"Wow. Congrats, you guys," said Darcy with a thumbs up. "Anyone else know yet?"

"Just Bruce and Rhodey, so keep it to yourself, huh?"

"We'll tell everyone else tomorrow," said Pepper.

Then they were back to tangling tongues like Darcy had melted into the scenery. In fact, maybe she should have. "Yeah, I uh… I was just looking for… I'll go now."

Darcy shuffled down the hall, shutting her ears out to all the noise around her, both real and imagined. She had no idea where to go from here. There was a chance Bucky and Jane had moved on to Jane's room, but she'd already evaded detection once. No need to risk it again.

Perhaps it was the current dry spell in her love life, but it seemed like every door she passed had some kind of rhythmic banging behind it. Sometimes she could chalk it up to a washing machine or the TV being on too loud. Then she'd hear things like moaning coming from Bruce and Valkyrie's room or sexy music playing in Scott and Hope's. Around the corner was Peter Parker. He had a plastic bag in his hand and he knocked on the door next to the fire escape.

"Hey, Shuri? I got the chocolate sauce and the whipped cream. You ready for this?"

"Oh God, even the children!" Darcy shrieked in agony and sprinted through the nearest open door, black rain cloud of misery nipping at her heels.

Peter blinked after her, stepping slowly into Shuri's bedroom where she'd set up the gaming system and a buffet of junk food for their snacking pleasure.

"What was that all about?" she asked.

"I have no idea."

Meanwhile, Darcy had found a cozy hiding spot in the middle of a decently furnished room she'd never seen before. Granted, she hadn't seen many apartments other than the one she and Jane shared. This one was the same size if a little wider. The ceiling wasn't as high, but there were a few extra cabinets in the kitchen that Darcy would kill to her at her place. Tomorrow, she'd bug Tony about it.

She entered the living room, leaving the door the way she found it. The couch was black leather upholstery, the walls bearing standard decorations. The kind you got on sale at TJ Maxx or Marshalls. All of them had a distinctly masculine feel. The TV was off and the remote placed neatly on the coffee table next to an empty glass candy bowl. That part was a real shame because she could use some chocolate to comfort her in her time of need.

"God I'm lonely," she moaned for the umpteenth time in however many days. "I'm so lonely I'm snooping around in some random person's apartment. Why aren't I leaving? Why did I run in here, to begin with?"

In place of answering those questions or actually leaving, she dove further into the belly of the beast by invading her mystery stranger's bedroom. It was as bare bones as the rest of his living space. The bed was made with perfection not even seasoned hotel maids could match. The pillows were fluffed and placed next to each other. On the nightstand were a well-thumbed novel and a lamp. There was a small closet next to the private bathroom and a window. No thumbprint of the apartment's occupant to be found.

"A Jacuzzi?" Darcy peeked into the bathroom. "Seriously? Why don't we have a Jacuzzi? That is so not fair."

The front door closed. Footsteps approached the bedroom. Darcy's heart shriveled and died.

How she had failed to hear him coming, she'd never know. Not that it would've mattered. Being caught walking out of his apartment wasn't much different from being caught inside. Without thinking, Darcy dropped on her stomach and crawled under the bed. She tried to control her breathing as a pair of sneakers entered the room. A male sigh preceded their removal, revealing wool socks.

He sat on the bed. Darcy crawled away as the mattress dipped. He was heavy, whoever he was. Hopefully, he wasn't looking to lay down and take a nap. Seconds passed and he stood up again, entering the bathroom but not shutting the door.

"Dammit," Darcy hissed, then slapped a hand over her mouth.

He had turned on the faucet right as she spoke. At this angle, she got a better look at his body. He had long, muscled legs clad in tight blue jeans. His waist was narrow and fed into a broad chest and shoulders. His biceps were roughly the size of her head and when he reached for a towel, she spotted a hint of dirty blonde hair at the nape of his neck.

'I saw a porno like this once,' said the horny side of her brain. Darcy smothered it with a blanket and bit down on her knuckle. No sexy thoughts right now, she repeated to herself. No sexy thoughts. Those were reserved for unattainable people she could admire from afar. Like Steve Rogers. Not this random dude whose apartment she'd broken into.

Random Dude's pocket buzzed and he sat back down to answer his phone. Darcy moved to the other side of the bed, as far as possible without letting her feet or ass stick out.

"Hello?" Random Dude paused to listen. "Hey, Jane, how are you?… no, I don't think so. Is she around today?"

