It was raining outside, and the drear grey of the world seemed at odds with the festivity of the Christmas season. The smell of pies and a roast in the oven filled the house, and the clutter of people in the kitchen was pleasant and inviting, but Petunia still sat upstairs, her chin propped in one hand, gazing out the rain-streaked window into the back garden.
They had finished the chores early in the day, and the house was garlanded and decked out in color and light. Now, they waited for Lily to come home. She was planning to bring her boyfriend to see them. The pair had only been seeing each other for a few months, but seemed quite serious about one another: Petunia's father joked about meeting his son-in-law.
Petunia was a bit more ambivalent about meeting her sister's new beau. Ever since Lily had been accepted into the magical school that she now attended, she had been different. Vacations were a constant risk; Petunia never knew when she might stumble across some disgusting item or another. Two years ago, Lily had forgotten a case of something in her room, which Petunia had not discovered until it had rotted completely, filling the entire floor with the sickly sweet smell of decay. Petunia, naturally, had been the one to clean it up.
Petunia had learned to treat anything coming from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with a certain degree of caution, and she saw no reason this James Potter should be any less dangerous than spell components or little rodenty animals. He had been raised to the life her sister only knew from recent experience, and would undoubtedly be thoroughly corrupted by it. What common grounds could she possibly have with a boy like that?
Making matters worse, she had been told not to ask her fiance Vernon over until the next day, to give James and Lily a chance to settle in. Tonight was not going to be easy.
A sudden crack shocked her out of her thoughts, and two figures blinked into existence in the back garden, where no one had stood an instant before. Petunia's head jerked up from her chin as the sudden trill of her sister's laughter filtered through the rain. The back door opened, and a flood of light spilled into the back garden. Lily flung herself forward towards it, and their father's voice said something unintelligable from upstairs. The other figure – presumably James – followed more moderately.
For a moment, there was a low murmur from downstairs as greetings were boisterously shared. Petunia didn't move, continuing to stare out into the garden while listening intently to the goings-on downstairs.
It seemed a long time before anyone thought of her, but finally her father's voice called up from downstairs. "Petunia! Your sister is here!"
Petunia rose and checked her dress, a high-necked holiday outfit in pale green. It appeared still neat and tidy, so she moved to the door and opened it.
When she stepped into the living room, Lily let out a delighted laugh and flung herself forward. "Petunia! You look wonderful! It feels like it's been years since I've seen you. Isn't it strange that it's been only a few months?"
The time had flown by too quickly for Petunia, as she spent her days working and her evenings with Vernon, but she gave a thin smile and returned Lily's hug, looking over her shoulder at the stranger in the room.
James Potter was almost attractive, and it was easy to see how Lily would be drawn to him. He seemed to embody the barely controlled chaos that Lily always seemed to gather around her. His hair was dark brown, and arranged in a deliberately messy tangle, sticking up every which way. His hazel eyes sparkled with what Petunia felt certain was suppressed laughter – probably amused by the behavior of his inferiors. He seemed the type.
She only had a few seconds to size him up before Lily pulled away and turned back to face him. "James, this is my sister Petunia. Petunia, this is James Potter." Her voice as clearly revealed her adoration as the letters had, and James's smile widened a bit in response to that.
"Hello, James," Petunia said a bit stiffly. She would not lie and say it was a pleasure to meet him, but she could add, "We've heard so much about you."
"Lies, all of it," he asserted cheerfully, offering a hand.
"Don't be an idiot," Lily retorted.
Seeing no way to avoid it politely, Petunia reached out to touch her fingers to his. He captured her hand gallantly and bowed melodramatically over it, touching his lips to it. Petunia resisted the urge to jerk her hand away, but surreptitiously pressed the back of it against the fabric of her dress once it was released. She disliked the kinds of pseudo-romantic airs he was demonstrating. They were never genuine, and usually indicated a self-centered personality.
"Ravishing," James declared with a grin, and turned to take Lily's arm. Lily stuck her tongue out at him.
