A/N: I've been wanting to write about these two for almost a year now. All my attempts have been thwarted for a number of reasons, least of which is the names. "Waluigi" stretches the pun enough without adding "Wapeach" and "Wadaisy" to the mix. It's also too hard to blend original characters in with cannon characters. My solution was to put "Princess Tangerine" and "Princess Deathshroom" in a piece where I can explore and share them as characters without muddying up the Mario universe with my experiments. I did borrow the rabbits, but only because I like them as an opposite for turtles.
War Journal, Day 357
Oh, the day arrives at last! The cotton-tailed 'king' weeps in the burrow of his decimated Kingdom. His fallen subjects line the streets, glazed and obedient as a child's toy soldiers. In the end, these glorified subterranean rodents roll over as easily as the rest of the pathetic fools that once inhabited this little corner of the world. Nothing tingles the auditory nerves like the infantile wails of a distressed rabbit.
I shall savor the king's at length when I at last take my rest this evening.
But first, this curiosity I must indulge. There is a legend to settle.
(o_o)
The Amazonian brunette marched through the streets with little regard for the occasional pockets of chaos that continued to erupt throughout the city. A dying scream here. An abruptly ceased clash of weapons there. It was fascinating how long an individual could remain boarded up in his house when his life was on the line, but these raids were routine; smoke out the survivors with spores, assimilate the salvageable ones, and move on to the next house. On the off chance a survivor managed to flee, the spores would claim his mind for his new mistress soon enough. Even the mindless drones she commanded could handle the sweeps.
Princess Deathshroom rarely bothered herself with personal appearances at the post battle raids. This city, however, was special. It was the last stop on a massive campaign to punish Hopper for daring to believe he could set foot in her kingdom. It was almost a pity. She'd been perfectly content to leave him to his conquests. Citron Kingdom was useless to her. It was only on the day he'd grown so bold as to target her domain that she'd decided he had to go. She never did anything by halves. If she was going to put down the rodent, she was going to put him down properly.
Then of course there was the castle. The castle of a missing princess long thought dead in the surrounding regions. Whispers persisted of a humanoid figure seen at night in the window of the central tower, but no one had ever investigated the rumors properly. The fortification had been guarded zealously until this day. Even five years after King Julian's assassination, the warrior princess doubted that Princess Tangerine was actually dead. Hopper was a greedy fool, but he wasn't so cruel as to kill innocents.
Her more seriously injured drones littered the castle steps. A few still tried to climb with their arms, dragging useless legs behind them. Some simply stared in empty-minded awe at severed limbs and arrow-riddled abdomens. Most of them were the local rabbits and citronauts that had succumbed to the first wave of resurrecshroom spores. She ignored these casualties for now. Her vultures would collect them and her owls would piece them back together.
The scene beyond the charred, splintered doors was another matter. Great groves and gardens smoked and smoldered among diminished flames. Crows the size of medium dogs plodded from corpse to corpse, eliminating survivors and collecting them into a pile. The rabbits in here wore ripped and bloodied plastic suits with gas masks. This fortification had held ground much longer than she'd expected, and now the reason revealed itself. Perhaps Hopper had possessed a modicum more sense than she'd given him credit for. In the end, however, his best preparations had been too little too late.
A pair of five-foot-tall owls in blue robes met the princess at the door of the castle. They puffed out their chests and dipped their beaks in a slight nod of greeting. "The king is secured in the throne room, my lady," one squawked. "We await your orders."
"Have him transferred to the dungeon. I have other matters to which I would rather attend."
The second owl bowed again and shuffled off. The first joined Princess Deathshroom as she proceeded deeper into the castle. His claws scraped and clicked loudly on the stone floor. "If I may ask what her highness is referring to…" The owl said.
"You may not." She said without looking at him. "Have the drones finished their sweep?"
The owl blinked his round, yellow eyes nervously. "Not… just yet, I'm afraid. We've yet to access the central tower. The door appears to be hidden."
"Have you interrogated Hopper?"
"He refused to respond to our initial round of questioning. I thought perhaps we should conduct the more intense round of interrogation at our highness's discretion."
The princess smiled. "You've always served me well, Archi. Tell me. If you were to guess, where would you think this door might be?"
