Disclaimer

Number 1: We do not own Lord of the Rings. The book was written by J. R. R. Tolkien, and Peter Jackson directed the movie. We are making no profit from this  Maybe…

Number 2: While we have read the books (or, in my case, almost done reading the books), this follows the movie. But some stuff pertaining to the book version occasionally appears when it makes good humor. Also, since we don't have all the time in the world, some parts have been glossed over or shortened, while other scenes we focused on more. Some scenes may even be made up entirely out of our minds (scary, I know). And if anything falls out of order from the originals, we apologize. Sometimes it was purposefully done to fit what we wanted.

Number 3: Random quotes from other movies appear periodically. If you find and identify them, you get a cookie. Not really. Maybe a metaphorical one  These other movies could include, but are not limited to the following: Star Wars, Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord of the Rings itself, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, The Mummy, and Austin Powers. These are the movies we are obsessed with and can quote from the tops of our heads at any time. Also, random video games ideas and even a commercial appear here. We don't own any of the mentioned above, either.

Number 4: We love all the characters and mean no harm  If you find any comment offensive, then too bad. Nothing was said to offend…it's all in good fun. We purposefully make fun of every character and go out of our way to make each character ridiculous. Have fun.

Number 5: This began when my sister started writing random, parodying scenes in a tablet. I decided to get in on the action, so to speak, and then I said we should put it into a book setup. Heh heh.

Lord of the Rings:

The Fellowship of the Ring:

Parody

by SireenC and Peleus15

Frodo Baggins sat under a tree in the middle of a place that we are not quite sure where, but we know it is in the Shire somewhere. He was reading a book, 101 Ways to Cook Mushrooms, when he heard the sound of a cart. The cart was no ordinary cart, for it carried an old friend of his: Gandalf the Grey. Gandalf was late. Frodo ran over to the road, somehow losing his valuable book along the way.

"You're late," Frodo told the wizard. Frodo was a bad hobbit, for he had just broken the number one rule, which was to never anger a wizard. Gandalf looked up at the hobbit.

"You're short and have hairy feet; what difference does it make?" Gandalf asked. Frodo only stared back, unfazed, before lunging into the cart.

As Gandalf's cart slowly made its way around the Shire, Frodo and Gandalf kept up a friendly chat. They seemed to have known each other for quite some time.

"Before you came along, we Bagginses were very well thought of," Frodo said. "Never had any adventures or did anything unexpected."

"If you are referring to the incident with the dragon, I was hardly involved. All I did was give your uncle to the dragon in hopes that the dragon would eat him," Gandalf returned in defense.

"Whatever you did, you were officially named Disturber of the Peace," Frodo told him as several hobbit children ran after the cart.

"Fireworks, Gandalf!" they cried as the gardener hobbit grumpily watched. Gandalf sent out fireworks that killed the children. The gardener chuckled to himself.

Frodo dove out of the cart sometime after that, but Gandalf kept going until he pulled up beside Bag End. He climbed out and whacked the door with his staff, almost breaking it.

"Go away! Unless you have food, I am not interested!" came Bilbo Baggins voice from within the giant hole in the hill.

"What about very old geezers?" Gandalf shouted back.

"Gandalf?" Bilbo asked.

"Of course it's me; who else half dead hangs around your doorsteps?" Gandalf replied. Bilbo opened the door, and Gandalf had to crawl to get through, almost getting stuck halfway.

"So…would you like some tea?" Bilbo called from the kitchen. Gandalf was obviously snooping around, as he lifted up boxes and opened his mail. Gandalf snickered; Sarumen once had him arrested for reading Sarumen's mail. But where were the police now? The Mail-Reader strikes again!

"Hey, Gandy! Do you want some TEA?!"

"No!" Gandalf barked. "I want some bloody coffee, Fool!"

"Too bad!" Bilbo waddled rather quickly into the room. Gandalf stuffed the opened mail under a book. "Here." He thrust the cup of steaming tea at the wizard, who was unprepared. Unfortunately, the cup spilled all over him, causing him to…

"YEOOOOWWWW!!" Gandalf glared at the old hobbit. "Bilbo, I curse you and your family."

"Ah, well. I'll be dead soon anyhow, and there's just Frodo, and frankly I don't care mphw…mpf duf fuf murl…"

"Um, Bilbo? I can't understand a word you're saying."

"Oh. I forgot I was storing bread in my mouth. Would you like some? No? Good."

"Actually, I would." Gandalf glared. Bilbo glared back.

"Fine." He spat out some really chewed, really soggy bread. It landed on Gandalf's brand new, thoroughly mud-caked boots that an orc had gnawed on two days ago.

"I hate you." Gandalf scooped up the soppy mess and shoved it into his mouth.