"Why don't we all sit down and talk?" her mother said pleasantly, lowering herself to the sofa and reaching for a plate of cookies laid out on the coffee table. "We are all interested in learning more about you, James."
Petunia took a cookie as the plate came to her and let herself tune out the rest of the conversation, which was a rambling discussion of seventh year at Hogwarts and a description of James's family. There was nothing terribly interesting about any of it. At least the next day Vernon would be there. He was so solidly normal that he could not help but provide a buffer against the alien world Lily had brought home with her.
The rain had turned into a storm by bedtime, and lightning flashed in the sky outside Petunia's window. She didn't feel at all tired, but had excused herself in order to escape the conversation. An hour or so after that, she sat in her dark bedroom and listened as Lily and James came up the stairs.
"This is the guest bedroom," Lily's voice came through the wall, clearly audible. Petunia sat silently, not wanting to betray her wakeful presence.
"It's nice," James replied. A creak from bedsprings sounded, and he said, "Your family is nice."
"I don't always like to come back here. I worry about whether something might follow me."
Petunia turned to look at the wall separating her from Lily and James, as though it might help her hear better. The conversation had taken an interesting turn.
"Don't talk like that." Another creak from the bedsprings, as Lily sat down. James continued to speak. "In times like this, we all need our families. It's important that we hold on to love at any cost. The war can't change that. If it does, he's won."
"I haven't told them," Lily said. "My parents would be so terrified. There's no reason for any of that. But I feel so distant from them because of it. There's this wall I can't let down."
"They're good people, Lily," James said gently. "I can see that. Your Mum and Dad would want to know. They'd want to support you. We all need people to lean on."
"I have you for that. I need them to be my… oh, I don't know. My control, I suppose. A vestige of stability."
For a moment, neither James nor Lily said anything. Petunia sat in frozen silence, listening intently. What on earth was happening that neither James nor Lily would name? Why was she not being told about this, or her parents? Were they in danger?
Lily's world had always seemed something whimsical and glorious, if a touch disgusting. Nothing was quite real there. She had told them of bones broken and regrown overnight, of fatal injuries healed miraculously by magic. The notion that there could be something dark and dangerous about that magical world was a bit of a shock to Petunia.
"I keep thinking about Daniel," Lily said after a minute.
"You know there's no way anyone will find him guilty," James said. "He was obviously being controlled. The witness reports quoted in the Prophet made that pretty obvious."
"Still. It will be a few weeks until the trial. And he'll need to spend them in Azkaban."
Azkaban. The name and the way Lily said it felt dark and chill. Petunia pulled the quilt from her bed around her and listened intently.
"Every wizard accused of a serious crime in years has spent time in Azkaban. Most of them make it through all right." James's voice was unconvincing.
"Have you ever seen a Dementor?"
"Yes," James said with what sounded like deliberate calm. "Fought one, in a special lesson with Professor Gibson. It was… frightening. The air got all cold, and dark – so dark it felt like I was going blind. And everything started slipping away, all the happiness I had. I managed my Patronus, but it was terrifying. I'm not trying to diminish what Daniel is going through."
"And these are the creatures the Ministry of Magic trusts to guard its prison." Lily's voice was heavy with bitterness. "Lumping the innocent in with the guilty."
"Hey, I know. It's stupid, and brutal, and wrong. But Daniel will make it through. And as long as they're in Azkaban, they're not working for him."
There was another long silence, then Lily spoke. "I should get to bed. I'll see you in the morning, all right?"
"All right. Night, Lily."
The bed squeaked again as Lily rose, and then the door clicked open and shut. Petunia sat awake in the darkness, unable to sleep for a long time.
Vernon's meeting with James had not gone well. After around 20 minutes in which James sniped at Vernon and Vernon blustered at James, Vernon had stormed out, telling Petunia he'd see her in the evening.