"Our intelligence points to the king's-"
"Why must you keep referring to him in such a manner? He is no longer fit for such a title."
"Apologies, princess. Our intelligence indicates that the royal bed chamber is four feet shorter than the blueprints allow, but we've been unable to determined exactly-"
"Show me," she commanded.
Archi led her to a lavishly decorated bedroom, now in shambles. A large rat in a mining helmet stood on an overturned dresser, examining a crudely sketched layout of the room. Two more rats worked at the back wall with a pick and a sledge hammer. Activity ceased as the princess entered the room and the rats stood at attention.
The princess addressed the pair first. "As you were." Then she turned to the rat in charge. "Pip. Archi informs me this room may lead to the tower."
"The wall is hollow," Pip explained "reinforced with some kind of metal grating. We've been searching for a door or a switch, but if there is one it isn't like anything I've ever seen or built."
The princess joined the rats at the wall. She could see where they'd managed to crush away the plaster and remove some bricks. A thick metal mesh separated them from the dark interior space. Through the gloom, she could pick out the barest hint of a staircase. The adrenaline rush of the discovery brought a thin smile to her lips. The answer to the question of the decade was at her finger tips. She waited with barely restrained anticipation as the worker rats pried away more bricks. Once they'd opened a gap a little smaller than a door, they started in on the rebar mesh with blow torches.
"What do you suppose he keeps back there?" Pip mused.
"Citron Kingdom's greatest treasure," Deathshroom smirked. "A lost treasure of legend."
"Surely you don't mean you came to seek the missing princess," Archi said incredulously.
"Do you doubt me?" She arched a cold eyebrow.
"W-well, no, your majesty," Archi spluttered. "I simply… I mean, even if the k- rabbit had imprisoned her in this tower, how would she still be alive? The door is sealed."
"You couldn't find a door," she corrected. "That doesn't exclude the possibility of its existence. It just means these rats are incompetent."
"That may be true, but-"
"She's alive," Deathshroom stated with absolute certainty.
"This princess couldn't even fight off a bunch of floppy eared fuzzballs," Pip interjected. "How could she be useful to you at all?"
"You ask too many questions," Deathshroom cut in, and the conversation ceased.
The rats cut through the last of the grate and pried out the loosened portion with crowbars. Upon the princess's command, her subjects relinquished a flashlight and allowed her to ascend the steps alone. She climbed with her sword drawn. Her pointed ears were trained for the slightest hint of movement above or below. Stale air filled the windowless stairwell. The earthy perfume of mold and mildew permeated the atmosphere. It would've been easy to assume this place hadn't seen a visitor in years, but for the obviously disturbed dust littering the floor.
The stairs ended at a heavy oak door with a thick iron bolt. It gave way and swung open easily. Inside, a surprising discovery—the room, though small, was clearly designed for royalty. Intricate tapestries depicted orange groves in full bloom. A narrow bed wore the finest of pale green silk sheets and embroidered pillows. The dressing table was carved from highly polished wood and littered with all manner of bejeweled bobbles. A golden brush. A jade hair pin. Fine necklaces displayed neatly on a small, golden tree.
And seated at the vanity across the room, staring at the mirror like a blue-eyed doe in a huntsman's sights, was a princess in a mint-green gown. Sandy blonde ringlets cascaded over the back of her chair. A corset hugged her waist into hourglass curves that were painful to even look upon.
"I assume I'm addressing Tangerine?" Deathshroom asked. She kept her sword in her hand, but didn't raise it.
Tangerine didn't turn around. Her eyes moved across the reflection until they settled on the insignia broach clasped at the hollow of the invader's throat—a silver death's head mushroom with a diamond skull upon its cap. Even in her isolated existence, Tangerine had heard stories of the princess that ruled the southern mountains. "Someone finally finds their way up here and it has to be you?" Tangerine muttered. She'd heard the fighting. When the rabbits had stopped bringing her food, she knew the situation must have taken a turn for the worst. Tangerine would never miss Hopper, but she'd learned long ago that some fates were still better than others.
"It seems my reputation precedes me," Deathshroom smiled.
"What do you want?" Tangerine asked.
"Hopper will be dead by dawn. You are my prisoner now. I've come to collect you."
"From tyrant to tyrant," Tangerine sighed, lowering her gaze to her lap. "Do you know how long I've been up here?"