His voice was very familiar.

"I was out all morning, but I didn't see her on my way up."

Almost as familiar as his hair and his ridiculous tallness and his gigantic muscles and he was Steve Rogers.

"So she's not answering her phone? ... well, if I see her I'll pass along the message… yeah, no problem. Talk to you later."

This was Steve Rogers' apartment and Steve Rogers' bed which she was hiding under.

'Oh. Fuck. Me.'

Her head hit the bed frame. She nearly bit through her lip, but by some miracle, didn't scream. Steve left the phone on the nightstand and circled the room as if trying to remember something he'd forgotten to do. He raked his fingers through his hair then down his shirt. It was an extremely tight dark blue Henley, which seemed to be a favorite for super soldiers who liked to put their stupidly perfect bodies on display so everyone around them melted into a puddle of raging jealousy and sexual frustration.

The shirt hit the floor, mere inches away from her face. It smelled like smoke and hot dog kiosks.

'Oh crap,' Darcy thought, brow sweating.

Steve reached for his pants.

'OH CRAP!'

He hooked his fingers into the belt loop to adjust them, then left the room.

'Oh thank God… or not thank God… dammit, I gotta get out of here.'

Steve was in the fridge, which was hidden by the doorframe. His ass as he peered into the bottom shelf was not. It hung out in the air like the luscious fruit of the gods. One taste would bestow upon humanity the hidden secrets of the universe. It wiggled as he poked around in the fruit drawer. Back and forth, up and down. Darcy squeezed her legs together until she lost all feeling. It was almost enough to alleviate the torment, but she could still see him.

It took him ages to find what he was looking for, which turned out to be an apple. He tossed it in the air a few times as he entered the living room. He flopped his shirtless self on the couch, legs propped up on the armrest and arms under his head. His chiseled abs and pecs were exactly what she always dreamed they'd be, only better. There he was, tanned skin and bulging muscles, laid out like a visual feast. Time which could've been spent planning her escape was wasted ogling him. Ogling and feeling like complete shit.

Why did she have to run into a stranger's room?

Why oh why did that stranger have to be Steve Rogers of all people?

Why couldn't it be Dave the front desk guy? He never took his headphones off; she could've snuck out while his back was turned.

Once Steve was all relaxed and comfy, he took a bite out of the apple. Sweet juices burst through his lips, dripping down his chin. He lapped it up with his tongue. His long tongue which was probably just as strong as the rest of him. If he ran it up her thighs or dipped into her panties-

"Stop." She whispered, pounding her head on the carpet as softly as she could. "Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop being horny. Horny is not appropriate for this situation."

Steve glanced at the bedroom and Darcy froze. He stared, chewing, before sitting back and taking another bite. Darcy had to hide her face behind a mass of unruly hair. It was the same every time. He'd take a bite, lick his lips, stretch his back, and moan a little as though the apple gave him an orgasm. She suddenly understood that weird guy her first college roommate dated who liked to snap one off while she licked the cheese off Doritos.

'It's just because he's shirtless,' she told herself. 'He's shirtless and he's covered in muscles and you're in his room when you shouldn't be and that's that. Now shut up, libido. You aren't wanted here.'

Seconds ticked by like hours. Her phone was squished between her thigh and the floor. She couldn't even check how much time had passed when Steve tossed the core into the garbage and shut his eyes. Darcy watched the rise and fall of his chest slow to a steady rhythm, not getting at all distracted and carefully shifting her weight to the edge of the bed. The carpet was soft, made from a material she couldn't name, but which she imagined cost more than her parents' combined yearly income. In contrast, she was wearing a t-shirt she found in the bargain bin at Wal-Mart.

Put together, they didn't make a lot of noise. Not to her ears. To a supersoldier, it could very well be like detonating a bomb. She kept her eyes on him the whole time, but he didn't move. He wasn't a snorer, she noted, which was nice. She'd dated snorers in the past, and it was impossible to sleep with those living chainsaws hacking away at her skull. Sleeping next to Steve would be so peaceful, like listening to a lullaby… not that she ever would sleep with Steve because he was Captain America and she was a coffee girl.

Putting her lack of self-actualization aside, Darcy moved out from under the bed and raised herself up on her knees. She waited for Steve to come at her battle ready, only to realize she was no more threatening than a dust bunny. It never happened, and so she dared to stand at full height.

