Liason
Episode 001
"I am not afraid of the dark,
I'm more afraid of not finding the light once again."
These days it seems as if her heart would never heal. The coldness has taken claim to her, unable to feel anything but its dark embrace. The moment her hand took hold of the charred necklace, it was as if the darkness swallowed her whole, pulling her deeper into the abyss of nothingness. She's tried to pull herself out countless times. Putting on the brave face and the bright smile for all to see, but it never last nearly long enough. Someone will say something or do something, setting her off and placing her back into the abyss, cold and alone.
The darkness didn't scare her though, it was something she was used to, something she has drowned in more than enough times over her short life. This time, however, it feels different. It feels as if she's never going to be able to pull herself from the numbness. From the pain. Her love for him used to send her into the atmosphere, flying high with the angels as she felt more alive than she ever has before. Now, though, that same love is drowning her in the memories. Each beautiful, perfect memory slamming down on her at every turn. Reminding her that it was over. That she would never get another.
"Elizabeth, come on, Gram's waiting in the car already!" her sister bellows from the other side of her bedroom door. "Seriously, hurry up."
"Leave then!" Elizabeth shouts back in frustration. "I'll walk!"
"UGH!" she groans. "Why must you always be so damn difficult?"
"Why are you still here?!"
"FINE!" Sarah snaps, fed up with the entire situation. "Walk then!"
"I WILL!"
"Whatever!"
The sound of her sister stomping her feet all the way down the stairs like the child she is. After they lost Lucky, she had decided to play the understanding sister, doing whatever Elizabeth needed whenever she needed something done. That was until last week when her sister decided it was time for Elizabeth to grow up and move on. People die all the time and she was selfish to dwell on her loss as if she was the only one that lost Lucky. Elizabeth tried to do what they wanted. She tried to move on, but it all felt unreal. Like she was merely going through the motions, but her heart was no longer in it. She was no longer in it.
Staring at herself in the mirror, she tries to put the smile back on her face, knowing that her grandmother was worried for her. She didn't want to cause her grandmother anymore grief than she already has. It seemed as if she was prone to doing so from the moment she stepped foot in Port Charles. No matter how much she tries to put that smile on her face, however, it never seems to get there. Letting out a deep sigh, she grabs her jacket, sliding it on before walking out of her bedroom, knowing there was no getting out of tonight. She promised her Gram she'd be there and she's already let her down enough times lately.
"You waited for me." Elizabeth voices when she gets to the top of the stairs and finds her grandmother walking back into the house.
"Of course I waited for you, child." Audrey smiles softly, waiting at the bottom as she walks down the stairs. "You really think I'd let you walk all the way to the Quartermaine estate?"
"I guess not." Elizabeth replies. "I'm sorry if I made you late."
"Fashionably late is highly acceptable, I assure you." Audrey waves away her apology. "I know you're still having a hard time coming to terms with your loss, but I want you to know that I'm here for you. Okay?"
"I know, Gram." Elizabeth says carefully. "I only wish it were enough."
"Time will heal your wounds, dear." Audrey says as she pulls open the door for them to leave. "You just have to keep pushing forward in the meantime."
"I'll try."
"Its all I can ask of you." Audrey replies as they walk out of the house and lock up. "You keep pushing forward and, I assure you, I will be here whenever you need me."
"Thanks, Gram."
Getting to the car, it surprised her to find that Sarah was sitting in the back seat with that age old pout on her face, leaving the front seat free and clear for her. Climbing into the car, she secures her seat belt, relaxing into the chair as her Gram starts the car and heads out into the town. Though it wasn't exactly enough to bring a smile to her face, it was enough to leave her relaxed and content. Her sister has been riding her these last few days, pushing her to feel something or do something other than wallow, that it was nice to see someone stick it to her for a change.
Standing on top of the cement railing of the bridge over Black Stone Canyon, Jason tilts back and forth, once again playing with the temptation of ending it once and for all. He was never meant to exist. For some godforsaken reason, he was placed into the life of Jason Quartermaine, no recollection of his past or any prospect for his future. Though his eyes were wide open to the world around him, it felt like he was still stuck in the dark, a cold emptiness within himself that he just couldn't shake.
For quite some time, he had believed he was finally crawling his way out of that darkness, the more he learnt and grew as a person. Being with Robin, it had taught him so much about the world he had been thrust into, it had taught him a lot about who he was as a person. He placed his trust into the people around him that he felt could see the real him. Standing there now, he realizes that he was just fooling himself into believing that he had found the light at the end of the tunnel, a hope of escaping the darkness.
In reality, she hadn't seen him for who he was, she had merely masked her true belief so well that he hadn't seen it until it was too late. She didn't want him. She wanted the man whose life he had taken over. She wanted what the Quartermaines wanted. She wanted someone that no longer existed. Standing there, tilting back and forth, he wishes that he could give that person back to them. He wishes that he could just slam his head into a brick wall and smash all the memories back in. An absurd idea, but he'd do it if he believed it would work. Anything was better than this darkness. Than this nothingness.
Regardless of what he felt, regardless of how badly he wanted to end his life, Jason's body wouldn't let him take that final step. His body refused to move any further that the tilting motion it was currently in. You'd think it'd be easy to just let go, to fall to his death and end the suffering that he felt flooding his entire being, but it wasn't. It wasn't easy to just fall from the ledge and end it all. Despite every instinct to end his life, a stronger pull keeps him grounded, keeps him fighting.
