Hey guys! Let me introduce you to my latest fic. Basically, I'm Jily trash and always will be. I hope you all like it! Reviews would be awesome :).
Also, a note: If JKR didn't write HP, none of this would be possible. All credit to her.
Enjoy!
xxx x
Prologue:
"Well, you know the five stages of Grief, right?" Emmaline asked the group.
"Not all of our parents are psychologists, Em." Alice reminded her. Emmaline huffed and flipped her long black hair over her sweater in exasperation.
"Ok, so there's five stages that each person goes through when they find out they're gonna bite it."
"Eloquently put." Lily muttered under her breath, arousing snickers from her friends. Emmaline ignored her.
"So that's a lot like how girls act when they fall for James. And boys for that matter. Only, ya know, instead of dying at the end..."
"They'll just wish they did instead?" Dorcas finished, a smirk on her face. Alice shoved her.
"Please Dora, he's not that bad! He's always ever so nice to me and Frank, never takes points when he finds us snogging at night. That's better than some can say." She directed a pointed glare at Lily.
"Hey! It's my job, and he should be following the rules. As Head Boy, Potter isn't allowed to play favorites." Lily said with a scowl.
"He let you skip Charms yesterday on account of 'Head Business.'" Emmaline reminded her. She snatched a piece of parchment that Lily was supposed to be writing her Potions essay on, and began to scribble a list.
"Well that was just so he could save his own skin!" Lily protested. "He owed me a favor for catching him smuggling Fanged Frizzbees into the common room and not reporting him."
"Seems like the two of you have been quite chummy since the start of term." Dorcas said curiously. "Turning over a new leaf?"
"Hardly." Lily snorted. "He's just Head Boy now, so we have to get along. And he's been doing all of his duties pretty well, to my immense surprise. So I'm cutting him a little slack."
"Still, last year, giving James Potter a little slack would be more unheard of than if Alice dumped Frank and ran off with Slughorn." Dorcas teased.
"I just cannot resist that mustache and bald spot." Alice said dreamily. The girls laughed. Suddenly Emmaline piped up.
"Done!" She cried triumphantly. "Here we have it, ladies." The girls peered down at the parchment in interest. Lily had to refrain from her eyes rolling out of her head at the title.
The Seven Stages of Falling for James Potter:
Stage 1: Denial
Stage 2: Anger
Stage 3: Insomnia
Stage 4: Bargaining
Stage 5: Jealousy
Stage 6: Depression
Stage 7: Acceptance
Lily snorted at Emmaline's carefully written list.
"Bargaining? Depression? Most girls who worship the ground Potter walks on seem far from depressed."
"Delusional maybe." Dorcas added with contempt.
"I'm serious guys, watch anyone who fancies James and you'll see one of these stages. Take Marlene for example."
They looked across the Great Hall to the Ravenclaw table, where Marlene McKinnon was currently sitting. She looked like she'd eaten a sour lemon or something.
"Poor girl is smack dab in the depression phase." Emmaline concluded solemnly. "She's just found out about Potter and that Sixth year Melissa Gellart going to Hogsmede together on Saturday, so she's in a right state of mourning."
"Yes, but she's been mad about Potter for ages." Lily pointed out. "That doesn't prove that these steps are really true."
"Stages not steps, Lily. She's not a recovering addict or something." Emmaline said. Dorcas giggled.
"Why so defensive Vance? Are you forming a crush on one mop-headed Chaser as well?"
"Of course not. It would be like dating my cousin." Emmaline quipped. This was what she always said, as her and James were very close, ever since First Year. They'd both made the Quidditch team at the same time, and both were practically rabid about anything to do with the sport. They had a friendly competition going, since she was a Chaser for Ravenclaw, and he for Gryffindor. She's always stuck up for James when Lily or Dorcas would go on a tirade, and Lily treated their friendship with a begrudging respect. Just because she couldn't stand the git didn't mean she wasn't going to let her friends be around him. Though she hadn't the foggiest idea what the appeal of hanging out with him actually would be. Maybe Quidditch has just made Emma funny in the head.
"Some people can be friends with Potter without wanting to shag him." Alice agreed. Dorcas rolled her eyes.
"You're different, Ms. Dating the Person She'll Marry since Third Year." Alice gave a small smile and a blush. Dorcas pretended to vomit into her book bag.