She stuck to the wall, arms spread wide. One step landed too loud for comfort and she fought to keep her balance as she peeled off her shoes. If she made it out of this alive, she was investing in some sound absorbing soles. Tucking her shoes into her armpit, she continued to make sporadic forward motions, ears perked up like a dog's now that she couldn't see him anymore. So far, all was calm. He was a much heavier sleeper than she thought.

Then the phone rang. Again.

Darcy dove for the closet and hid in Steve's shirts. They were all pressed and neatly organized. T-shirts on one side, button ups on the other. Mostly solid blues, with some striped or checkered shirts for variety. Everything screamed masculinity and carried just the right musky smell to drive her hormones wild.

"Hello?" His voice was deeper. He really had been asleep. "Hey, Sam. Yeah, I'm just taking a break. Do you need me?"

'Please need him. Please need him. Please please please need him-'

"Okay, as long as you have it handled… no, I don't plan on going out again until tomorrow. I need to catch up on some sleep. All right, talk to you later."

A thud as he dropped the phone, then a long sigh, then nothing. Darcy counted out five minutes. It had been only twenty since this nightmare began because she was the universe's favorite plaything. Maybe tomorrow she'd go ding dong ditch some HYDRA guys since Lady Luck was so clearly on her side.

That the hinges didn't squeak was a godsend. She made it out of the closet with minimal fear of capture. From here, she could lean her whole upper body and see into the living room. It took a few more aching shifts of her feet to get a more comfortable look. Steve was on his back, eyes closed, still half-naked. His face was turned towards her, and she swallowed as his eyelids seemed to flutter.

He had his arms crossed. It made them look bigger. Darcy allowed herself a fraction of a second to drool and then took one long, silent step into the living room. She was completely exposed. No turning back.

There were five more big steps separating her from freedom. If her math was right (and her grades in high school would beg to differ) she could be out of here in four if she squeezed in a few half steps. Her feet stayed together when not in motion. She breathed through her nose and adjusted her grip on her shoes. Stealth mode, just like a secret agent.

She could do this.

First, she took a half step. He had the same carpets in every room. Her toes came down first followed by the sole and then the heel. Steve slept on without a care.

A big step. She almost lost her balance and toppled. Her heart slammed out of her chest and into her throat, choking her. One shoe slipped and she just barely caught it with two fingers.

'You can do this. You can do this. You can do this.' She waited another thirty seconds. 'He's still asleep and he's shirtless and he has some stubble on his cheeks and is that chest hair?'

She pinched herself until she couldn't bear the pain. Her mind fell silent. Everything stripped away except her survival instincts, the most basic function of the human brain. It drove her to take a big step, then a half step, then a big step again.

Half step, big step, half step, big step-

She was at the door.

Not just within reach, but standing right in front of it. Touching it. She undid the lock one micrometer at a time, avoiding the loud snap of the bolt pulling back. After that, the knob twisted with ease.

'I did it.' She was in awe of herself. 'I made it. I didn't even wake him up. I can't believe it. I'm actually going to get out of this with my dignity intact. It's really finally over!'

"Bye Darcy."

"Bye Steve." 'I am so awesome right now. I should be the badass secret agent around here. I should-'

Her shoes hit the floor; one ricocheted onto the wall. The sound echoed as Darcy pivoted. She met Steve's blue eyes, very much open and aware. His face bore no expression, his mouth a straight line.

"By the way, Jane was looking for you."

"Uh…" Darcy's throat closed. "I..."

She hurled herself out the door and ran until her legs gave out.


Darcy saw him again two days later. She hadn't been looking for him.

After returning home to find the living room blessedly devoid of scantily clad super soldiers, she had made a solemn vow to never even think the name Steve Rogers again. If anyone talked about him, she'd make herself look busy. If they were in the same room, she'd leave. This was a promise written in blood, or at least it would be if the sight of blood didn't make Darcy faint.

Forty-seven hours and thirty-nine minutes were all it amounted to. He just had to be at the same quaint little sandwich shop at the same time she was. Not only that, he just had to be right behind her so she was enveloped in his spicy, New York scent. He wasn't wearing cologne, at least not any flavor she knew, so that was all him.

"Turkey on rye," she ordered, lowering her voice in the hopes that maybe he wouldn't recognize her. "Don't toast it. Just make it fast."

She practically snatched her order out of the cashier's hand, breaking her long-held rule to never be rude to minimum wage workers. Stupid Steve. Tomorrow, she'd go back and leave a twenty in the tip jar.