Deathshroom ignored the question. "Rise and place your hands behind your back."
Tangerine rose to her feet. "I haven't been outside in five years. I heard my parents die as I hid under my bed."
Now Deathshroom pointed her sword at the other woman's back. "Place your hands behind your back or I will strike you down and no one will ever know you were here."
"Shit like that changes your priorities." She whipped around and flung a crystal paperweight at Deathshroom's head. The warrior princess sidestepped easily and the trinket shattered somewhere in the darkness behind her. Tangerine hadn't really been trying to hit her, however. The blonde princess shot across the room and attempted to slip through the gap opened between Deathshroom and the door frame.
The brunette merely stabbed her sword through the gown's hem as the other princess reached the stairs. With a squeal, Tangerine pitched forward onto the steps. If not for the weapon that pinned her skirt to the carpet in the tower, she might have taken a far longer tumble. "That was almost intelligent," Deathshroom said calmly. "If not for the impulsive lack of foresight. You've nowhere to flee."
"I spent half my life under that asshole's paw! If I'm to be ripped apart by your zombies, I won't do it as another tyrant's trophy," Tangerine spat. Her eyes discovered the cause of her spill and her voice raised an octave. "This was my third favorite dress, you bi-"
Deathshroom snorted. "With a mouth like that, one could hardly consider you a trophy." As she spoke, she reached into a pouch at her waist and withdrew a small plastic vile. Her other hand gripped Tangerine's elbow and yanked her upright.
"What do you know? Let me go this i-" Her protests ended when Deathshroom snapped the vile with her thumb. Powder exploded in a tiny white puff beneath Tangerine's nose. The blond princess's surprised coughs and splutters of indignation faded into the inertia of unconsciousness.
(o_o)
Sunlight filtered through her eyelids, causing Tangerine to wake with a start. Her sight fell upon a tall glass of thick, grayish liquid with a straw. Fine water droplets misted the outside of the cup. The world was a bright, cool pink. Light felt hot on her face. The clink of silverware drew her attention to the opposite side of the little round table. Deathshroom sat erect and proper, nibbling at an egg-white omelet dotted with some kind of dark, blue-green mushroom. At some point, the warrior princess had discarded her armor. The navy-blue sleeves of her high-collared tailcoat clung to the muscle definition in her upper arms.
The circumstances of her subdual returned to Tangerine's mind abruptly. When she tried to bring her hands to her face, she discovered her arms were bound to the arms of her chair. She jerked at the chains, examining her hands with wide eyes. Her fussing finally drew Deathshroom's attention.
"Up to meet the sun at last?" The warrior princess smiled. "Try the truffle smoothie. It looks wretched, but-"
"The powder! What was in that damn powder?" Tangerine demanded.
"Sedative spores." Deathshroom dabbed at the corners of her mouth and placed her napkin on the table. "You'd make for a useless drone relatively speaking. You and the little round squeak toys you preside over."
Tangerine took a moment to absorb her surroundings. The breakfast table they occupied sat on the large balcony overlooking the charred courtyard. Part of her thrilled to feel the sun wrapped around her for the first time in ages, but the view beyond their perch squashed any good mood she might have mustered. Rabbits and rats bustled back and forth from a large wooden stage set up in the center of the main lawn. A few small orange and yellow creatures milled aimlessly about on the border of the activity, evidently focused on staying out from under foot. "And they aren't 'drones?'"
"Biological warfare has fringe casualties. It's more of a boon than a bother. There are other citronauts, though. In the dungeons. Alive and as well as Hopper left them."
"If you don't want to… absorb us or whatever it is you do, why are you here?"
Deathshroom tilted her head. "I'm merely here to punish Hopper for his transgressions against me. If I had any designs on your kingdom or your people, I would have 'absorbed,'" a condescending smirk accompanied the word, "them long ago."
Drum beats sounded in the courtyard.
"Ah. The show begins." Deathshroom clasped her hands in her lap and leaned toward the railing. "Watch now. I thought you might enjoy this."
It didn't take long to figure out the meaning of the ceremony. An immense rat, much beefier than the others, took the stage. He wore an executioner's cowl, though the metal rod in his hand wasn't any sort of weapon Tangerine recognized. Next came several rabbit guards with chains slung over their shoulders as though dragging something heavy. The towering rabbit that emerged from under the balcony seconds later could be none other than Hopper himself.