"Oh! Here's another good example." Emmaline announced, getting their attention. She pointed at Holly LeDurand, a Fifth year in Gryffindor. She was down at the other end of the table, so the girls had to try and stare without looking too suspicious. Lily noticed the forceful way she held her pencil, as if it was about to snap. Her face was pinched into a glare most fearful as she ripped through the pages of one of her textbooks without pity.
"That's definitely the Anger Stage." Emmaline concluded.
"Well-spotted Em. I would've thought she just hated Transfiguration." Lily said sarcastically.
"How can you tell she's upset about James though?" Alice asked curiously.
"Just watch." Emmaline instructed. They did. Every so often, Holly's lips would form some angry muttering words they couldn't make out, but from just reading lips, Lily concluded that they looked very much like the phrase stupid Potter over and over.
"Wow, maybe you aren't crazy about these steps after all." Dorcas said approvingly.
"Stages, Dora. Stages." Emmaline grinned.
"I didn't even know she liked Potter." Lily said thoughtfully.
"She's obviously just began to. That's why she's in the early stages, i.e. anger." Emmaline stated. She seemed very smug about her new theory.
"How did you even figure this out?" Alice asked.
"I'm just observant, I guess. Not to mention sharing a dorm with Marlene for seven years now has taught me a little about obsessions with James." The girls giggled.
"Well, speak of the Devil." Dorcas muttered. Lily turned her head to the front of the hall, as Potter and his friends came swaggering in.
She did have to say, James Potter was undeniably attractive. He had this pull, this charm, over most of the students in Hogwarts. His easy-going smile and untidy black hair gave him a rather puppy-dog cute appearance, while his body, toned from Quidditch, gave him the hotness appeal. Lily understood why girls swooned, but she herself would never get past his horrid arrogance and immaturity to let herself be one of them. Not to mention the git loved to torture her, at least Fifth and Sixth year he did. So far this year he'd seemed ready to put some past prattishness behind, a fact that confused Lily a bit, but she greatly appreciated. Maybe it was his new responsibility as Head Boy. But it was only a week into term, so who's to say his new, less repulsive attitude would last?
"Afternoon, girls." Potter greeted Lily and her friends, plopping down next to her. He was with his usual crew, the Marauders. Sirius Black looked like he'd just rolled out of bed, even though it was past noon. Peter seemed to be concentrating on his Potions notes, eyes anxiously skimming the pages, no doubt in stress of the upcoming test. And Remus Lupin was there as well, although with tired bags under his eyes and a pale sickly tint to his skin. Lily knew why this was, though her other friends did not.
"Wha's dis?" Sirius asked, mouth full of toast. He reached for the list curiously. Lily's eyes widened in horror. She would rather die on the spot than let James Potter know they were all talking about him in a 'falling for you' kind of way. Luckily, Dorcas snatched up the list before his crumb-filled fingers could reach.
"Didn't your mum ever tell you not to touch things that don't belong to you?" She asked testily. Lily let out a big breath of relief. Next to her she felt Emma shake with silent laughter.
"What's up your butt, Meadows?" Sirius asked causally, eyes still following the list as Dorcas shoved it hastily in her bag.
"Well, our lovely conversation was just interrupted by a couple of nosy prats, you see." She replied.
"What were you guys talking about?" James asked Lily, a kind look on his face. Lily tried hard not to blush.
"Er... Nothing really." She said lamely. He smiled at her for a second, hazel eyes alight with warmth, before he returned to his notes on Hinkypunks.
Now Lily was annoyed. Why had Potter been doing that lately? Acting like an actually decent human being to her? All of Fifth and Sixth year, he'd seemed to make it his mission to torture Lily as much as possible. If it wasn't the incessant pleas for her to go out with him, it was constant teasing and pranking of her. She knew the flirting was all just a game to him, as Potter's apparent crush hadn't stopped him from dating other girls from time to time. But the pranking was downright infuriating. There wasn't much she could do in forms of retaliation, as she was a Prefect then. But she got him back a couple times, memories that brought her immense satisfaction.
However, all that seemed to change this year. James Potter had gotten on the train this year seemingly ready to take his new role as Head Boy seriously. He'd been nothing but respectful to Lily in their first Head's meeting, not even teasing her on how strict the rules would be this year. (They had to be, with all the unrest outside the walls and now within.) He was nothing but kind to Lily, offering to pick up extra rounds if she was too tired, and letting her teach him how to do the paperwork properly. Sure, he was still very cocky out on the Quidditch field, especially now that he was captain of Gryffindor. But that wasn't a bother to Lily, because you needed confidence to be a good leader, and that was what James was being. This realization made her jump a bit in her seat.
