17 Years


Raven did not fear anything. She had overcome every fear she had ever known, and she was determined to do so with everything that scared her. She did well maintaining her fears, and keeping the fearful side of her under control. Most of all, she never feared the unknown.

Fearing the unknown was the worst and most ludicrous fear that she had ever encountered. She did not fear the unknown. At least, that is what she believed. The unknown had always excited her, made her a strange kind of happy. But not this time.

Raven looked out from the large window of her bedroom, scanning the city skyline carefully, with the darkening sky above and the already dark ocean below it. Jump City, the city in which she lived and protected. Her home, in every sense of the word.

From her position, floating cross-legged above the floor, she shifted her eyes around, trying to avoid the marked calendar. In her fits of rage and confusion, the marking on the calendar always came back to her, and that much she hated. She wanted to forget it, to push it all away from her, away into some void so far distant from her. But she couldn't. It was always coming back to her, weighing on her mind.

She scanned the skyline again, watching as the scenery darkened with sunset. A thousand colors reached her eyes, but she cared for none of them. Even the beauty upon which she looked could not distract her from her approaching, unknown fear.

Raven swallowed, hard, closing her eyes and drifting off into the darkness that she loved. Trying to block it all out, and empty her mind. But to no avail. With a frustrated yell, she let her dark magic surge free from her, tearing across the room. The curtains flew closed, casting her in darkness, along with shredding the calendar, the scraps laying at her feet.

It made her feel better, but only a little. Not enough to calm her.

I need to get out of here, Raven thought.

Glumly, she fled from her room, darting into the gray hallways of the Titans Tower. No one was around; she couldn't sense anyone near her. She took a deep, cleansing breath, trying to calm her nerves. Inside of her, tension was building, winding up inside and putting far too much stress within her. She could feel her powers responding to the tension, ready to snap, launch out and destroy.

Raven walked down the hallways absent-mindedly, trying to clear her head. The tapping of her feet against the metal drowned almost everything else out. The pattern helped to focus her mind and let her thoughts tap out to a certain, precise rhythm in her mind.

Still, a dreaded feeling was in her.

Deep down, she knew it was ridiculous, to be reacting this way. But she didn't know what else to do. That cursed day was closing in on her again.

Her birthday.

And it seemed so stupid to her to be reacting this way. She had defeated Trigon, imprisoned him far into that void that she would never reach. The Prophecy had been fulfilled, never to reach her again, never to return. But still, why did she feel like this?

In her mind, a voice said to her, Because it is a cursed day.

"Raven?" a voice said timidly.

It broke Raven's thoughts completely, making them scatter as she turned to face Starfire. Raven tried to work up a smile to give her friend, but she just couldn't. She felt terrible, like her heart was sitting in her stomach, and it made smiling difficult for her. She gave up the attempt.

Starfire walked forward, and put a hand on Raven's shoulder.

"Do you not wish to speak of it?"

Raven only shook her head, and pulled free of her grasp. "No," she said. "I don't wanna talk about it." She turned and began walking down the hallways alone. She didn't hear footsteps, but knew that Starfire followed her. She could sense her coming near...and she welcomed it, to a point.

Starfire grabbed Raven's shoulder, and spun her around.

Her deep green eyes were filled with concern.

"Raven, please…"

"I'm sorry, Star," Raven replied. Her voice was gentler than she had been expecting. "I just really want to be alone right now."

"But Raven," Starfire replied, putting her hand to Raven's cheek, "I thought that being alone was not something that you wished for."

Raven couldn't argue with that. Being alone was one of her worst fears, something that crept up on her no matter what the circumstances. She had pictured that all her life: being alone for the rest of her life, trying to keep others at a distance to protect them. But being alone brought an odd comfort to her. Not having to worry about being strung out in front of other people, ready for them to judge and pick apart. Ready to do…

She cut her thoughts off.

She would not-would not-think about those days back in Azarath. No peace of mind would come from that. Not those specific memories at least.

"You're right, I don't wish for that," Raven said at last. Looking back up into Starfire's eyes, she said, "Is there something you wanted?'

Starfire shook her head. "No, but Robin said he wanted to see us all. Right away. So I came to this proximity looking for you. And Cyborg went to look for Beast Boy."

"Oh," was the only thing Raven could say.

It was a quiet night at Titans Tower, even as the five of them gathered round in the main room. Raven looked out the giant windows, marveling at the beauty of the city. The sky was darkening with dusk and clouds hung in the sky. Not only was the sky amazing, but the water too; it reflected the amazing hues back, and amongst all this color was the dark skyline of Jump City.

The city she protected.

