Ok, this is basically all the stuff I wanted to put into the Squirrel stories, but they never actually made it. These snippets and such never actually made it because they :

a) would've slowed down the story

b) had nothing to do with the current storyline

c) Had NOTHING AT ALL to do with the story - they was just a stream of conciousness

so now, i give you the Squirrel Shortshots: a random collection of POTC fanfiction previously unseen :D

Enjoy


Jack groaned, opening his eyes slowly. The world was blurred and indistinct around him, but he could see someone watching him.

"Feeling better, Captain?"

The words ran through Jack's mind like a raging bull. He winced. "Not so loud," he mumbled, "My head..."

The figure came closer. "I know. How are you feeling?"

Jack let loose a few choice words. The blurred figure laughed.

"I thought you might." A hand patted Jack's shoulder consolingly. "Don't worry, Captain. It's only for a short time. Then you can head back to the Pearl." More laughter, like the pealing of silver bells. "And your bonnie lass."

"How the hell you kn--" Jack managed, before the pain became too great and he passed out again.


"Alright, gentlemen, I think you know the routine. Weapons on the deck, arms in the air, no sudden moves."

Tom looks at the pistol held right in his face. He is no fool. He drops his own gun and raises his arms slowly. The pirate grins, gold teeth glinting, dreadlocks swinging.

"Now here's a man who knows how to follow orders!" The pirate looks over his shoulder to the rest of the guards. "You should give him a promotion when you get back to port, captain!" The redcoats and sailors scowl.

"Quite a lot of guards here, Captain." A mutton-chopped pirate says, motioning with his pistols. "Must be something dear aboard this vessel, I'd wager."

Jack Sparrow grins. "I'll take that bet." He looks back over to his own ship and calls up to someone in the rigging. "A fair gamble, wouldn't you say, Squirrel?"

The sound of a woman's laughter echoes back to him.

The pirates are quick and efficient. The crew of the Golden Lion are no match for them. Tom watches with undisguised awe as he and his fellow crewmates are lead across the deck and guarded at gun- and sword-point by most of the pirates. The rest, led by their cocky swaggering captain, go below decks and bring out the man that Tom and the rest of the redcoats were meant to be guarding.

"Unhand me, you filthy rogue!" The nobleman struggles in the pirate captain's grasp. "Do you have any idea who I am?"

"Not a single bally one." The pirate grins back. He motions to where the rest of the crew are tied up. "Off you go, sir. Gibbs'll tie you up good and proper."

"I will see you hang, pirate!" The nobleman struggles even more.

The pirate captain sighs. "Look, let's set this square. I have no idea who you are, and I probably don't wanna know, savvy?" The nobleman's wig slides slightly off his head as his hands are tied behind his back, and he is sat between Tom and another guard. The pirate grins, and leans closer to the nobleman, who wrinkles his nose at the pirate captain's foul smell. "However," the pirate continues, "You seem to need to know who I am." The pirate stands back on the deck, seeming to strike a pose without meaning to. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, mate." The nobleman's blood drains from his face, and he falls very silent.

"Jack Sparrow?" Tom's eyes grow huge. "You're Jack Sparrow?"

Jack grins. "Aye. Now, if you would be so kind, Mister…?"

"Tom." Tom says, then becomes aware that the entire crew is glaring at him. He straightens his back and tries to retain his dignity. "Private Thomas Thompson of the Royal British Navy. Loyal to the Crown…"

Jack nods. "Aye, that. Alright, Tom, you're going to get up and show me where all the loot is stashed."

Tom shrugs. "I'm sorry, Captain Sparrow, but there's nothing of value aboard this ship."

For a moment, Jack keeps smiling. The pirates aboard the ship shift nervously, glancing at each other.

"What do you mean," Jack says calmly, "That there's nothing of value aboard this ship, mate?"

Tom takes a deep breath. "We were hired to protect this man, Captain Sparrow."

Jack considers this information for a moment, head tilted. Then he smiles again. "So he's important, aye? How much could we ransom this gentleman for, do you reckon?"

"You wouldn't dare!" The nobleman opens his mouth, eyes wide. "You will hang for this, all of you, and any…" There's a slight noise from the rigging of the pirate vessel. Snift. The man's eyes suddenly bulge bigger, and he starts choking.

Jack laughs. "A wonderful shot, Squirrel. Excellent shooting." The nobleman spits out a small stone and glares, lips now firmly pressed together.

"Oh yes." Jack Sparrow says, tilting his head to one side, "Did I forget to mention her?" He turns and calls up into the rigging of his own ship. "Squirrel, if you would be so kind?"

A grey-cloaked figure swings down out of the rigging and lands squarely on the deck of the Golden Lion. The figure lifts their head, and the men on deck gape. That's a woman. A woman on a ship? Unheard of. Bad luck. Yet there were two women pirates. This girl… and that Negro woman with the glaring eyes.

"Ah, yes." Jack grins, putting an arm around the woman's shoulders. "Gentlemen? I'd like you to meet Miss Squirrel Grey. Straight with her shot, sharp with her wits, fast with her hands." The girl blushes a warm shade of red and smiles shyly.

The nobleman's eyes suddenly grow wider, and his mouth hangs open. "What did you say?"

Jack raises an eyebrow. "She's a sharp shooter, a quick thinker and a very good cook, mate. Why?"

The nobleman keeps staring at the grey-cloaked girl. 'Squirrel' squirms slightly.

"Did you just say," Tom says, feeling uncomfortable in the silence, "That her name was Miss Grey?" Suddenly, all of the redcoats turn to stare at the nobleman and Tom, then, as a single person, all stare at Squirrel. The grey-cloaked girl squirms some more. Jack drops his arm and places his hand on the hilt of his sword.

"Miss Grey?" The nobleman says, unbelieving. "Rose, by the Heavens, is that you?"

"Rose?" The girl's face goes pale. "How d-did you know m-my m-mother's name?" Tom senses the pirates guarding him tense up, loading their pistols and raising their swords.

The nobleman struggles to his feet, uncaring about his slanted wig or that fact that his hands are tied behind his back. "You… your mother was Rose Grey, was she, Miss Squirrel?" Squirrel glances briefly at the pirate captain standing beside her, who nods slowly. Squirrel looks back at the nobleman and nods quickly.

"Then you, Miss Squirrel," The nobleman says, "Are my granddaughter. I am Lord Cornelius Redcliffe, and Rose is my daughter…" If the man was going to say anything else, it was lost in the pirates' collective gasp of surprise.

The girl called Squirrel makes a nervous squeak, and her eyes grow huge.


A/N:
Redcliffe, not Ratcliff. Because calling Squirrel a rat would have been something Dawn would do. :P