"Something wrong Evans?" James asked next to her, a teasing smirk on his lips. She narrowed her green eyes.
"Did you finish the Hogsmede schedule for October?" She accused.
"Yep, and for November too." He said. Lily deflated a bit. Damn. She really wanted to give him a good yelling for some reason.
"Oh, um, well, good job then." She said awkwardly.
"Thanks Lils." He flashed a smile.
"Lils?" She frowned. "Only my friends call me that." James's grin faltered.
"Oh, yeah...Well, is that ok? I-I figured since we've been getting along better..." He stuttered. Lily had never seen him so ruffled. It was a bit enduring.
"No, it's fine." She chuckled. "Don't work yourself into a snit." James scowled, making her laugh harder. If she was paying attention, she would've seen a very meaningful look shared by Alice and Emmaline at their exchange.
"Well ladies, is it time for Divination?" Dorcas asked pointedly, interrupting their conversation.
"I'll see you tonight for our meeting with McGonagall." Lily called over her shoulder to James, as she picked her books up and walked away. He gave her an enthusiastic wave, smiling big.
"I don't need Divination to make this prediction." Emmaline whispered, out of Lily's earshot. "Something tells me we're going to see my Seven Stages put into action very soon."
XX X XX X XX X XX X XX X XX X XX X XX X X XX X XX X XX X
A couple weeks later, Lily was running down the halls as fast as she could.
"Shit, damn, bugger!" She muttered to herself. Unfortunately, her tirade of swears was overheard by a group of first years, who seemed ready to faint as she breezed past them in haste.
"Merlin, let it be known that when I find Dorcas Meadows I will absolutely kill her." Lily promised. Dorcas had turned off Lily's alarm yesterday, complaining of the annoying noise. Lily had argued that the noise was the entire point of an alarm, but Dorcas had shut it off anyway. And Lily forgot to turn it back on this morning, meaning she'd woken up with a solid seven minutes to get to Transfiguration.
Speeding down the halls, Lily caught a reflection of herself in a window. She couldn't help but giggle a bit. Her bedhead was still wild and untamable from sleep, making it appear as if she had a bright red bird's nest on the top of her head. Her shirt was untucked and sweater half-on. She'd forgotten her robes completely. She checked her watch as she ran.
"Dammit!" She shouted. She had two minutes, and the class was on the other side of the castle. Usually she wouldn't be such a swearing wreck, as to set a good example for younger students. But these were extreme circumstances. McGonagall was notoriously strict on tardiness. Last time someone was late to her class it was Peter, and she'd given him such a sound verbal beating, he'd broken down in tears. Lily did not want to be subjected to that.
Suddenly a strong pair of hands grabbed her from behind what she thought was just a portrait of manticores prancing through a field. Lily let out a strangled shriek and toppled into a hidden corridor. A rough finger was held up to her lips.
"Quiet now, Evans! I don't want Filch finding this one too." The unmistakable whisper of James Potter floated through the air. Lily picked herself up off the ground, annoyed.
"What the bloody hell are you doing Potter?" She snapped. "I'm extremely-"
"-Late. I know." He finished. She glared at him.
"Well if you know that then you'd also know that I will absolutely kill anyone who delays my route to class more than it already is." She snapped. To her immense annoyance, Potter smirked.
"Seems like my life shall be spared then." He said mildly. "Follow me." Grabbing her hand, he pulled Lily forward through the darkness. Lily couldn't help but jump at the feeling of his strong hand encircling hers. It was as if an electric shock went through her body. Probably because she'd have never allowed Potter to grab her hand before this year, maybe even before a few days ago. But now, given their circumstances...
"Are you going to tell me where you're taking me?" She asked testily.
"Ever the patient one, are we?" He shot back, chuckling.
"Come on James." Lily said. "You know I'd normally play along, but right now is different."
"Would you normally play along?" He asked curiously. Lily felt her cheeks grow hot, eternally grateful for the darkness of the passageway.
"Well, honestly I'd say no. Definitely not last year, at least. But now that we're sort of..."
"Friends?" He filled in for her. Lily could hear the amusement in his voice.
"Yes. Friends." She said breezily, trying not to make a big deal out of it. "Now, I'd say yes, I think I would normally play along."
"But today's different." He intoned.
"Yes! Because I'm late!" She said, exasperated at his antics. "And you are too, not that you probably care."
