Chapter 1 – Paranoid Eyes
I'm sure from a stranger's point of view we look nothing alike. Almost everything in our physical appearance is contrasted; He is kinda tall with an average build while I am shortish and a little stocky; he has wild light brown hair while my hair is darker and almost straight. The only physical thing we have in common are our eyes, which are identical. But he keeps his covered 90 of the time by his sunglasses, which is basically covering up the only thing that links us physically as brother and sister. People always comment on my eyes; they tell me they are honest, or sad, thoughtful, deep or even confined. They say eyes are the windows of the soul; I don't usually read into that kinda crap much but I believe that. My brother has piercing blue eyes that look gloomy yet pensive, they tell his story, our story. That is why he keeps them concealed, to cover up the pain of our past. His eyes show a weakness that he doesn't want anybody to know he has.
Some people joke because we look nothing alike that 'one of us must be adopted' or we 'must have different dads'. I use to get upset when people said stuff like that because knowing my real parents, anything could be true. Sometimes it would even make me cry, if I didn't have my brother, I had no one. My 'family' already barely qualified and now they were trying to take away the only person I had. But whenever I worried about it, Steven would always reassure me, 'brother and sister? What does that mean anyways? In my experience naming family members means nothing. Mom? What does that really mean? Some alcoholic bitch that walks out on us cause she met a trucker? Like think about it. The word family means nothing to me. You're my girl. You got me. That's all you need to know for sure.' Although it was never very reassuring reassurance, it was the best I would ever get out of Steven. And it was enough.
It was only recently during preparation for an English oral that I took on Stevens philosophy on families. As soon as I was told about the topic I knew I was going to struggle. "My Family and What They Mean to Me". 'Yes! That's easy' my classmates all whispered to the person next to them. But the guy next to me, Heman, my best friend since grade two didn't say anything. He knew better. I was in a dilemma. I didn't want to get up there and give people a big heart wrenching story about how shitty my life has been at times. I didn't want sympathy. I didn't want the teacher to think I needed to see the school councilor. I just didn't want to do the assignment. I felt anxious about it for the rest of the day. Right up until bedtime that night. That night I was lying on my bed listening to my brothers 'Led Zeppelin 2' album, he would kill me if he knew, but was out with his girlfriend Jackie so I stuck with the 'what he doesn't know can't hurt him' line.
'Lisa? You didn't say goodnight' a cheery Kitty stood at my doorway.
'Yeah Sorry, I've been a bit distracted with homework' I said trying to concentrate on the blank page in front of me
She let out her laugh that most would describe as annoying but I found endearing. 'You? Occupied with homework? Now that's funny!'
I smiled because that was true. 'I have to write a report on my family and what they mean to me.' My tone loosened 'And I don't want everything to think I'm a nutcase, which they will if I say what my 'family' really means to me. Not to mention I may be expelled for my use of profanity'.
She let out some muffled laughter as she started picking up things off my floor. 'Oh dear. Well maybe instead of turn your oral into a satanic rant you should concentrate on the things about your family you like.'
I was kind of surprised. 'Like what? Their spontaneity?'
She laughed again. I loved making her laugh. It really was infectious. 'Oh dear, that is clever too. But I meant Steven.'
'I can't write an 8 minute oral on him. He'd take up 3 minutes tops. I mean lets face it, he isn't the most interesting person.'
She folded my Bob Dylan t-shirt and placed it on the floor next to my jeans. 'Well, you can usually make a simple excuse for why you're late go on until we don't care anymore. I'm sure you can pull it off.' She smiled and kissed my forehead 'Good night'.
As soon as she left I started writing. A burst of creativity rushed over me. But it was short lived. I had written three lines when I heard footsteps coming upstairs. Thinking it was Red I quickly reached for the light, but was too late.
'What are you still doing awake? It's almost 2 in the morning!' He whispered harshly at my door. I squinted at the figure in the door and made out Steven smirking at me with his hands on his hips.
'Oh Steven! You scared me!' I whispered just as bitterly back.
He tip toed in exaggeratedly and sat on my bed with a huge grin on his face.
'No prize for guessing why your so jolly! What have you been doing with Jackie until 2 in the morning?' I say in mock horror.
'Nothing I wish to discuss with my little sister' he laughs
'Hey believe me, I don't wanna hear it either' I pretend to be lost in my writing
'So what are you doing anyways? What are you writing about at this ridiculous hour? And don't give me that crap about the moon inspiring you, I don't buy it. You're not Jim Morrison.'
'This stupid English assignment on my "family"' I exaggerate the family part. 'Mrs. Foreman thinks I should do the whole thing on you, seeing you're the only person in the family I don't blame for my insanity.'
'What have you got so far?' he took the page from me. Paused slightly and then broke into a big grin and he recited it back to me. 'I have a brother. His name is Steven. He is 19, four years older than me. He has wild hair.' He broke out in hysterics. 'Wow A+ right there' he said in between laughter 'Did Kelso help you with this?'
'Shut up! It's hard!' You don't really get my creative juices going. What do you want me to write?'
'Well anything would be better than that!' he joked but then his whole demeanor changed. 'What does 'family' mean to you?' Only he has the ability to change moods that quickly, from laughing to dead serious.
'I don't know. Your blood relatives.' I shrug
'Yeah? I see family as your support system. People who are there for you and love you and help you out.' He paused for a second, almost like he was reflecting. 'I guess its all how you look at it.'
It was silent for a while. 'Yeah you have a point there! Thanks.' Finally, I knew what I was going to do. My family was the Forman's. Sure they aren't my biological family but they are the closest thing I've ever known to it.
'Glad I could help ya there Lis, now get some sleep. It's late. I have work tomorrow'. He kissed my cheek, smiled and left.
I fell asleep right away. I was satisfied. My family was just as good as anyone else's, even better. The oral didn't bother me for another second that night.
