This is a multi-chapter, two part fic. The first part is written in Karma's diary, and the second part takes place after the wedding. It might be a little confusing at first, but it's not an AU, and it'll all come together in the end.

Part One, Chapter 1

I've never been a huge fan of writing out my feelings, but I'm willing to try anything at this point. Amy Raudenfeld has haunted every corner of my mind for this entire year, and I need to get her out. I need to move on. Maybe if I put what's happened on paper, it will somehow cement it in the past.

For as long as I've had memories, Amy has always been the most important person in my life. She's my safe place. The only person I can share everything with. We've always been touchy feely with each other, holding hands, cuddling, hugs that last a little too long, but I always just assumed that was what a best friend was. Girls are supposed to be that close, right?

Despite my parents constantly pushing alternative lifestyles in my face, I never felt that I was anything but stereotypically normal. I would grow up to marry a well-off boy, buy a house, have kids, and stay at home and write music on the side. That was my plan. Nothing ever made me question my plan. Until the summer before 8th grade.

Amy's mom decided to send her off to an overnight camp for two weeks during the summer. That may not seem like a long time, but to two people who spent all their time together for as long as they could remember, two weeks was an eternity, especially during the summer. I begged my mom to send me off to the same camp. "Oh, honey, it's a religious camp. You really don't want to go, you'll be too different. They'll try to brainwash you." I rolled my eyes at the irony and told her it would be a good opportunity to open people up to "new possibilities". Of course, I had no intention of doing so, but it convinced my mom to send her brave little soldier off to change the minds of the evil conservatives, and far more importantly, be with Amy.

We couldn't contain our excitement. We had never been away from our parents and everyone else we knew for this long, or ever. Our parents dropped us off early in the morning, and we were shown where we would be staying. We'd be sharing a small room with two other girls. Amy called the top bunk, saving me the embarrassment of having to explain my fear of heights to our new roommates. Amy was always doing stuff like that. I don't know what I would do without her.

It was a scorching Texas summer day, and we decided to change into our swimsuits and jump into the lake. Amy had started to develop earlier than most girls her age, so by the time she turned 13, she had the body of a 16 year old. I glanced over at her while she was sliding her top on and quickly looked away, feeling the temperature rise in my stomach. It must be jealousy. She's always had a great body.

We began to make our way down to the lake, and I trailed a few feet behind Amy. I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. I hadn't seen her in a swimsuit since the summer before this, and she had changed a lot. I suddenly felt inadequate in my one piece suit and insecure in my developing body. But there was something more than jealousy churning inside of me. I didn't just want to be Amy, I felt myself being drawn to her. This was the first time I realized something was off.

We reached the lake and walked out onto the dock. "Jeez, it's hot," Amy said, wiping the sweat off her forehead. "Yeah, I probably look disgusting right now," I said, suddenly realizing I was fishing for a compliment. Amy didn't say anything, she just shot me a furrowed brow and I felt awkward that I had even said anything. This feeling was quickly replaced with a spark of electricity as Amy grabbed my hand, entangling our fingers. I always felt my stomach turn over whenever she touched me, but I assumed that was normal. This felt different. This felt more intense. I wasn't sure what was happening to me. I looked at her, confused as to why she grabbed my hand. "Come on, let's jump in the water together," Amy said, a cheesy grin across her face. God, she was cute. Most people go through their most awkward phase during this time, but Amy looked more beautiful than ever. I nodded at her as we stepped off the edge into the water.

Plenty of the boys at camp tried talking to Amy, but she wasn't interested. I didn't understand why, the boys were cute. Looking back, she was probably worried I would be jealous. I wasn't the most attractive I've ever been back then, and Amy knew how insecure I was that boys never noticed me. At our sleepovers, I would always talk about the cute boys at our school, and she would always try to steer the conversation to something else. She knew it ended in me getting upset that I wasn't pretty enough for them. Amy would put her arm around me and say, "Karma, you're beautiful. Who cares what they think, they're 13 year old boys, you don't want to date them anyways." Sometimes, I would actually believe her. She always made me feel like I was enough.