He had caught a glimpse of that light with Robin and he will be damned if he doesn't find his way to the real thing somewhere down the line. The light had to be there, it had to be possible, even for someone like himself. So, with nothing more than the hope of a brighter tomorrow, he jumps down off the ledge and straddles his bike once more. Allowing the pain to flood his heart, but refusing to let it paralyze him into defeat. Starting up the bike, he takes off down the winding road, as fast as the bike could take him.
Driving aimlessly, he was caught off guard when he stops his bike outside the family estate, seeing where his unconscious self had taken him. Storing the bike in the bushes, he makes his way into the estate on foot, all the way to his grandmother's private garden, knowing no one ever step foot in it other than her. As he was making his way into the back passageway, he spotted a young brunette sneaking her way out of the estate and into the private garden, the look in her eyes making him curious. It was a familiar look, one he knew all to well, a look of emptiness.
"Elizabeth, my dear, I had inkling I'd find you here." Lila, his grandmother, voices to the young brunette, causing him to hide behind a row of roses.
"Sorry, Lila, I just had to get away." Elizabeth sighs, sitting down on the bench. "I wasn't planning on staying long, I swear."
"Oh, hush, child. You stay as long as you need." Lila says softly, placing a hand atop of hers. "You've been through so much in your young life. More than you ever should have. I don't blame you for needing the escape."
"I wish I knew how to let it all go." Elizabeth concedes. "Everyone needs me to be better. To be happy again. To be...normal again."
"What do you need?" Lila questions curiously. "Has anyone asked you that?"
"No."
"Well, then, I'm asking." Lila says with a soft smile. "What do you need, Elizabeth?"
"I need..." Elizabeth takes a deep breath to control the tears that threatened to drown her. "I need space. To find myself. To find out where I'm meant to go from here. Space to grieve in peace."
"All of which I can help you with." Lila says, pulling out her set of keys from the side of her wheelchair, disconnecting one to place in her hand. "There's an old cabin down by the lake. No one uses it unless I tell them they can, so, you'll have the privacy you need. Go there, figure out what comes next, and just take care of you."
"I..I don't know what to say."
"You don't need to say anything." Lila assures her. "I just hope staying in the cabin will help, my dear."
"Thank you, Lila." Elizabeth hugs her tightly, the key firmly in her grasp. "This means the world to me."
Watching their exchange, Jason starts to remember who the girl is, saddened to find that she wasn't holding up that well. Given the fact that her boyfriend had been killed, its easy to see how she could end up with such emptiness in her eyes, but he had held out hope for her. Hope that she could move past the loss of the person she loved most in the world. Living through a version of such pain, he now realizes he had been foolish to hope for such healing on her part.
"Jason, you can come out now." Lila voices, catching him by surprise, having not realized she knew he was there.
"Grandmother." Jason replies, walking out from behind the roses. "Sorry. I didn't mean to intrude."
"Nonsense, you intruded on nothing." Lila waves off his apology. "What brings you by so late?"
"Not sure." Jason admits. "I was riding and found myself here."
"Whatever the reason, I'm so glad to see you, my dear." Lila says softly, reaching out a hand to hold his. "Its been quite some time since I saw you last."
"I know." he sighs. "I've been dealing with a lot lately."
"That seems to be the consensus as of late." Lila replies with a heavy heart. "I was just about to tend to the roses. If you're not busy, I would so love the company."
"Sure." Jason agrees. "I don't mind staying a while."
"I'm glad."
Standing there with his grandmother as she tended to her roses, Jason felt a sense of calm wash over him, something he hasn't felt in such a long time. Its a trait, he's found, that only his grandmother has been able to accomplish. It didn't matter what they were doing, time spent in her presence always lends calmness to his existence. After the night he had just lived through, nearly putting an end to it all, he welcomes the calmness to the storm that had been raging within him. Making him realize just why he had been brought there that night. A reminder that there was still good in his life, good worth living for, and that was enough for now.
Explaining to her grandmother that she just needed time to herself had been harder than she had anticipated, but her grandmother understood, as she always does. Sarah hadn't been too happy to hear that she was going to be away for a while, but Elizabeth just couldn't care at this point. She needs the time and space to figure out her life, to figure out herself. There had to be a way out of this darkness that has taken claim to her life. There just had to be a way back to normalcy and she intends to find it, somehow.
Packing a month's worth of clothes, just in case, Elizabeth catches a cab to the Quartermaine cabin, letting herself in with the key that she had been granted. The moment she walks into the cabin, she's overwhelmed with a sense of calmness. Its the calmest she's felt since the fire and she hopes that staying there will be the trick to pulling her out of the cold, darkness. Locking the door behind her, she makes her way to the bedroom, dropping her bags by the bed before she plops down onto it for a good night's rest. One way or another, she will find the strength to move past what she's lost to a brighter future. She just had to.
Thank you for taking the time to read this episode. I hope you enjoyed it and will be kind enough to let me know your thoughts. I will try to post daily, but at the very least twice a week. Thank you and I can't wait to hear from you all. :)