The thought kept circling around in her mind as Robin spoke on, talking about the recent activity showing up on the scanners. Despite all the peace and calm surrounding her, in this particular moment, she still had worries. Worries were itching in the back of her mind, and though she had tried meditating off and on today and many more days, they kept returning.

She scanned the skyline of Jump City once again before returning to look at Robin, still talking steadily about the scanners' activity. Cyborg looked like he was about to jump into the conversation at any moment, but said nothing. Instead he had a perplexed look about it that kept him gnawing at his lip.

"Robin?" Cyborg finally said, cutting him off. "I know there has been an increase in crime this past week or so, but I gotta tell you, last night I found out that the scanners were malfunctioning—"

"Malfunctioning?" Starfire asked. "Why? Are they not supposed to be the best of the scanners?"

"Well, they are Starfire, but still they're malfunctioning—or have been malfunctioning—and I don't know why. I picked it up just the other day ago when I was doing all the usual tests, but who knows how long that's gone on before I found the problem."

Robin spoke up: "But still, there has been an increase in crime, by at least ten percent."

Raven leaned back into her chair, crossing her arms. All the while, she listened to her friends discuss everything. She was reluctant to say anything, because she knew the only thing that she could talk about was the cursed day that was coming. Every birthday of hers had been cursed, even long before Trigon finally branded her as the gem. Ever since she was little, terrible things always happened on her birthday.

Always.

She had hoped that this year would not be like those of the past. That she would finally be free of it, but with the way things were looking now, it did not seem to be that way. Already things were starting to look grim; malfunctioning scanners, an increase in crime…

Raven closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply.

A cursed day.

"Okay, is there anything else going on?" Robin asked after a long pause.

"Well," Starfire said, shifting her eyes over to Raven, "there is one other thing happening this week."

Raven opened her eyes to find everyone looking at her, all of them wearing mixed emotions on their face. She hated it when they all looked at her like that. "I don't want to talk about it," was all she said, keeping her voice flat and emotionless. With another deep sigh, she got up from the table, heading to the kitchen to make herself herbal tea. That always calmed her.

"Why not?" came Robin's voice. "You defeated Trigon, remember? Why are you unhappy about this year?" He paused, waiting for Raven to respond, which she didn't. She only focused on pouring her tea. "The Prophecy has been fulfilled…"

"Stop!" Raven shouted, spinning around to look at all of them again.

Starfire's eyes caught her own. Raven could tell by the look in them that Starfire understood, knew what was going on. Tilting her head to the side, Raven said, "I just don't like my birthday."

At all.

A long quiet followed before they spoke again.

"Okay, we understand," said Robin, and turned his attention back towards the monitors. They still glowed slightly red. "Besides, we've got a ten percent crime increase to worry about."

Raven bit her lip, and walked away.

Cyborg took Robin's place at the monitors, quickly fixing them with skill that only he possessed. The rest of the team merely watched, trying to figure out what exactly he was doing but hadn't an inkling of what that was. Before two minutes had passed, Cyborg had fixed the monitors. The red flashing lights stilled, glowing faintly green instead and then dying off the screen, bleeding into the dull grey landscape map they commonly used.

"So—there's no crime happening now?" Cyborg asked, stunned.

"Either way, there has been an increase," Robin said. He didn't actually believe that there was no crime happening now, but without the monitors he couldn't do anything. Clenching his fist, he continued, "So we have to be prepared, no matter what."

Cyborg nodded his head in silent agreement before turning back to the dull glow of the screens.

"If there is no crime," Starfire said, a cheery tone to her voice, "then that means we shall get good sleep tonight, yes?" There was a general agreement to that statement.

Beast Boy slung an arm around her playfully, saying, "You bet! I've been waiting for a good night's sleep forever!" He droned on and on to her, making her smile even more.

"The only reason you haven't been getting a good night's sleep is because you stay up all night played those damn video games," Cyborg said to Beast Boy, cutting him off. Starfire only smiled wider as the argument between the two started to heat up.

"Hey!" said Beast Boy, "that is so not true! I have a healthy obsession with video games! Unlike you!"

"Unlike me?!" Cyborg asked, finally spinning around from the monitors. "Dude, I have the best sleep out of everyone here! Like a baby. No, better than a baby! I sleep so well that you could give me a rock for a mattress, and I'd still sleep well."

Robin ignored them all.

His concerns still focused around Raven. His brows knitted together as he thought back to Raven's last birthday. He knew it would take time to heal, that things like that didn't just die away. The end of the world wasn't just a footnote to be scribbled down, it was something that would stay in your mind forever. No matter what. Until the day you die, and even then that wouldn't be a guarantee of peace. But, amongst all this, was a spark of confusion.