The only empty table was behind the garbage cans. Darcy draped her coat over the empty seat across from her. If anyone asked, she was waiting for a date. Her sandwich was cold and bland. She forgot to ask for extra mayonnaise.

"Mind if I join you?"

Her teeth snapped together, rattling her brain and making her jaw ache. She blinked the disorientation away, and by then, Steve had occupied the empty seat. He pushed her coat aside so not to sit on it. When he opened his sandwich, it looked even plainer than hers.

"Hi," Darcy said like an idiot.

Steve smiled. "Good to see you."

"You, too."

"Having a good day?"

"Pretty quiet."

"Yeah, it is."

"Yeah…"

Something about his manner, how he could just spread a mustard packet on his bread and shoot the breeze with her like they were old pals, struck her hard in the chest. Right where forty-eight hours of fear and anxiety had built up, ready to blow at the slightest provocation. Like Steve talking to her.

"I'm sorry about what happened the other day. So incredibly sorry like you wouldn't believe." Her mouth moved too fast for her brain to keep up, leaving her filterless. Most would agree, a filterless Darcy was a dangerous Darcy. "I have no good explanation for what I was doing in your room. I swear I'm not a creepy stalker. I'm not a pervert. I didn't steal your underwear or lick your toothbrush. And I know that sounds like a really specific denial, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I understand if you're mad or if you hate me. I know if I found some stranger in my room, I'd give them an enema with my taser, but I really truly madly deeply am so sorry. I am sorry."

She stopped when her lungs gave out. This was worse than running that charity 5k back in her freshman year. At least then she could stand in solidarity with the other sweaty, out of shape college students. Here, she was alone, a bug under the microscope that was Steve Rogers. He appraised her, no emotion visible. Their meals were long forgotten. Then, as if taunting Darcy with the weight of her sins, he smiled.

He smiled!

"You've been thinking about this a lot haven't you?"

There was a Captain Obvious joke in there somewhere, but that was beneath her.

"Maybe a little… or a lot... maybe…" she covered her face with her shirt, but nothing could the shame in her heart.

"I guess I should apologize, too," Steve said.

"What for?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "The truth is, I didn't just wake up when you were sneaking out. I'd known you were there for a while."

Darcy blinked. "What? For how long?"

"The whole time. No offense, but you're not very good at stealth."

So much for her secret agent career.

"You're telling me you intentionally went around shirtless and ate fruit erotically?"

He frowned. "I went around shirtless, but what do you mean eating erotically?"

Darcy dropped her head in her hands. "Oh my god, you're an asshole. And a virgin. Both of those things piss me off in ways I can't articulate."

"You're not wrong," Steve smirked. He was annoyingly hot this way, like more than usual. "Bucky always said I had a piece of shit streak a mile long."

"He's right," Darcy snapped. "I was afraid you hated me, and you thought it was all a big joke."

"I figured it was just an accident," he said. "I don't know how you ended up in my room and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I should've said something right away instead of trying to mess with you, so for that, I'm sorry."

He offered her a hand which she took without thinking. In fact, she didn't think at all about his rough skin or powerful grip, the way his biceps bulged out of the T-shirt like why couldn't he just buy things in his size? Why did everything have to be two sizes too small? Jerk.

"I guess we're both kind of useless fuckups this week."

Steve squeezed her hand one more time. He was gentle about it, which was good because any real force would probably shatter her fingers. "What do you say we make it up to each other? How about dinner tonight?"

"Like a date?" Darcy didn't want to sound too hopeful, which of course she probably did.

"If you want it to be," he said. "Is that too much too soon?"

"A little," Darcy played with a section of hair. "Not that I'm opposed, but maybe we should start with just coffee. You know, take things slow."

"That makes sense. We're only just getting properly acquainted."

"Exactly. We shouldn't rush into anything," she said. "So, friendly coffee date it is?"

He raised his soda to her. "Deal."

"Deal."


After a long day of work and an even longer night in Bucky's bed, Jane returned to the apartment for some fresh clothes and a much-needed pot of Folgers dark roast. A shower might be good, too. She probably stank like oil and sex.

Opening the door, Jane was met with the sight of a naked Darcy riding an equally naked Steve Rogers on the couch. Neither of them noticed her. Darcy was too busy screaming Steve's name while he fondled her breasts and pinched her nipples.

Jane backed up and closed the door. The walls were soundproof, but their moans reverberated in her ears, making her shiver.

'Why do I feel like I deserved that?'