We spent the rest of those two weeks together, and they were pure bliss. We didn't bother talking to anybody else. We didn't need anybody else. We chose all the same activities and never left each other's side. I felt closer to Amy than I've ever felt before, and it was beautiful and terrifying at the same time. There had been a group bonfire around ten o'clock on the last night for everyone to say their goodbyes, but Amy and I didn't have anyone to say goodbye to. We were exhausted and decided to head back to our room and get some sleep. I flopped onto my bed as Amy climbed the ladder to hers. "Amy, wait," I said, not knowing where I was going with this. "Yeah?" She asked, climbing down to make eye contact with me. "I just.. can you sit with me and talk for a while?"

"Sure, Karms," she said with a lighthearted smile, sitting down next to me, her arm pressed against mine. "What do you wanna talk about?"

My heart was racing. I wanted to kiss her more than anything in this moment. I wanted to be able to cup her face in my hand, tell her she's beautiful and means the world to me, and kiss her. But I couldn't. It was too much to risk. She had shown no signs of feeling what I feel for her. I had to do something, and although I'm not exactly proud of it, I don't regret it.

"I just wanted to talk to you about the cute boys here."

"Karma, it's a little late to get a crush on a boy. You do realize we're leaving tomorrow?" She sounded annoyed, but I was hypersensitive.

"I don't, I mean I'm not.. getting a crush on a boy. I was just wondering if you kissed any of them while you were here." I knew her answer would be no.

She looked at me confused and suspicious. "Uh, no, Karma," she laughs, "I've kind of been with you the entire time."

"Right," I said, forcing a laugh. "So, you've never kissed anyone before."

"No, and neither have you, unless there's something you're not telling me," she laughed innocently. It was clear she had no idea where I was going with this.

"Nope! Still haven't. I don't really know what I would be doing, either," I said, careful with my choice of words.

"Yeah, I guess I wouldn't either. I haven't really thought about it. I haven't really found any boys that I want to kiss yet."

"Yeah…" I could feel how close I was to saying what I really wanted to say. Amy stared at the floor, wondering where I was going with this. "So, maybe we should you know.. Kiss each other. For practice. For boys." I said entirely too quickly and defensively.

"Okay," Amy shrugged, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay?" I asked, not thinking I would get this far.

"Yeah. So, do you want to start?" She asked, putting her leg up on the bed and turning towards me.

"Oh, you mean right now," I said. Of course she meant right now. I meant right now too. I usually had a plan for everything, but I neglected to plan for kissing my best friend who I had unexpectedly fallen for.

"Yeah, didn't you?" She asked.

"Yeah, I uh, I'll start."

I stared at her for a few seconds that seemed like an eternity. She was patient. She did what she does best, she made me feel safe. I leaned in and brushed my lips against hers. She closed the gap by leaning in and pushing her lips onto mine. Fireworks. I shut my eyes tight and turned my brain off. I reached out and held her hand while I gently guided my mouth over her bottom lip. She was soft, impossibly soft, and she tasted like summer. She pulled away first, my hand still on top of hers.

"Whoa," I heard her say.

"I know," I said, moving my thumb over the top of her hand.

"I guess we know how to kiss now. Is that all you wanted to talk about?" She said, slipping her hand out from under mine, getting ready to make her way up to her top bunk.

I sat there, processing my disappointment that she hadn't confessed her undying love to me after we kissed. Of course Amy wouldn't feel the same way. Why would she? I wanted to ask her to stay and sleep in my bed that night. I know she would have, she didn't suspect anything. She trusted me. That's why I couldn't. I already tricked her into kissing me, I didn't want to make her cuddle all night with some creep she didn't know was into her. In that moment, I felt like I had just ruined our two weeks together. But I didn't. Nothing could ever ruin that.

"Yeah, thanks Amy. You can go to bed now."

"Good night Karma, I love youuuuu," she said with a goofy smile on her face.

"I love you too," I said. That was the first time I ever said I love you to Amy and meant it more than I should have.