A/N : Just another ficlet. :3 Part four of 'A Series of Fragments and Nothing More'. Please tell me what you think. :)


Wanderer [Soon I Will Drown]

There is only a whisper as my feet hit the cold stone floor of the hallway as I walk-wander-pace. It is barely noticeable, but in the grave-silent space, it sounds like thunder to my ears. It is a reminder that I am going no where. That I am stuck in this stagnant—stationary—listless place.

Even though my feet are moving, I am standing still. I'm treading water without swimming and soon I will drown and the sea will swallow me whole, leaving nothing left. I already feel the icy grips of the unforgiving depths.

The moon is bright as it shines through the glass-paned windows. The slightest hint of frost creeping onto the clear surface draws my attention to how cold it is. It is not inside. It is outside as well.

I stop by the window and touch—feel—grasp the chill of the night air that is seeping in through the glass. I drop my hand and a ghost of my fingers remain. I watch as they slowly fade.

I will be like those, a ghost of my original form. I need to move. I need to fight. I need a purpose.

"If you stay out here, you'll get sick." I had left him sleeping. Had I woken him? I turn to face him and see him leaning against the wall.

"I doubt it," I reply. "I'm fever-hot, remember?"

Kanda is silent, arms across his bare chest. I shift from foot to foot. I need to keep walking. If I don't, I'll be swallowed up, and only a ghost—shell—memory of what I really was.

"You need to calm down," he says to me. His voice was low—hushed—murmured and I wonder why. Why are you so quiet? Why are you whispering? I can't hear you through the rushing of the water. Help. Help.

"I'm calm." My hands shake, to show just how calm I'm not. I move my hands behind my back for a moment, holding them tightly. The shaking—trembling—tremors stop after a moment as I hold them in a crushing grip that I am sure Kanda has noticed, then I let my hands fall to my sides. I'm going to drown if I stand still. I can't hear anything except the water. Help.

I turn away and start walking down the hall once more.

"You're going to hurt yourself," he says and before I can reply I feel a hand on my arm and I am turned around roughly. He is close. So close. I can feel his breath ghost—caress—sweep across my face. Can't you hear it? The water's going to swallow me whole. Save me. Help me. I can't hear you, the ocean's too loud.

"No I won't," I say, stubbornly.

Kanda's grip tightens on my arm and he shoves me against the wall. He can be so rough sometimes, even when he doesn't mean to be. I know he doesn't mean to be. It just happens. I let out a gasp of air, eyes closing swiftly. "Look at your feet," his growl scares me enough that I comply.

I haven't felt my feet for some time now. They had gone numb a while back. And so I had not noticed. But they are bruised—cut—bloody from wandering. I stare. And stare. I can not feel them.

The water is nearly here...the tide is coming. I need to walk. I need to run. I need to leave before the tide comes and sweeps me up and swallows me whole. Why can't you understand that? Help. Help.

My feet are a bloody mass of abused flesh and shivering skin, tinted blue in the light and the cold. I stare.

He is speaking to me. Don't you understand? I can't hear you. I can't. Help. I can't hear him any longer. It is swallowing me up as I stare at the damage I have done to my own body without even noticing. There is a bloody trail from where I have walked. That's how he found me of course...

I feel hands on my shoulders. On my face. The icy caresses of the foamy water brushes my hurt feet. It is drawing me in. It will swallow me whole. I want this now. It is so comforting. I can't feel anything...let me drift in this place. Help. Help. Save—

His hand is strong and harsh and unforgiving as it comes across my face. The cry—howl—demand that escapes my lips is filled with annoyance and confusion. I drag myself off the ground, off the spots of blood left by my ruined feet, to face him, my lover, my beloved, my Kanda.

"What was that for?"

"It worked, didn't it?" he snaps and I stare. His gaze is like a storm during the night. It is strong and fierce and holding strong. He is right. I had nearly given up. I glance around, shaking slightly from the cold; from the water that nearly swallowed me whole; from the pain my bloody feet is now giving me.

The water is still there. It haunts me. It creeps around my feet. The salt creeps into my wounds and bites down. I whimper before I can stop myself and bite my lip.

"Come," he says.

I look out at the moon. I imagine it pulling the ocean back and forth, comes-and-goes. The tide will come once more, I am sure of this as I follow that silent figure back passed all of the crimson droplets of liquid, back to the room. My prison—cage—barred room.

He forces me to sit and I stare out of the window. I wince and grip the sheets with tight fists as he cleans the mess of desecrated tissue. My feet soak in a small tub of warm water and I think of the tide that will come again. It will swallow me up. It will. I'm scared. I don't want to drown. I need to keep walking!

"Don't do that," he says and I look down at him. He is kneeling before me. "I know you need to keep moving. I understand. So stop being an idiot. You don't have to walk to keep moving."

I stop. I think. The waves tug at my mind and whisper 'you must walk, you must fight, you must run'. "I'm a weapon."

"So am I. But what else are we?"

My gaze is blank. The icy foam of the ocean's cruel depths seems to be calling to me. It calls me by name. It will eat me if I don't move. He moves up and cups my chilled face with rough, worn hands and presses his lips against mine.

"We're human."