"So!" Bilbo, suffering from bipolar disorder, was cheerful. "Why are you here?"

"Someone said there was cake," Gandalf muttered around the mouthful of gooey "bread."

"Yep! And potatoes!"

"…Together?"

"Yep!" Bilbo suspiciously eyed the wizard. "Is that the only reason you're here?"

"Um…possibly?"

"Oh, okay. Wanna go smoke lots?"

"Erm…sure. With you?"

"Gandalf, you are my oldest and dearest friend…" He choked as tears filled his eyes. "I just want you to know that I love you very much."

"Whoa! Dude, so don't swing that way!" Gandalf backed away.

"Heh, heh…neither do I?" He grabbed his pipe and some Long Bottom Leaf. "Let's go."

Bilbo seated himself on the chair, but Gandalf pushed him off and sat there himself. Bilbo was left to sit on the ground.

Gandalf, thinking he was best at everything, was clearly trying to show off by making the smoke into different shapes. "Gandalf, my old friend, this will be a night to remember," Bilbo commented. He looked over at Gandalf to find him passed out from all the smoke.

The party was something to remember. The hobbits danced to rap, and it was the first time that it was ever played in the Shire. Gandalf was madly lighting his fireworks one after the other, while Bilbo told a story to the children.

The story was of how he spent every day of his 111 years of life, and the children were becoming very bored. Meanwhile, Frodo located Sam and tried to make him dance with Rosie.

"I think I will just have another ale," Sam responded, but Frodo pushed him toward Rosie, knocking Rosie and Sam over. Rosie got up and stormed off, and Frodo chuckled evilly to himself. He grabbed a cup of ale in each hand, downed them both, and went back for more.

As usual, Merry and Pippin were also up to no good. Merry stood eating an apple, looking innocent, but as soon as Gandalf disappeared from view, Merry signaled to Pippin; together they wheeled the cart carrying the firecrackers away. Once they were inside their tent, Pippin lit them all.

Frodo looked up and realized in horror that several dragons were flying directly toward him. "We are under attack!" he screamed, running over to Bilbo. "Dragons!"

"Nonsense!" Bilbo said, and he refused to move so Frodo body slammed him as the dragons soared overhead. They burst in the sky, and all the hobbits clapped. "Frodo, where are the dragons?" Bilbo questioned.

Gandalf stomped over to Merry and Pippin, his lip jutted out like a pouting child. "Meriagrin and Peredoc, I might have known!"

"But you didn't. And it's--"

He cut off Meriadoc. "Silence! I shall have to find a suitable punishment for you two. You could have killed everyone!"

"We're sorry, " Pippin said meekly.

"Fool of a Take!" Gandalf stomped his foot. "You failed to kill everyone! Now you have to…comb my beard!" He smiled in gleeful satisfaction when the two gasped in horror. "Oh, yes. And I was extra messy when I ate earlier!"

"NOOOOOO!!"

"Don't do a speech, Bilbo! Noo!" all the hobbits cried in sheer panic.

"All right, if you insist." Cheerfully Bilbo climbed onto a barrel and took a breath. "My dear Baggins and, um…uh…hobbits…and…more hobbits; I am 111 today!"

"You've been around far too long!" cried a random hobbit.

"Yeah, croak already!" another yelled.

"I regret to announce that this is the end. Please, hold your applause until the end. I bid you all a fond farewell." Bilbo slipped The Ring onto his finger. Nothing happened. "Darn! These cereal box rings never work!"

Bilbo stomped off as the rest shrugged and continued to party.

"Hee, hee!" the old hobbit cackled. "I will beat that old thinks-he-knows-everything!" Bilbo slammed into Gandalf the second he entered his home. "Darn the luck," he muttered.

"I suppose you thought you were a tricky little hobbit, didn't you?" Gandalf asked.

"Did you see their faces?" Bilbo chuckled to himself as he packed his things, which consisted mostly of food and alcohol. No way he was leaving that behind.

"Yes, they looked ready to kill you!" Gandalf exclaimed. "There are many names that you can call hobbits, but none of them should be used likewise."

"Whatever," Bilbo muttered, slinging his backpack onto his shoulder. "You will keep an eye on Frodo?"

"Ten eyes, as often as I take a step," Gandalf responded, taking a step forward. "Darn, now I have to check on Frodo." Bilbo ran for the door, but Gandalf quickly stopped him.

"The Ring stays, too!" Gandalf commanded. Bilbo put a hand into his pocket.

"You're a thief! You want it for yourself!"

"Bilbo Baggins!" Gandalf roared as the room darkened. Lightning came from nowhere and stunned him. Gandalf then gleefully took The Ring out of Bilbo's pocket and went and dumped Bilbo's body into the river.