I've done it.
It's done.
I've now started a Homestuck request one-shot thing.
I'm going to regret this, I can feel it.
Basically the way this works is I'm just going to write random one-shots, but you guys can request pairings be it hearts, spades, diamonds or clubs (though an auspistice would be three people not two obviously) you can also just request a friendship bromance type thing or a family one-shot. It's up to you.
This chapter has a different writing style, after this one I'm going to try and write my one-shots more similar to my usual style, if you want this style then you can simply mention it.
I don't own Homestuck.
Roxirk Flushed: Hangover
- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] -
TG: heeeeey
TG: dork
TG: *dirk
TG: wait no
TG: *dork
TG: haha
TG: ;)
TT: What?
TG: hey dirk
TG: wahts upp
TT: What?
TG: *whats up
TT: Roxy are you drunk?
TG: not raellu
TG: *really
TT: …
TG: ok mybe i am
TG: a littel bit
TT: How did you even find shit to get drunk on?
TG: its my scret
TG: im full of secrets
TT: Why are you drunk?
TG: i couldnt let mom get oneup
TG: *a one-up
TT: Roxy she's dead.
TG: yeah :\
TG: but she left lotsof driniks
TG: :)
TG: :)
TG: ;D
TT: Just go to sleep.
TT: You're going to have the hangover of all fucking hangovers tomorrow.
TG: yeah rihgt
TG: haha
TT: You're not making any sense.
TG: srue i am
TG: youre just no undrestandning
TG: but thats ok
TG: i fogrive you
TG: baceuse youre so cute
TG: ;D
TT: Roxy, don't hit on me when you're drunk.
TG: why not
TG: i mean
TG: don't you evne know
TG: *even
TT: Know what?
TG: haha you don't knwo
TG: *know
TT: Roxy, I really don't have time for this shit.
TG: dork
TG: i hit on yuo all the time
TG: becasue
TG: im
TG: in
TG: love
TG: with
TG: you
TG: 3
- timauesTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] -
Your name is ROXY LALONDE. You recently found some ALCOHOL left behind by your MOM in what must undeniably be a PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GESTURE. You are now DRUNK for the first time ever in order to combat her in your constant battle of ONE-UPMANSHIP.
For some strange reason you feel as though you have made a mistake, but the warmth tingling through your body right now because of the alcohol is more than enough of a distraction from the strange, pained feeling in your heart.
Roxy: Wake up.
No.
Roxy: Wake up.
No.
Roxy: Get up now.
You do not get up. You don't even want to contemplate the action of opening your eyes. Your head is pounding and it feels like one of your cats is scraping their claws through your skull. Your eyes sting and ache and your mouth feels gritty and dry. Your limbs are like lead and your stomach is roiling, you feel more than a little nauseous.
You decide it was worth it though. You totally didn't let Mom win in this passive aggressive shit.
You realise you are lying in bed and you wonder how you got there. You don't remember getting into bed last night. Then again, you don't remember a lot of things that happened last night.
You roll slowly over onto your back and let out a piteous groan, you are going to get up. Any second now you're going to get up. You have to after all, you really need a drink, you're dying of dehydration.
Roxy: Just get up.
One cannot rush these things; there are very specific steps one should take if they wish to stand when mere movement makes you want to regurgitate all the contents of your stomach at the moment. So for now you are going to work out what those steps are. As soon as your headache goes away.
You roll over and weakly pull your sheets up to you neck; had you really tucked yourself in like that? Drunk you must be pretty fucking sensible. She's obviously an awesome gal.
Roxy: Notice the object on your bedside drawers.
Holy shit.
Someone put a cup of water on your bedside drawers (wow what an uncreative name is that? Bedside drawers pfft). You should be drunk Roxy more often, she's clearly an incredible babe.
You sit up slowly, blinking groggily against the light and the headache that flared up again in protest. You swallow against the queasy feeling in your stomach and lean over, reaching for the water.
It was then that you notice the box pills next to the glass and you immediately realise their purpose, "omfg," this is the best.
You grab the cup and pop out two of the painkillers, cringing at their bitter taste as you put them in your mouth then wash it all down with some water. The water soothes your headache slightly and relieves you of some of the scorpion-nest-in-your-throat feeling much to your relief.