Why was she so adamant against celebrating?

She didn't like parties, that much he could remember her saying. It seemed reasonable enough, for her to still be reacting like that. But still, she seemed like she was walking on eggshells the entire time. Like every movement had to be calculated. Raven was stressed, he could sense it easily enough, and he wondered why.

"Perhaps you should go talk to her."

All Robin's thoughts were cut off as Starfire hovered over him, her voice like a knife to the fog of mind. He hadn't even noticed her floating right before him, lost in thought as he was.

He coughed. "Maybe…" he said aloud.

"Robin," Starfire continued, placing a hand upon his shoulder and landing her feet upon the ground, "you and I both know what it is like to come from a difficult family, and what it is like to go through something traumatic. You and I both can understand that well enough."

Robin nodded, and gave her a weak smile. "Knowing that," Robin said, "she won't want to talk about this anytime soon."

She wants to be alone.


Raven wanted to snap.

But she didn't. Instead, she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes.

They're my friends, she told herself as she summoned her powers. The black magic started dancing around her body, encircling her completely, and she phased through the hard steel of her bedroom door. With the mood she was in, she didn't want to bother with opening it.

They're my friends, and I trust them. I trust them with my life.

She faced the large window of her bedroom again, the curtains opening, and she gazed out towards Jump City's skyline.

The colors she had seen before had dimmed as the night darkened, all of them replaced by dull blues and purples and a creeping black. That made her happier; she loved the night. Fondly, she remembered how her friends loved to tease her about being a creature of the night, or a mistress of the night, or some variation of that.

She sighed again, and tried meditating some more.

Like so many times before now, she came to a peaceful place. Something hard to believe considering the bad luck within the past week she'd had. Her thoughts started to calm within her, and her nerves felt soothed.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos," she kept repeating to herself.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos,

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos,

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos,"

Peace. Calm. Quiet. Safe. Perfect.

She lost herself within her own realm, chanting the words ceaselessly. Stars came around her, in her state of mind, shining in the darkness. She floated, weightless and free over her small meteor. The place that she knew so well. She couldn't call it home, for it didn't feel like she thought a home should feel, but it was where she could go when nothing else could help her.

She heard a door opening, the electronics sensors sliding it open. But no footsteps. Starfire. Raven knew immediately. Another year ago, she would have been bother by the intrusion, especially at this time of year, but now she was indifferent to it.

"Raven?" Starfire said timidly.

"Yes?" Raven answered, not bothering to open her eyes. She had stopped chanting though, wanting to hear what Starfire would say.

"Robin told me not to come. He said that you wanted to be alone, and that I should not disturb you. But Raven," Starfire said uneasily, "I know this still might not be a good time for you. With what happened last birthday you had, I can understand how you are feeling. But please! Know that we all want this year to be different." She paused.

Raven waited for her to say more. She opened her eyes as Starfire remained quiet. Her feet dropped back onto the floor, and she left her calming meditative space behind her.

Starfire stood before her, a small smile playing upon her face. She seemed as bright as ever, as though she had never felt any despair in her life. Raven knew that was an improbable thought, but still she had to wonder what Starfire was truly like. She was always be happy, always able to find joy and peace. How, Raven didn't know. She assumed she might never know. Personality seemed to her completely random, and Starfire was blessed with happiness and peace of mind.

Starfire was about to say more to her, but Raven couldn't bear to listen. "Starfire, please—" she cut her off. "Robin was right. I really do wish to be alone."

Starfire nodded, sadly, and left her alone within her room.

Raven sighed.

Forgetting everything else for the day, she stripped off her uniform and fell into her bed. It was cold but still welcoming. With enough stress from the day, she finally got the chance to fully relax, if only for a few hours. Raven crawled beneath the covers, falling down onto the mattress and pillows, and fell asleep instantly.


Raven awoke from a restful sleep, still cold but for the most part contented. She gathered the blankets around her, savoring the comfort. Closing her eyes again, she let herself drift off again, sleeping for just a few more moments before she had to get up.

When the sunlight started hitting her eyes, even as she tried to block it out, Raven knew it was time for her to get up.

With a groan, she pushed herself up out of bed, stretching as she did so. Like she did every morning, she did her stretches and opened the Book of Azar, scanning the words on the page sleepily. Just as she was about to turn to the next chapter, she stopped short, and closed the Book of Azar, noticing for the first time the new, dark fabric that lay on top of the tangled sheets of her bed. The deepest, darkest black seemed to shine at her, drawing her eyes into it.

Raven went over and picked the thing up.