Lily looked amused by the scene, which irritated Petunia deeply. Their father, in an attempt to defuse the situation, proposed a trip out for some shopping. Petunia agreed reluctantly only after Lily did, and the five of them – James, Lily, Petunia, and their parents – piled into the car. Lily and her mother kept up an amiable chatting about nothing as they maneuvered through the crowded streets. Petunia sat silently, and James seemed content to listen.
"I'll drop the three of you at the curb and find parking, shall I?" their father said as he pulled up in front of Harrods.
"Thanks, Daddy," Lily said, and nudged James's shoulder. He opened his door and Petunia opened hers, stepping into the street.
Before pulling away, her father called, "I'll meet you right here in three hours sharp."
Petunia separated from Lily and James right after they stepped inside, ignoring Lily's hurt call of, "Petunia," after her. She needed time by herself, and her sister's feelings weren't paramount to her considerations at the moment.
The time alone did not help. As she walked, the resentment grew in her. Lily had stepped back in, possibly bringing danger and death with her, and once again, Petunia's life had been upended to make room for her. She needed to talk to Vernon again, to regain the grounded stability he helped her find, but she didn't imagine he'd be coming by again while James was there, which meant Petunia would need to choose between her parents and her fiance, for no reason other than Lily's presence and poor taste in men.
The conversation she'd overheard last night continued to play in her mind. The description James had given of Dementors was chilling. Some dark, wicked part of her hoped he would do something brutally wrong and wind up trapped there with them. She tried to suppress it, but it kept bubbling up.
The worst thing about Lily's presence, for Petunia, was the way it brought all of this darkness out of her. She was never so small-minded and petty as when her sister was home. She could feel herself shrinking and shriveling next to Lily's brightness each year.
She hadn't managed to buy anything three hours later, so she moved empty-handed to the door. She spotted Lily and James as descended to the ground floor, and hung back to avoid any need to speak to them. They moved out to the front of the store, and Petunia waited on the other side of the doors.
After a moment or two, Lily lifted a hand in a wave to someone Petunia could not see. Petunia only saw her sister's face, and the entire moment as it reflected there. The bright smile and cheerful wave tranformed, as the squeal of tires shrieked outside, to a blank look of incomprehension and slowly into horror. "Daddy!"
Petunia stood a moment, unable to move. James began to move before either of the girls, taking off into the street at a run. As if cut free by this, Petunia took an unsteady step, then another towards the door, picking up speed as she pushed into the open air.
Lily still hadn't moved as Petunia turned to look past her. Traffic had stopped, and a half block down the road was a tangle of vehicles, dented and smashed. Their parents' blue Allegro was in the tangle. Petunia couldn't see inside the vehicle.
James was standing by the tangle, trying to dive into action, but clearly unable to decide what to do. Petunia felt cold, her cheeks bloodless and numb. "Call someone," she said, not sure to whom she was speaking. "Get someone here." She moved towards the accident as if in a dream, each step a struggle between her feet and her brain: she didn't really want to see the scene from any closer.
"Stay back, Petunia. It could be dangerous." James's hand had moved to her shoulder as she passed him. She turned to look at him. Without replying, she reached to gently lift his wrist, touching him only with the tips of her fingers. Then she stepped closer to the mess of cars.
A few of the cars had open doors, their passengers stepping into the street with minor wounds. The Allegro's crushed doors were still closed, its windshield a spiderweb of cracks.
The whine of emergency vehicles sounded, getting steadily closer. Petunia could see the outline of her mother's head through the splintered glass, tinged with red. She tried to call out to her, but her voice didn't seem to be working.
The sirens were getting closer, and an ambulance turned onto the street, followed shortly by another. Petunia couldn't see any way to get to her parents' car.
"Miss, you need to move back." A uniformed police officer was next to her; she didn't know how he'd gotten there.
"My parents," she said. Her voice sounded hollow to her, with a hint of an echo haunting it.
"Miss, we'll get all of this straightened out. But you need to move back." His hand was on her arm, and he was gently but firmly pulling her back from the scene.
