Woe is JK Rowling!

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE

Old Dumbledore the headmaster

Is really not that old,

Why he should grow that long white beard

We're never really told.

He's keen of eye and keen of ear,

A perfect set of teeth,

He grows the beard because he wants

To hide what's underneath.

HARRY POTTER

When Harry came into this world

He most likely didn't know

That the death of his loving parents

Would put on quite a show.

He tried to make his life worthwhile

He didn't get too far—

The only things we care about:

His glasses and his scar.

RONALD WEASLEY

Though Ronald Weasley eats a lot

From morning till the night,

Through years of growing big and tall

He isn't very bright.

He reads few books, his grades are poor,

He's really rather dim.

If his parents change their budget they

Should really start with him.

HERMIONE GRANGER

Hermione came to Hogwarts and

A note was all it took.

She plans to study hard and

Get her nose stuck on a book.

Of all her friends and housemates

She's the smartest witch in town,

The only bad thing is her hair

Goes up instead of down.

DRACO MALFOY

Though Malfoy is the villain and

More useless than his dad;

The many backfired plans he made

Are really really sad.

Just recently when he turned to

A cousin of the squirrels—

But even if he doesn't win

He'll never want for girls.

LORD VOLDEMORT

Old Tom for all his arrogance

And power he did hold;

Can kill entire families

But not a one-year-old.

It's not his fear of guilt, if

He should turn on his deathbed—

The Lord did try to kill him, but

The child killed Him instead.

SEVERUS SNAPE

Snape wears black clothing all the time

(He's sadly colorblind),

He thinks if he's in black then he'll be

Much harder to find.

The marauders he's still afraid

Would come, he'll know not where,—

He took to learning potions to

Protect his messed up hair.

JAMES POTTER

Of all his friends the Marauders

James had the shortest life,

He saved his son, but the others gave

The credit to his wife.

Perhaps Rowling felt sorry so

She wrote of him instead,

To the point where he is living,

And his son's the one who's dead.

LORD VOLDEMORT II

In legends and in myths he is

A funny work of art,

He's not as great as Sauron as

He isn't very smart.

In all his power, glory, he gets

Killed by a little child,

And when he's back to try again

The pressure drove him wild.

If we should use him as the lead

And calculate the sum,

We'd find that many Slytherins

Are actually quite dumb.

ALBUS DUMBLEDORE II

Though Albus taught for many years

Including You-Know-Who,

He could kill Dark Lord Number One

But can't kill Number Two.

In fact, he doesn't even know

Where the Dark Lord is.

For such a great and wise old guy,

What kind of thing is this?

I know ferrets are not considered relatives of squirrels, but technically if Charles Darwin is correct, they are very very distant cousins.