The manacles attached to his wrists and ankles were joined with a short X of chain that restricted the height of his hops. Though blood matted his fur, he limped along with a smoldering dignity that defied the bonds he wore. As his captors and brainwashed former subjects hustled him onto the stage, Hopper faced Deathshroom. His pinkish-red eyes sparked with impotent hatred for the princess in blue.
An owl in a blue robe appeared last, with a scroll clasped under one wing. He stopped at the top of the stairs, faced the balcony, and unfurled it. "Ahem. Your majesties, our prisoner Hopper has been found guilty of violating the Cragland borders with hostile intent. Furthermore, he has been implicated in the murder of Citron Kingdom's ruling family, and the kidnapping and subsequent detainment of its sole remaining heiress."
Tangerine shot a puzzled glance at the woman seated across from her. True as that may be, she couldn't help but wonder why she was being included in this. She'd expected Deathshroom's army to whisk her away to some dungeon in the mountains somewhere.
"On this day, the seventy-first of Cragland's two hundred and forty-fifth Spring, Hopper will face the full punishment for his crimes."
The owl lowered the scroll and stepped aside. The rat placed the tip of his weapon at the base of Hopper's skull. There was no sound. No warning. The executioner pulled a trigger, Hopper's eyes rolled back, and his body crumpled into a heap. Rats, crows, and vultures squeaked and squawked in celebration, clapping paws and rustling feathers. The rabbit and citronaut drones gazed on, dull-eyed and motionless.
Tangerine tried to hide her unease as she once more turned her attention to her new captor. "What is all this even for?"
Deathshroom cocked her head. "Are you to tell me you derive no pleasure from seeing your enemy vanquished after the misery he inflicted upon you and your kingdom?" She leaned closer. "I'd heard of captives bonding with their abductors as a defense mechanism. What did he do to you?" There was no sympathy in the question. "Perhaps the matter is worth further study."
"I mean, what are you going to do with me? Why would you show me," Tangerine gestured vaguely over the balcony, "that?"
"I pride myself on being thorough, but I'm afraid even I can overlook details in my zealousness. A most trusted advisor of mine had pointed out that my aggressive campaign to reach the rabbit might be misinterpreted by our political neighbors. A bid for power was never my intention. My experiments are of greater import to me, and I've been away from them for far too long as it stands."
Tangerine wrinkled her nose at the mention of Deathshroom's 'experiments,' but she continued waiting quietly for the point.
"I'm fully prepared to release you," Deathshroom continued, "and the remainder of your subjects. If my opponents think I wanted to assimilate Citron Kingdom, I will become a target just like Hopper. If I restore you to power, it may ease their fears. Personally I believe fear is a far more effective deterrent than trust, but Archi cited that adage about flies and vinegar. I suppose he didn't achieve his position by being a moron."
"So if I smile and treat you as a hero, you'll just let me go?" Tangerine asked.
"Correct."
"What about the other land Hopper took? Can I have that?"
"Ah. You are perhaps a bit shrewder than I anticipated." Deathshroom fiddled with her broach as she considered the presented terms. "I would consider an alliance. I will leave you to rule all of the land I obtained in this war. All you have to do is let me continue my experiments whenever and wherever I see fit."
"What if I refuse to share?" Tangerine asked, narrowing her eyes.
Deathshroom's expression hardened. "If you are not an ally, you are an enemy. You've born witness to what I do with my enemies. Do not mistake my negotiations for mercy. You have precious little to offer me at this point and I will not be debated."
"All right," Tangerine conceded. "I will be a diplomatic face for you if you can make sure I don't have any more problems with tyrants like that fuzzy bastard."
"Wonderful," Deathshroom smiled. "I'll have Archi begin drafting the contract after breakfast. This is the beginning of a most beneficial partnership, I assure you."
Deathshroom clapped her hands. A vulture appeared with the keys to Tangerine's chains. After receiving instructions to inform Archi of the new plan, he left the princesses to get acquainted. Less than a week later, Queen Tangerine of the new and expanded Citron Kingdom claimed her place on the throne.
A/N: So, there it is. Deathshroom and Tangerine. Maybe my muse will be able to focus on other things now.