You turn to your computer and wonder what Dirk is doing at the moment. You lie back down in your bed, gazing up at the ceiling. Had that spider web been there before?
Roxy: Talk to Dirk.
You consider pestering Dirk, talking to him always left you feeling indecisive, a turmoil of emotions inside of you that you weren't sure how to deal with and a desire to just tell him how you feel sparring with the panicked desperation to never let him know.
Despite that, you can't seem to stay away, it might be because he's the only other human you know of alive in your time so you're stuck with him, it could be because he's the only other human you'd want to be stuck with in this time, as selfish as it may seem. There's Jake and Jane, but neither of them really understand what it's like for all your explaining. Heck, Janey doesn't even believe you when you tell her about it all. In the end, you accept that you're addicted to a totally dorky cutie with shades and a nice ass (you totally didn't think that last bit shhh).
You try not to tell him how you feel, of try not to flirt too much but are unable to prevent the occasional (daily) comment that hints at your feelings; hopeful but terrified that he will realise how you feel, because maybe, he'll feel the same way?
But maybe he won't.
Roxy: Pester your chum.
You are kind of tired right now; you do not feel like getting up.
You do not pester your chum.
You are sure he can survive a few more hours with your illustrious company.
Roxy: Pester your boyfriend.
On second thoughts, you kind of want to talk to him now.
He's probably missing you or something, yeah, you should talk to him.
Who knows, maybe he'll declare his never-ending love for you because he missed you so much.
Roxy: Just do it.
Ugh fine.
You were just about to get into an awesome daydream but whatever.
The painkillers have kicked in at last, and your head has cleared a bit, no longer feeling as though it is going to explode.
You get to your feet wincing as you feel your stomach lurch uncomfortably. You ignore it in favour of walking over to your computer and easing yourself into the chair.
The things you do for love.
You log onto pesterchum and are pleased to see Dirk is also on.
- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] -
TG: hey dirk
TG: you there
TT: Yeah.
TT: You sober now?
TG: fuck
TG: did i message you yesterday
TT: Yes.
TG: sorry
TG: did i say anything weird
TG: …
TG: dirk
TG: fuck
TG: what did i say
TT: It depends on your definition of weird.
TT: If you define weird as a mess of jumbled words which no one person could have a hope of deciphering as weird.
TT: Then yes.
TT: You said something weird.
TG: fuck
TT: You're saying that a lot.
TG: yeah
TG: sorry
TG: that was probs totes annoying for you to deal with tho
TT: Just promise you won't do it again.
TG: yeah
TG: sorry
You find yourself beginning to forget about your headache, focusing completely on the orange text which you adore.
The embarrassment of last night makes you cringe slightly, but the joy you feel from talking to Dirk soon overcomes that shame. You make a mental note to pester Jake and Jane later to check if you made an idiot of yourself to them as well.
You wonder what they're thinking right now if you did.
You wonder what Dirk had been thinking.
Roxy: Be past Dirk Strider.
Your name is DIRK STRIDER. You have just logged out of a rather REVEALING CONVERSATION with your friend ROXY LALONDE. You had just finished a conversation with another of your friends from the past JANE CROCKER, a girl you highly enjoyed talking to despite her CYNICAL NATURE when you had been pestered by the blonde.
You turn on the idle aspect to your pesterchum and think about the best thing to do. You had suspected for some time that Roxy might have feelings for you, feelings that went beyond the platonic zone of friendship and more into the sloppy make-outs territory. You have been considering how best to approach the situation. After all, you didn't want to hurt Roxy. Though it wasn't the same kind she felt, you did love her and you'd do anything to keep her happy.
However, pretending to have feelings like that for her when you didn't would only hurt her more in the end.
Dirk: Explain the situation to her.
No, you don't think that you can bring yourself to do that. You had told yourself you wouldn't bring it up unless she herself suggested to she wanted to discuss it.
But now she had brought it up.
In the most inane fashion possible. But brought up is what it had been.
You hadn't expected her to confess her feelings for you whilst drunk. Why was she even drunk anyway? That was a bit far to go for some passive aggressive gesture type thing surely? You don't even understand why Roxy felt the need to continue the whole one-upmanship with her mother. As you had mentioned when talking to her, the lady was fucking dead.