"Hey. When have I been late to class this year?" James asked defensively. Lily wracked her brains. In the past years Potter would swagger into class whenever he liked, turning on the charm and giving some bullshit excuse to the professors. It used to make her skin crawl. But this year? There must be some instance she could think of. After a minute or so, she sighed in defeat.
"Well... Maybe not this year..." She mused.
"See? I've been a perfect angel." He said smugly.
"Perfect angel my arse." Lily muttered. They lapsed into silence. Lily realized how odd it was to be in the pitch black, James Potter leading her blindly into the unknown by the hand. She could hear his breathing, uncomfortably close to her. His fingers were calloused and warm, but not too warm. She hoped her palm wasn't sweaty.
"And, here we are." He said dramatically, as he halted to a stop. Lily bumped into him a bit, apologizing and feeling very flustered.
"So where is here?" She asked scathingly.
"Class." James said simply, opening a tapestry in front of them up with a flick of his wand. Across the corridor was McGonagall's room.
"Impressive Potter." Lily said begrudgingly, "Too bad we're still late! That walk would've taken ten minutes at least." Lily huffed, stepping out of the passageway.
"Look at your watch." James said, grinning. Lily looked down and gasped. They still had one minute to spare. James laughed at her bemusement.
"Hogwarts' magic sure can come in handy sometimes." He chuckled.
"How..." Lily whispered. She looked up at James, and grinned.
"Thanks Potter. You really got me out of a pickle there."
"It's my pleasure, as I was able to witness your spectacular hair before you put it up." He teased. She shoved him, and waved her wand over her head, setting a charm on her red locks. She tried to ignore the stirrings of embarrassment and something else that was unidentifiable in her stomach.
"How did you know I was there, anyway?" She asked. It was true that James had really came out of nowhere to save her arse.
"Oh, Evans. A magician never reveals his secrets." James said with a wink, and turned to enter the class. He left Lily standing in the hall, confused and flabbergasted. Then the ringing bell jolted her into action, and she too entered the class.
That night, Lily and James were by the fire, working on the Prefect's schedules together. Lily had grown to enjoy their nightly meetings, as her and James were getting more comfortable around each other. Emmaline and Alice seemed delighted that the two were growing closer, but Dorcas seemed reproachful. It was true that Lily hadn't gone on even one rant about James Potter this year, which was quite the record (the last record being thirteen minutes into term, Second Year). It was almost October, and James hadn't given her one opportunity to be disappointed. He was truly fit for the Head Boy position, taking this new leadership in stride. James and Lily became a good team, save from a couple quarrels on how strict or lenient to be (The latter wanting fair punishments, the former demanding slack to be given at times.) They kept each other in line, in balance, and Lily was pretty surprised in herself, but she had begun to think of James as kind of a friend. Not that she'd admit that to anyone. Except she did today, to James...
Wrapped up in her thoughts, she didn't realize when she closed her eyes. Her quill, still wet with ink, slipped through her fingers. The fire was so warm, and she was so exhausted from doing rounds all week. Before Lily could help herself, she drifted off into sleep.
Dark mist swirled around her. Lily blinked, surveying her surroundings. It was the forest behind her house back home. How strange. Lights flickered around the pines, it seemed like fairies dancing through the floating fog, guiding her somewhere. Once she passed the pricks of light, they'd blink out. It was deadly dark behind her, making the hair on the back of her neck prickle. Some part of her knew not to look back, but she couldn't help it. A sinister shadow was moving fluidly towards her, making her ears ring and heart pound in fear. She couldn't let it get her, or something bad would happen. Lily turned and followed the flickering lights through the trees. She tried to run, but her legs felt full of sand. Her breathing quickened, and she wanted to scream in fear. But her mouth was unable to open. The lights were shining brighter and brighter in front of her, but the shadows were right on her heels. She leapt through the brush in terror, stumbling and falling.
But she wasn't caught by the sinister creature. Somehow, the beast had vanished. Instead she looked up into the warm hazel eyes of James Potter.
"You had quite a spill there Lils." He said. He was smiling at her as if she radiated light herself. His strong calloused hands lifted her to her feet. Lily looked around. They were in a clearing, filled with the glowing balls of light, flickering like lanterns. There was no monster in sight.
"That thing that was after me-" Lily gasped in panic. James took a hand to cup her cheek.
"I took care of it. You never have to worry again. I'll always be there to protect you."
