If I owned LOTR, well, god help us all. That's all I'm sayin. God help us all.

This story is (clearly) making fun of angst-ridden postwar FrodoSam fics.

Chapter One: Deep Dark Shadow of Doomy Darkness

It was a dark and stormy night as the birds flitted happily from tree to tree in the afternoon sun in the happy-go-lucky land of the Shire. It was the year 187zu83 by the Shire-reckoning according to the time of Gondor since the overthrow of the Dark Lord, but although the Shire was safe, not all were happy.

"I'm tragically unhappy, dear sweetie-pie honeymuffin Sam," Frodo Baggins professed to his lifelong gardener and 'friend,' Samwise Gamgee. "The deep dark doomy memory of the Dark Lord just weighs down on me like a knife of angst and unrequited love. Oh Sam, I don't feel like I fit in at all here in the sweet, perfect land of the Shire, but I can't bear to leave because these people are my family and friends, but I don't fit in! I can't go on Sam."

Sam looked at his master with worry. He had never seen Mr. Frodo like this before. Through all the years of the dark shadow of doomy darkness weighing on Mr. Frodo, he had NEVER been this bad, despite the fact that Mr. Frodo had in fact been 'this bad' in some angst-ridden prologue or another. "Oh Mr. Frodo, I don't know what to do! I'm so worried about you, if anything ever happened to you I don't know what I'd do. You're so important to me Mr. Frodo..." Sam's heart began to break. Wouldn't dear darling wonderful Mr. Frodo ever even begin to understand the deep love and passion (AN: omg innit liek sooo obvius??/) that he felt? "No matter what happens, Mr. Frodo, you saved this dear sweet... land... that you love so much, never let go of that."

Frodo was so touched by Sam's speech, which made it so clear that the wonderful hobbit knew exactly what the Ringbearer was going through, that he began to cry. "Oh Sam... you're right. I'll never let go, Sam! I'll never let go! My heart will go on!!" (AN: omg liek i lurv dat line sooo much!!!!!!!11one1!!!!!11)

As Frodo began to cry, Sam became so worried that he immediately said, "Oh Mr. Frodo don't cry, we can go see Merry and Pippin! That'll cheer you right up."

Frodo shook off this proposal, "No Sam. I'll just stay here at Bag End." Frodo thought conteptuosly (AN: liek iz da spelin rite?). Sam could NEVER understand, nobody knew the horrible pain that threatened to kill him dead, he was sooo alone. They didn't know, he just wanted to be alone.

Going back inside, he looked around and started to sob histericly (AN: liek sp???/) because he was alone and he was so sad. "I'm so alone! I want to be with people, I'm so lonely, oh woe is me" Suddenly he heard a knock on the door. Even though he just wanted to be alone, Frodo answered the door, eager for any company.

(AN: OMG liek who is it????? If u review, then yu'll see! And liek don't flame cuz they'll be used to liek burn your house nd stuff and if u don't reivew i'll liek kill myself so liek REVIEW OK!!!!!11one1!!!!!11)