Dirk: Think of the pesterchum conversation.
You think back to how you had responded and silently admit it wasn't the coolest of things you could have done.
Bro would have been disappointed.
Dirk: No not that bit.
You remember how you told her to go to bed and you hope that she had, her hangover is going to kill her when she wakes up.
Dirk: No one wants a dead friend.
Your body is moving before your mind even realises its decision. Roxy's going to hate everything when she wakes up, but you might be able to do something. Even though you are partially tempted to leave her to deal with it on her own to teach her a lesson.
Dirk: Go help your friend.
Sure.
That's what friends do.
Your name is DIRK STRIDER and you have just walked into the bedroom of your friend Roxy LALONDE. There are multiple EMPTY BOTTLES scattered over the floor and you are struck by how stereotypical a scene it was. You pick your way through the HAPHAZARDOUS MESS on the floor before stopping in front of a particularly LARGE MESS. Closer inspection reveals this mess to be an extremely DRUNK and extremely HUNGOVER girl.
Dirk: Wonder why you're such a wonderful friend.
You are the best of bros.
It is you.
How is it that you are so kind and wonderful?
No one knows, it's one of the mysteries of the modern world.
You bend down and pull Roxy up into a sitting position, wrapping one arm around your neck then supporting her back with one arm and hooking the other arm under her knees.
You straighten up, stumbling back slightly to accommodate the extra weight, "fuck Roxy, you so owe me for this," you mutter to the comatose girl. You carried her to the bed then saw the mess it was; with a groan you shifted her in your arms slightly before turning to the couch. You set her down carefully, leaning her against the armrest before walking back into her bedroom.
Without another word you begin to clear up the mess, picking up bottles to realise the majority of them were still full; two were completely empty and a third almost so however. On the desk next to her computer was a martini glass with a small amount of alcohol still left. You pour the liquid down the sink in the kitchen and throw out the empty bottles.
You wonder about the ones still full before shrugging and emptying the liquid into the sink and washing it all down with water. You didn't think Roxy would get drunk again, but you hadn't thought she would get drunk in the first place. You don't want her to be putting herself in more danger because she didn't have a clear head.
The bottles went with the others.
Dirk: Put the girl to bed.
You pick Roxy up before you feel the strange stickiness on her shirt. Hiding a grimace that no one is around to see anyway, you put her back down again and turn to the kitchen.
After grabbing a damp washcloth you wipe down Roxy's face gently, then get rid of the strange sticky substance on her sleeve (and you do not want to know what it is). With that issue dealt with you once more pick up the deadweight girl then turn to the bedroom.
You silently regret shutting the door when you had come out to get Roxy, but you deal with it in a cool Strider-like fashion. You do not fumble with the doorknob for nearly five minutes, accompanied by a few soft swear words, and you most certainly did not nearly drop Roxy once. Finally, you stumble through the door (stride in coolly, because you're a Strider, so it's basically physically impossible to do it any other way) and make your way over to Roxy's bed, placing her down carefully then lifting up the sheets and tucking her in.
You realise how terrible she is going to feel after waking up and once more you return to the kitchen, grabbing a cup of water and a pack of painkillers and laying them to the side of her bed.
Dirk: Gaze at the unconscious girl.
You do not gaze at the unconscious girl, that's a really fucking creepy idea.
However you do hesitate as you wonder what to do next.
You want to stay and make sure that Roxy is okay, however, you doubt that she'll be wanting to wake up to your shaded face. Especially after the thing that happened earlier involving the pesterchum and her being drunk which brought about your coming over in the first place.
And maybe you have no idea what to say in return to that particular thing.
You are going to have work that out.
With a sigh you crouch down next to the bed, the corners of your mouth twitch down so slightly that no one would have been able to see it. "Sorry Roxy," you whisper, leaning forward to place a kiss on the girl's forehead.
You step back and turn to leave, it would be better if you didn't hang around, "I do love you."
"Just not in the way you want me too."
The deed is done.
(For the record the 3 is actually meant to be a heart but for some reason doesn't let me input certain symbols)