Unfolding the dark black fabric, she held out the garment to see that it was a cloak. It looked much like all her other cloaks, as far as construction in sewing went. But this one was different in an eerie way. Yes, the color was different; not to mention odd, the way it just seemed to absorb all light, but the way it seemed to slightly shimmer as she turned it.

She felt puzzled.

If this cloak is made of black so dark, why does it shimmer? Even in dim lighting?

Still holding the cloak out to examine it, she walked over to her giant window where the rays of sun were coming through on the East side. The fabric did not seem any lighter in color, nor did it shimmer. Not even a little bit. Still she felt puzzled.

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos…" she whispered, and lit the cloak up with her magic.

The cloak responded to the dark energy. She could sense it; the cloak was magical.

None of her other cloaks were magical; she used magic on them and bent them to her will, but they were always nothing more than simple cloaks, clothes that anyone could have. The only thing that had made her cloaks special was that most of them she had brought from Azarath. The cloaks made in Azarath were her most cherished, and the best out of all of them.

But this cloak was filled with dark energy, similar to hers. She thought for a moment of her powers and of Azarathian looms, but nothing seemed to come to her. She used her powers on it again, probing slightly deeper this time. The cloak was very powerful, for a cloak.

A strange and powerful black cloak had appeared out of nowhere, landing on her bed, mimicking her own powers, and reminding Raven of Azarath. It was all so strange to her.


Robin had stayed up most of the night, though he had promised not to. He had been sitting at the monitors, drifting in and out of sleep as he watched the screen, scanning and blinking and utterly vacant. Cyborg had said he had fixed the problem, and Robin was sure he had. But he was determined to make sure it stayed that way.

And to make sure no other crime was happening.

Robin was so lost in his work, his eyes so strained from watching the monitors, that he hadn't noticed the first rays of light piercing through the dimmed windows.

That was how Cyborg found him, early in the morning. Hunched over the computers, his mask off and laying on the table, leaving his red-rimmed and bloodshot eyes exposed. Upon seeing this, Cyborg only shook his head. He knew how obsessive Robin could be, but still he hated seeing him like this.

He clenched a hand around Robin's shoulder, startling him out of his zombie-like state.

"Cyborg," Robin said, giving a him a weak smile.

"I thought you said you weren't going to stay up all night," Cyborg replied.

Robin just shook it off, pushing Cyborg's hand off of him and turning back to the screens. "I didn't stay up all night—I got some sleep." He yawned, and leaned back in his chair.

"How much sleep?" Cyborg asked him.

"Couple of hours." Spinning back around, Robin saw the hard, disapproving look Cyborg wore on his face. He sighed, knowing exactly what Cyborg was thinking. "Cyborg, trust me. I'm fine."

Cyborg knew it was pointless to keep the conversation going.

The sliding of the electronic doors made them both spin around. Raven entered, wearing her simple blue cloak. She made no attempt to say hello to them; she only went straight to the kitchen and starting brewing herself a cup of hot tea.

Robin spun back around.

"Will you please take a break from the monitors?" Cyborg asked him calmly.

"He's been up all night again?" Raven asked from the kitchen. She walked over to them, the cup of tea steaming hot. As she stood next to Cyborg, the steam fogged his electronics, and he had to keep wiping it away. Both of them looked down at Robin, who was determined not to look up at them.

Finally, after a few awkward minutes of this, he gave up.

"Alright, fine, I'm sorry," Robin said to them.

Neither of them said anything.

He sighed, continuing on. "Look, tonight I'll get a good night's rest. In bed, the entire time. No looking at the monitors." Still, Raven and Cyborg seemed unconvinced.

"The crime rates are still up?" Raven asked in a quiet voice.

Robin nodded.

"You know what's weird?" Robin asked with another yawn. "It's almost always during this time of year things start to get hectic. Don't know why, but it's right around now that things start to get crazy, in whatever way possible. Sometimes it's crime, sometimes it's wild parties, sometimes its a whole bunch of unexplainable weird events…"

Raven gulped her tea.

A cursed day.

The reminder chilled her, but she fought against it. She chided herself for being so worried over a day that no longer prophesied the end of the world, but she felt afraid no matter how she tried to reason with herself. It was a growing feeling, the knot in her stomach, as they got closer to the anniversary. She felt a dark knot of nerves tighten in her stomach every time she thought about it.

She told no one about the new cloak that had suddenly appeared within her room, but Raven never made much conversation, so her quietness went unnoticed. Raven took another big gulp of her tea, still thinking about the black cloak that had appeared in her room, and where it had come from, and about the increased crime rate.

More than anything, she wondered about Trigon.