"You will?" Lily asked softly, like a little kid needing assurance.
"Of course, love." He said gently.
She lifted a shaking hand to his face. James was smiling expectantly as she threaded her fingers delicately through his hair. She ran her hands down the back of his neck, his silky black locks tickling her fingers. Suddenly she realized James was shirtless.
"This isn't a problem, is it?" He asked her, as if he was reading her mind.
"No, it's not." She murmured. Her hands glided down his back. He pulled her closer, and she felt her pulse quicken, though in a much different way than before.
"You're mine." He whispered to her. She looked into his eyes, full of longing and happiness. She desperately wanted to fall into them completely.
"Yes." She whispered back. "I'm yours."
Their lips were almost touching. Lily felt a hunger inside her, a strong desire. She wanted to kiss James Potter.
"Lily." He said. And then louder. "Lily?"
"Lils?"
Lily's eyes flew open. The world was blurry for a second, but they came into focus, landing on James's soft hazel ones as he stood over her. They were not in the forest behind her house, but in the Gryffindor Common room. She jumped in surprise and he chuckled.
"Sorry for waking you." He said softly, grinning. "I regret not taking a picture first though. Your drooling would've been some decent blackmail material."
Lily struggled to steady her breathing. That dream.. Her and James... She didn't want to think about it. Especially when Potter, the real Potter, was standing over here.
"How long have I been asleep?" She asked him gruffly.
"A couple hours I'd say." He commented, "I was going to wake you for your rounds, but you looked so peaceful. So I just did them, got back five minutes ago."
"Oh no!" Lily smacked her hand against her head. "I missed rounds." She looked at James, who was smirking crookedly. "You didn't have to do that for me, you know." She said, somewhat accusatorially.
"I know." He shrugged. "But I did it anyway. And you're welcome."
"Right. Thanks James." Lily said, now softened. He grinned.
"Don't worry about it. The only trouble I ran into was two Slytherins who almost had their tongues stuck together." Lily laughed softly with him. She looked around, yawning hugely. The fire in the common room was down to glowing embers. The only person left in the room was a fifth year, Ann Bell, asleep on a pile of books. Lily noticed her own stack of papers, scattered in front of her.
"Drat! I still have so much to do." She grumped. Her stupid nap left her with a mountain of Head's paperwork to complete.
"Let me." James said forcefully. His hand brushed hers as they picked up papers, sending shivers down her arm. Lily blinked, confused.
"Why do you want to help me so much?" She asked bluntly. James looked at her, a seriousness that she'd never really seen before on his face. Usually his eyes were full of mischief or cockiness, but now they were hard.
"I want to help because we're friends now. And that's what friends do. Help each-other." He said firmly. His sincerity shook Lily to her core. She'd never seen James so serious about something before.
"Okay." Was all she could think to reply. James gave her a small smile, then turned to busy himself with the papers. Lily got up stiffly, stretching her muscles that had become sore from her awkward sleeping position. She gathered her books, and turned to look at James one last time before she went up the stairs to the Girls' tower.
"James?" She called softly. He looked up, eyes meeting hers. His face seemed to be glowing softly in the fire light.
"I'm glad we became friends." She said. James gave her a crooked grin.
"Me too Evans. Me too."
She bade him goodnight and trudged up the stairs. Her mind was filled with the stresses of homework she put off tonight. She crept into her room, across the hall from the dorm she'd been in her entire life. As Head Girl, she got her own room. She loved the huge comfy bed, but it also got lonely. She'd never had her own room before this, either sharing with Petunia at home or with her friends here at school. She knew James had his own room somewhere too, but didn't know where. She wondered briefly if his bed was as soft as hers.
From there her mind wandered back to James. His face was so soft and vulnerable before. Usually she'd see it guarded in a mask of arrogance. Although there was no denying, he'd changed this year. Her eyes drifted shut, thoughts of James swirling in her head. She tried not to think of her dream earlier, blaming it on lack of sleep. Instead she thought of how he'd helped her not once, not twice, but three times today. And he didn't ask for anything in return. It was thoughtful and kind, and so unlike the James Potter she thought she knew. She thought back to earlier today, when he pulled her through that tapestry. She'd almost screamed, then he was there. The thought made her smile, and not just smile, but smile hard. Like so hard she thought her cheeks would go numb.
Then it hit her. The realization hit her so forcefully she actually shot up in bed, eyes wide.
"Oh, no." She whispered.