James and Lily came up beside her, and James took Petunia's arm firmly. "Thank you, sir," he said to the police officer. "Their parents are in there."
"We'll do our best," the officer said. Petunia was barely hearing them. She turned to look at Lily, who was clinging to James's other hand. Lily was staring at the mess of cars, and her face looked like a porcelain doll's, devoid of personality. It was strange; Lily generally seemed so vibrant, and now she was flat and hollow.
The emergency workers were disassembling the accident, and ambulances were departing. Petunia looked up at James, and spoke with an odd calm. "You could have stopped this. Couldn't you."
James stared back at her with some bewilderment. "I don't –"
"You people. With your rules. Someone might have seen, is that it? You were right here. You could have done something. But I suppose these people didn't matter to you. Not your kind. Too boring."
Lily spoke, her voice unsteady. "Petunia, don't…"
Petunia rounded on Lily now, her calm transforming into anger. "And you! What was the point in sending you to that school to become a freak if you couldn't at least be a useful freak? Everyone loves beautiful, clever Lily, but when the time comes for you to actually do anything, you just crumple, don't you?"
Lily looked as though Petunia had just slapped her. James spoke, a bit of anger in his voice now, too. "Petunia, that's not –"
"How dare you speak to me?" Petunia demanded. "Both of you! You come into our home, you lie to us, you bring some unknown danger… Is that what happened here? Your bloody war?"
"No." Lily's voice was a barely audible whisper, but she didn't sound convinced. James's hand had tightened on Petunia's arm painfully.
A pair of men were prying open the Allegro's passenger side door now. A paramedic touched two fingers to the side of Petunia's mother's neck, then glanced up at his partner and shook his head. Petunia's head felt suddenly light, as though she might just float away.
"Mum?" Lily's voice sounded tiny, as though she were a child again. Petunia turned back to her sharply.
"Fix her," she said in a low hiss.
"What?"
"Fix. Her. You people know how to do things like that. You told us. Broken legs, poisons… You can fix her. Do it."
James broke in quietly. "Petunia, it's not that simple. There are some things – "
"DON'T." Petunia's voice was shaking, and she couldn't figure out why. She felt an almost unearthly sense of calm. "Don't say you can't. You have powers. You can do anything."
"Not anything," James said.
Petunia slapped him. Her hand left a red outline on his face. "Freak. You are both freaks. I want you out of the house. Today. And that's it. You can have until dinnertime to pack. And then you are dead." Lily's face was crumbling, and Petunia felt a surge of triumph race through her, seeing it. "You are dead," she repeated. "I have no sister."
She jerked her arm violently out of James's grip and took a step back, taking in the expressions on both faces.
"Petunia, please," Lily said desperately. Petunia didn't reply. She simply turned and walked away.
She had lit all the Christmas candles. Sometimes, all you had left were the motions of life. Vernon had his arm around her as they sat on the couch, watching the Yule log burn.
"You're better off knowing what kind of people they are," Vernon said into the long silence. "She wouln't have helped you get through this."
"I know," Petunia said softly. The silence hung for a moment. "I couldn't believe she wouldn't do anything. Her own parents."
"Their kind aren't like us. They're not normal. You can't expect them to act like people."
Petunia nestled a bit more into the security of Vernon's arm. "Vernon," she said softly. "Can we move the wedding forward a bit?"
Vernon turned his head to look at her. "Why?" he asked.
"I don't know," Petunia said quietly. "I just don't want to feel alone. I want to be your wife. I want to have a child."
For a moment, Vernon said nothing. Finally, he nodded. "Of course," he said. "We'll make a new family." He leaned to kiss her cheek brusquely. "And don't worry. Before long, you'll forget you ever had a sister. We'll never have to deal with her again."
Petunia nodded, then turned to look at the window again. It had started to snow. The swirling flakes drew the illusion of people moving outside, watching her. She drew herself up slightly. She would have a new family, and she would do better by them. She and Vernon would protect her family from the dangerous influence of Lily's world.
Everything was Lily's fault.
